Standing in the dark across from Zach, my mind backtracks to earlier this year, on New Year's. Before Zach, before all of this, but after Josh.
"So, what's your resolution?" Bex asked, raising an eyebrow and she sat across from me on her bed.
"Huh?" My mind was unfocused and I stared at her in confusion. Bex rolled her eyes.
"Your New Year's resolution," she said slowly. "What are you going to do or not going to do this year? What are you giving up on?" The answer popped into my head immediately.
"Easy," I said, faking nonchalance, "no more boys." Bex shifted uncomfortably, then gave me a pointed look.
"Are you sure you're gonna be able to follow through with that?" My voice remained steady as I answered her.
"Of course."
"Cammie," Bex said quietly, "are you okay?" She noticed the way I sat rigidly, and how my words came out clipped. I looked at her and did one of the things I was best at: "Yeah," I lied.
Months later we took the Covert Operations field trip to D.C. And we saw them. But I had no intention of initiating contact. Even when Bex eyed them. Even when she called me out as being "not over Josh." Even when one offered to escort me to Mr. Solomon and turned out to be a spy and beat me to the ruby slippers exhibit.
But then suddenly he was there, in my school. Right now he was still in my school. And lately, he'd been in my head a lot, too.
So, as Zach steps closer and brushes aside a stray piece of hair, I half-willingly and half-unwillingly give myself over. All I know is that my New Year's resolution is broken.