A/N: Finals are finally over, thank goodness. I aced all of those tests! Got A's on everything! My excessive studying thankfully paid off! Just glad that's all done and over with. Ahem, now that I've let that out of my system, allow me to get down to business.
I am terribly sorry about the long wait. I have been busy will school work and there is so much more to come. We are currently planning our Sophomore schedule and I am pretty sure that I will be much more busier next year. I plan on Advanced English, Honors Chemistry, Leadership (once again), and I think that's about it. I was going to take AP European History, but I figured that the stress would be too much. I don't know if Algebra 2 with Trig counts as one of those extremely hard, time consuming classes, but oh well. Anyhooo, that's my plan for next year and also let me add a few sports and community activities in there. I might as well become a hermit or die of exhaustion, but I want to make the best of my high school years. So, kids (not that I'm an adult or anything, I'm still fourteen)! Remember, make the best of school and keep doing your best!
Back to the subject (wow this is a long Author's Note), I will try to fit in new chapter installments maybe every month? I don't know if I'll be able to update every couple of weeks from this point, but let's see. And AGAIN, like I have stated many times before (unless you are one of those people that rarely bother to read the author's note), it is definite that this story will be ending soon in the next few chapters!
Now, I'd like to address a few people out there. Inume-blue, yes I understand what you are trying to say. Raikiri is Kakashi's signature move, but would it still be wrong for him to go back to chidori and use it every now and then? It was, after all, the initial technique he started out with. However, that's just me. Just wanted to put it out there. I'm not mad, do not fret.
Hum, to the guest reviewer, I appreciate you reading my story and enjoying it. I do clearly understand that woman becomes women when plural, but I went back and checked and I was sure there were no such errors. There were specifically two men, Hitoshi and Fumio, and one woman, Hitomi (There will be one more male enemy in the future, however). If I somehow missed an error, please do excuse it, I will surely go back to it for correction, and I apologize for it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto
Mistake
Chapter Fourteen: Avowal
Sakura remained still, her arms reluctantly moving to embrace her former mentor. With heavy-lidded eyes, she stared out into the distance, feeling his grip around her waist tightening. He was holding onto her as if he was frightened — as if he was about to lose her. His body was shaking tremendously and in hopes of calming him, she stroked his arm gently, slowly, unsure of how to respond to this situation.
Kakashi was certainly under a lot of stress, both physical and mental, she surmised. Of course she would expect some havoc out of all of this, but this was one outcome that was thought to never occur. In all of her years spent as his comrade, she had learned that the jonin was a strong, composed shinobi that resided by all shinobi standards and rules, following each and every instruction perfectly, leaving not a single trace of emotion in his wake. Yet, despite these facts, why was he here sitting in her arms, crumbling into tiny little pieces? Why was he radiating such uncontrolled sorrow and anger?
She never did understand him. One minute he was avoiding her like the plague and then in the next he was persistently keeping at her.
Sighing, Sakura eased into the warmth his body provided her. She felt no tears, but the sadness and frustration he was expression was raw and tangible. His grip had loosened around her and she considered disentangling her limbs from his, but the comfort was far too good to abandon. Just then, he inhaled deeply, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand and giving her an unsettling feeling in her stomach.
"I can't lose any more comrades…any more loved ones," he said silently. "I've lost so many already. It's painful."
"I'm sorry," murmured Sakura pitifully, making note of the strain behinds his calm words.
They lapsed into another short period of silence before he withdrew and distanced himself from her. He unsteadily glanced in the other direction, his sole eye pale and lifeless. It hurt to see him this way. What she was seeing within him was pain, one that she could not recognize, one that she had never seen. His emotions were finally beginning to surface, and because of that, this was no longer the Kakashi Hatake she knew.
"I…" Sakura looked at her former mentor and saw that he was struggling to come forth with his statement. He continued dryly, "I don't think I could bear the thought of losing you either."
Her breath hitched and she tugged at the collar of her shirt nervously. "Ah, you don't have to worry about me, though!" she assured, attempting a small laugh. "You've seen me fight plenty of times before. We both know that I'm capable of protecting myself."
"I know that," he answered sullenly, "but I can't help but to worry about you all the time. I'm always panicking, afraid that you would somehow get severely hurt. My heart starts to beat faster and my chest starts to ache terribly…and then my hands start to shake. I just don't…want you to be taken away from me."
"Taken…away?" she echoed, raising a confused brow. "Kakashi, I don't understand."
Kakashi lifted his gaze to meet hers, the depth of his frustration unfathomable. She swallowed hard, unsure if she was able to withstand the intensity of his glare any longer.
Finally, he spoke. "Sakura, I think I'm in love with you."
Her beryl eyes widened and before she could pursue him any further, he disappeared from the bed, quietly excusing himself to the bathroom. Sakura turned to look over her shoulder as the bathroom door shut closed and the click of the lock sounded in the now heavy atmosphere.
She released a harsh breath and fell back on the mattress, noticing that the sheets were still ridden with the blood Kakashi's large wound had spilled. As she heard the bath water running, she thought about what Kakashi had left her with.
~ X x . . . x X ~
Kakashi had taken an excessively long bath. The sun was beginning to set and it was at that time when he at last emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a new pair of clothes, a damp towel hanging on top of his disheveled silver hair. He refused to talk to Sakura at all, let alone look at her. She let him be, glancing at him sympathetically, and escaped to the bathroom where she firmly closed and locked the door behind her.
He released a dreadful sigh after tossing the towel off to the side and to bit back an irritated groan. After all of the effort of roughly scrubbing himself down (so much that he had managed to reopen his wounds, the blood coloring the clear water), her sweet feminine scent still clung into him. It was a torturous and painful reminder of the unexpected confession that flew straight out of his mouth, unbidden and unwanted.
How could such a simple conversation lead to more complications? He was almost certain that he made everything worse. What he told her was absolutely, inevitably the truth and it was relieving to let some of his caged emotions out, yet he still felt strangely distant from the kunoichi. It would only be reasonable that she was now enduring a much heavier burden that his. A young, inexperienced girl like her would be unable to correctly handle a situation such as this. It wouldn't surprise him if she never wanted to speak to him again.
Kakashi groaned. It was far too painful to think about her.
Sometimes, he wished that he could go back in time; go back to the night when he ran into her at the bar and relive that moment, choosing the right things to do and not haul her back to his apartment. That way, their simplistic friendship could have remained the same. No boundaries would have been crossed. No lines would have been blurred.
Perhaps it was wrong of him to have fallen for her. Though it was somewhat his fault, he blamed her for being the perfect human she was; kind, sweet, and caring. Even her dangerously small temper pleased him. But, nevertheless, it was all wrong. He was fourteen years her senior, formerly her sensei, and it would only be normal if she still looked up to him as only a teacher.
How could he have allowed himself to fall for her? This kind of relationship would only be frowned upon by the entire village. He could already imagine all of the troublesome chaos it would bring. Villagers would whisper among themselves if either of them walked by crowds or even made any appearance in public. People would give them dirty, incredulous looks, ones of disgust and contempt. All of the attention would be too much for him to handle, and then it would be when he would really start to age and develop wrinkles and gray hairs out of frustration.
The door to the bathroom suddenly opened and the pink-haired kunoichi emerged, dressed in her casual ninja attire, the denim shorts replaced by a white frilly skirt and black leggings that ran down to her knees. When Kakashi found his gaze lingering on her figure, he shook his head and forced his attention elsewhere, cursing the girl for being so damn attractive.
He could see from the corner of her eye that she was struggling to approach him, her lips trembling as if she was hesitant about calling him out. Sighing heavily, he pulled his mask up to the bridge of his nose and rose from his seat. Kakashi brushed past her and stood by the exit of their bedroom, not caring if whether he left her bewildered or shocked.
His hand gripped onto the knob and turned it, but he did not open the door.
"Kakashi…" She started her sentence, but did not finish. Her frail voice trailed off into an inaudible whisper and silence consumed the following moments.
"I think it's time we head out to the cafe to meet with the others," he murmured.
There was no response so he pulled the door open and stepped outside. He waited for her to shut and lock their room before leading the way, Sakura distantly following from behind. Their journey to the cafe felt horrendously long. Every step felt like a mile and every second felt like an eternity. Kakashi could feel her stare burning a hole through the back of his head, and not once did she avert her gaze.
Kakashi was relieved once they arrived at their destination. It was not difficult spotting their other three comrades. Fortunately, Kiba was in a jolly, talkative mood. The young boy chatted up the entire table, blabbering nonstop about his foolish tall-tale stories. The silver-haired man lost track of what he was saying in the next few minutes, not that he cared. As long as it kept him from talking, he was perfectly fine.
The waitress brought their menus shortly after and they took turns deciding on what they wanted. The food arrived in a nick of time and as always, Kakashi was the first to finish. Kiba began to complain that he was not able to catch a glimpse of the Copy Ninja's face and tossed a few jokes about how ugly he was. Of course, Kakashi saw through his tactic and ignored all of the rude comments, refusing to fall for the Inuzuka's dirty tricks. Thankfully, Neji managed to stop him and they continued to feast.
"So you don't have buck teeth?" wondered Kiba, mouth still full.
Neji groaned. "I thought we went over this a couple of seconds ago. Just leave Kakashi-senpai alone."
"Ha! I know you're curious too!" accused the dog-like shinobi, giving a toothy grin.
Neji's face flushed in embarrassment. "I apologize for Kiba's rude behavior, senpai," he said sheepishly.
"It's fine," drawled the jonin absentmindedly. "It can't be helped."
Kiba laughed. "So, Sakura…how's Team Seven coming along? Is Naruto still the same old knucklehead?"
Kakashi zoned back into the conversation, making sure that it seemed as if he was concentrated on something else.
"Oh, as if you're not a knucklehead too," she snorted. "Well, Naruto's still a goof. His improvement is excellent, I must admit. I'm pretty sure Tsunade-sama is thinking about making him her successor."
"That's great to hear. And what about Sai and Yamato?"
"Sai's just a dickhead. Yamato is cool and all, but sometimes his jokes just get out of hand."
Neji chuckled. "Ah. How about you and Kakashi-senpai?"
The jonin practically bolted out of his seat, unsteadily standing by the table as he tried to avoid the odd glances his team were giving him. "Excuse me for a moment," he smiled forcefully beneath his mask. "I just need to step outside for some fresh air."
As he trudged his way toward the exit, he could hear Neji ask if he had said something wrong and Sakura assuring him that he didn't. For once, Kakashi was glad that Sakura was there, only because she was always able to cover up the evidence of their conflict. His muscles relaxed as soon as he stepped out of the building. After rolling his shoulders he propped his crossed arms on the rusty railing, his back bending over slightly. He gazed out into the starry sky, wishing that he could be a star and just sit in the calming night sky for an eternity.
A frown tugged at his lips. Avoiding Sakura was painful. He yearned to be by her side, embraced by her warmth, and lay underneath her comforting gaze. However, he was afraid of facing her. He was surely not afraid of hearing her answer, but only frightened to see her reaction. Was she disgusted by the fact that he had fallen for her? Did she now think lowly of him?
It had been such a long time since he experienced such intense emotions, not since his time with Rin. She was his first love. Rin was kind, caring, sweet, and a well-rounded individual. He cared about her deeply and she felt the same way. But Obito loved her far more than he did, and because of that, Kakashi never responded to Rin's attempts to get close to him. Kakashi knew that Rin was the world to Obito.
After Obito died, he kept his distance from her, no matter how much his heart ached, no matter how much pain was illustrated on her pale face. She belonged to Obito, and only Obito.
Kakashi's eye clasped closed and he chewed at the inside of his cheek. His past was truly bitter.
He was unaware of how much time had passed since he dismissed himself from the table. Seconds became minutes, and a couple of minutes became twenty. When he heard the door being pushed open behind him, the bells that signified a customer's entrance or leave jingling silently, it was then when he realized how long he had been absent.
"Kakashi?"
The mentioned man closed his sole eye. That was one voice he definitely did not want to hear at the moment.
"Finally not hesitant about approaching me?" he said softly, watching as the pinkette took her place beside him.
"No," she breathed.
He almost frowned. He really wished that she still was.
"Why are you here?" he implored.
"The others were wondering if you're okay."
He sighed. "Why are you really here?"
There was a short pause.
"I've been thinking," she started slowly, "about a lot of things. There are so many questions that I want to ask, so many answers that I need to know."
"I'm not an open book, Sakura. You can't just flip through my pages and expect that I'm going to give what you inquire," he replied, mentally scolding himself for the cold tone. He knew he shouldn't be giving her attitude. She was only curious and had a right to hear out his explanations.
It appeared that she dismissed his rude retort anyways and continued quietly. "Do you feel comfortable talking?"
Kakashi winced at those words. "I…" Her beryl eyes were pools of worry and anguish, enough to make his body tremble. "I suppose," he finally finished, instantly regretting his decision.
"Well, when did you realize that you love me?"
"That's a difficult one," he admitted shamefully. He pondered to himself, trying to remember how he ended up in this mess in the first place. "I guess…it started after the incident at the bar. Although we were having difficulties conversing with one another at the beginning of our mission, I couldn't help but to feel that we were somehow even closer than before. I was attracted to you at the time, and I'll be completely honest, I lusted after you even."
Sakura's face reddened, but she did not respond.
He rubbed his chin as he fell into deep thought. "I began to notice some things about you; you've matured so much and were no longer the childish girl I used to teach. You've grown into an outstanding kunoichi."
"When did you realize that you love me?" she repeated the question, more pertly than before.
His gaze fell to the concrete ground. "As I watched Fumio charge at you with full speed, I saw that his eyes were dark with a killer's intent. I had never been so frightened in my life and I simply could not allow myself to stand by and watch. I had to protect you. I came to realize that these feelings were love once we arrived back in the village."
"But…why me?" she demanded quietly. "There are many other women out there, and I'm probably nowhere near as special as they could be."
Kakashi rose an eyebrow. It was obvious that she had no self-confidence.
"Sakura," he exhaled. "You're very beautiful and attractive. You're an amazing friend and you have one thing that no one else in the entire world has."
"And what would that be?" she murmured somewhat sourly.
"My complete trust."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"On the contrary." He caught her gaze, but looking at her reassuringly did not soothe her. "I have never trusted anyone, not until I met you, that is. You're different from the others. You've shown me that I can trust you to keep me safe. You are perhaps the only person that I can freely talk to without feeling awkward; you are the only person, I realized, that can truly comfort me."
Kakashi found himself placing his gloved hand on her shoulder, his action catching her by surprise. "I really do love you, Sakura," he confessed properly, unlike the time when he hurriedly spit it all out before rushing into the safety of the bathroom. "I understand that I am fourteen years your senior and that I was once your sensei. I know that I can very well be looked down upon by the entire village if this secret were to somehow get out, but nothing will ever stop me from feeling this way about you. It would be reasonable if you don't feel the same way, but I'd very much still like to remain friends, or at least try to."
"Kakashi…" She glanced elsewhere, swallowing nervously, and pulled away from his grasp.
"It's fine if you can't return the same affection, Sakura. I understand," he chuckled forcefully, the pain evident behind his tone.
"It's not that I don't feel the same way," she explained silently. "I just don't know what I'm feeling. There are just too much things beyond my comprehension. I don't have an answer for you yet. I'm sorry…"
He nodded, rubbing the cold spot behind his neck.
"But I agree. For now, we should just stay friends." Sakura smiled at him, the sincerity behind her faintly glowing eyes truthful.
He tried to return the smile, knowing that they would still be able to be friends for the time being.
But why was he still hurting?
There was a sudden tapping against the wall behind them. Kakashi stood still while Sakura spun around to confront their visitor.
"Shikamaru? How long have you been there?"
Kakashi turned to look over his shoulder at the mentioned name, greeting the dark-haired ninja with a small eye crinkle.
"I just arrived recently," said Shikamaru. "Kiba and Neji were wondering if you're alright? I thought you were only going to fetch Kakashi, not stay and hang out with him."
Her face flushed red with embarrassment and fury. "We were just catching up, gee! Can't two teammates bond every once in a while?"
She grunted as she brushed her way past the shadow user. She propped the door open and looked back at Kakashi. "You coming in?"
"I'll be there shortly," he waved her off lazily.
Nodding, she re-entered the cafe and strode her way toward the table. Kakashi released a harsh breath and leaned against the railing facing Shikamaru, observing him as he played with Asuma's old lighter.
"How long have you really been there, Shikamaru?" inquired the Copy Ninja.
"Didn't I just answer that question?" yawned the boy.
"You know exactly what I mean."
Shikamaru lifted his chin and crossed his arms. "Not long enough to hear your entire conversation, but long enough to hear your confession to Sakura."
"If you tell a single soul…" Kakashi's voice began to quiver and shake with uneasiness.
"I promise you, I'm not that kind of a person. Just be sure to keep an eye out for Ino, though. She'd blabber everything to the entire nation," mumbled Shikamaru. "I doubt Sakura would tell her, however. She seemed pretty serious about keeping this entire situation to herself, or so I've noticed for the past few days. I finally understand now why you two have been acting so strangely."
"You certainly have a keen eye. Just like your father."
The young shinobi hummed in response, giving Kakashi an odd stare. "Are you sure you're okay?"
The man blinked confusingly. "What do you mean?"
"It seems like you must really like Sakura. Are you okay with just being friends?" clarified Shikamaru.
Kakashi shrugged. "Of course. Besides, it wouldn't be right if we actually got together…"
"Kakashi," Shikamaru sighed, scratching his head, "I know I probably can't change your mind, but there is nothing wrong with falling in love, whether you're many years apart or not."
The silver-haired ninja did not reply. The young accomplice, shaking his head, returned back inside. Kakashi was left alone and he resumed gazing up at the night sky.
A/N: I showered you guys with sprinkles of sorrow, didn't I?
Some things you should know:
1) This chapter was perhaps, by far, the most difficult chapter I have ever written. With all of my homework and both mental and physical stress, including all of these brain farts and doubts, it was extremely hard to plot and type.
2) I wrote the chapter two times and rewrote them. This is the third time I've rewritten it.
3) It is probable that there might not be a lemon (or sex scene) in the next following chapters. My apologies to those who've been wanting one, but I don't know if I'll be able to fit one in due to the amount of distress and conflicts built up. If I did write one, it probably would have been really awkward.
4) There will approximately be 3-4 chapters left? Maybe 5? It depends on how long I want each chapter to be. I've already plotted out the next couple of scenes, but again, it might be another exceedingly long process.
Q&A Time!
animagirl asked: When are they going to sleep together?
My answer: Again, I am not one hundred percent sure, but probably not. We'll see.
Anonymous asked: Do you plan on creating more KakaSaku stories after this one?
My answer: Of course! KakaSaku is number one on my list! Expect a lot of KakaSaku one-shots and perhaps multi-fics from me in the future!
Reviews Are Appreciated!