Sirius stared miserably at his breakfast, moving the food around on his plate with his fork. He had arrived late, only to find James had prepared a plate for him; scrambled eggs, sausage, and toast heavily spread with butter and jam. Sirius felt his stomach turn as he poked at the sausage, the grease oozing out onto the plate. Practice the night before had been rather grueling, and his head was pounding. He dug his nails into his thigh, in an attempt to distract himself from his friends' unnerving stares. Don't make a scene, don't protest he thought to himself, avoiding making eye contact with everyone. Even Lily seemed to be taking a particular interest in watching Sirius eat, or rather, his lack of eating.

"Everything alright, mate?" James asked, pointedly.

Sirius opened his mouth to begin to reply, but was saved by the arrival of the post. A large snowy owl approached him, arriving with a parcel and a letter. He gave the owl a bit of toast, and he soared off. Sirius smiled at the familiar handwriting on the letter. Surely enough, Evelyn had replied to his frantic plea. He opened the letter, reading it quickly.

Sirius,

Attached you'll find what you requested. Sorry about the delay, that Clara was sort of a real twat. Seemed awfully concerned about whether I knew you... Did you shag her, Siri? Not that I care. It's dull here, in London. I must admit, I'm looking forward to your Christmas break, so at least I'll have some company. Well, company I actually like. If I have to have tea with one more former classmate, having them ask me how I stay so thin, asking me for tips, I might bloody well kill myself. If it weren't for mother, I'd start advising them on the benefits of starving, or better yet, the art of the purge. Speaking of which, I hope you're not still doing that, Sirius. You're far too handsome to mess with your features by having puffy cheeks. The Malfoy-Black wedding will be on Christmas Eve, at dusk. You may as well come stay with me in London, since you should be leaving Hogwarts that Friday. You never did explain to me the circumstances regarding your family... When you arrive, we'll have to go out and get you fitted for a new set of dress robes... No doubt you've lost weight since I've seen you last. I mentioned to mum that you were going to be escorting me to the wedding. She seemed rather ecstatic, the thoughts of a potential betrothal to a member of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black running through her head, no doubt. She'll have us married off before you can say Quidditch. I kid. However, if you think about it, we would make a rather good pair, you can't deny it. If nothing else, it'd get our families off our backs about our eating, and would secure your inheritance, marrying a suitable pure-blooded girl like myself. I'll meet you at the train, if that's acceptable. Take care of yourself.

Love,

Evie

Sirius folded the letter, shoving it into his pocket before prying eyes could read over his shoulder.

"Who'd you get a letter from?" James asked, curiously.

"Evelyn," Sirius replied shortly, shoving the package that had arrived with it into his pocket, as well.

"Ooohh, what about?" Lily gushed, obviously excited to hear that a female was writing to him.

"Just the details about the wedding. She's going to meet me at the train when we go home for the holidays. We have to go shopping, apparently," he replied, rolling his eyes.

He was dreading shopping. He hated getting fitted for robes. He found it unnerving, the way Madam Malkin clicked her tongue every time he came in, seemingly needing to get his robes taken in, every time he came in,even when he had grown several inches taller. Sirius hated that conflicting feeling he had; he felt a rush when he needed a smaller size in clothing, when his current clothes and robes became too loose, yet he hated others looking at him with worry, or worse, pity. Before he had left home, he had always had his mother perform some sort of shrinking spell on his clothes when they grew too loose, saving himself the judgmental looks of having to go out and buy smaller sizes. Perhaps, he thought to himself, he would have to do some research to learn those spells; his jeans were getting looser by the day. After all, he considered, he had lost nearly twenty pounds since mid-September.

"So, do you think you and Evelyn might go together?" Pete asked, breaking Sirius' train of thought.

"Hmm?" he asked, not clearly hearing what he had been asked.

"You and Evelyn. Have you thought about dating her?"

"Like I'd want to be tied down to some bloody bird," he scoffed, pushing his plate forward.

"I've gotta run. I need to ask Slughorn about that essay we have due next week," he said, excusing himself.

Sirius hurried up the stairs to the room of requirement, eager to have a minute alone. He ripped open the parcel he had received, smiling at the contents. Evelyn had been so kind as to send him three vials of amphetamines, as well as a vial of what appeared to be off-white powder. Attached to that vial was a note. Siri, I thought you might enjoy giving this a try. It's coke. I've been frequenting muggle discotheques to curb my boredom, and they're rife with this stuff. It's like speed, in that it curbs your appetite and gives you loads of energy, but it's even better; it makes you feel attractive and completely alone. You'll love it. Enjoy! Love, Evie

Sirius pocketed the vial of cocaine, as well as two of the three vials of amphetamines. He dumped a few out of the third into his hand, then pocked that one as well. He carefully crushed the loose pills up, snorting the powder quickly. He sat down on the couch for a moment, breathing in and out of his nose slowly, relishing the bitter drip down his throat. He felt wired now, the drugs taking their course. Satisfied, he returned to the dorms, which he found, to his delight, empty. Not in the mood to go down to class, Sirius decided to write back to Evelyn. He wandered down to the Common Room, armed with parchment, ink, and quill, and sat at a table near a fire place. "It's so cold in here," Sirius muttered, shivering involuntarily.

In fact, Sirius felt cold all the time. It seemed as though he had a permanent chill coursing through his veins. He stared into the fire for a while, considering what he wanted to say. Slowly, he began to piece together his thoughts, jotting down a few sentences at a time onto the parchment. Once he was finished, he read over the letter, making sure he was satisfied with it.

Evie,

Thank you for your package. I appreciate it more than you know. I was starting to feel like I was dying. I must admit, I'm looking forward to enjoying your company over break, too. Everyone here is on my case, and it's starting to annoy me. I guess they're worried, or whatever. I passed out in Potions the other day, which certainly didn't help my case in convincing my friends that I'm okay. They don't understand all of this; the needing control. Not like you do. I have to go back and see Perkins in January, and I know he's going to give me shit. How are you doing? You seemed really... sad, the last time I saw you. You weren't in love with Lucius, were you? Did you find a dress yet for the wedding? I'm fine with you meeting me at the train. I'm going to be spending the holidays with the Potters. Truthfully, I should probably start looking for a flat of my own. I mean, I'll be out of school in six months. Might as well have somewhere to call home, once I'm out. I was thinking I'd like to live in London. It is home, after all. Maybe you could come with me to look. I'm looking forward to seeing you soon.

Sirius

He paused, considering. Should he write 'Love, Sirius'? He frowned, staring down at the parchment. He'd never considered such things, before. After all, he wasn't her boyfriend. And he wasn't in love with her, was he? Sirius wasn't good with emotions. He didn't like getting attached to anyone, giving them any sort of control over him. It was easier, that way. He kept people at an arm's length distance, and he remained safe and in control. She doesn't expect anything, she said it before. We're just... whatever, he thought to himself. Shrugging, he folded the letter, satisfied. He carefully addressed the envelope to Evelyn, shoved the letter inside and sealing it. He returned his ink and supplies to the dorm, before venturing up to the Owlery. He sent the letter off, then returned to the dorm. He had skipped morning classes, and it was nearing time for lunch. Before he could consider what he felt like doing, James was at his side, grabbing him by the arm and dragging him out of the Common Room, muttering something about it being time to lunch, and where the bloody hell had he been all morning. Sirius let James drag him, feeling too shaky to do much of anything. It seemed that taking the diet pills with the amphetamine had exacerbated the side effects; Sirius felt like he was speeding, hard. His heart had been beating far more quickly than usual, which he found unnerving. He took his usual seat at their table, Peter at his side, James, Lily, and Remus across from him.

"So, where were you?" Remus asked pointedly, staring at him.

Sirius shrugged. "I wasn't feeling well. Wrote a letter and relaxed in the dorm."

Remus rolled his eyes, turning his attention to his food.

"You need to eat, Sirius," James noted, digging into his plate, as well.

"I'm not really hungry," he protested, crossing his arms.

"Why? It's not like you actually ate breakfast," Remus muttered, shaking his head.

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by James.

"Sirius. Just eat, mate. We're all tired of watching you play with your food."

"Why don't you sod off, Jamie. I eat when I'm hungry. Sorry I don't stuff my fucking face, like some of you do," Sirius scoffed, snatching an apple from the fruit bowl.

He bit into it angrily, forcing himself to swallow. James and Remus exchanged looks, rolling their eyes in unison.

"Oh my god, stop it. I'll eat, okay? Christ," Sirius grumbled, grabbing the loaf of bread.

He took two slices, placing them on his plate. He carefully scanned the table, settling for the jar of peanut butter. He spread a generous amount on both slices, making a sandwich. He stared at James and Remus in turn as he took bites of his sandwich. His throat burned as he choked the bites down, depending on gulps of water to swallow the sandwich. He ate quickly, swallowing a breath of air sharply as his stomach began to protest.

"Was that so hard?" James asked lightly, laughing.

Yes, he thought to himself, forcing himself to smile at his friend.

"So you wrote back to Evelyn?" Lily asked, smiling and leaning forward, obviously interested in hearing about what Sirius assumed she thought was his love interest.

"Yeah. Let her know the plans for the wedding sound good and all," Sirius replied, shrugging his shoulders slightly.

He clutched at his stomach, trying to suppress a groan. God, he felt sick.

"You should invite her to Hogsmeade next time we go, the four of us could have a proper double date!" Lily suggested, smiling brightly.

"Lils, she's not my girlfriend. I don't like..." he paused, swallowing to keep food down, "I don't like her like that. She's an old friend. She's pretty, sure. But I just... I'm not the dating sort."

Lily prattled on about something or other, but Sirius wasn't listening. He felt sweat beading along his hairline. His mouth was watering, anticipating the release of a purge. He was going to be sick. Thankfully, the lunch period ended, freeing Sirius from his friends' watchful eyes. He sprinted up the stairs to the empty third corridor bathroom, where he collapsed on his knees before the toilet, his body involuntarily heaving up the contents of his stomach. He vomited until there was nothing left to come up, his eyes squeezed shut, wincing from the pain of his throat, of his chest, of his abdomen. He spat into the toilet, breathing heavily. As he glanced into the bowl, he saw something that made his blood run cold; blood. He had vomited up blood.