"You have to eat something," Sunny said gently, putting a bowl of cereal down next to me. "You can't starve yourself."

"Not hungry." I mumbled, staring out at the garden.

"Fine." Ian said. He was sitting opposite me, and even though I wouldn't look at him, I knew he was looking at me. "I'll eat it."

He grabbed the bowl and pulled it towards himself, slowly, as if making a point. What it was I didn't know. Or care.

"Ian," Sunny warned. "Don't."

"If she's not gonna eat it, I'm not gonna let it go to waste. Her loss."

Sunny just sighed, throwing her hands out in defeat.

"Fine. But when your fat don't blame me."

He just grunted, and started shoving the food into his mouth. I looked at him for a second, but as soon as our eyes met, I looked back out at the garden, at the spot me and kyle had spent countless hours sitting in.

"You need to do something, Wanda. You can't spend your whole life sitting here wallowing. Its been a month. A month. Kyle wouldn't want you to be like this."

"Don't. Don't tell me what he would have wanted." I said, looking at her in disgust. "You wouldn't know what he want's. No one knows. Not even me. Not even me, sunny." I stopped, breathing hard. I felt like I wanted to cry, to scream, to hit something. But I just sat there. I just sat there and looked back out at the garden. At our spot.

"I'm going out." Sunny said, turning away from me and Ian. She sounded like she was crying. "I'll be back late."

And then she left.

"Well done." Ian said, glaring at me. "Now you've gone and done it."

"Shut up." I clenched my fists together.

"Why? Because of what? Kyle?" I flinched at the mention of his name. "What? You don't like me saying his name? Kyle, Kyle kyle kyle kyle kyle."

"SHUT UP!" I exploded, standing up and kicking my chair out behind me. "SHUT UP!"

"Kyle kyle kyle kyle KYLE!" Ian shouted back. I put my hands over my ears, mumbling to my self, trying to drown out Ians words.

"" I got louder as Ian got closer, crouching down on the floor, pulling my head into my knees.

Ian knelt infront of me, and grabbed my hands, pulling them away from my ears.

"Ky-le." He was so close to me, so close to my face. I kept my eyes shut, willing him to go away.

"Stop it!" I was crying now, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"Kyle. Kyle, kyle kyle." He looked down at me in disgust. "You won't even say his name. What sort of person can't even say the name of the one they supposedly loved? You tell me that."

"I can't." I mumbled, trying to stop the tears. "I just can't, okay."

"You disgust me. You say you loved him. You never did did you?"

"Of couse I did! I loved him so, so much. Much, much more than you could ever think. He was mine, my Kyle. And now he's in a hole in the ground, food for the worms. And it hurts me everytime I think of him. It hurts me so badly. I've thought about killing myself. Whats the point if he's up there and i'm stuck down here without him?"

"You don't really believe he's up there, do you? You can't really think theres such a place as heaven."

"I have to. If I dont..."

He looked down at me. He didn't look cross, or angry. Or disgusted. He looked sad. Sorry.

"I..."

I just shook my head.

And then I was standing, walking to him. I could see he was hurting just as much as me. He was Kyles brother. He'd probably cried just as many tears.

"It's okay. It's okay, its okay." He had tears in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry. Im so sorry wanda. I was angry. I was hurting. I didn't mean it. You have to believe me, I didn't mean it."

"Shhh." I genlty wiped the tears away from his cheeks with shaking hands, trying to soothe him.

And before I knew what was happening, our lips met and we were kissing. It wasn't loving. It was full of pain and anger and built up hurt. It was urgent, rough, and even though I knew we shouldn't have been doing it, I didn't want to stop it either.

And by the looks of things, neither did he.