The corrective rape of asexuals/aromantics is a real-world problem. That is why I mention it within this chapter. Also, there are more direct rape mentions. Stay aware.

Levi jiggled the doorknob, brow furrowing with confusion when he realized through his daze that it was locked. Helplessly he tried to twist it again and again as his eyes darted around, seeking out those precious keys as a keen built in his throat.

Why was the door locked? Why was it locked when it could be open to let an Alpha come in? Not a stranger, not a bad Alpha. An Alpha he couldn't put a name to in his daze, but he knew the smell, knew it like he knew the contents of his store. Just like he knew they'd protect him, take care of him and the fire raging inside him, insatiable no matter what he did. If the door was open he could go out, could go find that Alpha and feel something besides emptiness. He could feel complete finally, have something that would make everything fall into place.

A gentle hand settled on his shoulder and Isabel's smell invaded his nose. Her eyebrows were drawn together when he turned around, eyes swimming with something. "Levi, when did you get out of bed?"

He shrugged, still mindlessly turning the knob as he stared at her, unpleasant heat curling in his belly. He didn't know, didn't remember. Just needed to get outside to find the source of that smell, to find some source of relief. "Izzy… why's the door locked?"

"You asked me to lock it, Levi."

"Why?" The words were mumbled, muffled as she pulled him into her body and his hand finally fell away from the doorknob, heart twisting a little when it did. But her scent was soothing, erased the ache after a minute as he burrowed further into her neck. "That's stupid… Then he can't come help me."

Isabel cocked her head to the side, green eyes narrowing as she searched his face. He couldn't quite read them but there was something in them. Knowledge? Confusion? Pity? He didn't know, didn't care. "He who?"

"... I don't know."

And that was the worst part. He didn't know, didn't remember who that scent belonged to, his mind too muddled with fever and heat to form coherent thoughts. That he had no source of respite, no Alpha to make it all better, to soothe him and bring bliss for a little while during the relentless heat. The keen was higher-pitched this time, bursting out uncontrollably as he clutched at Isabel's shirt, shoulders hitching. It hurt, God, it hurt. Agony ripping through him with every passing minute he didn't have those hands tangling in his hair and working him to completion. He was empty, soul-crushingly so.

Levi trembled, tears dripping down his cheeks as Isabel held him tighter, her fingers working gentle paths down his back as he shuddered and sobbed. Some clear part of his mind screamed at him, told him to suck it up, to stop crying, but he couldn't. Heat was supposed to mean relief, bonding, being complete. And he was anything but. "Levi, Levi… don't worry. As soon as you feel better you'll be able to find him, okay? I promise. You'll find him and soon your heats will be okay. They will be."

His lip curled back, a sudden wave of hostility crashing in and clearing his mind for a second before his gut twisted, a new surge of heat flooding him. Any words he might have had were replaced with another keen, soft and desperate as the tears dried from his eyes, gone as abruptly as they'd come.

"Hey, it's alright. C'mon, here, the couch is right here. Why don't you lie down and I'll get you a blanket, some medicine, and soup? It's your favorite. Farlan made it last night."

Levi let her gently prod and push him toward the couch, his steps unsteady. The heat was more brutal than usual, nearly insatiable and he was weak, limbs barely cooperative from all the calories he hadn't replaced and the ways he'd been moving for the last twenty-four hours. But he still didn't have the thing he craved the most.

It's my fault.

The thoughts swam out of his hazy mind as Isabel helped him sink onto the couch and he grabbed at her arms when she tried to pull away, tugging her back down with terror in his eyes. "Izzy… It's my fault."

Her warm hands found his cheeks and she shook her head with a smile, unreadable, unfathomable. "No. No Levi, it's not. So just relax. I'll be back in a minute. Okay?"

"Okay…" Losing her touch was like a punch to the gut, even if it was the wrong one, the one he didn't even need. The Omega sagged into the couch, limbs stretched out every which way. And then he smelled it. Faded and masked beneath layers of heat-scent and Omega pheromones, it was barely there. But it was, ingrained on the cushion of the sofa.

It had his body throbbing instantly, trembling as he shoved his face into the cushions and sucked in deep breaths. Dust, germs - that didn't matter. He just wanted, needed more of that scent that made his body ache and his hands drift down before they tightened on his hips as he struggled to hold back, to not give in to the temptation, even as his hips canted up and a soft whine eased out of his throat. It took everything he had to not shove his boxers down, partially to get away from that infuriating feel of fabric on his skin, partially to grind into the palm of his hand and work himself until he came, though it wouldn't even come close to the completion he sought. The kind only an Alpha gave with their bites and scents and knots.

It felt like centuries passed before Isabel returned, shaking his shoulder to rouse him from that almost blissful scent-induced daze and murmuring quietly as she pressed something to his mouth, cold and smooth beneath his lips. Levi willingly swallowed all the bitter liquid, pushing past the urge to gag as he drained the little cup of medicine. There was soup to chase it down, devoid of the meat he could barely stomach most of the time during heats and full of soft vegetables.

The unbearable heat searing his gut died away as he sipped at it and by the time the bowl was empty his head was drooping, the sleepless night catching up to him now that his body had a bit of respite. He didn't argue or complain when Isabel pulled the bowl from his hands and gently prodded him until he was curled up on the couch, buried beneath a mound of blankets he'd asked for with a slur in his voice and eyes half-open. It wouldn't last. It never did. But it would make the next few hours pass a little easier at least. Make it possible to feel like he was going to survive another heat. That nameless smell filled his mind as he drifted off to the sound of Isabel humming as she cleaned.

Two days passed before Levi managed to collect enough strength to open the shop again. Longer than usual but considering how brutal the heat had been, even with his suppressants, it wasn't much of a surprise. The tremor in his hands wasn't either, or the weight loss he didn't need to check to be aware of, even if he'd stuffed himself to bursting during the glut phase of pre-heat. He hadn't eaten enough to maintain his body as it was but it was hard to when his stomach threatened to reject everything he put into it when he turned into a practical child when the hormones polluted him.

His lips curled at the thought but it wasn't like there was anything he could do, not without potentially permanently damaging his body. And despite how appealing no heats, a sane mind, and no pregnancy sounded, the chance of vomiting blood and having seizures bad enough to cause fatalities was quite the incentive killer. That and Farlan and Isabel would probably kill him if he used them again, especially since the last time had gone oh so well.

He knew they still checked his medicine cabinet occasionally, just to make sure there wasn't a high grade one in there. To make sure he wasn't stocking up on pills again. He couldn't, not after the taste of blood had been firmly fixed into his mind, after he'd seen the terror, the grief in their eyes as they'd rolled him over and when he'd woken up in the hospital. Hard times.

The bell jangled, jarring him out of the darker recesses to focus on what was in front of him. The shelves had been dusted, the floors mopped. The next shipment of books was due on Friday so that gave him time to regain his strength before he had to lug the boxes around. Not much else to do but checking the schedule wouldn't hurt, especially since he was fairly certain a physical was coming up.

Levi sighed and turned his phone on, watching with dull eyes as it rattled on the countertop as message after message came in. It stopped after a minute and he opened them. There was Petra's typical "I hope you're doing well. Come by when you're finished and I'll treat you" text, spam from Isabel about food and drinks she'd left upstairs and how she'd be back later to check on him interspersed with a few from Farlan about a new painting he'd finished. It was a good one. He must have gone out to the park and painted the autumn scenery with the gold and orange leaves littering the trees and ground, the grass withering slowly, and people milling around in one of the last artist gatherings of the year there. All in Farlan's familiar, delicate brushstrokes. He probably thought it was shit; he usually did. Price of being an artist.

And then there was another text, one that nearly had him swallow his tongue as he opened it. It was irrational. Completely, utterly, stupidly irrational. But it felt right to have excitement thrumming through his veins at the thought, to have nervous anticipation plaguing him about what could happen next, what might be said or done. Because every step he took was another wildcard that he wouldn't see until it was thrown down - until he took that step. And one of these days he was going to have to dodge a bullet.

Mike:
I hope your heat is going okay. My friends and I are getting together Sunday if you want to join us. Just Zoe Erwin Nanaba and Moblit.

He tapped up a reply and sent it before he could second-guess himself. Before the hesitation could set in and change his mind. Simple. Easy. Just one word but even that had him almost shriveling up on himself. Where.

Levi paced the street outside of Mike's apartment, chest tight as he clenched his hands in his pockets, fingers spasming every time he loosened them just a bit. He still had yet to knock on the door, to even go within a meter of it. It was taking all he had to not curl up in the alley next to it and throw up at the very least, dissolve and dissociate until the world slipped by and they found him, too disconnected from the world to care who touched him at worst. Breathe you idiot. In, three seconds. Out, three seconds.

But it was hard when he felt like he was choking even though there was nothing in his throat - hadn't been for hours - or when his chest was aching or when his heart felt like it wasn't beating right and so much else. He hadn't been so far out of familiar territory in a long time but the idiot he was had told Mike to stay away, that he could get there on his own. Denying something familiar, something that might have helped keep him calm. Unfamiliar surroundings, unfamiliar scents. He could pitch them up, two female Betas, a male Beta, and two male Alphas. One was Mike. The other he couldn't even begin to place and it made him tremble, froze his body despite the layers he'd pulled on to battle the cold.

Levi tugged on the tufts of hair poking out from beneath his wool cap and nearly screamed in frustration as he stamped his feet. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why the fuck did I agree to this?! Because he was an idiot of spectacular proportions. Because he was trying to take his time with this but go at a pace that was normal, that wasn't twisted and skewed and fucked in ten different ways. Levi stamped his feet one last time and sucked down another breath.

"Fuck this," he snarled and stomped over to the door, no hesitation to hint at the turmoil inside as he rapped on the dark wooden door. A muted voice called out and a second later it opened up, light and scents spilling out to greet Levi. He flinched a bit automatically, even as a massive shape blotted the light out and Mike smiled down at him as he eased the door shut, nerves clear on his face.

"Hey. Did you get here alright?"

"Yeah."

Mike's smile grew and he shifted, wringing his hands and glancing up and down Levi before his eyes settled. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just nervous."

"That makes two of us."

That sweet smile faded a little as Mike tugged on the door a little more, made sure it was latched before he stared at Levi, hands twitching by his sides but not rising to clasp his shoulders. "Levi… You don't have to do this if you don't want to. I know you don't know anyone, or this place, and that Erwin's an Alpha. I… I'm not going to say I understand. I couldn't possibly. But… I hope you can trust me when I say everyone in there is safe. Especially Erwin. He'd never lay a hand on you. Ever. He's… had some problems too."

Levi didn't expect an elaboration and didn't get one, didn't try prying. From the things swimming in Mike's eyes, it was clear that he wouldn't say any more, that it wasn't his information to divulge. He almost could have hugged Mike. Almost. He settled on a tiny smile - so fucking fake there was no way Mike couldn't see through it - and nodded. "Fine. Let's get this shit started."

Mike watched him for a moment longer before he reached back with a slight nod. All the panic Levi had been forcing down abruptly surged up and he caught Mike's arm, clutched it like a vice. He couldn't meet Mike's eyes, didn't care if it was instinct or not as he bowed his head and stared at the hands digging into Mike's forearm. "Levi?"

"I'm..." Scared. His mouth didn't betray him but it was his scent that did him in, still faint but rank and heavy to his own nose.

"Hey, Levi, it's alright. Really. We all get scared sometimes and you have every reason to be." He opened his mouth to spit back some scathing remark but there was nothing there to say, nothing to refute Mike's words. A hand settled on his shoulder, feather-light as Mike's scent oozed into the air, thick with calming pheromones that made Levi sigh softly, nearly had him butting into Mike's chest and clinging to him to breathe in more. Because this was an Alpha he could trust. An Alpha who was different. Right? "You sure you want to do this? If not I can walk you back to your place or call Isabel or Farlan to get you."

Levi shook his head, peeled his eyes from the concrete and leveled his gaze on Mike. "I'm fine." This time he didn't grab Mike when he reached for the doorknob, barely flinched when the door opened and a gentle hand pressed to his back but didn't push him, just followed him in. Levi slid to the side, back firmly pressed to the wall as he studied the place, the people. It was a fairly small apartment, only three doors visible. There was a small kitchen, two plaid couches and a matching armchair, and shelves he'd stuck various picture frames and objects on. And there were books everywhere - even a few stacks on the floor from where he'd run out of shelf room. But it didn't look trashy or messy - just homey. Comfortable.

That feeling disappeared a little when he saw the four heads turned to him. Three Betas and a big blond Alpha who very easily could have been Mike's cousin with the same hard jaw and bright, quick eyes. He barely heard Mike shut the door, barely felt his touch. Unfamiliar scents mixed with familiar - some of which were foreign, had never had a name to them - and people he didn't know. And another Alpha. Erwin. Levi's hands were trembling and his heart was pounding and his mouth felt like a desert but he managed to wave and choke out a quiet "Hey."

One Beta, a brown haired woman, grinned and looked like she was about to leap off the couch but the blond Beta grabbed her shoulder. She huffed at him before flashing another sunny grin at him and bouncing off the couch anyway, though her advancement on him was a lot calmer. She thrust out a hand and he tentatively took it, eye twitching a little. "Hi! I'm Zoe Hanji! You're Levi, right?" Zoe's grin somehow grew more when he nodded, beyond stiff as he eased his hand out of hers. "Nice to meet you then! We've heard so much about you!"

"Zoe." Mike's voice was soft but she automatically cocked her head back, flashing her neck in submission before he shook his head.

"Sorry." She patted his shoulder, eyeing him for a moment before she looked back at Levi. This time her excitement was contained though her smile was still gaping wide. "You wanna meet the rest of the crew?" Her eyes were sparkling when he gave a weak smile and she whirled around and skipped back over to the couch. She draped herself across the male Beta's shoulders, four patient smiles directed at him as he eased his way further in, closer to Mike.

The two Betas stood and held their hands out for him, movements slower than necessary but still appreciated.

"I'm Moblit."

"Nanaba."

And then the Alpha was in front of him, face neutral and completely empty of anything sinister. But Levi's gut was still twisting and his palm was sweaty as he stared at Erwin and pressed closer to Mike, practically in his side. "I'm Erwin Smith. It's nice to meet you, Levi." His lips curled back, eyes hardening as he pressed himself closer into Mike's side, clutching at his arm as Erwin's hand came up. Even when it went back down to his side Levi didn't relax, couldn't.

This was a bad idea. The day was a bad one, had been since he'd woken up to sheets soaked with sweat and frozen limbs and screams locked behind clenched teeth. His jaw locked and hostile eyes clashed with Erwin's, holding the gaze by sheer force of will at the instinct to look away and bow his head, to bare his neck and submit to the indignation, to the Alpha. But instead of lashing out or releasing more dominating pheromones Erwin smiled softly and took a step back. The growl building in Levi's throat lingered a moment longer before it faded away and his grip on Mike's arm loosened a little. The hand on his shoulder started to rub gentle circles into his shoulder, made him flinch when his thumb first started moving before he relaxed, just a little.

"Shall we start a movie?"

It took a few minutes to actually start it as they moved around to get snacks and drinks and rearrange their seats so that Mike and Levi were on one couch, Nanaba, Zoe, and Moblit on the other, and Erwin in the armchair. Levi pressed himself against the armrest, half focused on the screen, half on Erwin. Mike made it a little hard to focus by rubbing gentle circles into his ankle, the one he'd hurt weeks and weeks before. But he was still hyper-aware of everything Erwin did, every reach for a snack, every soft utterance, every shift. And he hated the way it made his heart lurch and his breath catch, no matter how many times he drilled it into his head. Erwin is safe. Mike is safe. Mike can be trusted. Erwin is Mike's friend. Erwin can be trusted.

But there was the nagging doubt that lingered in his mind, left him tipping precariously on a paper-thin edge. It was enough that his focus wasn't even close to being on the movie, that his limbs kept twitching. This was so stupid. I shouldn't have done this. Should have just come here alone. No, with Isabel and Farlan. Started so. Why'd I have to be such a fucking idiot? Such fucking pride for someone lower than dirt.

It took a while for the realization to set in, the understanding that it could easily have played out another way - if Erwin was interested in male Omegas; if he had walked into the shop instead of Mike; if they were sitting in Erwin's apartment and Mike was the one he was growling at.

He didn't realize the movie had ended until a large hand shook his foot gently, rough with callouses but still soft. He jerked it back anyway, eyes wide until he realized it was Mike's hand. The Alpha plucked at the seam of his jeans as he twisted to Levi. "You okay?"

Gray eyes drifted away instead as he sucked in and released his breaths slowly, carefully, counting. No one else littered the other couch. Zoe and Moblit were fussing over a shelf of DVDs, grumbling over what to play next. Nanaba was nowhere to be seen but he could hear water running somewhere in the apartment and soft curses. But Erwin was still there, eyes carefully trained on the ceiling as he rolled a coin back and forth along his knuckles.

Levi glanced back at Mike and shrugged. "Considering, I'm okay." It was going a lot better than he'd expected. He'd fully expected having a breakdown before they even reached the halfway point of the movie, one of any kind; dissociating, dissolving into a fit, locking himself away in the bathroom as panic shut him down. But he was still okay. Still breathing. And that was good enough.

"Okay."

"Levi?"

His head snapped up, teeth automatically clenching. Erwin had ceased rolling the coin and levelled his gaze at them, face unreadable. Without the things he kept expecting to see it was harder to read, harder to get a feel for what Erwin was going to do. And he fucking detested it. "What?"

There was a familiar snarl to his voice, a set to his face. Ones he remembered well from years ago, before Petra had managed to convince him that some of them were alright, that some could be trusted. One he'd used to at least try to intimidate the other orphans, then the Alphas who would occasionally visit the orphanage to look for children to adopt. They'd never seemed intimidated but they'd never approached him either. Too undesirable. And it didn't work on Erwin either: the Alpha just smiled a little. "I'm sorry."

That left Levi at a loss and the hostility boiling his blood dissipated a little as he stared at Erwin for a moment longer before he shook his head and huffed. He settled for glaring at the TV and scooting a bit closer to Mike, close enough that he shifted every time Mike took a breath. No space. But the panic wasn't so strong that he couldn't grit his teeth and bear through it, just for a little while.

And Mike made it worth it, didn't even try to touch him after he hesitantly set a hand on Levi's knee. It was almost nice, tucked into Mike's side and listening to his soft, rumbling laughs at some of the dialogue in the new movie and breathing in that scent. Somehow it wasn't so nerve-wracking anymore to smell his Alpha pheromones. They were familiar. Like Petra's. Things it felt right to trust, even if his instincts occasionally warred against that feeling, practically screaming at him to turn and flee. It almost felt… safe. And tucked into Mike's side, that feeling didn't dissipate for the most part.

But all too soon he had to stand on stiff legs, carefully watching the others around him as they drifted around, collecting bowls and glasses and wrappers. Mike left him with a squeeze to his shoulder and a soft murmur that he'd be back before he headed over to wash dishes with Erwin. They spoke in hushed tones, too low for him to hear beneath Zoe's rambling chatter and Nanaba's laughter.

He settled for watching, knees tucked beneath his chin until the blond Beta - Moblit - sank down on the couch next to him with a sigh and a smile. "I hope you had fun tonight. Sometimes Zoe and Nanaba can be a bit overwhelming, even for me, and I've known both of them for years. Heck, I've known Zoe since we were three. She's a handful but she's a good friend. The best I've ever had." Moblit glanced over, dark eyes thoughtful as he searched Levi's. For what, he couldn't begin to guess, but he must have found it because his already soft voice dropped further, down to a mere whisper that he had to lean closer and strain to hear.

"You know, I didn't become friends with Mike until we were in high school thanks to Zoe. I had classes with him in middle school but he never spoke. Half the class thought he was mute. He's just always been different. But for a while there, we really thought he wouldn't find someone, that he'd just retreat into his books and keep his world confined to just us and his coworkers. So… thank you. For giving him a chance." He smiled when Levi blinked at him, tongue firmly knotted with no chance of coming loose any time soon. He didn't pry for a response, just smiled for a moment more before he stood and walked away like nothing had ever happened.

Mike returned a minute later with a small smile and an outstretched hand. "Want me to walk you back?" Levi took the hand that dwarfed his own, smothered it with warmth as the Alpha positively beamed down at him. "No thanks. Farlan's gonna pick me up." Because despite the safe feeling that was starting to come with Mike, he didn't feel safe enough to wander dark, desolate streets alone with him. Mike's smile didn't falter, not for a second, as he squeezed Levi's hand.

"Okay. Can I wait with you outside at least?"

"Sure."

Goodbyes were called - Zoe and Nanaba wrapped him up in tight hugs after he rolled his eyes and reluctantly stepped into their embraces. Moblit was far tamer, settling for a clap on the shoulder. Erwin simply hung back and waved. Levi managed to bite back another hostile snarl and gave him a weak wave back before he and Mike slipped out onto the stoop, wrapped up in layer after layer. Well, Levi was. Mike seemed to only be wearing one and a thin one at that with a giddy grin to top it all off.

The Omega watched their breaths billow out for a few quiet moments before he elbowed Mike. He could see him look over but he didn't do the same, keeping his eyes trained straight ahead instead. "Sometimes I think I'm making a mistake with this. Or you are."

Silence lingered for a moment before Mike actually laughed, soft and short. "Don't worry. Everyone thinks that at least once."

"Yeah, well most people…"

Most people hadn't been raped when they were ten, forced into a Goddamn gangbang that had nearly left them incapable of having somewhat normal relations with Alphas for years, still hindered him on a daily basis. Had led to him purposely trying to trash his body with Grade A suppressants and overdose on a cocktail of prescription drugs. Most people were normal people. People who didn't have to deal with that shit, the memories of it. The shuddering, sardonic laugh left him before he'd quite realized it but he didn't try to stop it; just let it dry up on its own. His eyes were clamped tight, afraid to open them, to see Mike's face. Just tell him. Scare him away. Go back to your hidey hole and pretend none of this ever happened.

"Don't tell me." That made Levi open his eyes, made him turn and stare at Mike, uncomprehending at first. And then it was burning white-hot, indignation searing through his veins as he bared his teeth, completely twisted around to face Mike, but the Alpha beat him to it. "Levi. I don't want you to tell me unless you want to. And we both know you don't really want that. Not right now."

His teeth remained bared for a moment longer before his mouth shut. A few seconds more and his glare disappeared. "Fuck you."

Another huff of laughter was his only response. Levi stamped his feet, half-considering kicking Mike in the shin. He managed to decide against it and settled on something else instead as he blew on his gloved fingers, trying to bring them a little extra warmth. "Mike… Tell Erwin I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about Erwin. He understands. Better than you'd think. And…" Mike dragged at his undercut, eyes drifting around instead of settling on him for once. "Fucking hell, I don't know why he couldn't say this himself… Erwin's aro-ace. And… people do bullshit where they try to 'corrective rape' asexuals, you know?"

Everything stuttered to a stop. Levi's hands went slack against his thighs as the dots connected. Things that Mike had mentioned a while back about Erwin finding sex disgusting, about someone going to therapy, about the way Erwin's scent was still undiluted with that of another yet he didn't study Levi like he was a piece of meat. "Oh."

"Yeah. He just wanted me to tell you. Said he understands why you're 'so skittish' as he said. And that he's sorry."

"... Tell him I said thank you."

Tell him until he could tell Erwin himself. Until he could master it and himself. He peeled his glove off and sought out Mike's hand to engulf his with warmth. Let Mike peck him on the mouth when Farlan pulled up. Gave him a last wave. Because he was trying. God, he was trying so hard.