Disclaimer: Rest assured that if I had owned this, and anyone called part of my fan base delusional, they would have gotten a long lecture. And possibly I might snub them in a largely public way, like in a press conference or whatever. Then laugh. But seeing as none of those things has happened to a certain interviewer, you can correctly assume that I own nothing you recognize.
A/N: (rant)Anvils my ass! I think I'll take one of those anvils and drop it on HBP. A few hundred times. Anyway, pumpkin pie and sympathy for all! Here I am to make you laugh. I've been gone so long since I left for vacation, but I'm back. However, just note that cross country starts for me next week. Wish me luck, since, you know, I so totally suck. Out of like sixty people, I always manage to get DEAD LAST PLACE. This year I hope is better than last year, if only for my self-esteem. College credit better be worth getting up at nine a.m. to go and run in the hot sun when I don't even enjoy athletics (/rant). Okay, now on with the chapter! I had quite the trouble coming up with these riddles, so I certainly hope you're happy.
Chapter Fourteen: Snapped!
"Um…Where are we?" After about an hour of clue-hunting in the frigging FOREST, they had all, apparently, forgotten something. And that something just so happened to be a map. Hermione was hot, slightly sweaty, and her hair had frizzed out so that it resembled some of the surrounding foliage. Not to mention the whole spending an hour with not only Justin, (who she was sure, if he hadn't already, would be having a mental breakdown veeeeery soon) but also with Harry too. Whom she thought was benefiting from the current situation on account of how hot he looked slightly sweaty like herself (only, you know, Hermione doubted that she looked as good sweaty as he did), with his green eyes holding an excited glint.
"Oh, I don't know Justin; let me pull that emergency map I keep in case I get lost in the forest while on a treasure hunt at a company picnic OUT OF MY ASS!" Hermione snapped, frustrated. It was bloody hot out and the damn clue was no where in sight. Swearing was becoming more and more tempting. As if using the words ass, bloody, and damn could somehow magically cause the clue to get up and throw itself at them.
Justin blinked at her from where he was leaning against the trunk of an oak tree. "You keep your emergency map in your ass? I mean, is that physically possible?"
Hermione just stared at him incredulously. What kind of examiner gave him the okay to become a Healer-in-Charge? Or a Trainee for that matter? Peony must be suffering from some kind of brain-trauma to make him Chief of Staff. "NO YOU MORON!"
"Hey now, there's no need for insults! I was just responding to something you said!" Justin exclaimed, pushing off the trunk and moving to stand in front of her.
"OH, so you're saying that what I'm saying is causing you to say something moronic in response to what I'm saying because I said it!" Hermione was positive that she'd regret getting in this argument later. And that looking back on it, maybe she just should have smiled and muttered yes to his questions. But now, in this setting, she was going to blow up at Justin. Because currently, part of her brain was reasoning that everything from the heat, to the missing clue, to her bloody hair frizzing was his fault!
"I might be!" Justin announced defiantly, not seeing that Harry was shaking his head furiously at him and mouthing the word 'no' from where he was searching a bush for the clue.
Hermione fixed him with a glare. Her hands moved to her hips, she planted her feet firmly, and she bared her grinding teeth at him. It was waaay past her McGonagall impression. Now it was her Mrs. Weasley. "YOU MIGHT BE? ARE YOU SO FREAKING INDECISIVE THAT YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL WHETHER OR NOT YOU'RE BLOODY SAYING WHAT I SAID I THOUGHT YOU SAID?"
"I'M NOT INDECISIVE YOU CRAZY WITCH!" Noting that calling Hermione a witch wasn't having much effect (seeing as, you know, she really was a witch), he struggled to make it more offensive. "…W-WITH A B! CRAZY WITCH WITH A B!"
In a normal mindset, Hermione would have laughed so hard her abs got sore. First he had called her a witch (albeit a crazy one- well, she did get that therapy card from Luna). That was like calling, oh, the sky blue! The grass green! And certainly the pot calling the kettle black. (The crazy part, not the witch part.) And secondly, after saying it, he shrunk back and flinched immediately when she shook her fist at him. As if she was really going to hit him.
But, again, she was feeling particularly argumentative and aggressive. So that was why she let out a feral cry and tried to tackle him. (Okay…So maybe she was going to hit him.) Justin put his arms up, ready to fight, and Hermione landed a good blow to his left eye before Harry's (rather nicely toned) arms surrounded her waist and promptly yanked her backwards.
"LET ME GO! I'M GOING TO BEAT HIS ASS INTO THE GROUND!" Hermione screeched, kicking and flailing in Harry's arms.
…Wait.
She was in Harry's arms! Screw it! Who cared if some disturbed weirdo called her a crazy witch-with-a-b when Harry was holding her against his chest, with his arms wrapped tightly around her waist (…to keep her from throttling Justin…) and he smelled all nice and woodsy and like that soap he uses? Especially when she could totally slip potion vials into Justin's pockets and frame him for stealing thereby ruining his career… and then she could beat his ass into the ground!
However, after her realization Hermione stopped her flailing. And unfortunately, Harry took this as a sign she was calm enough to be released. Hermione frowned, disappointed at the sudden loss of contact. "Now, are we calm enough to handle the next clue?" Harry asked.
Feeling like a child, Hermione nodded her head, mortified. Justin grumbled from where he was sitting on the forest floor.
"Good, because I found it in this tree knothole while you were… having your 'discussion'."
Immediately at attention, Hermione moved in to read over Harry's shoulder. It was another small, yellowed square with another puzzling clue in curly red script. So far the other's had informed them that they were to keep moving east throughout the entire hunt, the second was found wedged between the roots of an old birch tree, and the third had cryptically mentioned knots and crosses. It made much more sense now that Harry had found it.
Before she could get a good look at the clue, however, Justin shoved her out of the way. "What the hell does that mean?" Harry asked, his brow furrowing.
"Oh, give it here." Hermione said bossily, snatching it away from her group members' incapable hands. She read it over, reflecting on the words.
"This darksome burn, horseback brown,
His rollock highroad roaring down,
In coop and in comb the fleece of his foam
Flutes and low to the body falls home."
"Ah! I know what it is!" She squealed, jumping up in excitement. "It's Gerard Manley Hopkins!"
"Oh, great. Now we've got to go find some guy." Harry muttered irritably. "Do you know him? Where would he be if he were the answer to a treasure hunt clue?"
"No, no. He was a poet."
"So we should check for any poetry readings in the area?" Justin asked.
"He wouldn't be there. He'd be in a grave, somewhere. Since, you know, he died in 1889. That's not the answer; it's just the person who wrote the riddle." Hermione corrected. "Now, the answer is river. It's a river."
Harry rolled his eyes. "Why couldn't you just say river then?"
"Because I thought instead of the creator of the riddle. And I knew the answer then."
"So, you could have just said, 'Guys, Gerard Manley Hopkins wrote this riddle and the answer is river.'"
"Oh, whatever." Hermione huffed. "Let's just find the damn river and get it over with!"
The three started moving eastward in silence, looking forward to finishing the hunt.
It took fifteen minutes of trudging through shrubs and high grasses until they'd heard the sound of rushing water. Down a small muddy ditch was the river they'd searched for.
"Well…Now what? I mean, they said river, and here it is. But I'm not exactly going to jump in there looking for a clue, or anything." Hermione muttered, watching the fast-rushing water warily. She could see the edge several meters away, where the river ended in a waterfall.
"Well…It's lucky for us that I have the initiative to push you!" Justin announced.
Hermione was about to laugh, when it happened.
He did it. Just shoved her in, I mean. Hermione had never been this angry in all her life! She hit the cold water after a surprised shriek. Because really, how many people can predict that their unstable co-worker actually meant it when he announced he was going to push you in to a river who-knows-how-deep, leading to a waterfall who-knows-how-close, with who-knows-what swimming around it?
The water was cold, but it was a welcomed cold due to the heat of the summer afternoon. However, the silt and filmy dirt moving past her body (and ick, through her clothes and hair) most certainly were not welcome. Also, the pull and force of the rushing water moving her downstream wasn't exactly appreciated either.
Beneath the water, she heard Harry's muffled shouting and a splash as he jumped in after her. 'Well, a lot of good that'll do.' Hermione thought to herself. Now two out of three members of their group were at the mercy of the river's will. And that certainly wasn't going to help them win the hunt.
She struggled to swim upriver, away from the pull. But her efforts seemed to be futile. She was yanked closer to the falls and tossed by the currents like a rag doll. Hermione put all her strength into getting her head above the water for air. Harry had reached her now; she could feel him swimming next to her. Well, it was either Harry or some large…swimming… animal.
A hand closed around her forearm. 'Good. Definitely Harry then.' His grip tightened, and afterwards she could feel the effects of apparation- the pressure from the water became less noticeable as the apparation pushed in at all sides, her chest tightened, and she imagined she felt quite like Augustus of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory-fame during the chocolate river scene.
Finally, a loud echoing crack resounded and she felt solid ground beneath her. Solid, damp, and rigid ground, but she rather liked it better than her previous location. After taking a moment to catch their breaths, Harry and Hermione looked at their surroundings.
They were in a dark, hollow cave made of gray rock. The only visible opening was through the heavy pounding falls- Harry had taken them inside the waterfall! "How did you…?" She trailed off, looking around in wonderment. Part of the apparation process was Destination. Apparating without having been to the destination was rough, hard on the wizard and hard on their magic.
Harry shrugged a little, still breathing hard. "The better question is why didn't you?"
Actually, that was the better question. She was the 'smartest witch of her age' and yet, she often forgot about it. Okay, so maybe not often so much as high-pressure situations. Which, when you think about it, really isn't the best time to forget such a thing.
Glancing around again, Hermione sighed. Well, one thing was for sure- that mental breakdown of Justin's had finally come to pass. He'd snapped!
A/N: I know that it started weird, ended badly, and I didn't do well with the riddles, but really, the riddles are hard to work with. I could have made this longer. Obviously this is a part one of two (maybe even three?). But really, I promise that the wait for the next chapter will be worth it- wink, wink! (IF YOU AREN'T VERY BRIGHT, THEN BY THAT I MEAN THERE WILL BE H/HR!) I know that you may have expected more, but really, I have a lot planned for next chapter. Please do me a favor and shoot me a review. It will encourage me to write sooner!
Reviews: Oh. My. Goodness! I have never had 195 reviews. EVER! So, thank you to each and every person who bothered to respond to my story.
Tammy Tamborine: Here's the first part of the hunt, enjoy!
Sunny June 46: Yes! How dare you talk about science when Harry Potter is insanely cooler? Lol, really though, I am working towards being pre-med. Thanks for the heads up about the future projects, though. That was a good idea you had, but the direction I went flowed more easily for me. I hope you like the direction I went with it!
AJ the Ass Slayer: Hee hee, thanks for the idea, and the review.
Jarno: Yes, it's so sad! I really wish she hadn't killed my ship. Oh well… C'est la vie.
Chikara-yuy: Thanks! I love my made-ups. Oh, and I'm not an egg salad fan either.
Bookworm4ministerofmagic: Yeah, I wasn't very happy with last chapter. Or the book. Feel free to rant in your reviews, if it'll make you feel any better.
Jane and Adam: Thanks for the review!
Anon.: "Gah! I need consoling, and I am so happy that you posted. HBP was disappointing for me" Aw, I'm glad my story helped cheer you up some!
Jess: I think I may take that advice- I try to stay away from clichés and overdone fiction ideas. Well, too many clichés, anyway. Much like the entire OBHWF ship. (-Is being bitter-) Well, thank you for your review, and your suggestions!
Oro4: Thanks! I did read it, I dunno if I'll ever enjoy HP the same way as before HBP. I'll still read the seventh, of course, and write the fanfiction, but really…. Stupid OBHWF. HATE IT! (-Tries to crush OBHWF with one of the anvils-)
Jess-chan of the Nya Nya Neko: Aw, you really think I'm good at writing? Thanks so much!
Reina: No, I'm not abandoning anything! Ugh, I couldn't think of it! Thanks for the review, and if you're a writer, I encourage you to keep on with your H/Hr fics as well. Look at the D/Hr fans, even with their ship sunk, they still write, no?
MeganAlyce15: Thanks! Sorry it took so long!
Anon.: "Hey, staryeyes! I like your story a lot more than I liked book 6" Really? Thanks!
FroBoy: Sorry it took so long, here's the update!
Hermione Graner Potter: Have you updated your own fic? Did I miss it? Anyways, yes, Gilmore Girls is totally my favorite show. And yes, H/Hr forever. :'(
Deadlynightshade: Ha! I screwed up my own story long ago. Like, chapter one. Anyways, I'm glad you like it! Thanks for the ideas!
Hollyg20: Aw, that stinks about the computer! Well, my authors note does make me sad too, but I'm a comedic person. So, I'll laugh it off, and hopefully cheer up others as I go.
Kiki Cabou: Wow. I mean, really, wow! Your reviews were great, especially this last one! I was blown away with how you described my story, really. If you're this good at reviews I'm sure you're great at writing, no? Have you got some H/Hr fiction? Anyway, yes, I'll see what I can do about hitting Justin with the egg salad and some more "dangers". And I'm moving the plot next chapter. It's been slow-going, because really I made a mistake in starting the story at New Years when the main part of the plot occurs on New Years as well. So, I need to keep going until New Years for my summary to make sense…thank you for your reviews!