Dark Deeds and Dangerous Desires

Chapter XIV

"For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: 'It might have been!'" - John Greenleaf Whittier

It seemed as if everything had come to a standstill, from the ticking of the Grandfather Clock to the beating of her heart. Rey faltered and, taking a shuddering breath, she retreated back to the armchair. Never one to succumb to fainting fits, in that moment, she could not trust her shaking legs to hold her upright.

"I wanted to call and see you last night or, at least, send a note. But his Lordship kept me at Dreadston Hall until after ten and I did not wish to disturb the household at such a late hour," Ben began, aggrieved at the sight of her pained expression. His grip on the mantlepiece tightened to such a degree his knuckles turned white. He would not lose control of his temper in Rey's presence and cause her even more distress. His office had already taken the brunt of his anger, leaving splintered chairs and shelving in his wake for the long-suffering Mr. Mitaka to set to rights.

On his return from London, he discovered Snoke knew all that had transpired there. His Lordship clearly had spies other than Miss Netal and Mrs. Kloda reporting to him. The man with the distinctive tattoo on his hand that Ben had spotted at King Prana's party must have seen him there too and passed along the information. It came as a crushing blow, on top of the news about the increasingly desperate financial situation at Hope Mills, that his endeavours had been for naught. His blood boiled as Snoke taunted him with tales of his mother being forced to sell some of her finest jewellery in an effort to keep the bailiffs from the door. The gossips about town reported that his uncle had gone cap in hand to his workers, begging them to take a cut in salary. To Ben's fury, his Lordship wore an ugly expression of delight as he'd imparted the information, obviously taking pleasure in his rival's misfortune.

"The letter I sent to you - I really did convince myself we could weather the storm together. I held onto the hope we would find a way to stop Lord Snoke or that we could wait until the passage of time removed the problem once and for all, but he's a bitter old man. He means to do his worst. It was foolish of me to believe I could gain the whip hand over him, of course he would uncover my scheming. On my return from the capital, his Lordship awaited my arrival at Dreadston Hall with his lawyer in attendance. There was no use in denying my plotting against him when he had evidence of it, I could do nothing but own up to my folly and accept the consequences."

Lord Snoke hadn't lost his temper, he'd remained unnervingly calm, declaring he'd always expected Ben to betray him. But as the opportunity had presented itself for the old man to get exactly what he wanted, he intended to seize it.

"There were documents on the table I hadn't given notice to until his Lordship drew my attention to them. He explained that if I persuaded my uncle and mother to sell Hope Mills to him and agreed to marry Miss Netal in one month's time, he would gift me the promissory notes of my father's debts to do with as I pleased. The money would no longer be owed and my family would get to keep what he paid them for the mill and not end up in Debtor's Prison. His Lordship's lawyer is to keep the notes in a sealed envelope which will be handed to me after the wedding ceremony. Lord Snoke made it clear if I refused the offer, he would make sure the bailiffs took everything. I could see no other choice but, in my anger, I told him I knew what he'd been up to with King Prana and that one day both of them would get their comeuppance. It was at that point, his Lordship made a veiled threat against you, your father, and Mrs. Kanata. He told me he knew all about your trip to London and your movements during your stay. The point was emphasised to me that King Prana does not take the matter of people prying into his affairs lightly and that his reach extends far beyond the capital. I've already written to Lando to caution him and his associates to be on their guard."

Rey glanced up at him in horror, fearing not for her own safety but for those she loved and those she had come to regard as friends.

Ben's expression hardened as he chastised her. "You should have heeded my warning not to involve yourself in my dealings with Snoke."

"So all this is my fault?" she cried her already tear-filled eyes glinting in the candlelight.

He couldn't bear to see her cry and knelt down beside her. "Of course it's not your fault, my love," he said taking her hand and pressing a tender kiss to it. "But you must know I would do anything to keep you from harm."

Rey gave a heavy sigh as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it," Ben wailed as he wrapped her tightly in his arms. "I love you so much."

She had visited a Debtor's Prison in London some years previously with her father during one of his missions of mercy. An old friend of the then Reverend Tooker had fallen on hard times due to some bad business dealings and had ended up at the Fleet. The prison was riddled with lice, fleas and rats. It was filthy and damp, sending a chill to the heart whatever the weather or time of year and they'd visited at the height of summer. Many of the prisoners were suffering from a disease or were battered and bruised as a result of rough handling at the hands of disappointed creditors. Rey couldn't imagine a more miserable existence than the one she saw within those walls. It truly had been hell on earth. The idea that Mr. Skywalker and Mrs. Solo might end up in such an awful place horrified her. Whatever the cost, they had to be spared.

She pressed her lips to Ben's wet cheek before meeting his sorrowful gaze. "I love you and I always will, nothing can change that. For the sake of your family, we must take courage, even though it means sacrificing the happiness we could have shared together."

It was on the tip of his tongue to again beg her to elope with him, but he knew her answer would be the same as the one she'd given before. He wished his resolve could be as immutable as hers. Rey was all he'd ever wanted, one word from her and he would defy the devil himself. He had never been worthy of such a kind and selfless soul. How dark and empty his life would be without her, much as it had been before her, but it was so much worse now he knew what he'd been missing. Somehow, he had to find the strength to let her go. His sad eyes flitted to her mouth; he mused that perhaps one stolen kiss with his soulmate might sustain him through a loveless marriage.

Rey sensed his intentions and her stomach flipping in anticipation. She had never been kissed before and she wanted so much to share her first one with him. He cupped her chin in his generously proportioned hand and slowly, he closed the gap between them. His lips were so soft against hers, they were barely touching before he drew back. Much as he wanted to savour the experience, he realised it was a selfish act. She deserved to be kissed by someone who could give her all the things he could not.

"Forgive me," he murmured pulling away from her in shame.

Rey threw her arms around his neck, holding on tightly as she pressed her mouth to his. Their noses bumped and their teeth clacked together but it didn't matter. It was perfect in its imperfection and their lips soon found a natural rhythm. Together, they were whole. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ben realised he had to put a stop to it before he completely lost all semblance of self-control. Her hair was matted from the rain and he threaded his fingers through the damp strands as they paused to catch their breath. She mirrored his actions, her thumbs gently tracing over the shell of his ears. He felt his cheeks heating up, he'd always been self-conscious about their size but Rey's touch was reverential.

"I want to preserve every tiny detail in my memory," she explained as her hands worked their way through the thick glossy waves of his hair. In place of a lifetime together full of such moments, she would only have a few pages instead of volumes to draw upon. Her eyes mapped every line and blemish on his face and then she tenderly pressed kisses along the bridge of his nose. She adored how he blushed under her scrutiny as her fingers moved over his full lips. With a heated glance, he grasped her hand and pressed his mouth to hers for one last time. It couldn't go on forever, much as they wished it could and Rey gave a wistful sigh as he released her. Ben helped her up from the floor, his touch lingering before putting a respectable distance between them. Neither seemed to know what to do or say next. In the end, the only thing left was to say goodbye. He escorted her to the door where one of the servants reunited her with her damp cloak.

Rey's eyes were gleaming with unshed tears as she took her leave of him. "Please, try to find some happiness in your situation," she implored relying on the fortitude that had carried her thus far in life to keep her from falling apart.

Ben took her hand and pressed a burning kiss to it. "Anything for you, if you promise to do the same," he vowed, although he knew in his heart he would never be happy again.

She stepped out into the rain and made no attempt to shield herself from it. Misery was her companion now and Rey wept in a way she hadn't done since childhood. Her love was forever lost to her. She would never marry, doomed to end as she began, alone.

In the week following her painful parting from Ben, Rey did her best to do as she'd always done in times of emotional turmoil. She buried her heartbreak and busied herself to the point of exhaustion. Whether it was helping Mrs. Kanata and Jessie prepare the larder for winter by making all manner of pickles and preserves, or helping her father prepare lessons for his students, she had to fill every second of every day. If she had time to think or feel, all would be lost. The news of Mr. Solo's engagement to Miss Netal soon spread throughout the town. Rey had already explained the circumstances to Mrs. Kanata, urging her not to involve herself any further in the matter. With threats against their well-being, there could be no wisdom in continuing their investigation into King Prana and Lord Snoke's financial dealings. She and Mrs. Kanata would have to content themselves with the knowledge Ben was doing what he must to secure the future solvency of his mother and uncle. The bargain had already been struck and Snoke had won.

The next evening, the Tookers accepted an invitation to dine at Hope Mills. A few days had passed since Ben had been forced to go to his mother and uncle to persuade them to sell their business to Lord Snoke. Leia's elation at seeing her son soon evaporated once she knew the reason for his unexpected visit. She attempted to maintain her usual stoicism in front of her guests but the burden of knowing her son's predicament weighed heavily on her. Mr. Skywalker scarcely spoke at all, despite the best efforts of his sister and Mr. Tooker to engage him in conversation. All he could do was bemoan the unfulfilled dreams he'd had for Hope Mills and worry about how his workers would fare under Lord Snoke. His nephew had promised to do what he could to ensure the future running of the business continued to follow his example, but they both knew his Lordship wouldn't adhere to that kind of ideal, not with profits at stake. Both Leia and her brother had stubbornly refused to consider selling until Ben explained about Han's debts and his Lordship's intention to see them all in Debtor's Prison if they declined to accept his offer. With great reluctance and sorrow, they'd agreed to the sale but would sign no documents until the promissory notes had been placed into Ben's hands. Snoke was not to be trusted and Leia refused to let her family pay so high a price for nothing. Her son would be bound in marriage to a woman he despised in place of the one she suspected he loved. He had not confessed his feelings for Rey to her but she'd long suspected his attachment to the plucky young lady. After all, he was his father's son. It broke her heart to see him so cruelly denied the one woman she was sure could make him happy. As they dined together, Mrs. Solo saw the flash of pain in Rey's eyes whenever she made mention of Ben and her sorrow doubled. She should be welcoming this young woman into the family and offering to help with her bridal trousseau. Leia doubted Miss Netal would seek her counsel on such matters. Her son had already informed her that Lord Snoke intended him and his new wife to live at Hope Mills, once she and her brother had vacated the premises. The place would be renamed Killerton South and Ben would assume management of it along with his other responsibilities at the northern mill. As Mrs. Solo drank brandy with her guests in the drawing room, she seethed at the recollection of the call her future daughter-in-law had paid on her that morning. It had ostensibly been to better their acquaintance but she'd quickly noted Miss Netal casting a critical eye over the fittings and fixtures. A man would be dropping by to take measurements for new drapes and such, Bazine informed Leia as she took her leave. The contrast with the young woman sitting opposite her couldn't have been more stark, Rey always found something in every room to admire or compliment her on. If she were to be the new lady of the house, she wouldn't seek to remove every trace of its former occupants, especially when they were her husband's closest family.

Rey returned to Mrs. Kanata's house with her father feeling bone-tired. It wasn't only that she'd had to endure constant mentions of Mr. Solo from his mother and uncle, she'd also had to listen to Finn, Poe and some of the other mill workers curse his name without being able to speak in his defence. She'd felt compelled by her strong sense of compassion to call on her friends in their time of need, despite her own troubles. As expected, she found them anxious and angry at the news they would soon be working for Lord Snoke. Those who had previously toiled in his other mills were especially enraged, knowing as they did the low regard in which he held his employees. The prospect of welcoming Mr. Solo as their new master was met with equal abhorrence. Rey promised to return to Hope Mills in the coming weeks to help Mrs. Solo pack up her treasured possessions for their removal to a new home. One had yet to be located, but Leia hoped to find something far enough away from Hope Mills that she wouldn't have to see it every day and be reminded of what had been lost. Mr. Skywalker spoke briefly of travelling again. He wasn't sure what he would do with himself with much of his life's work gone and had a notion of retiring to Ireland. Rey didn't relish having any part in helping to make way for the future Mrs. Ben Solo, but she couldn't turn her back on her friends, no matter how heavy a toll it took on her. At bedtime, when she had no one to please except herself, she let sorrow take hold of her. As she dreamed of the man she loved and the precious kisses they'd shared, her pillow soaked up her tears without judgement. Once or twice, Rey felt an almost magnetic pull towards the woodland path with the secret hope of catching a glimpse of Ben as he walked to or from Dreadston Hall. But she would stop herself at the last minute forcing her feet to change course and go in the opposite direction. Jessie had reported seeing Mr. Solo pass by in a carriage the previous morning. However, Rey mercifully managed to avoid him. How anxious she had been to leave London and return to the place she'd come to regard as her home, and now she wished herself a thousand miles away from Killerton. Seeing Miss Netal in the Market Square had been painful enough, with all her false platitudes and crowing exultation, but at least Ben hadn't been with her. When Sunday came around, Rey dutifully accompanied her father to church. She had contemplated excusing herself as a feeling of unease overtook her as she dressed for the occasion. However, she pushed her qualms aside not wanting Mr. Tooker to have to go on his own. As she sat on the hard wooden pew three rows behind Lord Snoke, Miss Netal and Mr. Solo, Rey wished she'd paid heed to her misgivings. Better to have stayed at home than suffer the look of triumph on the faces of his Lordship and the young woman beside him when the banns of marriage were read out, she ruefully thought. Ben did not so much as give a glance in her direction. He kept his head bowed throughout the service, appearing as defeated as she felt.

Upon leaving the church, her father cast his worried gaze upon her. Mr. Tooker had once been convinced Mr. Solo loved his daughter and he now suspected she held the young man in a similar regard. Her unhappiness had been plain to see as she watched Lord Snoke and the soon-to-be happy couple climb aboard their carriage. The recent turn of events had come as a shock to him, but to his shame, he hadn't considered the young lady's feelings on the matter until now. He did not know how best to broach the subject, anxious not to say anything that would bring her further distress. Rey brushed off his tender concerns, unable and unwilling to give voice to the depths of her anguish. Ben would soon be married to another woman and no amount of talking would change that fact. She had to find some way to come to terms with it.

The next morning, Rey came down to breakfast to find her father reading a letter from Admiral Ackbar with an invitation for the former reverend to visit him at his home by the River Thames. Mr. Tooker was hesitant to accept with his daughter in such low spirits, although he missed the company of his old friend and their conversations. Mr. Skywalker couldn't offer much in the way of either at the present time and he had few other social opportunities in town. Rey persuaded her father to accept and privately wished she could accompany him. The change would do him good, she reasoned. He had been looking tired and worn of late, it would reinvigorate him to be reunited with the Admiral. The two of them always had so much to talk about and they enjoyed walking along the more picturesque parts of the riverside. She helped Mr. Tooker to pack his trunk and prepare for the train journey. He would be met by the Admiral's carriage once he arrived at the station in London, no expense would be spared by his friend to ensure his comfort. Rey would miss him dreadfully but it would mean one less person for her to put on a show for, especially as her father knew nothing of the true extent of what had actually passed between her and Mr. Solo. He had pressed her again on the subject the previous evening but she decided not to confess her love for Ben to him. It would only pain him to know of her heartbreak when nothing could be done to mend it. Mrs. Kanata was on hand to offer a sympathetic ear if required, but she rarely sought it. There was no point crying over spilt milk, she told herself, although it didn't stop the nightly tears on her pillow. Little did she know, her sorrows would soon multiply.

Apologies for the delay in updating, a combination of life events and feeling as if I'd lost the ability to write scuppered me.

Thank you all for staying with this story and for your kind comments. We are deep in angst-ville and things will get worse before they get better. But rest assured, I am an HEA kind of gal!

Thanks again, and please do keep the feedback coming - Mrs. P