Chapter Fourteen

Kisses to you all for you great reviews!! I'll admit I was a bit nervous about bringing Rose back, but I'm so glad everyone liked it!

The next chapter should be up SOON.

So R/R...cuz ya'll are SO good at it! ;)

Taylor-

I spent the rest of the day in my hotel room trying to make sense of my encounter with Rose, but in the end all I had was a bigger headache than when I had started. It didn't make sense and then again it did. Cal seemed as good as reason as any to fake ones own death. I knew how he could be, I had more scars in my memories than I cared to think about where his temper had taken the starring role. He had always expected things to go his way and they usually did. He had too much power and he didn't deserve any of it.

I thought about the last time I had seen him and Rose together before her "death" as I left the hotel. It had been in Paris last February, almost a year ago. We just so happened to be there at the same time and run into one another. I was invited to dinner through gritted teeth by my brother and took the invitation only because I knew it would aggravate him.

Dinner was delicious, the champagne was even better, but the conversation was anything but. Cal and Rose both seemed annoyed with the other and I knew it took a lot for Cal to hold back his anger as she took daring snaps at him that even made me proud. I left not long after we finished dinner, Rose's mother was walking me to the door as my brother scolded her daughter in the next room as if she were a child. It was sick and I was glad to get away from it.

Until then I hadn't thought much about that moment. Now it and a thousand other things having to do with Rose were all that was on my mind. Sarah had been temporarily been wiped clean from my mind, but I knew she would be back.

I reached the shop at exactly seven and it took another few minutes for Rose to come out, wrapped tightly in a frayed coat, to greet me. She led me down the street to a small restaurant and we went inside taking off our coats and finding a table. Both of us ordered coffee and sat in silence until it arrived. When the cups had finally been sat down in front of us, Rose reached over to grab the jar of sugar on the table and pour some into her cup. I watched as she stirred it around, her spoon scraping the bottom of the cup every so often.

"You're not angry with me, are you?" I asked, breaking the silence.

She was in mid sip of her coffee, but shook her head, setting it down. "No. I suppose something like this was bound to happen."

"At least it was me and not…someone else."

She nodded, knowing exactly who I meant and then was silent again for a long moment before saying, "I should apologize for the way I acted earlier. I was scared."

I nodded, "That's understandable."

"It's been nine months since I've seen anyone and then suddenly out of the clear blue you show up. You were honestly one of the last people I expected to see."

"Have you been in New York this whole time?"

"Yes," she said with a nod, "I'm trying to get money together. I want to go out west, to California."

I had to smile. "Any particular reason?"

"Yes, actually there is."

"Care to enlighten me."

She shook her head, but I saw the hint of amusement on her face. "No, you wouldn't understand."

I nodded, not wanting to press her for more details when I knew she could get up and run out of the restaurant at any moment. We fell silent once more, neither one of us knowing quite what to say. Finally she glanced over at me and I saw her hesitate for a moment before she said what was so obviously on her mind.

"I hope I can depend you to keep your word and not tell your brother that I'm... well, that I didn't die that night."

Her words, for some reason, surprised me. I thought I had assured her of my discretion, but I wasn't above reminding her. "Rose, I'm a man of my word and I swear on my life that Cal will never know."

I saw her visibly relax then. "I can never go back, Taylor. That's not my life anymore. Cal and I were not meant to be and that was never clearer to me than right now."

"If anyone can understand that, I can." I replied with sincerity.

"You know I saw him on the Carpathia," she said matter of fact. "The day after we were rescued. He came looking for me, but he didn't see me. I hid myself from him."

"That was the best thing you could have done. He didn't deserve for you to come back to him."

She smiled at me. "I forgot how easily you speak your mind. It was always the thing I most admired about you. You never let Cal get the upper hand."

I nodded with a small smile of my own, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't get any enjoyment out of bursting his bubble every now and then."

She suppressed her laughter at my comment. "I suppose I should ask about him, how he's doing. Has he met anyone else or married yet?"

"Not yet, but he will be soon enough. Sabrina Coolidge, did you know her?"

"Sabrina? You can't be serious," she said with almost a smirk. "I find it hard to believe Cal would even look her way."

I chuckled. "Well he didn't, my father did. After the...well, we'll just say he wasn't on his best behavior and brought it upon himself. My brother has many sins to atone for, I'm afraid."

"It seems almost fitting in an odd and yet satisfying way," she nodded. "How strange the turn our lives have taken since that night. So many unexpected events, so many losses."

"We needed a good dose of reality, if you ask me. That's not to say I don't feel for those who were lost, but the situation opened a few eyes and forced plenty of people to take a good look at the world around them."

"You couldn't be more right," she agreed. "But there is one thing I have learned in all of this. I have seen the world with new eyes and I like what I see. There is so much to see and do, so many places yet to be discovered and I want to be a part of it, not merely a bystander."

"My thoughts exactly." I said, "Life is what you make it and one day when I'm an old man I want to be able to look back on my life and be satisfied. Otherwise, I'd feel like a failure."

"Exactly," she affirmed. "I am thankful everyday that I survived when I most certainly should have perished like so many. I was fortunate, Taylor, very fortunate."

I watched her and after a moment though, I couldn't help myself and let the question slip away from me.

"How did you do it?" I asked, wanting answers and wanting them now.

She didn't seem at all shocked by my question. "I told you, I managed."

"There's more to it than that." I pressed.

She turned away from me, staring down into her coffee cup. "It was horrible. Hard as I try to rid myself of it, the chill from that night is still with me." She rubbed her arms at the thought as I looked on with a pitied stare. "I don't regret not getting on the lifeboat, leaving Cal, none of it. I did what I knew was right. My life hasn't been the easiest since that night, but everything that I've done and accomplished I did alone, and everyday I feel myself growing stronger because of it." She looked up, catching my eyes on her.

"I can't imagine what you must have gone through," I said softly.

Her eyes clouded over as the memories of that night filled her mind. "I wasn't alone," she said quietly.

"Oh?" I questioned, not sure what she meant by her reply. I could tell she was reliving the moments in her mind as she sat across from me. "Rose?" I called her name to get her attention.

She looked over at me with pain filled eyes. "I can't talk about that, but... I found myself floating on a piece of wood. I'm not sure how much longer I would have survived if the boat had not come back to look for survivors. It still amazes me even now that only one boat out of twenty came back… only one."

"It was lucky for you that whoever it was that came back had the courage to do what no one else would do."

"I don't think I'll forget him, the officer that saved me. He was very kind and compassionate to me. Even after we were on the Carpathia he still saw to my needs."

"He must be an extraordinary man," I offered.

"I'm sure he was trained to do what he did, but it doesn't make my gratefulness to him any less sincere."

"Of course not," I shook my head.

"Anyway," she said taking a breath, "That's my story. You don't have any idea how many times I've wondered what could have been if Mr. Lowe had not come back to look for survivors."

"Who?" I heard myself say. I felt my pulse quicken slightly. "Who did you say?"

Rose looked at me strangely. "Mr. Lowe, or I suppose I should say Officer Lowe."

"Rose," I started. "I want you to think very carefully. This Mr. Lowe... was his name Harold? Harold Lowe?"

"Yes," she nodded. "Why?"

I sat back in my seat and released the deep breath that I had been holding.

"Taylor, what is it? What's wrong?" Rose asked, concern lining her voice.

I managed to smile and shook my head. "Nothing. I am just trying to absorb what you've told me."

"It's a lot, I know," she replied. "Once we docked here in New York, I left and never looked back."

My mind was reeling from the information Rose had inadvertently given me. So, Harry had been Rose's savior, Harry had been the one to pluck her from the icy Atlantic and more importantly, it was Harry who had neglected to tell his wife that her cousin was indeed alive.

Which brought me to another thought... What would Sarah say if she knew? What would her reaction be if she knew that her husband had known for over nine months that Rose didn't die on the Titanic. I tried to keep my appearance neutral, but I wasn't sure of how successful I actually was. If Rose noticed, she didn't acknowledge it. She had gone on to talk about what had happened to her in the past nine months, but as hard as I tried to pay attention I couldn't get my mind off of Harry and what I had just learned.

The rest of the evening was a blur to me. Rose and I parted ways outside of the restaurant an hour later, saying good-bye, but neither one of us promising to keep in touch. We knew it would be impossible and after hearing her tale, I didn't want to put her at any more risk than I already had.

I walked back to the hotel my mind full of anxiety and questions that I would rather do without.

How could he keep that from her?

She loved him. She'd married him, given him a child and still he kept it from her. The pain she had been in after losing Rose was still quite fresh. She had mentioned her very little when I had been in Liverpool, but the subject never failed to bring tears to her eyes. She had talked about how unhappy she had been and other things here and there, but the one thing that stuck out was what she had told me only days before I had left about Harry telling her that Rose had died. He had seen her, she said and that's all I needed to curse the bastard for the rest of my life.

He had seen her alright, he just forget to mention that she had been alive. I shook my head in disgust.

I had to tell her, I couldn't go on living knowing what I did and not say anything. Almost immediately though the memory of our last moment together came back to me and I realized that I risked my image to her if I did tell her. She could brush me off, saying that I was just using some sad attempt to bring her into my arms and never want to see me again. Then again I could tell her and she would hate me. Maybe she was happier not knowing the truth.

No, I told myself, I had to do the right thing, even if that meant losing what little relationship I had left with her, I couldn't let her go on living a lie, I just couldn't.