Day 14: Space

EPOV

We were walking along the beach, hand in hand.

We must have seemed like a happy couple, but today, we weren't. There was something off with her, but I only got a 'nothing' in return whenever I asked. She had been acting distant yesterday as well, but I managed to take care of that in the shower. Boy did I take care of that. So I thought.

This morning when I woke up, Bella didn't want to get out for our Hollywood daytrip. She asked me to postpone, telling me that she hadn't slept well. That I could see, she had dark circles under her eyes as if she had been crying.

So I had breakfast alone while she stayed in bed. I brought her a brownie, over which she had been ecstatic the previous days, but she wouldn't touch it. Maybe she was getting sick. I hovered over her, offering extra blankets and water, asking her if I needed to switch the air conditioning on or off. But my attempts only made it worse. She told me to please let her rest and go check my mails or something. So I gave her rest.

There was a little fear inside that she wasn't sick at all, that she was only sick of me. We had been best friends all our lives, but never spent so much time together in a row. Even when we went to summer camp, boys and girls slept separately so she got a break from my nosy protective geeky self. I had learned my lesson, and I took my cell with me.

After an hour I got a text, which is weird because calling is much easier for her, even with the speach technology, saying that she was hungry and ready for lunch. I was hungry too, but I had wanted to give her space.

During lunch her mood had been a little better, although still distant and somewhat aloof. Not her style.

I told her carefully that I would go to the beach this afternoon, and that it would be nice if she wanted to join me. To my relief she agreed, and here we are.

We put our beach sandals in the bag and waded through the water line, feeling the faded waves against our legs. Sometimes I started a conversation, and she would talk along, but without enthusiasm, and when the chatting died, she was silent again. After the walk, we rolled out our towels, and laid down, enjoying the sun.

Time was slowly ticking, and I grew more and more worried. I decided to really ask her what was going on as soon as we got into our room again, and this time, I wouldn't take 'nothing' for an answer.

I refrained from asking her here, because I had a feeling this would be a sensitive topic.

Normally, if she had something on her mind, she would spill it even before I had the time to properly ask her about it.

Back in the hotel, she wanted to take a shower and then have dinner.

"Bella, can we please talk first?"

"I really want to wash this sand off, Edward."

I took a chance and blurted out "If you need space from me, please just tell me, instead of coming up with excuse after excuse." I didn't say it in an angry voice, just exasperated.

She was startled and stood still for a few seconds. I had expected her to fling into my arms, apologizing for her distance and telling me what was wrong. But instead she simply said: "Alright. I need some space." And she disappeared into the bathroom.

I was baffled, and went to sit on the balcony.

How could this be? This was Bella. My soul mate. My best friend in the world, I could never need space from her. If it were up to me, we merged into one so nobody could ever keep us apart.

And now she needed space. We still had a week left and already she was sick of me.

I couldn't help but shed a silent tear, as I stared into the sky, not really seeing anything.

In a way, I have always known that I needed her more than she needed me. But that didn't mean she didn't want my company, she told me several times. Friendship is not about needs, it's about care. There's a limit to that too, I suppose.

I wondered if she meant by her comment that she wanted me out of the room by the time her shower was finished. But I just couldn't do it. I don't think I can give her space. I want to make it alright again, desperately. Be Edward and Bella again. She would have to tell me which part of me she was sick of, and then I would change.

Another thought occurred in my mind. That maybe this trip was a huge mistake, and that she was glad now that I was almost off to college. At this more tears escaped. I didn't want to lose her.

I heard the window behind me slide, but I didn't move. She couldn't see my tears anyway.

Obviously she thought differently. Her hand found my shoulder and then moved to my cheeks. Immediately she started sobbing, uncontrollably.

I stood up and pulled her in a hug, very tight. What did this mean? Was it true? Was I losing her?

We stood there crying on the balcony. And I didn't dare to ask anymore what was wrong, much too afraid of the answer. Instead I waited for her sobs to calm down, and then I said: "Let's clean ourselves up and have some dinner."

She went back into the bathroom and I wiped my eyes, checking the mirror if I looked okay. I wish I never asked her if she wanted space. She had clearly decided that she didn't want to tell me that, and that's why she came up with the tired excuse. To spare me.

But of course I had to be nosy again. Always prying.

Suddenly I was sick of me too.

We had our dinner in complete silence, and when I say silence I mean that not a single word was spoken. Both of us immersed in thoughts.

I couldn't have been more crushed if my heart had been ripped out.

On our way out of the restaurant, she said she would go to bed early, still not feeling well.

Right. I let her go without commenting, telling her I would be having a drink in the hotel bar. She simply nodded and got into the elevator.

And I walked into the bar, leaned on the counter and decided to get totally wasted.

I didn't even have to pay for most of it, as some rich thirty something lady kept buying me drinks. I didn't know what she wanted from me, at first. Somewhere along the night, her intentions became more clear. She asked me to dance with her, even though nobody in the bar did, and she started to grind her hips against mine. I really looked at her for the first time, and actually she didn't look bad. She reminded me of Miss Porter.

When she invited me to come up to her room, I figured that Bella would have plenty of space tonight, and I had my cell with me if she would be worried.

I followed the lady. I'm sure she told me her name, but I don't remember. Things like that are not important. She asked me if I was a virgin and I made all her dreams come true by nodding. Asking her shyly if she would teach me. If she was my teacher fantasy, then I might as well play my role well.

A couple of hours later, she was absolutely pleased with what she had taught me. But I didn't notice any of her compliments, as I was knocked out on her bed.

AN: We know what Bella is hiding but Edward can't figure it out. Poor both of them...