Fourteen

When your day is long

And the night, the night is yours alone

When you're sure you've had enough

Of this life, well hang on

As Roman rode his car just to clear his mind, with the radio blasting away, his heated conversation with Seth crept into his mind again.

"I'm only looking out for you the way I should," Seth had said. "I've lost my brother; I've lost Xavier. I can't lose you too."

"But to go off on him in such a way? Seth, you're making it hard for me. I don't want to be forced to choose between my best friend and my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend? You're together now? Roman, what do you really know about this guy? You're playing Russian Roulette with your life being with him."

"No, I'm not. He's been nothing but patient and treated me with lots of love and understanding. Why can't you two just get along?" He ran a hand through his hair. "Seth, I'm tired. I feel like I've been on an uphill battle trying to keep peace with the two of you, trying to keep peace within myself. I'm going to have to ask you to take a month's paid break. Just relax and spend time with Sasha."

"Roman-"

"I'm sorry, Seth. I really am. But I think we both need this."

"After all I've done for you…"

Roman swerved his car by the side of a road in front of long stretch of shops. He rubbed his temples, emotionally exhausted. Ever since Xavier's passing, he couldn't remember when he had a proper rest.

People were constantly on his back, checking on him. He hadn't had a moment's peace to himself. At night, his mind would be preoccupied, missing Xavier so much to the point he would only sleep at about five or six in the morning.

When Rusev and Seth had come in and slowly helped him with his day to day living, he still hadn't recovered fully, merely enough to enjoy life with a numb sense, almost as if he were on autopilot.

Dean had given him a new jolt to life.

He made Roman want to get out there and explore. His boyfriend had been through so much yet he seemed determined to change his life for the better instead of letting his past determine him. And yet even though he was content being in Dean's arms, he felt restless. He was always either full of energy or had none at all.

Spent, he got out of his car and went to a clinic nearby.

Roman gave them his ID and he was asked if he had any allergies. After determining he had no fever, he was told to wait for his turn.

Absentmindedly flipping a magazine on men's health, Seth's last words taunted him.

"After all that I've done for you… you picked a man you've only known for a short while over me? What kind of a friend are you? Xavier would be disappointed in you for throwing your friends aside like this. If it wasn't for Rusev or me, you'd be…"

He didn't have to say more; Roman knew what he meant.

"Roman Reigns?"

He looked up from the magazine where a nurse was standing. "It's your turn."

Roman nodded and thanked her before entering the doctor's office.

The doctor was a small pot bellied bespectacled man called Dr Rothman. "Aaah Mr Reigns," he greeted as he looked at the small card in his hand. "What's wrong with you?"

"I've not been sleeping well for quite some time," he said. "And I've been having trouble in making decisions."

"Hmm… have you been going through a hard time lately?"

"Well, I've lost my boyfriend three years ago. And lately I've been reminded of him a lot more."

"Did you see a counsellor when he passed on?"

That was just the thing; he hadn't. He had been pushed to go on holidays and work out. Then, later setting up the gym. "No."

"Sounds like depression to me. I'll prescribe you some antidepressants and sleeping pills. Maybe I'll write you a note to see a counsellor?"

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

Dean shut down the computer and looked at his watch.

Where was Roman? He said he'd be back in two hours. It was almost three and a half hours. He took out his phone and and pressed his name. His boyfriend's phone rang but there was no response.

He seemed okay when he left though Dean could see some hurt in his eyes. Who knew what went on between Seth and him before the two toned haired man had left?

"Damn it, Roman," he pleaded. "Please pick up."

The ring went straight to the mailbox. Dean sighed and hung up. "I can't sit here. I have to go out and find him!"

He stood up and put on his leather jacket.

The door opened and in walked Roman. "Hey."

"You didn't answer your phone," Dean went off. "I was worried, Roman. I mean, you said you'd be gone for two hours but instead it's close to four-"

"I'm sorry," his boyfriend apologised. "I guess I just lost track of time."

"Where were you?"

"I went out for a drive. That's all."

Dean didn't buy it. When they were not officially together, it was fine to let answers like that slip. But now… "Are you sure it was just a drive?"

"Yes," Roman answered testily. "Now can we head back home?"

This was so unlike Roman. Dean merely nodded as he reached for his hand. "Want to have dinner and then a stroll at the park?"

"I'm okay with take out and then sleeping. I mean umm literal sleeping."

"Sure."

That was fine. After all, there was still the picnic tomorrow. And they already made love in his other office earlier.

"I'm sorry for the position you were in regarding Seth and me," Dean added. "I appreciate you standing up for me."

Roman said nothing.

Fuck. So he was upset about that.

"It was the right thing to do," Roman mumbled.

They had Thai for take out. Roman had the Pad Thai while Dean chose the Pineapple Fried Rice. He even got Dean sweet rice with mango for dessert.

While Dean showered after dinner - which was a quiet affair - Roman went to take the pills and hid the plastic bag in the first guest room. The comfort of the bed welcomed him as he sank in and turned to his right, closing his eyes.

"What kind of a friend are you? Xavier would be disappointed in you for throwing your friends aside like this. If it wasn't for Rusev or me, you'd be…"

He wasn't sure what kind of a person he was right now let alone a friend or a boyfriend.

"Babe? You're asleep?"

Roman could detect the surprise tone in Dean's voice. He then felt Dean's cool lips on his cheek and his fingers running through his hair. "I love you."

I love you too.

"I can't wait for you and me to go on that picnic tomorrow. You'll love it. I'm making grilled cheese sandwiches and bringing some fruits and dessert. Well, my dessert at least. You don't seem to like sweet things as much as me so I guess apples and bananas are okay."

Silence.

"You're beautiful. Did I ever tell you that? You're beautiful inside and outside. But I can sense that even though you're smiling, you're a million miles away. Your smile can fool most people but I can see sadness in it too. I wish you'd talk to me. I want nothing more than to help you the way you're helping me."

Dean's iPhone rang then. "Hello?" he heard his boyfriend answer. "Hey. No, I'm not busy. Roman's sleeping so I'm bored."

He felt Dean waking up.

"Yeah? I like that movie too-"

The door closed and Roman tried to open his eyes but they were so heavy so he slowly drifted off to sleep.

He was back at the beach where he had seen Xavier previously and this time, his late boyfriend was looking at him with worry. "Roman."

"Xavier."

Xavier walked up to him, his eyes not leaving Roman's grey ones for a moment. "Hold on, Roman. Don't give up."

"But it's so hard. I'm tired, Xavier. Between Seth acting like a brat and worrying about Dean going back to his old ways and I've barely gotten any rest at all because my mind is on twenty four seven…"

"Listen to me," his late boyfriend instructed. "You can do this. You have people who love you, Roman. Think about Dean. Think about how devastated he'll be. He loves you, Roman. Do it for him."

"I'm so tired."

"Hold on, Roman… hold on…"

He felt soft kisses on his neck and shoulder, slowly stirring him awake.

Dean.

"Gosh, you're beautiful," his boyfriend whispered softly. "So beautiful."

No. He wasn't. Beautiful people didn't have friends questioning their actions or behavior.

Dean was nervous as Roman drove his car to the address he had given him. In the back seat, there was a basket packed with cookies, fruits, ice cream and sandwiches.

His boyfriend also threw in some cheddar cheese popcorn.

"Can I turn on the radio?" Dean asked. Roman was quiet this morning too.

"Sure."

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

"This is depressing." Dean put his hand on the button, intending to change the station.

"No. I like this," Roman said. There was a sadness to his tone.

"Roman, what's wrong? You've been so quiet."

"I'm fine."

"That's a lie and you know it." Dean scratched his bearded chin. "I just need to know if it's because of me."

"It's not. I just have a lot on my mind."

"If you shared your worries, you won't feel so troubled."

"I'm fine, Dean."

Dean gave up. They reached their destination five minutes later.

Upon view of the house, the auburn haired man's breath was caught in his throat. It was beautiful.

The mansion was white but run down which only added to Dean's excitement of Roman possibly buying and restoring it which was another goal to strike off.

The raven haired man was staring at the house.

"I… Uhhh… saw your goals list," Dean confessed. "And I wanted to help you accomplish it. I hadn't counted on it being run down. I merely heard that it was haunted."

He braced himself for Roman to get mad at him for being nosy and reading something that was private. To his relief, he was rewarded with a warm smile instead. "Thank you, baby boy," he replied, planting a kiss on Dean's left cheek. "This means a lot to me."

"Shall we go in?"

"Yeah."

The mansion had five bedrooms, four full bathrooms with a huge backyard where there was a swimming pool and barbecue hut. It was stripped bare with no furnishing but there was lots of potential for a major renovation.

"Wow. When I have lots of cash to spare, I'd buy a house like this," Dean commented absentmindedly as Roman spread a plaid sheet on the floor.

"Yeah?"

"It's got a cosy feel to it."

Roman removed two Thermos flasks from the basket. "Here. S'mores hot chocolate for you and lavender tea for me."

"Okay." Dean rubbed his hands. "So I made Spicy Nacho Grilled Cheese, Pesto Grilled Cheese, Chicken Ham with Apple Butter Grilled Cheese and Grilled Cheese Sandwich with Raspberry Preserves."

"You went all out."

"We deserve this."

"Sure you want to major in English and not Cooking?" Roman teased.

Dean laughed. "I'm sure."

They ate their sandwiches with the radio playing in the background. Dean related to Roman how he learnt to cook due to his parents' lack of interest in their kids' lives.

"At least one of us can cook," his boyfriend said good naturedly.

"Xavier did the cooking?"

"Yeah, he did. He used to make the best mac and cheese and fried steak with cornmeal gravy."

"I'll try to make some for you."

"No, it's okay. You do you."

Dean smiled when Roman opened his second wrapped grilled cheese sandwich. That meant a lot to him. "Well, me is fettuccine alfredo. I use creamy parmesan sauce."

"My mouth is watering just thinking about it."

"I know how else to get your mouth water."

"More grilled cheese sandwiches?"

"I want to make love to you."

"You want to top?"

"Yeah I do."

Roman put his sandwich aside. "Okay. We can do it here."

Dean looked around the room. It was dusty and the floors were chipped. "Are you sure?"

"Hey. It's this or the dumpster."

"No way will I ever do it with you in a dumpster."

He gently laid Roman down then before climbing on top of him. "I love you, Roman," he declared softly.

"I love you too, Dean."

Roman felt peaceful in the aftermath of their lovemaking. Dean was a gentle lover who was never short of surprises, finding new spots on the Samoan man's body that left him begging for more.

After cleaning themselves up and their picnic, Roman drove them home. "Dean?" he asked. "I hope you don't mind but I'd like to postpone our trip to the next week."

"Sounds good," came Dean's breezy reply.

Okay. One thing down. He didn't wish to add that he was too depressed to think of anything moving forward. Seth's disappointment in him still tore at his heart.

They had been friends for so long and been through the good, the bad and the ugly. Roman always tried to do his absolute best for everyone. He didn't mind sacrificing and going out of his way.

This hurt so much. His friend had refused to return any calls or text messages.

Beside him, Dean was chuckling at something on his iPhone.

"Your friend?" Roman enquired.

"Yeah. His name is James, by the way. James Ellsworth. He's an accountant."

"I'm glad you found a good friend."

"Me too. Hey, babe. Can you drop me off at Jack in the Box? James is there now and if it's okay, I'd like to hang out with him. I'll be back in time for dinner."

"No problem."

Roman's mind was restless again. He was starting to wonder if he was doing the right thing with everyone. Clearly Seth didn't count. Rusev hardly said anything. That could be either good or bad. Dean… Dean seemed happy. The only disagreement they had was over Seth and now that Seth was gone…

His thoughts were interrupted when Dean leaned over to kiss him; they were at Jack in the Box. "Thanks, babe. I'll be back soon. I promise."

"It's alright. Take your time."

He drove off then, intending to get some more groceries at Carlisle Giant Mart.

Since it was a Sunday, the place was crowded. Roman threw in a box of lavender tea, some oatmeal praline cookies, more ice cream for Dean and frozen yogurt for him. He was at the fruits section, contemplating between buying grapes or strawberries when he spotted Seth taking a carton of orange juice from the chiller.

"Seth?" he said.

His friend stiffened at the sound of his voice before turning away from him.

Roman's heart sank. So Seth was angry with him. "Seth, please. We've been friends for so long. Surely there's a way to resolve this-"

"Don't," his friend finally said. "We're anything but that. Right now, I don't know what we are."

"Seth… don't be like that."

His friend shook his head and continued with his shopping..

For a moment, he felt numb before the pain slowly seeped through. Roman put his basket down and walked out of the building to his car and started to drive home.

He felt empty and guilty. Maybe he should have tried another approach with Seth instead of asking him to take a month off. But now it was too late. He had lost a friend.

As if he was being mocked, that Fray song was on the radio.

Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend

Somewhere along in the bitterness

He drowned out the rest of the song.

Alone at home, in the master bathroom, he reached for his pills that he had retrieved from the guest room and slowly started to take them. He stared at the doctor's prescription instructions and reached for a few more and then some.

Dean had so much fun with James. The blond said the most unusual things that sometimes made him pause but damn if he didn't make the auburn haired man laughed. He paid the taxi driver his change, wanting to relate to Roman one of the funny jokes the accountant had shared.

When he entered the house, he noticed the lights were off. His heart pounded. This cannot be good. "Roman?" he called out, switching on the living room lights. "Babe, I'm back."

He ran up the stairs and headed for the bedroom. No one was there so he checked the bathroom and that was when his heart dropped to his feet. "Roman!"

His boyfriend was on the floor with pills scattered around him.

Dean tapped on his face. "Roman! No, Roman! Wake up!" he cried. "Wake up, Roman! Please!"

There was no response.

Frantic, Dean immediately took out his phone and started dialing 911.

A/N … Thank you for your kind words, favorites and follows. There'll be hell to pay for Seth from Dean, rest assured.