What a Precious Privilege

by holly-writes-things

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." - Marcus Aurelius - OR: MakoHaru Titanic AU! The son of a wealthy businessman, Haru is oppressed and abused by the aristocratic society he lives in. Is meeting the optimistic commoner Makoto enough for him to see the beauty in the world?

14. I Promise You

Chapter Summary:

"I can promise you books and conversation and all my heart." - Gabrielle Zevin

-or-

Rin gets punched, Rei #DidNotDeserveThis, and 1910s swimwear is not sexy at all but Haru is still probably horny.

---

April 13, 1912

Haru wasn't sure if he had actually slept at all, or, at the very least, he was certain that most people would not have considered it sleeping.

Curled beneath soft covers, he swayed on the brim of unconsciousness, acutely certain that he was awake but feeling quite hazy, existing in a wonderfully fluffy and peaceful sort of glow. He laid that way for hours, and saw the sunrise through closed eyes, watching as light flooded the room in warm reds and golds from behind his eyelids.

Gradually, Haru heard the steady rise of footsteps and chatter passing by his door, and his eyes fluttered open.

All his clothes had been tucked away and all the furniture was set just so, and although nothing about the room had changed in the slightest, Haru didn't view it with quite as much hostility as he had the day before. The curtains had been left open, and from his spot on the bed he could just barely see the pale blue of the morning sky. The room felt simply like a room, and not the cage he was used to.

He glanced to the clock on the opposite wall and saw that it was just after 7:30; in a little under half an hour Rei would be at the door, coming to wake him for breakfast.

Haru felt tired, but not as much as he should have.

Momentarily extracting himself from his bed, he tiptoed across the soft carpet to the room's only desk. His sketchbook lay inside a small corner drawer, and he felt a small tinge of guilt for leaving it rather neglected since his first day on the ship. Clutching it to his chest, he carried it back to bed.

Propped up on pillows, he opened the sketchbook carefully in his lap. This particular sketchbook had been with him for a few years now, and some of the sheets had torn and were in danger of falling out, but he knew exactly where he was turning, and pulled the pages apart with purpose.

His gaze fell on one drawing he had of Makoto, standing on the main deck, gazing absentmindedly out at the ocean. Haru ran his fingers over it gently, refusing to acknowledge that in a few days - upon landing in New York - this drawing would be all he had left of him.

It was messier than Haru would have liked, and he smudged at some of the more crude parts with his finger. At the time he had simply been drawing to alleviate some of the anger and frustration that had swelled within him, but now he wished he had been much more careful. He now knew that Makoto deserved large canvases and the best of materials, deserved all of Haru's attention and effort and every drop of his artistic ability.

Looking at it closely, Haru also spotted a few points that he had blatantly gotten wrong; the real Makoto had much kinder eyes than he had depicted, and a stronger jaw. There was something wrong with the lips too, though aside from the missing scar, Haru wasn't exactly sure what it was. The real Makoto's lips were more…alluring? Haru blushed and immediately snapped the sketchbook shut.

Abandoning it on his bed, Haru began to get dressed, because he wanted to see Makoto, and he knew his drawing could never compare to the real thing.

He dressed quickly, but made sure to look over his reflection once in the mirror. He looked spiffy enough, but also comfortable. He had a rather impressive pair of dark circles under his eyes, but knew there wasn't much he could do about them. It took a rather dramatic double-take for Haru to realize that he was smiling.

He hurried down to the third-class barracks, and was keenly aware of a certain spring in his step, an unfamiliar excitement for the day.

When he knocked, the door opened almost immediately, making him jump slightly. Makoto stood before him fully dressed and smiling, but with his brow slightly furrowed, confused by Haru's reaction.

They stared at each other and Haru suddenly felt embarrassed, "H-Hi," he faltered, "sorry, I...I thought you'd still be asleep."

Makoto shrugged sheepishly, "I couldn't."

A wide grin broke across Haru's face and he wasn't sure if he was pulled into Makoto's arms or if he had leapt into them, but the next moment he was there and everything in the world seemed to fall into place.

Makoto's lips brushed by Haru's ear, and at a loss for what to say, he found himself whispering the same simple phrase he had murmured just hours before, "Good morning, Haru." They pulled apart slowly and Makoto had to hold onto the doorframe to steady himself, feeling the return of a dizzying, ambient sort of happiness. Not knowing what else to do, he gestured to the door, "Do-uh-do you want to come inside?" He realized Haru had never been inside his room before, and he suddenly felt embarrassed by its plainness and small size, two things which had never bothered him before. To his relief however, Haru shook his head.

"A-Actually, I was wondering if you were hungry?" Haru asked, "I thought maybe we could eat at the Cafe Parisien again." He shuffled his feet, "...And-well, there's something I want to do later, but it's a surprise. We'll have to wait a bit though, it doesn't open until noon."

"That's fine with me!" Makoto tried not to sound overeager, "Are you sure there isn't somewhere you need to be? I don't want you to get in trouble."

Haru froze for a moment, "No, I...I think it'll be fine."

Makoto was not entirely convinced but nodded anyway, and let Haru led the way up to the finer parts of the ship.

.

Not ten minutes after Makoto and Haru had left the hallway, the door opposite of Makoto's swung open, revealing a groggy Nagisa and an only partially-dressed Rei, who was struggling to keep the door open and tuck in his shirttail at the same time.

"Rei-chan, I can't believe you'd wake me up so early," Nagisa rubbed his eyes, wearing an impressive pout, "How am I supposed to spend the night with you if you don't allow me to have my beauty sleep? You know I'm quite delicate, I-"

He was placated into silence as Rei swiftly grabbed him by the shoulders and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. The butler pulled back apologetically, "I'm really sorry, but I need to wake Haru. I don't think I can stay in bed late like yesterday ever again, it was very unprofessional of me." He smiled and the corners of his eyes crinkled in unmistakable affection, "But I do hope you'll reconsider your decision, because as chaotic as you make my mornings, I find I'm happier when I wake up with you."

Rei began to fix his tie and didn't notice the series of dramatic faces Nagisa made as he processed the butler's words. Nagisa hovered in the doorway to his own room, "Will I see you later?"

Rei had been in the process of looking over his uniform, making sure everything was in order, when this simple question stopped him. He stared at Nagisa, who was trying hard to look as if the answer mattered very little to him. Rei checked the hallway, making sure they were alone, before he stepped forward and softly kissed Nagisa, this time on the lips.

Intimate as they were, they didn't kiss each other very often, and this gesture only frustrated Nagisa further, because the moment he realize what was happening, it was already over. He prided himself on his arsenal of kissing techniques, but before he could move or respond, Rei was already pulling away, wearing an innocent smile.

"Of course you can. If it were up to me, I'd see you every day."

Nagisa's face contorted slightly; they hadn't discussed their plans for New York since the night they had argued, and Rei could tell his comment, with all its implications and connotations, had rang loudly through Nagisa's ears.

"Sorry, I-I didn't mean-we...we'll talk about it later, okay?" He squeezed Nagisa's hand apologetically, "I really have to go now."

Nagisa nodded, turning away from him without saying a word.

Rei regretted leaving Nagisa at such an awkward moment, but unbeknownst to the lovesick butler, he was about to have bigger problems.

.

The Verandah Cafe was filled with the pleasant, mixed aromas of coffee and tea. It was also teaming with guests, as it should have been, and William Stockwell was thankful that he did not have to dine alone for yet another breakfast. In light of company, he was positively radiant, and talked animatedly to every member of their table, despite the early hour. A man of many talents, he could whimsically jest with Arata and Riko Tamura, and then suddenly lean towards Jacob Astor and begin drawing up business deals.

Marie sat prettily in lilac dress and white gloves, chatting cheerfully with Sophia, who sometimes was forced to lean down so that the shorter girl could whisper into her ear. Rin hovered frustratingly on the outskirts of this conversation, trying repeatedly - and in vain - to insert himself into their discussion.

To no one's surprise, the only person at the table not partaking in the merriment was Katsu, who instead remained in a rather sour mood; as the hands of the cafe's clock approached, and then passed, eighty-thirty, it became apparent that he was missing one member of his family and one member of his staff.

Neither Haru nor Rei had appeared for breakfast. Ai had immediately began to serve them by himself, and though no one at the table seemed to have any complaints about his service, nor any questions regarding the absence of his son, Katsu felt entirely humiliated.

Rei hurried through the doors of the Verandah Cafe half an hour after breakfast had begun. Out of breath and sweating slightly, he bent down and whispered urgently in Katsu's ear, "I'm very sorry, Sir, but I can't find him, I've looked everywhere."

Katsu's nostrils flared for just a moment, but he saw the eyes of the table start to flick towards him, and he restrained his anger, "It's fine. Help Ai, and resume looking after breakfast."

Rei nodded and set about his task, while Katsu turned back at the table, trying his best to look genial, although he spied Jacob and Ann Astor whispering to each other behind their hands.

William witnessed this entire exchange and his mood faltered slightly. He knew Katsu had a dangerous temperature, and he could see a terrible rage building within the man he had known for so long.

.

As it turned out, a romantic second breakfast at the Cafe Parisien was not in the cards for Makoto and Haru. The cafe was packed with easily three times the crowd it had held just a few days ago, and the two boys considered themselves lucky to simply make it inside the door. They waited in a long line simply to speak to the maitre'd, who explained in a patient but tired voice that one of the ship's head chefs had become violently ill just that morning, causing food orders to become severely backed up, and in turn creating incredibly long dining times.

Haru felt his heart sink as the man apologized, stating that the approximate wait time would be one to two hours. Makoto turned to him wearing a questioning expression, and Haru desperately tried to think of an alternate course of action; the Verandah Cafe was certainly out of the question, as he knew his father and company were already dining there. They could eat in the first-class dining room, but Haru hated that idea to the very core, unwilling to face the judgmental, prying eyes of the privileged.

Makoto immediately recognized the signs of stress rising in Haru's face, and offered the only alternative he knew of, "Why don't we eat in the third-class dining room? It will still be crowded, but we won't have to wait and no one will pay us any attention." Haru still looked unsure, and Makoto persuaded further, "Plus, Nagisa is probably already in there."

Haru nodded solemnly and this time Makoto took the lead, taking them back down several flights of stairs. The clattering of cheap plates and silverware echoed down the hallways as they approached the dining room, indicating that breakfast was in full swing for the steerage guests. Makoto held the door open for him, but Haru only took a few steps inside before stopping.

Very little had been done in way of decoration, but the room was nicer than Haru had expected. Several long picnic-style tables were laid out in rows, and on the side of the room opposite them, Haru spied a similar table set with food.

He realized immediately that Makoto had been correct, no one paid them any attention at all. All the men, women, and children were intently focused on their own friends and family and on the food set in front of them, but spared no scrutinizing glares for strangers. Haru, who stood out spectacularly in his expensive and well-tailored suit, earned no odd looks whatsoever.

This occurred to such a dramatic extent that a tall young man in a paperboy hat walked straight into Haru without seeing him. Haru felt himself stumbling, and he certainly would have landed on the ground if he hadn't been saved by Makoto's steady hand, placed gently on his lower back.

"Woops! Sorry mate!" The young man turned to look at them and his face broke into happy recognition, "Oh, it's you! What a coincidence!" Having apparently regained his regular status as the cheerful twin, Niall stood before them, looking much happier than the last time they'd seen him. He pointed to a table towards the back of the room, "I'm leavin' now, but Ethan's still sittin' with your pesky friend that's good at cards." He began to walk away, but waved after them enthusiastically, "I'm off to woo the misses."

Makoto and Haru looked at each other, both feeling rather dumbfounded, and Makoto chuckled, "Well I'm glad he's feeling a bit better today at least." He led the way to the breakfast table and began to fill his plate with eggs and toast, and Haru looked over the table curiously. The food wasn't extravagant by any means, but it was fresh and hearty, and Haru readily helped himself to several scoops of potatoes.

"Do you always eat like this?" He wondered idly. .

Makoto let out a sudden, barking laugh that startled Haru, and gave his answer while chuckling, "No-oh no, not ever, we-" he noticed Haru staring at him in horror, and the laughter died in his throat, "It-it's not that bad...we manage." he finished awkwardly.

Haru simply nodded and looked away from him, and Makoto began to worry about bringing him down here. They obviously came from different places and were accustomed to different things, and while Makoto felt that he understood the sheer size of those differences, he suspected that Haru did not; almost immediately, Makoto had experienced the first-class cafe, dining room, and smoking lounge, so from the beginning he had understood that Haru existed in a realm that was whole worlds away from his own. Haru, on the other hand, had spent very little time in the third-class areas. Makoto knew that Haru wasn't stupid, and had likely made many educated guesses regarding the several not-so-pleasant aspects of Makoto's life, but having those parts materialize in front of him, suddenly very physical and very real, was quite another matter. Makoto was afraid that the shock would lead Haru to decide it was too difficult to connect with someone from another planet.

Once Haru had finished getting his food, Makoto tried to leave the unpleasant conversation behind them, "Let's see if we can find Nagisa and Ethan," he said, and took off in the direction Niall had pointed.

As it turned out, Nagisa saw them first, and gave an exaggerated wave as they approached.

"Mako-chan! Haru-chan! Over here!"

He and Ethan were sitting opposite one another, and for the sake of maintaining the balance of the table, Haru was forced to sit next to him while Makoto sat next to Ethan. Haru was feeling a bit uneasy, but the table wasn't very wide so Makoto's knees brushed against his own, and he knew that surely he would be able to survive.

"We ran into Niall as he was leaving," Makoto explained to Nagisa. "He pointed us in your direction."

Ethan snorted, looking both exhausted and highly cynical, "That idiot doesn't consider the day a success unless he's had his heart broken before lunchtime." He set down his coffee a little harder than necessary, "It's barely even ten! That's far too early to start playing Romeo!"

Both he and Nagisa had already finished eating, and it seemed that they had only remained at the table because they lacked anything better to do. They spoke very little, allowing Makoto and Haru to eat, and Haru was surprised by how relaxing he found the whole affair.

Ethan finished his coffee and stood up, announcing that he was going to go get more. "It's just so early," he yawned.

Nagisa hummed in response, "Hmmm, early...early..." he frowned, and then sat up straight, looking alarmed. He suddenly had a tight grip on Haru's arm, "Haru-chan! Aren't you supposed to be somewhere? Rei-chan left to wake you up almost an hour ago!"

Makoto's gaze snapped towards him and his eyes clouded with worry, "Is that true? Haru I really don't want to get you in trouble - if you have somewhere to be I really think you should go."

Haru looked at the table. "It-It'll be fine," and his tone was final. "Anyway, I want to be here."

Nagisa watched Makoto reach across the table and take Haru's hand, and for the first time in his life he realized he was the third wheel.

Makoto spoke softly, "I-I want you to be here too, b-but-"

Nagisa flushed crimson but was spared any further embarrassment by Ethan's sudden return.

Makoto let go of Haru's hand, and Haru shifted uncomfortably, "Really, I...it's fine."

Ethan blinked several times; he was smart enough to know he had missed something, but experienced enough to know not to ask. Everyone did their best to behave normally, but the table settled into an uncomfortable silence nevertheless. Makoto and Haru resumed eating, though their worries weighed heavily on both their minds.

Nagisa watched them sadly, suspecting that their troubles weren't very different from his own. This was his first time seeing either of them since the previous afternoon, and though he hadn't yet had the opportunity to question Makoto about his evening, he felt that he could guess - within a reasonable parameter - what had happened.

Certainly something had happened - something good - that fundamentally changed the way they interacted with one another. Their stolen glances were still frequent, but entirely less longing. They were more tactile - as proven a moment ago - and simultaneously appeared both less and more nervous.

Watching them made Nagisa feel sick; he knew it was wrong to force his own romantic pessimism onto two people who were both radically different from himself, but his most recent conversation with Rei had left him in a rather sour mood. Because essentially, it came down to the one thing: what was Haru willing to give up? Would he give up his life, all of his status and his wealth, or would he give up Makoto? While he didn't doubt the validity of Haru's feelings in anyway, Nagisa remained pessimistic because, while he wouldn't trade Makoto for all the world, he had given up lovers for much less.

And if Haru did dolefully say goodbye to Makoto at the end of their journey, well, Nagisa wasn't really in a position to blame him for it, given his own fluctuating attitude towards Rei. Still, if that was the case, he wasn't exactly looking forward to seeing his best friend hurt, hurt badly,considering the way things were going.

Still, he couldn't help but think that all of their outcomes were linked anyway, that each ending hinged on the actions of everyone else, and each of those actions only existed as the consequences of some other reaction, spiraling into a lengthy chain of cause and effect and circumstance.

He felt like more was being asked of him than he had left to give.

Nagisa's brain was beginning to ache when Haru interrupted his thoughts - by pointing out perhaps the worst possible thing for Nagisa's current mental state.

"Why is that man over there glaring at us?"

Nagisa lifted his head and Ethan and Makoto both turned around, looking in the direction Haru had indicated. Ethan immediately whipped his head back around and shrunk down in his seat, hissing, "Don't stare don't stare don't stare!"

Nagisa gazed across the room, gulping as he met the eye of the larger, angrier, and bearded Russian brother. Nikolai stood motionless, staring daggers at him from his own table at the other end of the dining room.

"N-no reason," Nagisa turned back to his friends, "but try and eat fast, we may need to make a run for it."

Makoto and Haru looked at each other in dismay, and Ethan, who already knew why the man was glaring, had slid down as far as he could in his seat, "Hey - I can't see, what's he doing? Nagisa is he looking? Is he coming over here? Nagisa! Is he-"

Nikolai slowly stood up, keeping his gaze fixed in their direction. Nagisa gripped the edges of the table, preparing to give the signal to run. He felt the sudden pressure of a hand on his shoulder, and having accumulated a lifetime of unfortunate reflexes, Nagisa's hand wrapped tightly around Haru's knife. Gaze hostile, he whirled around, fully prepared for a fight, but all of his aggression was met by the dark and beautiful smile of Betsy Dean.

She grinned down at him, "Hey boys, I hope y'all are doin' okay!" She winked at Nagisa and then raised her head to meet Nikolai's gaze; he remained standing where he was, now looking uncertain. Never breaking eye contact, Betsy stretched, flexing her muscular arms and displaying all the power that lay beneath them - power that Nikolai had already witnessed. Looking slightly terrified, he sat back down, completely mollified.

Betsy sat down on the other side of Nagisa and threw an arm around his shoulders, accidentally punching Haru's bicep in the process. He rubbed it indignantly, certain he would have a bruise.

Nagisa cleared his throat, "Everyone, this is Betsy Dean - well I supposed Ethan knows her already - but she-" he stopped. Ethan, Haru, and Makoto were all staring at him in mild apprehension, and Nagisa suddenly realized he was still holding the knife. He quickly returned it to Haru's plate, "Um s-sorry," he hesitated, but decided to charge on with the conversation, "but Betsy helped us out of a big pickle the other night - and uh, today, it seems."

She smiled at him, shrugging, "Oh it's nothin', y'all just seemed like you were in trouble."

Ethan emerged from his gallant position under the table and was now staring at her, "You're my hero." He said solemnly.

They all laughed, and with Ethan's declaration, the awkward ambience that had crept over their table ever since Nagisa asked Haru if he had somewhere to be officially dissipated.

Makoto and Haru finished eating as Nagisa, Ethan, and Betsy performed a dramatic retelling of the night they had met the prickly Russian brothers, and with Betsy's presence, they were able to finish their breakfast not just without being attacked, but with a cheerful, warm atmosphere.

Just as Haru had pushed his plate away from himself with a groan, feeling entirely too full, he heard a sudden shout from behind him, and he officially decided there were too many people at their table.

Kisumi, with Hayato in tow, suddenly appeared beside them, "Well aren't you two a sight for sore eyes!" he winked. "It's been too long."

"It's been since yesterday," Haru muttered.

"Well I'm so glad you missed me then!" Kisumi grinned broadly and sat down next to him, though Haru suspected it was only because Hayato had been quicker to claim the prized seat next to Makoto.

Makoto went ahead and handled the introductions as Haru was currently far too bitter to do so.

Under the guise of shifting in his seat, Kisumi leaned over to whisper in Haru's ear, "I see you're slumming down here with the rest of us today, how interesting."

Haru had just enough time to turn to him, both feeling and looking wholly offended, before Nagisa took hold of Kisumi's attention.

"'Kisumi' was it?"

From his position, Haru could see Kisumi analyzing Nagisa, could see his pupils dilate and his throat tighten.

Kisumi leaned forward, his expression very near a leer, "Why yes, just like kiss me."

Haru scoffed at the line, not knowing it was the same one he had tried on Makoto just the previous morning.

A dangerous look crossed Nagisa's face, a look Makoto had seen far too many times before, and just like that, the hunt/game/chase/pursuit was on. Thus Haru spent the rest of the morning essentially invisible while Nagisa and Kisumi, both positioned on the same side of the table with Haru between them, talked through him.

They were all briefly relieved of the flirtation when Nikolai stood up once more, making them all turn to watch his movements while Betsy tensed in her seat, but he only approached the buffet table and began refilling his plate.

They all returned to their original positions save for Hayato, who continued to stare at the man curiously, not knowing why everyone had been sent on such a high alert. He watched as the man filled his plate with food and then brought it back to his seat, setting it down in front of a boy who shared the same thick, brooding eyebrows as the man. The boy looked to be about Hayato's age, maybe a little older, and caught him staring almost immediately. Feeling shy, Hayato raised a hand and waved. The boy had a chicken leg in his hand, but waved enthusiastically back at him, shaking grease all over his table. Hayato laughed, but Kisumi, who was now receiving a much exaggerated version of events from Nagisa, ordered him to turn back around.

The danger averted, Kisumi and Nagisa had continued their flirtatious banter, and Nagisa was currently retelling the same dramatic story he had told just a few minutes before - though this time he heavily inflated his own heroics and left Rei out of the tale entirely.

Haru, frustratingly, was not sure who he should shoot dark looks at first; Kisumi, who had so shamelessly gone after Makoto just the previous morning, intentionally making Haru feel confused and upset and jealous, or Nagisa, whom he knew Rei had so hopelessly fallen for.

Makoto seemed none too pleased with the turn of the events either; he had never been fond of Nagisa's turbulent love life, but now having found someone himself, found someone for the first time ever, he felt all but repulsed by Nagisa's methods.

Nagisa and Kisumi spent the rest of the morning making the entire table uncomfortable, but it took Haru's indignant shout of, "Kisumi that's myfoot!" before they all decided to leave.

They all stood up, hesitating slightly as they each realized they would have to walk past the Russian brothers in order to leave the dining room. Betsy offered to lead the way, but Haru insisted Kisumi go first, since he had been the last to arrive and neither of the brothers held and animosity towards him.

A hand on each of Hayato's shoulder, Kisumi steered him in a straight line down the aisle between the tables, his brain filled with Nagisa's terrifying descriptions of the Russian brother's exaggerated aggression.

Hayato however, who had neither listened to Nagisa's tale nor considered the men intimidating in any way, stopped right in front of the Russian's table. This caused a small pile up, and Kisumi bumped into his brother, and Haru ran into him, and Makoto ran into him, and so on, and they all stared in horror as Hayato raised his hand to the boy who sat wedged between the two large men.

"Hi, I'm Hayato. Do you want to be friends?"

Everyone stared. Though he knew it was impossible, Kisumi could have sworn the entire room went silent. One of the brothers sat mere inches from Hayato and Kisumi, and cast an eye over them suspiciously, leaving Kisumi to wonder why Hayato, normally quiet and shy under most circumstances, had now chosen to approach the frowniest child he had ever seen in his life.

The Russian boy stared down at Hayato, biting his lip. His eyebrows furrowed, and he finally gave a short reply in a language Hayato had never heard before. Hayato opened his mouth but no words came out, and he eventually shook his head apologetically.

The boy scratched his head, now looking embarrassed, and repeated the same line again, this time more slowly. Hayato frowned and shook his head once more, and Russian boy turned expectantly up at the two men who sat on either side of him, but neither of them offered a translation - not out cruelty, but out of curiosity. Anatoly - the brother who appeared to be balding prematurely - inclined his head to Hayato, as if telling the boy to try again.

The child looked down at the table and, with a huff, started to speak in highly fragmented English, "I-you...you...you...face-" he sighed heavily and clenched his fists, looking embarrassed. He suddenly sat up straight and raised his hand, tapping on his cheek several times.

Hayato appeared to be nonplussed, and slowly brought a hand to his own face, discovering a large glob of mashed potatoes that had stubbornly stuck on his cheek - something Kisumi had failed to notice due to his preoccupation with Nagisa. Hayato examined the clump of mashed potatoes in his hands and, earning a collective cringe from every adult present, stuck it in his mouth.

The Russian boy began to laugh and Hayato beamed up at him, but Kisumi seemed to have finally found his nerve and gripped Hayato firmly by the shoulders.

"Ha-Ha-Hayato did you make a friend? That's great, friends are great, look at you stepping out of your shell that's. Just. Great!" Kisumi forcibly steered his brother past the table, and the line that had accumulated behind them finally began to move once more.

Nikolai pretended to lunge as Ethan passed by, causing him to yelp and take off running, but the Russian man made no move to pursue him, and simply laughed at the Irish boy's cowardice.

Makoto, eternally fond of children, tried to smile at the Russian boy, but after Hayato's departure the child's expression had returned to its prematurely ingrained frown, and he glowered up at Makoto. Makoto gulped and felt the urge to run after Ethan, wondering what could have happened to make a child so grim.

Out in the hallway, Hayato had started to cry. Kisumi knelt down beside him, feeling sympathetic but determined to prevent a friendship between his brother and the boy with the two very dangerous relatives.

As Kisumi and Hayato fell behind, Makoto and Haru uncertainly took the lead. They began a course back to the third-class barracks without really thinking, but the rest of their party, spearheaded by Nagisa, had different ideas.

As they passed by a set of stairs leading up to the main deck, Nagisa quietly held Betsy, Ethan, and Kisumi back, and they watched in silence as Makoto and Haru disappeared from view.

"I was thinking we take this up to the deck," Nagisa whispered. "It's a beautiful day and well," he pointed in the direction Makoto and Haru had disappeared, "who wants killjoys?" He felt a little bit rude, but reasoned that this course of action achieved two goals; first it gave Makoto and Haru ample time alone, and it also separated himself and Kisumi from the strain of their judgement. "They'd probably rather be alone anyway."

"They were shooting you lots of dark looks," Ethan admitted.

"What do you expect?" Kisumi reasoned, "You can't bring the married couple to the party."

"But you bring the children?" Betsy raised an eyebrow.

"Actually, I'll have you know that I was just about to put him down for a nap." Hayato tried to protest, but the crying had made him sleepy, and he already appeared unsteady on his feet. Kisumi bent down and picked him up, "I'll meet you guys on the deck."

.

Makoto and Haru didn't realize they were alone until they stood directly in front of Makoto and Nagisa's room, and perhaps there was some truth to Nagisa's argument that they were entirely absorbed in each other.

"Do you think we should go back?" Haru asked dubiously.

"Somehow I don't feel like this was an accident." Makoto furrowed his brow, "I've known Nagisa for a long time and well…I think that whatever is going to happen is going to happen, whether or not we try and stop him."

Haru hummed in agreement, "That's the same feeling I get from Kisumi as well."

"I will try and talk to him later, but…well I'd be lying if I said he hasn't always been like that." Makoto looked at the ground, feeling frustrated. His gaze suddenly snapped up, "Not that - I don't - I'm not like that, um in-in case you were wondering."

Haru started to laugh and wrapped his arms around Makoto's neck, "Really? You certainly had me fooled."

A harsh voice suddenly rose from a room several doors down, and they both jumped, separating immediately.

Makoto rubbed his neck, "Do...do you want to come inside?"

Haru nodded and Makoto held the door him, and the moment they were both inside the room they were faithfully in each other's arms once more. They were learning very quickly the pain of the distance placed between them whenever they were in public, and the demand of closeness whenever they were alone.

Makoto was the first to yawn. Still holding Haru in his arms, he flushed to a deep scarlet and tried to stifle it, "Sorry I-I promise I'm not bored-" he yawned again, louder this time, making Haru chuckle.

"We didn't get much sleep last night did we?" Haru eyed the room's bunk beads. Each mattress was small; it would be a challenge to fit them both one. They'd have to lay very close. "Do you want to take a nap?"

Makoto looked confused, "Wasn't there somewhere you wanted to go?"

"It's still not open." Makoto cocked his head to the side but Haru shook his head, "It's a surprise."

Makoto smiled at Haru's sudden coyness, glancing to the small bed, "I mean...are you sure? Napping isn't very exciting."

"I'm tired too," Haru took his hand, "it sounds wonderful."

Makoto slid all the way against the wall to make room for Haru, and he held the covers up

Both feeling embarrassed and neither quite sure why, they took off their shoes, and Haru hung his suit jacket over the desk chair. Makoto climbed into the bed first, sliding all the way against the wall to make room for Haru. He held the blanket up as Haru followed him, and then let it drop around them.

Makoto's arm wrapped around his waist from behind, deeply warming him despite the blanket's thinness.

"Are you comfortable?"

Haru took hold of his fingers and nodded, "Are you?"

"Yes," Makoto's lips brushed by his neck whenever he spoke, and his nose was pressed into his hair. Haru smelled like fresh cotton and Makoto inhaled deeply, letting out a happy sigh, "This was a great idea."

Haru hummed in agreement, certain he was already dreaming.

.

Lunch descended upon the Verandah Cafe with all the force of a raging storm. As Rei prepared to serve everyone drinks, he made the briefest eye contact with Katsu, shaking his head slightly.

The chair scraped loudly as Katsu stood up, making the entire table turn towards him, "Rin, Rei, Ai, a word please."

He led them out into the hallway, smiling genuinely at every table they passed. When he turned on Rin and his wait staff, Rei thought it best to preemptively apologize.

"I-I'm sorry, Sir but we really can't find him - Ai and I checked all the first class areas several times over-"

"And I checked outside on all the decks," Rin interjected, preparing to remind Katsu that he was neither his butler nor his son.

Katsu however, remained unimpressed with their answers, "Well there must be somewhere you're not looking! He hardly could have jumped ship now could he?" His face flushed with anger as he glared down at them all, and none found themselves able to meet his eyes. Katsu gritted his teeth and then stood up straight, checking to make sure his pocket watch was still pinned faithfully to his side. "Let's all attempt to get through lunch like normal, and then I expect you to find him before dinner."

Rei and Ai answered immediately and in unison, "Yes, Sir."

Rin hesitated before muttering a simple, "Yes."

The door to the Verandah Cafe suddenly began to open, and William Stockwell's emerged behind it.

"This doesn't concern you!" Katsu barked, trying to shut the door in his face.

William pushed back, looking offended, "I know you've always been overbearing, but now you're gonna stop me from using the loo?!"

Katsu suddenly stopped pushing and William toppled into the hallway. He smoothed out his suit, looking embarrassed, "Oh…Well, carry on then." He turned to Rei and Ai, "As I ordered." They didn't move and Katsu jabbed a finger at the door, "I believe there are people inside who are still waiting for lunch?"

Rei and Ai both leapt into action. Neither however, had prepared much foresight, and they tripped over each other spectacularly, stumbling to the floor.

Katsu fumed and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Continuing down to the first-class lavatories, William pulled Rin aside with a warning, "You really better find him soon, for his own sake."

.

Out on the deck, Betsy, Ethan, Nagisa, and Kisumi were having a grand time. Rather, Nagisa and Kisumi assumed everyone was having a grand time, when really it was just the two of them, while Betsy and Ethan were both squirming and feeling slightly nauseous.

They had successfully duped Makoto and Haru, and Nagisa was glad they hadn't followed their group out to the deck. He didn't need a 'holier than thou' attitude from two people who had never experienced a romantic relationship until a few days ago.

Despite their absence however, there existed a tiny Makoto and Haru inside his head, and every now and then the Haru would tap his foot in annoyance, and the Makoto would give him a disappointed shake of the head, and he would hear, echoed from an experience several years ago,'You should value people more, Nagisa.'

He felt hostile and bitter towards them both, but only because he knew that they were right, and he was on verge of doing something very reckless. But at his core he felt guilty, and that made him all the more volatile.

It was just past lunchtime, and Nagisa was ready to cut to the chase. He leaned towards Kisumi and looked up at him through his lashes, "So, Kiss-Me, what are your plans for this evening?"

Because neither Betsy nor Ethan felt the pull of Kisumi's charms, they were the first to spot Rei slowly making his way towards them. They both had seen Rei with Nagisa the night of the party, and while they didn't believe it was their place to shame Nagisa for his actions, they both thought it was at least pertinent to warn him that Rei was coming right for them.

Ethan started to whistle loudly and Betsy, never fond of subtleties, whacked Nagisa on the arm and threw her head in Rei's direction.

Nagisa felt his tongue tie in a knot and lodge itself in his throat, and he coughed several times. He had enough experience to know that his bad behavior always caught up with him in the end, though never quite this fast, never while the truly bad behavior had yet to been committed.

"Rei-chan!" His voice squawked horrible, "What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be working?"

While he was sure Rei hadn't seen him with Kisumi, the butler still appeared in distress; his sleeves were rolled up and beads of sweat clung to his forehead, and he hadn't noticed them at all until Nagisa had called out to him.

"Nagisa!" Not acknowledging the three other people present, Rei moved right in front of Nagisa, standing very close to him and looking distraught, "Have you seen Haru? He's been missing all day and his father-" he hesitated, and then his face broke into a weary smile, "actually, Nagisa-kun, we need to stop meeting this way."

Nagisa's heart plummeted, and then, sitting shamefully in the very bottom of his stomach, it did several backflips. Rei's comment had been both good-natured and nostalgic enough to really do a number on his cocky attitude, and feeling both miserable and guilty, he smiled despite himself, "If I didn't know better I'd think you want him to go missing."

"Oh no - well, well I did meet you…" Rei stammered. He blushed, and for the first time he seemed to realize that there were other people present.

Nagisa cleared his throat, "I think he and Makoto are back in the room, they were headed that way last time I saw them."

Rei looked at him like he'd just told him the location of a very crafty unicorn, and bashfulness forgotten, he grabbed Nagisa by the shoulders and kissed him roughly, taking off with a cry of "Nagisa you're the best!"

Betsy and Ethan stared at him. People who were not part of their group stared at him. The entire deck stared at him, because Rei had kissed him in broad daylight. Kissed him in broad daylight, and then run off, leaving Nagisa alone to suffer the embarrassment that the butler's indiscretion had caused. Kissing at the party had been different, because it had been on the cheek, because it had been dark, and because the room was collectively too merry and too drunk to pay them any attention. Now, everyone on the deck was quite sober, and though he looked around at them all, he was unable to meet any of their eyes.

Betsy and Ethan felt the sneaking suspicion that they were forgetting something, and their heads turned in unison towards Kisumi, having yet to gauge his reaction. Nagisa swallowed hard, preparing to apologize for Rei's interruption, for his own negligent morality, and for the finalized decision of who he truly wished to spend his night with.

Kisumi, however, was not looking at any of them. He was attentively watching Rei walk away, watching with his head inclined at a certain angle and his lips pressed together in a certain way, indicating that a certain lewd analysis was currently taking place.

Eventually he turned to Nagisa, still looking cheerful, and slapped him on the back, "Not bad! Not bad at all, if I do say so myself." He stretched, "I'm going to go wake Hayato. This was fun though, I don't get to hang out with people my age very often, but I'm sure I'll see you all around. Have a good rest of the day!" He walked away whistling, as if the entire matter was largely inconsequential to him.

Both Betsy and Ethan turned to stare at Nagisa, certain that he must be the luckiest man on the planet. Nagisa indeed felt quite relieved, but he still found himself struggling with some persistent, lingering embarrassment. Even so, he couldn't help but smile; Rei had kissed him in broad daylight, and Nagisa, experienced as he was, had spent far too much time kissing in the dark.

.

Once Kisumi knew he was out of sight of his new friends, he lost the cheerful swing in his step. He didn't feel disappointed exactly, just a bit lonely, but he in no way believed Nagisa had been the great lost love of his life. Whatever Haru may think of him, Kisumi really didn't believe in stealing people away from someone who was bound to value them more than he ever would. Still, he knew he would never be able to convince an unbiased jury of his innocence in all matters of the heart.

By the time he turned down the hallway that led to his room, Kisumi had effectively berated himself enough to feel unworthy of romance for the next several years. A hand on the doorknob, he felt wholly ready for his own nap, when a friendly voice stopped him.

"Well aren't you looking uncharacteristically grim today?"

Squinting in annoyance, Kisumi looked up, not entirely sure if he should feel offended or not. The handsome steward he'd been mooning over for the last several days now stood before him, but Kisumi only frowned at him, feeling rather disinterested.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he snapped.

The steward looked taken aback, "N-Nothing I was just - well you seem upset is all..." he seemed to realize his comment had not been taken kindly, "and I noticed your brother wasn't with you so I thought maybe-"

"What do you want with my brother?" Kisumi demanded, suddenly suspicious.

"What? No-no I-nothing." The steward was now glaring at him, angered by Kisumi's coldness, "I was just trying to make conversation, forget it. I'll let you go." He began to walk away without so much as a second glance. He had an incredibly long and purposeful stride, one that could probably carry him away in just a few steps. His cheeks were flushed with anger, the same shade as his flaming hair, and despite his resolve to remain indifferent, Kisumi couldn't help but be attracted to his suddenly fiery demeanor.

Kisumi quickly slid in front of him, blocking his path, "He-he's napping right now - my brother - that's why he's not with me." He felt the courage rising in his chest, giving him the fortitude to try one last time, "I-I'm sorry for getting so angry at you a moment ago; you were right, it hasn't been a good day and I'm feeling a bit odd."

The steward seemed to scrutinize him for a moment, and eventually sighed, "Well I can hardly blame you for being protective of him," he gave Kisumi a crooked grin, "don't worry about it."

"You're room is across the hall isn't it?" Kisumi pointed, "That one?"

He nodded, clearing his throat, "Lately I've been feeling a bit homesick and seeing the two of you together always reminds me of my own little brother, that's why I asked about him. He seems like a good kid." Kisumi's eyes widened and the steward scratched his head, "I guess Momo was never a well-behaved child, but still, there's something about your brother that seems familiar to me…sorry, I know that sounds a bit odd."

"N-No it's...I understand." Kisumi fidgeted with his hands, wondering where all his charm from that morning had gone, "I was just about to wake him up. Actually…earlier today I told him he couldn't be friends with another boy who had some uh...dangerous relatives. He's pretty upset, probably mad at me too. If-if you don't have anywhere to be, and if you want to…do you think you could come in and talk with him for a little while? He doesn't make friends easily, and we move a lot."

The steward hesitated for barely a moment, "Sure! I mean, only if you think he'd like to meet me. What's his name?"

"Hayato," Kisumi's voice lowered as he began to open the door, flooding light into the dark room.

"And yours?"

Kisumi turned back to look at him, "It's Kisumi, sounds just like-" the young man stared blankly back at him. He was simultaneously intense and handsome and kind, and Kisumi suddenly changed his mind, "eh-nothing, nevermind." He tiptoed into the room, whispering, "What's your name?"

The steward hissed back, "Seijuurou Mikoshiba."

It was a strong name, and Kisumi thought it suited him. He knelt down beside the bed where Hayato was still fast asleep.

"Hayato?" Kisumi gently shook him awake, "Hey Hayato, I have someone here who wants to meet you." Hayato slowly blinked up at the pair of them, rubbing his eyes, "This is Seijuurou, he's staying across the hall from us. He works on the ship."

Hayato suddenly sat up, his eyes growing wide, "You work on the ship?"

"That's right." Seijuurou knelt down beside Kisumi, so that he was eye-level with the boy.

Hayato tried to imagine him repairing the engines or ordering the crew around the bow, "Aren't you afraid?" he asked.

"Well I work in the squash court," Seijuurou smiled, "So I don't actually do anything important."

Hayato frowned, "Squash court? Is that like the ship's garden?" he looked at his older brother, "Is that where the food comes from?"

The two older boys both started to chuckle, and Seijuurou answered him patiently, "It-it's a game, with a racket and a ball. I mostly provide the players with supplies and fetch them water whenever they require it. Sometimes I have to fill in and play against them when they're alone though, and that always ends badly - I gave someone a bloody nose earlier today."

Hayato started to laugh and Kisumi stared at him, trying to determine if this was true or simply something he had told Hayato to amuse him. Seijuurou met his gaze and nodded grimly, "They'll likely fire me once we land," he whispered.

Once he had stopped laughing, Hayato turned eagerly to Seijuurou, "Can I play with you?"

"I-I'm really sorry," and Seijuurou truly looked heartbroken to deny Hayato's request, "but it's only for first-class passengers and their guests."

Kisumi had a sudden spark of brilliance and placed a hand on his brother's shoulder, "Maybe if you're super nice to Haru he'll bring you there. He - well he's pretty mad at me right now, but if you ask him extra nicely I'm sure he'll take you." Seijuurou looked at him dubiously and Kisumi smirked, "What? Don't we look like we have friends in high places?"

Hayato was bouncing up and down on the bed, "Can we go ask him now? We know which way he went, he-"

Kisumi hesitated, "He's...having some alone time with Makoto right now, but maybe we can ask him tomorrow."

Seijuurou brought a hand to his chin, thinking quickly, "I work from early afternoon 'til close tomorrow, so...so if you come between those hours, I will be the one working." He finished awkwardly and an attractive blush crept into his cheeks once more. Kisumi sent a silent prayer to every god he knew that Haru wasn't one to hold grudges.

Looking slightly disappointed, Hayato had settled back down on the bed. Kisumi quickly thought of something else to distract him, "You know Hayato, Seijuurou told me he had a little brother just like you."

Hayato's eyes lit up, "Really? Is he here?"

"N-No, he's waiting for me in New York," Seijuurou answered reluctantly, "and he's a bit older than you."

"Oh." Hayato's hopes had clearly been thwarted once more.

Kisumi and Seijuurou looked at each other, not sure what do now. Seijuurou cast an eye around the room, "Uuuuhh..." his gaze fell on something on the desk, "wow these look cool, what are they?"

Hayato stood up and, after inspecting the desk, turned to him skeptically, "You've never played jacks before?"

Seijuurou shook his head, "Could you teach me?"

They sat on the floor and Hayato patiently explained the rules, holding his one rubber ball like it was a small sacred treasure. They played several rounds, and the game was occasionally interrupted by Hayato's interjects of "I can't believe you didn't know how to play," and "aren't grownups supposed to be good at this sort of thing?"

Kisumi watched them from the bed, laughing and adding his own commentary; he couldn't tell if Seijuurou was actually bad at jacks or was simply pretending.

They passed almost an hour that way, until it was time for Seijuurou to return for work.

Kisumi walked him to the door, "Thank you, I think you really cheered him up-" he blushed, "-cheered us both up."

"No problem, I had fun." Seijuurou's eyes shone brightly and he gave Kisumi a terribly crooked grin, "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Kisumi swallowed and felt himself fall fast and incredibly hard, "Y-Yes, tomorrow." Seijuurou began to walk away and Kisumi called after him, "Or-Or, tonight? If you're free?" His face fell into a fatally natural pout. He batted his eyelashes, looking both desperate and delicate, and in that moment, a single thought ran through Seijuurou's mind, one that both confused and alarmed him; he looks very pretty like that.

Seijuurou's brow furrowed and he stood motionless in the hallway, his brain working overtime with the task of processing this development, because guys weren't pretty. Girls were pretty and he liked them for it, but guys were not pretty. He had never consider them to be...but Kisumi was?

"Hey - uh, is everything okay? You look like you're having a crisis." Kisumi was now gazing at him with mild concern, "You don't have to come by if you don't want to."

Seijuurou shook his head roughly, trying to chase away his doubts, "I...I'll see if maybe I can drop by when I get off work."

Back inside his own room, Kisumi felt a sudden surge of energy. He picked Hayato up off the ground, spinning him around several times and letting out a triumphant whoop. After one too many spins Hayato started to protest and Kisumi put him down, flopping onto the bed himself.

Hayato hummed from the floor, still fully engrossed in his game, "He was nice."

"Yes, he was," Kisumi fluffed his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. "They usually aren't that nice."

.

On top of a small mattress and under a thin blanket, Makoto and Haru slept wonderfully, entirely oblivious as noon came and went. Amid the chaos and panic of everyone's frantic searching, no one thought to look in the small, private sanctuary of the third-class barracks, and Makoto and Haru remained undisturbed – Rei, unfortunately, would arrive at the room just a few minutes too late.

Haru awoke first and tried to guess how much time had passed by the steep angle of the sunlight streaming through the window. He turned to Makoto, who was still sleeping softly beside him. Haru scooted closer to him, appreciating the opportunity to stare at Makoto all he wanted, without being embarrassed. Haru wished he had his sketchbook with him now, wished he had another chance to truly capture the length of Makoto's eyelashes, the tip of his nose, the peak above his lips...Haru thought it was a glorious thing, to share a space with someone, share a moment, entirely unknown by the rest of the world.

Makoto's face suddenly pulled tight; his nose wrinkled and twitched, and he let out a small sneeze, momentarily tensed, and then relaxed again, still deeply asleep.

Against all his best efforts, Haru started to laugh. It was a deep laugh, echoing and loud, and it shook the small bed.

Makoto's eyes slid open.

Haru tried to apologize, but couldn't quite form the words through his laughter. Makoto smiled sleepily, ready to play along with Haru's amusement even though he truly had no idea what was going on. When he finally stopped laughing, Haru apologized, but Makoto told him not to worry.

"Did you sleep well?"

Haru nodded and scooted closer to him, "Do you want to go now?"

Makoto smiled at him and it wasn't quite a smirk - Makoto didn't smirk - but it was certainly teasing, "You seem very excited."

Haru blushed, "I - only a little."

Makoto took his hand, "Let's go."

They put on their shoes and, stepping out into the hallway, moved slightly away from each other. They didn't discuss it, but they both recognized the necessity of a few inches placed strategically between them.

Haru walked a few steps ahead of Makoto. Though he told himself that this was simply because he was the one leading way, he also recognized that he was feeling a bit eager. He turned down the hallway to the Turkish Baths and was greeted by familiar face.

"Hello, Wally."

The old man smiled, "Brought a friend today I see." He looked down and made a note on his clipboard, "Come for the Baths?"

Haru shook his head, "Not today."

Wally nodded in understanding and Haru paid the entrance fee, and then he was off, already across the hall, throwing open the door that led to the pool. It lay glistening and undisturbed, and Haru felt like singing.

Wearing a wide smile, he looked back at Makoto, excited to see the eager expression this reveal had evoked.

But Makoto hadn't followed him into the room. He had stopped just outside the doorway, and his face had gone grim.

"Don't worry if you don't have a swimsuit," Haru said quickly, "I don't either. But Wally said yesterday that they're available for purchase."

This did nothing to alleviate the tension that had built in Makoto's face, and Haru couldn't say with certainty if he had heard him.

"Hey," Haru gently gripped Makoto's arm, "is everything okay?"

Makoto jumped slightly as Haru touched him, "What? Oh, y-yes of course, I'm fine." He gave Haru a very strained smile. Makoto knew logically that it was ridiculous to be afraid of a shallow pool on a ship that was currently crossing the Atlantic Ocean, but he had been unable to suppress his immediate reaction regardless.

Haru's heart sank, and he suddenly felt very selfish. Why had he assumed Makoto liked water the way that he did? Even worse – why had he assumed that Makoto knew how to swim? Makoto had probably never had the opportunity to swim in a clean, well-maintained pool, so why had Haru thought he would enjoy the experience? Feeling ashamed, he stared up at Makoto, unable to find a way to apologize for the sheer weight of his mistake.

Wally interrupted his thoughts with a polite cough.

"Should I...bring the suits then?"

Haru didn't turn away from Makoto, looking to him for the answer.

"Y-Yes, yes please." Makoto responded.

Wally looked him over, "Whooo boy, we'll try and find one for you, Big Man."

Under usual circumstances, Makoto would have blushed and Haru would have laughed, but now they both felt rather out of their element, and the comment fell around them awkwardly.

Making sure Wally had disappeared, Haru squeezed Makoto's fingers, "Are you sure everything is alright?"

Makoto nodded and tried to say something, but no sound came out, and he eventually shut his mouth.

Wally returned carrying two swimsuits, frowning as he passed one to Makoto, "This was the best we could do."

Haru paid for the suits and Makoto made sure to thank them both.

After a quick bow, Wally wished them a good swim and exited the room. Haru tried to catch Makoto's eye, but Makoto was turned pointedly away from him.

"Well," Makoto cleared his throat uncomfortably, "we should get changed."

Haru nodded slowly, and they entered adjacent dressing rooms, each weighed down by armfuls murky thoughts and undeclared feelings.

Haru had just finished pulling off his shirt when, seen out of the corner of his eye, a slight movement made him stop. There was a small amount of space below the walls separating each cubicle, and Haru could see the bottom half of Makoto's legs and shoes from under the separator.

He watched as Makoto finished untying his shoes. Haru started to do the same, but moments later Makoto's trousers dropped to a messy pile around his ankles, and suddenly the task became very difficult. Still bent over his shoes, every muscle in Haru's body froze and he simply stared. Stared at the bare, tan and muscular calves, visible to the knees. He knelt over his shoes just long enough to see Makoto's underclothes join his trousers, and then he stood up very quickly, banging his head on the door to his changing room.

"Are you alright?" Makoto voice rose anxiously from the cubicle beside him.

"Yes-" Haru's voice cracked terribly, "yes fine - thank you..." He felt the heat rising in his face and he tried to focus on putting on his swimsuit without inviting any further embarrassment.

They emerged from the changing rooms at roughly the same time, both feeling shy. The swimsuits where striped white and navy, covering from shoulders to knees with several black buttons at the collar.

All of Makoto's buttons had been left open, revealing a prominent collarbone and the peak where his chest began, and Haru suspected this was because he genuinely had not been able to close them. The suit seemed small in almost every area, and was pulled tight over strong muscles, muscles that rippled every time he moved, muscles, Haru realized, that were much larger than he had always assumed.

Perhaps his clothes were too big, because Makoto's everyday look gave no indication of such a powerful chest, jutting out like the bow of some powerful ship and then narrowing at his waist. Haru could see the outline of the perfect V that was Makoto's hip bones, and his mouth went incredibly dry.

"H-Haru? Is everything alright?"

He realized he had been staring. Hard. With his mouth open.

"N-nothing you just - you're really..." a painfully familiar and terribly absurd phrase rose to his mind, "-a Big Man, whooo boy."

Makoto turned bright red and Haru thought he surely had lost his mind, but granted Makoto's many good graces, he pretended to laugh, and Haru felt eternally grateful.

He cleared his throat and stepped towards the pool, wishing very much to swim off some of his embarrassment, "Are you sure you'll be alright? I'm sorry – I shouldn't have assumed you were fond of water, I feel like a jerk."

Makoto turned towards the pool, and again Haru was stuck by the sight of him, this time from behind, as the swimsuit strained against an incredibly defined back. Somewhere, very far away, Makoto was speaking.

"No really, it-it's okay, I…" he hesitated "I can swim, but I think I'll sit on the stairs if that's alright? I'll watch you."

Haru felt this was a rather unfair compromise, but he wasn't sure what else he could suggest and he really needed to get in the water to try and calm down, so he simply nodded.

Haru led the way into the pool, but unfortunately didn't make it very far. The water was freezing, and the first step had been quite jarring. Wally had claimed the pool was heated, but Haru wasn't so sure. He shivered and spoke to Makoto over his shoulder, "Sorry it's um...it's cold." He took a deep breath and steeled his nerves. Behind him, he heard Makoto start to speak, but he had already jumped, entering the water with a perfect dive.

The water chilled him, but it was refreshing, and he felt better for being in it. When he rose to the surface, he could hear Makoto chuckling.

"You're much braver than I am." Makoto smiled as he slowly settled onto the third step, rubbing his arms a few times to warm up, and then folded his hands in his lap, politely turning in Haru's direction.

As he'd said, he really intended to watch Haru swim.

Haru tried very hard to keep this out of his mind as he began to swim laps, roughly at first, as he shook off the stiffness and embarrassment that had seized his body. Makoto always gave him butterflies, but this was something else entirely; this was heat creeping up his neck and tension building down around his groin, and it would be wrong to say that he had no idea what had come over him. It was the same way he felt in the middle of the night sometimes, when he was cold and alone and longing for the touch of another person – inevitably, a touch that he always supplied himself.

Haru swam until he was exhausted, swam until the feverish frenzy in his body had been replaced with fatigue, and then finally stopped to rest on the opposite end of the pool. Almost immediately, he could hear Makoto clapping.

"That was really incredible, Haru! I would have had to stop long before now."

Haru rubbed his neck, feeling embarrassed, "You really don't have to do that." He mumbled. His newly recognized desires aside, he still felt an incredible shyness whenever Makoto smiled at him.

Under the guise of catching his breath, Haru used the moment to remind himself that this was Makoto; Makoto, who made him feel safe, Makoto, who had called him brave several times over, Makoto, who liked him, Makoto, who would accept him no matter what he said or felt.

Feeling like his head was on right for the first time all morning, Haru swam over to the stairs where Makoto sat, breaking the surface right in front of him.

Droplets flew everywhere - he had come up too fast - and water splashed upwards, spraying Makoto's face. Haru saw him flinch.

"Oh-oh no I-I'm sorry." Haru raised his hands, but didn't know what to do with them, didn't know how he could possibly help.

Makoto shook his head, wiping his cheeks slightly, "No it-it's okay." Haru still looked upset and Makoto smiled warmly at him, "Really, I'll be fine."

Haru moved to sit beside him on the stairs. He leaned his head on Makoto's shoulder, feeling like a failure in every way, "I really am sorry about all of this, you can pick what we do from now on."

He felt Makoto shake his head, "Don't be, I really am enjoying myself. You're really good at swimming. I'm just sorry that I can't do more, I know how excited you were." He felt around in the water and found Haru's fingers, "I take it you like water?"

Haru nodded against his shoulder, "When I was a kid, our house in Japan was pretty far inland, but it had a large pool, so I've been swimming since then." His expression softened at the memory. "The last several years we've pretty much been living in and out of hotels for long periods of time, but most of those have had pools, some even had several, so it's just something I've always done." He cast a sideways glance at Makoto, "You – eh – don't like water...I'm guessing?"

It was Makoto's turn to nod, and then he was silent for a long while. Haru wasn't sure if he would say anything, but Makoto eventually cleared his throat, "Our home was on the Northern coast. It used to storm a lot, and it flooded often. My dad was a fisherman, and we had a little shop where my mom would sell and trade the fish he caught. Even when I was a kid the ocean always seemed...menacing? We relied on it so much, but we also knew that it didn't care about us at all, and could make or break us any day." Makoto hesitated, "Still I...I understand using the water for food, or for transportation, but just swimming in water for fun...doesn't really make sense to me."

Haru nodded slowly; as much as he liked water, he could certainly understand why Makoto felt the way he did.

"Is that how you parents died?" He asked, "In a storm, or a flood?"

"No," Makoto answered stiffly, "My parents were killed." He bowed his head slightly, hiding his face.

Haru lifted Makoto's hand out of the water and raised it to his lips, softly kissing the back of it, "I'm sorry."

Makoto looked at him then, and Haru watched as his expression slowly changed from grief to wonder. He gently rested his head on top of Haru's. "You always know how to cheer me up." He whispered.

"I feel like I should be saying that to you, though." Haru said, smiling as Makoto raised Haru's own hand to his lips.

Makoto suddenly stood up, looking much more cheerful, "I can swim though! The basics at least, it was sort of necessary given where I grew up."

Haru watched, slightly surprised, as Makoto waded out into the middle of the pool. He closed his eyes in concentration, and moments later, he was drifting across the pool's surface, floating shakily on his back. Haru could tell Makoto was giving the task a fair amount of concentration, even though he was trying hard to make the task look natural.

Haru swam out to join him, briefly analyzing Makoto's form.

"Try and lift your chest a bit." He suggested. Makoto's brow furrowed in confusion and Haru placed a hand on his lower back, "Arch here, it'll keep you upper body out of the water." Makoto did as he instructed and Haru grinned, "Perfect, just like that."

Makoto closed his eyes once more, and every now and then his face would tense momentarily as he struggled to maintain his balance. Haru held a reassuring hand under his back just in case. They passed a lot of time that way, with Makoto floating lazily and Haru making little adjustments to his form, both fully enjoying themselves.

Once he was confident that Makoto wasn't going to slide under the surface, Haru slowly removed his hand, and Makoto was entirely at peace on the water. His eyes were still closed and his lips parted slightly, the epitome of relaxation.

"Try and keep your chin up," Haru's voice grew soft and quickly turned into a whisper, "it will keep your airways clear." His hand was cupping Makoto's face, slowly tipping his head upward. Before Haru knew it, he was leaning over Makoto, looking down on long eyelashes splayed over strong cheekbones and pillowy lips marked by a thin white line in the corner-

Makoto's eyes flew open, startling them both.

Haru gasped and immediately pulled backward, but Makoto lost the delicate balance he had achieved and sank into the water. His head went under.

Panicking, Haru reached for him in the water, but Makoto surfaced mere seconds later, spluttering slightly, but largely unharmed.

Haru however, was distraught, "Makoto I'm sorry - I'm so sorry I don't - are you okay? I didn't mean-"

Makoto was coughing. He likely had inhaled water, and Haru tried to think of some way he could help. He swam to the edge of the pool and grabbed Makoto's towel, bringing it back to him while Makoto continued to gulp and gasp. Not wanting to startle him again, Haru gently cupped his face, blotting away some of the wetness with the towel.

Makoto was still wheezing, but tried his best to reassure him, "Haru, don't worry, it's okay, I'm okay."

Haru looked ready to cry, and continued to press the towel to his cheeks and brow, "Makoto I'm so sorry I...I don't know what happened – I don't know what I was doing, I'm so-"

"Really, it's okay," Makoto reached up to hold Haru's hand. His eyes crinkled as he gave Haru an innocent smile, "I survived, didn't I?"

Haru let go of the towel and it dropped into the pool. Soaking up water, it began to sink. He laced his free fingers with Makoto's. He could feel Makoto's breath on his face, chilling his wet skin, dusting by his cheeks and freezing his lips, making every nerve within them come alive.

Makoto squeezed his fingers, and Haru closed his eyes. He felt a warm hand in his own, a solid body held against him, and a soft kiss pressed to his lips. Makoto's arms wound around his waist and Haru stood on his tip toes, sealing their lips together. The kiss was wet, drenched as they both were, and messy with all of their mutual inexperience; they bumped noses frequently and sometimes their lips made funny noises whenever they briefly pulled apart, but Haru's heart was racing and he knew he'd never felt this way before, never in all his life. Perhaps only in other lives, but certainly never in all his eighteen years had he felt so accepted and so safe and so wanted. Haru felt like he was growing up and growing happier, growing stronger.

Forgotten by them both, Makoto's towel sank to the bottom of the pool.

They took their time, and it was a long while before they finally pulled apart. Haru rested his head on Makoto's shoulder, and spoke with his lips pressed against Makoto's neck. "I'm going to miss you," he closed his eyes, "I'm going to miss you so much."

Makoto's bottom lip quivered. He felt like his heart was breaking, breaking preemptively, for the goodbye they hadn't said yet. "Haru…come with me - come with me, please?" His voice broke.

Haru raised his head, staring at him with wide, blank eyes.

"I...I don't have a lot of money, and I won't be able to give you all the things that I want to, but I promise I will always keep you safe and I'll always treat you the way you deserve. If I couldn't see you every day, I-I can't imagine it-" Makoto hesitated, growing worried because Haru could still only gape at him. "I just...I feel like you're the person I'm supposed to be with."

That seemed to finally bring Haru back from wherever his thoughts had carried him. "I feel like that too," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, "I…I don't know…"

Makoto wrapped his arms around him, "I'm sorry I-I shouldn't have said that all at once. I know it's a lot for me to ask of you, and I wouldn't be angry if you didn't want to, but think about it, please?" He brought a hand to Haru's head, gently stroking his hair, "But whatever you decide, I want you to know that wherever you are, wherever you go, even if it's far away, I'll always be on your side and I'll always be rooting for you."

Haru raised his head. He placed a hand on either side of Makoto's face and pulled him back down, crashing their lips together once more.

Makoto was startled at first, but then firmly gripped his waist, kissing him hard. One of Haru's hands tangled in Makoto's hair and the other groped at his chest, and he could feel Makoto's fingers pressed against the base of his spine, holding Haru tightly against him. Their swimsuits clung to their wet skin, and Haru could feel Makoto's body moving beneath the fabric, moving against his own, and Haru's hand was falling lower, sliding down Makoto chest and coming to rest in the slot above his hip bone. His thumb and forefinger fit against the groove perfectly, as if there was some sort of weathering on the bone where Haru had held him there before. He could feel Makoto's tongue dancing just behind his lips, and the water no longer felt cold but piping hot, and Haru was set ablaze by the sheer joy of knowing he would never need anyone more than he needed Makoto in this moment.

Soon, far too soon, a steady set of footsteps began to build out in the hallway.

Haru and Makoto sprang apart and did their very best to act natural, looking in opposite directions as William Stockwell swung the door open. Standing in the doorway, he stared down at them sternly. He looked as if he'd just been forced to swallow a very hard truth.

"You father is looking for you," he spoke only to Haru, "he's very angry, he has everyone out searching."

Haru met his gaze and answered evenly, "Right now I am swimming with my friend."

William gave him a weary smile, "While I admire your attitude, I really think you should go."

They stared at one another, and a brief moment of understanding passed only between the two of them, because, unlike Makoto, they had both seen Katsu Nanase at his worst.

Haru hesitated for a moment, weighing his options - though of course there weren't any - and then nodded. He turned to Makoto, "I'm sorry about this."

"N-no it's fine, I don't want to get you in trouble." But no matter how many times he said it, he already had.

Haru led the way out of the pool and insisted that Makoto take his towel, since he had effectively sunk Makoto's original one, but William called for Wally and another towel was brought immediately. Both feeling rather dejected, they entered their separate dressing rooms and quickly changed back into their clothes.

William was still waiting once they had finished, "I really am sorry to be the bearer of bad news. It's not the role I'm used to playing, and I can't say I'm terribly good at it, but he has everyone out looking and I think it'd be best if you got back to him as soon as possible."

Haru tried to appear unaffected, "Where is he?"

"I believe he told anyone who found you to send you to his room."

Haru nodded stiffly and then led the way out of the swimming pool and back down the hallway that would put them back in ship's main corridor. They were already in the first class areas, so his room wasn't far.

Haru turned to Makoto, "Again, I...I'm really sorry. Thank you for coming with me, I had a lot of fun."

"N-No it's fine! I'll see you later maybe?"

"Sure," Haru did his best to hold it together, if only for Makoto's sake, "that sounds nice." He turned to William, "Thank you, Mr. Stockwell, I-I apologize for all the trouble."

William placed a steady hand on his shoulder, "It's nothing."

Haru nodded to them both once before he began to walk away. Heading back up the corridor, he turned a corner and vanished from sight.

Makoto watched him go, feeling sick.

"You should probably get back to the lower decks," William turned to Makoto, and for the first time since Makoto had known him, he looked genuinely upset, "I know it'll be hard, but try not to worry, he has friends who will look after him."

Makoto eyes widened and he looked at William like he'd just descended from heaven, "Thank you, really, thank you so much - I know I can't be there all the times when I would like to, so I really appreciate it."

William frowned, "Well-well no I didn't mean me...I, on the contrary, am Katsu's friend," he face grew grim, "which is why I need to have a very serious talk with him regarding his parenting."

"Do you think that will help?" Makoto's hopes felt a bit dashed.

Mr. Stockwell stretched lazily, "Five years ago? I would have said yes. Now? Well I have no idea." He sighed heavily and eyed Makoto, "You know I still don't really understand it."

"Understand what?"

Mr. Stockwell suddenly pointed a finger at him. His expression was playful, but there was some indignation in his voice, "My daughter is definitely prettier than you." They stared at each for a long moment. Makoto felt entirely bewildered and Mr. Stockwell looked uncharacteristically serious, and then he laughed, dropping the accusing finger with a shrug, "Well, I should know better than anyone that there's no logic in these matters." He began to walk away, waving at him without looking back, "Have a good day, son!"

.

As Haru proceed to his father's room, dragging his feet, he tried to imagine what lay in store for him; his father wasn't exceptionally fond of corporal punishment, but Haru also knew he wasn't beyond striking someone if thoroughly angered. He could order Haru not to see Makoto anymore, but then again, that would be a rather difficult punishment to enforce, unless Katsu had the persistence of will to follow him everywhere for the remainder of their time aboard the ship. His father had already made it clear he wasn't fond of spending time with his son, so this was unlikely. Katsu could also decide that simple patience was the best course of action; a few more days till they arrived in New York, and then once away from Makoto, Haru would surely return to his morose, passive, and obedience self.

Haru thought again of what Makoto had asked him. It was true that they hadn't known each other for very long, but that was not the thing that prevented him from fully committing to Makoto's request. He firmly believed that he was meant to be by Makoto's side, but still, he found himself held by an insurgence of cowardice, or, more accurately, a failing of strength. No matter how courageous Makoto may think him, Haru didn't know if he was brave enough.

Turning down the final hallway, he stopped in his tracks. The door to his own room hung ajar.

.

Makoto walked back to his room, feeling cold and lonely and just generally defeated.

Entering the third-class barracks, he turned the corner to find Rin, hands on his hips, waiting resolutely in front of his and Nagisa's room.

Before Makoto could move a muscle, before he could say a word, Rin had rounded on him. "Where were you?" he demanded.

Makoto gulped. He was still soaking wet and had already dripped an ample amount of water in the hallway, so he saw no point in trying to lie, "I-we...we were swimming." He looked down at the floor. He heard several small pops as Rin curled his fists in anger, heard him angrily blow air out of his nose, heard him take several heavy steps towards him. "I-I know you don't trust me," Makoto lifted his head, and his eyebrows had knit together in sorrow, "and I don't blame you at all. I know you're worried that I'm taking advantage of him, and I know there's nothing I can do to try and convince you otherwise." Even as he said it, the new swimsuit Haru had bought him was folded under his arm, seeping water into his shirt, "I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused him, and you, and everyone else," Makoto never broke eye contact, "I'm just glad he has a good friend like you who will always look after him."

Rin clenched his jaw, "That's right. I will." He was angry, but he was not ignorant in the face of real honesty. He hadn't expected the truth in Makoto's words, nor the pained look on his face, and all of his anger swelled, vast and monstrous, and then dissipated. "Look, I...well I wish I could say I didn't come here to yell at you." He rubbed his neck awkwardly, "For me, for his father, for everyone, this entire thing is just….really unexpected. I've known him for years and he's always been...well he's always had some fanciful ideas, but no one really saw this coming, and I don't think either of you really understand how impossible it is." His mouth set in a thin line, "Or how dangerous. I believe your intentions are good, but in this situation it just doesn't matter."

Makoto looked at the ground again, "I...I don't want to get him in trouble."

Rin's anger flared once more, "Well you are, it's – oh, oh no wait-" panic seized his body, because of all the things he had expected, he had not expected Makoto to start crying.

Heavy drops slid down his cheeks, peaked at his chin and then fell to the floor, joining the already sizeable puddle. Makoto's voice broke, "I-I didn't mean to-"

A powerful roar, a mighty battle cry, rose behind the door to Makoto's room. It was muffled at first, but then burst as Nagisa surged into the hallway. Before Makoto or Rin could achieve any sense of clarity, he had crossed the hallway and, ejecting a powerful grunt, sunk his fist into Rin's cheek.

Rin stumbled backwards, squinting and clutching his face, still not entirely sure what was happening. Nagisa drew back his fist, preparing to strike a second time, but Rei suddenly emerged out of the room as well and was quick to seize him. They struggled for a few moments, but Rei eventually had him restrained, holding both of Nagisa's hands behind his back.

Nagisa felt betrayed, "Rei-chan let go of me! Rei-chan! Aren't you on my side? Rei-chan!"

Rin finally seemed to comprehend the situation and stomped towards them, still clutching his cheek, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!"

Nagisa threw his head back and spat at Rin's feet, "YOU MADE MAKO-CHAN CRY!" The words seemed to give him new strength and he broke free from Rei's grasp.

His honor forgotten, Rin backed away immediately, raising his fists in a weak defense. Although it injured his pride to admit it, he knew that Nagisa had probably been in more fights than him.

"Nagisa, stop it-" Makoto tried to step in, but Nagisa either didn't hear him or didn't intend to listen, "Nagisa, I said stop! He-he's like you."

That held them both. Rin and Nagisa turned on Makoto with mutual indignation, "WHAT?"

"Remember when you first met Haru? How cold and suspicious you were? That's just how he feels," he nodded to Rin, "but he has more to be worried about because Haru has money, so...so the concern is more valid. Haru also has more things that he needs to worry about, so it's harder. He was just explaining all that to me...he didn't do anything." Makoto bowed his head and started to cry again, "Nagisa I-I think you should apologize."

Nagisa pressed his lips together and turned to Rin, "I'm sorry you weren't quick enough to block me."

Rin's face flushed and he clenched his jaw, but found he couldn't fully muster the anger to retaliate. Feeling powerless, he watched Nagisa walk over to Makoto and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Well Mako-chan, still that-that's nothing to cry about, so it's hard, that...that's okay? It's okay if it's hard…" Nagisa could see Rei watching him from over Makoto's shoulder. "That's no reason not to try…"

"There's too much isn't there? Too much in the way, too many problems…" Makoto looked up at him, and his eyes were filled with hope and despair and heartbreak, "It's not going to work out is it?"

Nagisa pulled Makoto into a hug and could feel him shaking. Turning his head to the side, he finally met Rei's eyes. Nagisa felt close to tears as well, and he answered in a whisper, "No, probably not."

Makoto let out small whimper, and his muffled crying turned into a heavy sob. Nagisa turned back to Rei and Rin, "Can you two leave us alone for a bit please? Rei-chan can come by later," he glared at Rin, "but you're never allowed back."

Rin felt like he'd been offended enough today and decided to let the comment go. He walked up to Makoto and put a hand on his shoulder while Nagisa glared daggers at him.

"I promise I'll make sure he's okay." Rin hesitated, "You-you've helped me realize that I've done a pretty bad job of that lately, so I'm grateful to you, but I will take it from here." With that somber promise, Rin left. There was nothing he could do here, but he knew that Katsu was furious and Haru would probably need him.

.

Haru's heart pounded against his rib cage as he slowly pushed the door open, imagining a burglar or murderer or some other daring criminal, but every theory proved incorrect; what lay on the other side of the door was a well-dressed monster. Legs crossed and arms folded, Katsu Nanase sat in an armchair by the window.

Haru stopped just inside the door.

"Where were you?" Katsu's voice was flat, and he seemed oddly calm.

"I was swimming."

"Alone?"

Haru hesitated for only a fraction of a second, "No."

Katsu stood up. He walked to where Haru stood, standing right in front of him.

"Do you think we have always had money?"

Haru blinked, "I-I'm sorry?"

Katsu clenched his jaw, "When I was your age I faced poverty, and hunger, and struggles that you have never dealt with. I would gladly entrust everything I have built to someone else if it were possible, but as it stands, you are the only child I have. You do not have to be happy about it, I am not happy about it, but I will not allow you, or him, or anyone else to ruin everything that I have worked for." His eyes flashed, "Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, father."

"Your mother worked for this too, I'd think you would at least try and behave respectably for her sake." Haru felt his heart constrict. "I expect you to be on time for dinner."

"Yes, father."

"Very good." He started to leave, "Oh, and Haru," he turned back, nodding in the direction of the bed, "your shading is a bit heavy, embarrassing even." He left, closing the door behind himself.

Haru crossed to the bed. Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he reached for his sketchbook with shaking hands. The one drawing he had of Makoto, the one he had stared at so longingly just that morning, had been torn out - torn out and torn to pieces.

---

A/N:

Hello. I'm sorry this update took so long, I love being dead and dying. I be poppin' big bottles because this the ch that breaks 100k *throws confetti* i realized a few days ago that that also means I made yall wait 100K for one single kiss and that made me kinda nervous about it so i hope the kiss lived up to all of your expectations!

Additionally, yall can pry SeiKisu from my cOLD DEAD HANDS.

Literally a special thanks to all of you for being so patient with me, we're getting to the main meat of the fic now and I'm really excited for you guys to read what's coming!

Next Chapter: the origin of he infamous drawing Andy and Hal discovered :D

Historical Things:
-To all my knowledge no chef actually became violently ill eh heh
-A note on 1910s swimwear: It's pretty much all terrible looking... kind what i had in mind for Makoto and Haru's swimsuits.