Chapter 14

"Don't worry about losing. If it is right, it happens - The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away." - John Steinbeck

"Hey, are you really okay?" Hanna glanced over to her passenger who was staring absently out the window of the car.

Hanna was driving Emily back to the airport after a quiet week at home. The band had two more shows and a recording session with their new label before they had a few weeks off at Christmas, which meant Emily would be away from her family for Thanksgiving, but her mom had been understanding and told her that they'd make up the time at Christmas.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just thinking about all the things I need to do when I get back to California." Emily felt like she was a part of a giant yo-yo whose string was stretched from coast to coast, and she was constantly moving from one side to the other.

"You need to get laid."

"Hanna-"

"I'm serious! You've been working crazy hard, and you haven't had any time for yourself. You haven't dated anyone serious since Maya, and that was in high school! An orgasm or two will make everything better."

"Hanna!"

"Come on, tell me there isn't anyone you've met in California that you wouldn't want a little sexy time with. I've lived there. Beautiful girls are, like, a penny a dozen."

"A dime a dozen," Emily corrected with a smile.

"Whatever. They're everywhere."

"I honestly haven't had time to even look. When I'm not scheduling Serendipity for something, I'm chasing after them, or refereeing arguments."

"Arguments? Carrie didn't mention any problems with them when I last talked to her." Hanna seemed genuinely surprised.

"Yeah, she wouldn't." Emily replied sourly.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Emily shifted in her seat and ran her hand through her hair. She was loath to say anything negative about Hanna's college friend. "Let's just say there's some serious strife in that band."

And Carrie was definitely at the center of it.

"Paige." Emily was relieved to find Paige in the Haven alone and at least still sitting up. Her long wavy hair hung around her face and pooled on the table, creating a shield so that Emily couldn't see her face, but the drink in her hand and the hunched posture gave away her suffering.

Earlier that day, the band had an afternoon recording session, after which everyone was talking of their Thanksgiving plans for the weekend. Julie and Carson were going to his family's house, and when Paige asked if they were all driving together with Craig, Craig coughed and said, "Carrie and I are going to her parents' house. We wanna tell them about the baby," he paused for moment, and then went on hurriedly. "And our wedding plans."

Everyone in the room inhaled a collective breath. On cue, Paige stood up, her chair screeching along the tile floor as it shot out from behind her, and then she violently stalked out of the room. After she had gone, Carson nervously adjusted his glasses before standing to offer a hug to his brother and a low "congratulations." Julie sighed and clapped Craig hard on the back before getting up and following Paige out of the studio and onto the sidewalk.

"Get over her already," Julie said impatiently when she found Paige pacing around in the cooling afternoon air.

"Fuck you." Paige turned and viciously waved Julie off. She was having trouble breathing and her vision was beginning to tunnel. She needed a drink. She needed many drinks.

"No. I'm sick and tired of you moping around. It is what it is. It's been two years. Move the fuck on!"

"She was the one." Jesus, can't you understand I'll never get over her?

"No she wasn't. She's an evil bitch, and she broke your heart. No, scratch that. She broke you. And I'll never forgive her for that." Julie's fists were balled up, and she stomped her foot to punctuate her vehemence.

"I'm leaving."

"Fine. You do that. Tell Jack Daniels I said hi. I'm not fucking picking you up off the floor tonight!" Julie turned stiffly, heading back into the studio to call their manager. Someone needed to be on Paige duty this evening, and it wasn't going to be her.

After getting the phone call from Julie, Emily had made her way to Paige's favorite bar. And when she walked in, she immediately went to the figure in black towards the back of the bar.

Paige could feel Emily's eyes on her as she closed the distance, and despite her fury and inebriation, she felt something almost imperceptible give inside her. The grip on her glass loosened a hair, the hunch in her shoulders straightened a tad, the furrow in her brow lessened a little. Just the nearness of her manager affected her viscerally, and she couldn't seem to stop it. Emily, time and time again, had come to her rescue, and Paige's body knew it even as her mind was telling her Emily was dangerous.

"They're getting married." Paige's voice was rough after the recording session and the whiskey and the dejection.

"I heard." Emily pulled out a chair and sat down next to Paige. Unable to resist, Emily touched Paige's arm. The muscles jumped under her hand, but Paige didn't pull away. Emily wished she could soak up the pain and then wring it out like a towel. "Let me take you home."

If Emily's presence was a comfort, then her touch was a boon and her words a blessing. Together, they conspired to shatter Paige's control. "It hurts so goddamn bad," she whispered into the table.

Then Paige looked up, and the desolation in her eyes lacerated Emily as if she were being clawed by Paige's anguish. "I know," she replied and did the only thing she could. She pulled Paige into her arms.

Paige resisted at first, but then squeezed her eyes shut and grabbed on to Emily as Emily tightened her grip, and they sat like that for a long moment, motionless except for their breathing, shutting out everything except the warmth and solace of their embrace.

When they finally parted, Emily looked at the cocoa brown eyes, the strong brows, Paige's impossibly thick eyelashes, and wanted nothing more than to soothe the ache there. She brought both her hands up to cup Paige's face, her thumbs brushing along the singer's cheeks, attempting to rub away the sadness lingering on them, "Come on, let's go."

Paige nodded and she allowed Emily to take her hand as they stood up in unison and walked out into the chill of the evening.

Emily drove them straight to her apartment. After the conversation with Julie on the phone, she thought it would be better if the two weren't around each other.

Paige walked in, unsteady and quiet, and threw herself onto Emily's couch. "Tomorrow is Thanksgiving," Paige said suddenly.

"Yes, it is." Emily said as she went to the kitchen to pour Paige some water. "Are you going home?"

"Can't." Paige said and put her hands over her eyes as she laid there.

"What do you mean you can't? Is it too far?"

"No, my dad hates me."

Emily stopped in front of the couch, the glass in her hand. She wasn't sure what to say to that so she sat down next to Paige and put her hand on her thigh. "How can your dad hate you?" she asked softly.

"I ruined my scholarship and quit school to be in a band and make 'poor life choices' with an unsuitable girl. He doesn't ever want to see me again." Paige's voice was starting to slur as alcohol-induced sleep began to steal over her.

God! Was there anything Paige hadn't lost in all this? Emily set the water on the coffee table and grabbed a throw blanket to put over Paige. As she tucked it around the singer, Paige mumbled, "Carrie used to take care of me. You're a lot like her."

When she was sure Paige couldn't hear her, she said quietly, "No Paige. I'm nothing like Carrie. If someone like you loved me, I'd never let you go."

The next morning, Paige woke up to the sound of glass clanging in the kitchen. She took a deep breath and stretched her arms and legs out on the sofa before she sat up and looked over at the coffee table. A bottle of aspirin was next to a glass of water. She's too fucking good to be true.

"You're awake." Emily called from the kitchen and Paige turned to look at her and nearly stopped breathing. Emily was barefoot in soft gray shorts and a white camisole tank, black hair flowing down her back, her lean body stretched out seemingly forever as she reached in a high cabinet to retrieve something.

Jesus, I've got to get out of here. "Yeah, thanks. Sorry I keep doing this to you. I'll get out of your hair."

"Don't move. You're spending the day with me. It's Thanksgiving." Emily smiled over her shoulder as she continued to make her coffee.

"I don't think-"

Emily stopped her ministrations, walked over to Paige on the couch, and sat down on the table in front of her. "You're staying," she said with finality. "The bathroom is down the hall. You can take a shower, and I'll find you some clothes to wear. Do you want some coffee?"

Emily watched the girl wrestle with herself and could sense something cracking and crumbling in Paige, like last night had been a mighty hammer blow to her wall.

"Okay, but I'm not wearing a dress."

Emily laughed and stood back up. "I dunno. I think you'd look great in a dress," she said with a grin and a wink as she walked to the bedroom to look for some sweats.

"That is the worst float I've ever seen. All they did was put stars and a ton of glitter on it. And what is that thing flying in the air next to it?" Paige and Emily were on the couch watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and Paige was commenting on what she thought was a lackluster entry.

"Hey, don't knock it," Emily responded with a nudge to Paige. "You could be performing on one of those floats someday."

"Fuck that. It's cold there."

"You would hate Christmas in Rosewood then. It's freezing. My family always keeps a fire going while we sit and drink hot chocolate on Christmas eve."

"My dad hates snow, which is why we moved to California."

Emily bit her lip for a moment, unsure whether she wanted to broach what must be a painful subject after she'd been so successful getting Paige settled. But she couldn't help asking it anyway, "Where does your dad live?"

"In Sacramento. That's where I grew up."

"What about your mom?"

"She died when I was little." Emily gasped and reached over to touch Paige's hand. "It's fine. It was a long time ago." Paige waved off Emily's sympathy.

"Are you sure your dad doesn't want to see you?"

"Positive." Paige made a move to get up. "I'm gonna grab another drink. Do you want anything?"

Emily shook her head and sighed, understanding from Paige's cue that now would be a good time to let the subject drop. "You wanna make some lunch?"

Paige looked up from her spot in front of the fridge and smiled a little, "You don't want me anywhere near the stove."

Emily chuckled, "Everyone needs to feed themselves. I'll tell you what to do and you just follow my directions. Can you do that?"

Paige just looked at her with a raised eyebrow in answer.

A few minutes later, Emily was bustling around the kitchen, giving Paige vegetables to chop while heating pans on the stove.

She looked over at Paige. "Cut them smaller. Let me show you." Emily took the knife from Paige and diced the piece of pepper. "Like this," she said.

"Man, first you call out my pool skills and then my cutting skills. You're a killer on my confidence levels."

Emily laughed and softly backhanded Paige's shoulder, "I think your confidence is very healthy." She shifted to get around Paige, "Let me just get-" She moved to the left just when Paige turned and moved to the right, effectively crashing into her. As she tried to regain her footing, Paige grabbed her around the waist to keep her from tumbling over.

"Shit, sorry-" Paige's apology died on her lips because she was suddenly looking into Emily's eyes, her face close. She could feel Emily's hands on her arms where they had grabbed her for support, and when she looked down at Emily's lips, it was like stepping off into an abyss. Her stomach dropped and she felt her knees begin to give. She pulled Emily's body closer to anchor herself to the moment.

Emily watched mesmerized as Paige's pupils dilated, her gaze drifting down to Emily's lips, and Emily was sure she was going to kiss her.

She walked up behind them as they kissed and grabbed his shoulder, swinging him around. And then she punched him in the mouth. Hard. His head whipped back, and he immediately reached up to cover his lips. Paige had never punched anyone before and the sting of pain was instant for her as well. She swore viciously as she looked at her knuckles, sliced in a few places from Craig's teeth. His bewildered stare as blood oozed from his split lip was something Paige would never forget.

"Paige-"

"No!" She barked. "You don't get to talk to me anymore."

"Paige!" This time it was Carrie's voice, and she reached out to Paige with both hands outstretched. "I'm so sorry. Please!"

A rush of adrenaline launched itself from Paige's damaged heart and pumped through her veins, rushing like ice water, freezing everything in its path. Her fury was a frozen mass, an iceberg coming up to meet her doomed relationship and demolishing its hull upon impact.

"You," Paige seethed through her teeth, "I will never forgive you." Then she turned and hurried out the door before she fractured.

Paige drew back and dropped her arms, leaving Emily shaken and unsteady on her feet. "I gotta go."

Emily was bewildered and unsure what exactly had happened, but she knew she didn't want Paige to leave, "No, please stay."

"I can't." Paige whispered as she stepped around Emily and hurried out the apartment door.

Emily wanted to scream. Why was Paige always running away from her?