A/N Trigger Warning please read with caution...
A small pile of dust-like snow had begun to pile on top of my brothers gravestone. I brushed it off with my mitten covered hand and replaced it with a single flower. Afterwards, a kneeled down to be leveled with the stone. I took a deep breath in and out the way Steven would do to comfort me. This way I could feel a stronger connection with him.
"Merry Christmas Eve, Steven." I said in a whisper like tone. "How's it goin' up there? How do they celebrate Christmas up there? I bet it's super festival and there's an endless supply of warm delicious hot chocolate."
I placed a single photo of him and my mother to lean against the Stone so that it actually feels like I'm really talking to them. I smile at them but it's filled with absolute sadness. I continue talking to them for what seems like minutes but they end up turning into hours. My body starts shivering violently and my lips are frozen but I continue to talk. I don't care anymore.
"Remember that one Christmas where dad decided to play a prank on us and hid all the Christmas presents in the attic and he pretended that we slept through Christmas, Steven?" I asked with a light chuckle. "I was so sad and even more angry when I found out it was all just a joke."
Before I knew it, the sun was setting and Snow had started to fall from the sky and accumulated on top of Steven's gravestone. I still didn't leave my spot.
This loneliness and emptiness I felt inside of me was too much to bear. I couldn't take it anymore. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did my mother and brother have to die and leave me here by myself? Why did my father hate me? Why did the love of my life leave me?
I was only a small girl who wanted to be graduate highschool, go to and graduate college, get a job, get married and maybe have kids. But most of all, I just wanted to be happy. When was the last time I actually felt happiness? True happiness. It was so long ago I can't even remember
i couldn't take this anymore. This sadness that had taken over my entire life was to much. My days were filled with endless lining of wanting to go back to bed and never face the world again. To sleep and never wake up but unfortunately for me I couldn't sleep for the life of me and when I did they were nightmares F beer bottles crashing against my head and dead bodies crawling from underground and choking me.
A choked sob escaped my blue, shivering lips. Tears started to blur my vision which I hastily wiped away. I couldn't cry anymore because where I wanted to go nobody cried. My fingers and ears started to get numb. My body started shaking so much i could barely grasp the picture of my mother and brother.
I looked at it one more time. I took in moms short, soft brown curls, her vibrant kid green eyes. Her favorite blue dress and those red shoes she always wore. I missed her. I missed her so much.
"I love you mom. I love you Steven. I'll see you soon."
With that, I wrapped the framed picture against my body and closed my eyes. Soon the numb feeling took over my entire body and I was gone.