All was normal in the faculty office. Yup, everything was going smoothly. Every teacher in the room was busy drooling over their fetishes.
Ono-sensei with his samurai action figure fetish.
Takenozuka-sensei with his speed, force, width and length fetish.
Kanou-sensei with her non-Kenji fetish.
Toriumi-sensei with her retarded emo fetish.
Ekoda wasn't there, which was unusual because he was the loudest. Regardless, the others teacher liked it because Ekoda was an asshole, plain and simple.
The drooling continued and the teachers happily ignored the roaring, yelling and freezing coming from upstairs. None of them cared but slowly and slowly, the unbridled cold came knocking on the goddamn door.
"Huh?" the teachers quickly composed themselves and stared at the door which was now frozen ice.
"Allow me, Kirijo-hime," they heard a soft voice before a bang erupted as some retard banged his head on the frozen door, scattering several icicles all around the room.
"Holy samurai surrender!" Ono stood up. What on earth was that?
"Who dares!?" Toruimi growled.
A certain, pissed off, fire breathing ice queen stepped inside the faculty office. Taking a deep breath and ignored the smell of bodily fluids, Mitsuru let out a deep breath. "Mine…"
Yukari sniffed. "You guys should really use the restroom. You never leave this place!"
"Hey, that's what written in the code," Kanou shrugged.
Junpei stumbled forward with a huge gash on his forehead. Mitsuru looked back and raised her brow. "You have a gash…"
Junpei's eyes lit up. "Oh Kirijo-hime, I-"
"Never said I gave a shit though," Mitsuru spat coldly. The suspension was finally over. The ice queen was back where she belonged. The owner of all glared coldly at the teachers but the one she wanted wasn't there.
"Where is Ekoda!?" the redhead demanded.
"Do you honestly care-" Toriumi snapped her eyes towards the blue haired sadsack. "Oh hiiii, Minato-kun-" she widened her eyes. "... You look retarded as always."
"Present," Minato said, raising his hand up.
"Enough of this, where is Ekoda!?" Mitsuru snapped.
"No one knows," Ono shrugged. "Don't bring him back. He was an asshole..."
"Alright, screw that noise," Mitsuru spat and stormed out of the faculty office.
"Where is she going?" Yukari questioned.
A few minutes later, Mitsurur roared again, alerting everyone in the room. "Oh boy, here she comes..." Akihiko sighed. Goddamn, he was just done removing the ice from his ass.
Mitsuru stormed into the room and in her grip was another female student.
"Hey!" Natsuki growled, freeing herself from Mitsuru's grip. "What's the big idea!? The girls won't be bullying themselves yanno?"
"Oh I remember her," Yukari said to herself. "She was a total bitch..."
"I heard you the first time!" Natsuki growled. She then turned to Mitsuru. "Now listen here, you good for nothing-"
Mitsuru marched up to the junior, slapped her across the face and then slammed her against the wall. All that happened in literally a second and poor Natsuki had no idea what was going on. Dammit, this worked every single time, bullying was her gimmick but it was not very effective against Mitsuru.
"Are you bullying me!?" Mitsuru roared, grabbing a hold of her face and pulling her close. "I am Mitsuru fucking Kirijo. I'm the number one porn star in the world. I am the sole goddess of this world. Bullying is MY second name!"
"Do you know!?" Mitsuru started rocking Natsuki back and forth. "Do you know who I am!?"
"Y-You're Mitsuru Kirijo! You are the number one pornstar in the world. You are the sole goddess in the world. Bullying is your second name!" Natsuki said fearfully, nodding her head furiously.
Mitsuru pulled back. "How did you know!?" she asked, widening her eyes. "How do you you who I am!?"
"Oh boy," Akihiko sighed. Mitsuru was losing her mind... all thanks to...
"This is called femdom... I think... Mister bitch..." Minato said.
Yeah, scratch that, everyone was losing their mind.
"Never bully a girl with bigger boobs than you," Mitsuru warned. "That just doesn't work, child."
"I can confirm," Minato nodded.
"You what-" Natsuki cried.
Mitsuru snapped her back to attention and fixed a cold glare on her form. "Now tell me... What have you done to my modem?"
Natsuki forgot all about the fear and just stared at Mitsuru like she was a dumbass.
"Your what, bitch?"
"Oh crap," Yukari said. "We need to run-"
"Holy Arnold-"
but it was too late.
"Execution!"
...
After leaving the room which was now frozen with several ice sculptures, Mitsuru bullied her team into the student council room and took a seat. "So... our modem is in Tartarus, it seems." she mused, trying her best to ignore Junpei who was salivating next to her.
That boy needed some good porn and quick.
"They trapped her in the school and she got lost in Tartarus," Akihiko said. "If we want to rescue her, we'll need to enter Tartarus just like she did."
"We need to do this quickly," Mitsuru said, staring at Junpei. "I won't be able to control myself for long..."
Yukari blinked. She poked Minato on the sides and whispered. "Just what on earth happened in your room?"
"We break into my school before midnight. We are getting the modem tonight, no matter what!" Mitsuru commanded and left the room.
Akihiko looked at Junpei. "We need to keep him away from Mitsuru's room..."
"Just what happened inside the closet?" Minato wondered. Unlike the rest, he was occupied with Mister bitch.
Oh, so little did he know...
...
Just before midnight, Mitsuru and gang broke into the school. Together, they stormed the building like they owned the place... until they heard a security guard and ram into Minato's homeroom to think of a plan.
"Alright, time to split up," Mitsuru said. "Some of us will check the janitor's room, the others will check the faculty office."
"Got it, Kirijo-hime," Junpei said, floating towards Mitsuru. "I will go wherever you say-"
"Wait, wait, wait, wait!" Akihiko said, getting in between them. There was no way Mitsuru and Junpei could be on the same team. He feared for Junpei. "How about, you go with Minato and the rest of us check the office, huh?"
"Huh-" Mitsuru opened her mouth to talk but by then, Yukari and Akihiko had dragged Junpei towards the janitor's room, leaving Mitsuru alone with Minato. "Just my luck..."groaning, Mitsuru grabbed a hold of Minato and pulled him out of the homeroom. Together, they went towards the faculty office.
"I swear..." Mitsuru muttered under her breath. That blue haired retard was still talking to his imaginary friend. "One day, I'll shave your entire head off, that will put an end to these stupid, stupid, STUPID gimmicks!"
Minato widened his eyes, the swagger erupting. "Yo, fine ass, you don't want none of this, capiche?"
"I want the whole damn thing," Mitsuru grinned. Oh God, this was hot. So, so hot...
Minato glared at Mitsuru who glared back at him. Hot, angry sex was going to happen in the school but Mitsuru didn't give a damn anymore. As much as Minato repulsed her, this was one gimmick that she enjoyed the most.
Minato tried to make a move but in the end, he restrained himself. "No... I can't..."
"What do you mean you can't!?" Mitsuru growled. "So, after one night stand, do I not excite you anymore!?"
"No... I must..." Minato nodded to himself. "Be a good role model to... Mister Bitch."
"Screw him!" Mitsuru spat.
"Threesome, yay!" Minato actually smiled.
"Something has to happen," Mitsuru said. She then looked back and saw the security guard staring at the two of them from the sidelines. He looked a little too... agitated? God knows why.
"Okay, I have a wife at home but..." he said breathlessly. "That voice you used was hot..."
"Get out of my school!" Mitsuru spat and the guard went running for his life.
The only guy Mitsuru had a crush on was a facet of Minato and now, it seemed like he wasn't coming back no matter how hard she tried, all thanks to Minato losing his mind.
"We need to find the modem," Mitsuru said. "No matter what!"
After another 15 minutes or so, Mitsuru found the key to the gym and the team met up to plan the rescue. It was then decided that Mitsuru and Yukari would remain in the lobby while the boys would explore Tartarus. Anything, literally anything to keep Mitsuru and Junpei away from each other.
So, a couple of seizures and bullshit magic later, the males woke up on the cold ground of Tartarus.
"Okay, we're here," Akihiko said, looking around. "Where the hell is Minato!?"
...
"Ugh," Minato woke up with a groan and sat up, rubbing his throbbing forehead. "Mr bitch!" he cried out.
"..." nobody replied.
"I'm glad you're safe!" Minato smiled and stood up. "Where are we...?"
"..."
"Thank you. I'll be careful," he took a deep breath. Okay, first order of business... "They aren't here..." he noted, looking around. Okay, second order of business-
"I will stomp a mudhole in your ass!"
"Baw God I am going to do it now!"
"I am taking you to suplex city, bitch!"
"Okay..." Minato started moving. "Not what I was expecting..." who on earth was that? That wasn't Junpei or Akihiko. Whoever that was, he or she was pretty intense indeed.
"Who is there...?" Minato asked aloud.
"Where are you...?"
"Why I can't I see you...?"
"..."
"Do you have myspace?" Minato asked hopefully and the voice went silent. Maybe, he scared them away-
BANG.
BANG.
BANG.
Three loud bangs alerted the blunet who took off running towards the source of the voice. He rounded a corner and widened his eyes at the carnage before him.
Lots of dead shadows.
A teal haired girl standing.
Ichor. Lots of Ichor.
Lots of limbs too.
Smoke.
Minato sniffed.
Gunpowder as well.
Minato stared at the girl who stared back at him, still panting hard while trying to regain her breath.
"..."
"..."
"What are you looking at? You punk ass bitch!?" Fuuka thundered at the blunet who nodded. Yup, they were going to be great friends. Nothing changed really.
"Do you smell what the Fuuka is cooking?" Fuuka asked, sniffing and taking in the scent. "Well, do you?"
"I..."
"If you aren't down with all this, then I got two words for you!" Fuuka spat, pointing at her own crotch. "Suck it!"
Minato blinked. "How does that work? Also, what just happened here...?"
"They rest in peace..." Fuuka replied. "Now, what do you want!?"
"I uh... we came to rescue you," Minato replied.
"Oh!" Fuuka widened her eyes. "Seem like you got my SOS message. Took you a long while, you ugly sumbitch."
"You're welcome," Minato bowed. "We should get going."
Fuuka nodded and started walking behind him.
"What just happened here-"
"It doesn't matter what happened here!" Fuuka replied. "Get moving."
"Just one question..."
"Hm?"
"Are you a hotspot?"
"Fuck yeah!" Fuuka replied. "Optimized for HD streaming."
Minato finally smiled. "Finally, myspace... Here I come!"
Minato thought the girl was going to be sweet and caring but it was opposite, she looked angry and a little too rough around the edges. Fuuka was violent and foul mouthed for some reason, probably due to being a hardcore wrestling fan.
Minato and Fuuka ran up the floors, following the voice of Akihiko and Junpei. Finally, after a few floors, the two were reunited with the other two persona users.
"Minato!" Akihiko cried out in relief. "Thank God you're alright!"
"Okay..." Junpei nodded. That was acceptable.
"I don't know what I would do if something happened to you!"
"Not too okay but... Fine..." Junpei nodded again.
"Please tell me, are you hurt?"
"This is getting gay..."
Minato came closer and to the surprise of everyone, Akihiko threw himself on Minato and hugged the junior tightly.
"This is getting wrong..." Junpei muttered.
Akihiko sighed in peace.
"This is getting criminal..." the capped teen said, looking at Fuuka who looked a little clueless.
Akihiko ended up ruffling Minato's head.
"This is getting blasphemous!" Junpei cried. He ran over to the two and broke the hug before proceeding to yell at Akihiko. "Dude, senpai, Akihiko, what are you doing!?"
"What do you mean?" the boxer replied. "I was just happy that he's okay-"
"You should be doing that to her!" Junpei said, pointing at Fuuka. "She was the one who were were supposed to rescue. She is the one who is cute. She is the damsel in distress. She is the one who has boobs, dammit!"
Akihiko said nothing and so Junpei turned around to face Fuuka. "Well, nice to see you! I'm Junpei Iori."
"Akihiko Sanada," Akihiko introduced himself.
"Minato Arisato," the blunet said, before pointing towards the corner. "And that is Mister Bitch, say hi!"
Fuuka frowned at Minato for a few seconds before shrugging. "I see you need Wifi, eh boys?"
"So much of it," Junpei said, opening his mouth a little.
"I want all of it," Akihiko added.
"I got it. Free, unlimited wi-fi, 24/7, blazing fast," Fuuka said. "I don't know how I got this but since I do, you will be doing what I say!"
"Might be because of your persona," Akihiko mused.
"Per-what-now?" Minato and Fuuka exclaimed in unison but just then...
"Sacrilege!"
"Holy-!" Akihiko jumped up a few feet and Fuuka widened her eyes.
"I don't know what happened but you got ice on that candy ass," Fuuka pointed out. "Who does that?"
"That sounded like Mitsuru-" Minato said but was cut off by a furious Junpei.
"Kirijo-hime!" Junpei corrected with a glare. He pulled out the half broken baseball bat from his pants and held it up. "She needs me! Nobody is putting his filthy hands on Kirijo-hime!"
"I am the Queen!"
"I've blinded mortals!"
"I have more husbands than Yukari!"
"What is going on...?" Akihiko wondered.
"ASJGHDKAMSK!"
"She's going crazy," the boxer groaned. Wonder what was happening in the lobby. "Fuuka, you're coming with us!"
"Well duh," the teal haired girl nodded. "Time to play the game!"
The four went running for the access point.
...
Mitsuru's angry charge was easily blocked by the shadow who tossed the irate redhead to the side. "I will not stand for this!" she growled, staring at the two shadows, the Emperor and the Empress-
Mitsuru screeched so loud that-
Huh?
...
...
...
Holy shit!
...
...
...
FANFICTION ERROR TYPE 1
...
Everything came to an end.
...
...
After a few seconds, reality started once more. The focus returned to the battle in the lobby. The two shadows were bewildered. Mitsuru was panting. Yukari was cowering against the pillar, her face pale.
"I think her rage broke," Yukari looked up. "Everything..."
"That is identity theft!" Mitsuru wasn't affected by the world ending and reforming. She was way too pissed to care. "I am the Queen!"
"You just don't bully a girl with bigger boobs than yours," the empress replied, swiftly breaking Mitsuru's courage and anger. "That just doesn't work, child."
"Ow," Yukari breathed out. "Gonna need to break reality again to heal that."
Just when Mitsuru was about to slip, the access point flash green and the other four teenagers spawned in the lobby.
"Kiriji-hime!" Junpei cried, running over to the beaten redhead.
Akihiko glanced at the crown on the shadow's head and nodded. No wonder Mitsuru lost her shit. No wonder the four died during the transpiration and magically came back seconds later. "All makes sense."
"Kill them!" Mitsuru cried, pointing at the shadows. "Kill them all!"
"Eh..." Minato stood at the sidelines, not too motivated to fight-
"I'll friend you on myspace!" Mitsuru offered.
Minato hopped to his feet and joined the other two males.
Akihiko, Junpei and Minato.
The Emperor and the Empress.
The team clashed in a heated struggle, with the humans getting the crap beaten out of them for most of the while. Nothing was working. Their attacks bounced off harmlessly most of the time and the shadows fired back with double the power.
And to make matters worse...
Mitsuru was still having trouble recovering.
Yukari still didn't give a shit and was eating cupcakes.
Fuuka... on the other hand... was providing commentary...
"A swift right hand from Akihiko. Oh boy, he is going to feel that tomorrow," Fuuka said. "Be sure to follow us on twitter and youtube, using the hastag-"
"What are you doing-" Akihiko asked and was blown away by the emperor who smacked him towards the pillar with his sword.
"OOOOOH! A cheap shot!" Fuuka cried. "Where is the referee! Someone has to take control of this match!"
"Oh, the carnage!"
"This is a slobberknocker!"
"RKO RKO RKO!"
The teenagers stood up again, bloodied and beaten but Fuuka kept talking.
"This is some match," she said. "Complete and utter domination."
"Oh come on..." Akihiko groaned. Her voice was beyond annoying to listen to.
"Something has got to give!" Fuuka said dramatically. "This contest has been one sided from the get go. I, Fuuka Yamagishi, in all my years of professional sports have never seen so much blood and carnage!"
By that point, even the shadows stopped, clearly annoyed.
Yukari blinked. That girl was some wrestling fan.
"Remember people, do not try this at home," Fuuka warned. "We here are professionally trained athletes with a high level of endurance-"
"Wrestling's fake," the emperor spat, finally having enough.
Minato noticed the expression on Fuuka's face. She had the same bloodlust swirling in her eyes the first time he came across her. She looked angry. She looked like a caged animal, ready to pounce and maul.
Fuuka looked ready to SMACKDOWN the two fools for their insolence.
"You!" Fuuka growled. "I am going to STOMP a MUDHOLE in your CANDY ASS and walk it DRY-!"
"Fuuka!?"
"An interference!" Fuuka yelled out, making sure to point out the twist in the story line. She turned around to face the newcomer. "And here! We have..." standing at the entrance was none other than Natsuki Moriyama, someone that Fuuka...
"I have no idea who she is, ladies and gentlemen," Fuuka nodded. "She must be making her debut."
"Fuck this!" Akihiko gave up with reasoning and punched the emperor square in the chest to resume the battle. Minato and Junpei got dragged in and the chaos continued with spells and punches being thrown from both sides.
Natsuki walked towards Fuuka like she was possessed.
"She seems to be..." Fuuka commented, going silent after the first few words.
Natsuki kept walking, not minding the chaos happening around her.
"I give up, I have no idea," the teal haired girl gave a sigh.
Natsuki came to a stop in front of Fuuka, grabbing her hand.
"Fuuka... I'm sorry!" she begged for forgiveness, sobbing nonstop. "Please forgive me!"
"I don't even know who you are," Fuuka blinked. "Like... Really, who are you?"
Natsuki snapped out of her trance and shook her head. "What just happened?"
"I have no idea," Fuuka replied. "Oh well, back to commentary!" she said cheerfully, turning back to the action.
"Oh God no!" Junpei sobbed. He couldn't handle the beating AND her god awful voice but he also knew that they were no match for the shadows. They were beaten to the ground and the females didn't do anything, they were just too injured.
The only hope...
Junpei gulped. He looked at Minato who was next to him, holding his aching gut.
"Minato..." Junpei said seriously, making the blunet turn towards Junpei. The capped teen bit his lip, clearly not wanting to go forward but he had no choice. "Listen..." he said, pulling Minato closer by his shoulder. He didn't want to pull on his hair and get another kick in his dick so this was the only option left.
"I don't like you," Junpei said. "You got some curves and you look like a girl but you got no boobs."
"Yes?" Minato leaned his head close.
"But, I say this," Junpei cleared his throat. "From one hormonal, depressed and sexually frustrated teenager to another." he went closer and started whispering into Minato's ear.
Gray eyes widened.
Mitsuru had barely gotten up to her feet.
Gray eyes trailed over and fixed upon the owner of everything.
Gray clashed with fiery red.
Just as Junpei was finished, Minato pulled himself up and stood in front of the shadows. He tried to process the new bit of information that Junpei had relayed to him.
The whispering had badly ruffled his hormones and Minato took a deep breath.
Before he exploded!
"Thou!" The camera closed on him.
"Shall Not Lay!" Again, closer.
"Thine Filthy Hands!" Closer.
"On Kirijo-hime!" he roared, loud enough for the wind to carry his word throughout the whole island and then Iwatodai, again!
The shadows didn't know what they were getting into. Junpei started crying in pain and happiness as the hormone invigorated, newly inducted member into the cult of Mitsuru charged at the shadows with a ferocious roar.
Everyone watched on as the blue haired badass tore into the two shadows, hacking and blasting the two pests over and over again, until they were just ichor.
"I am still the Queen," Mitsuru said to herself proudly, the whole scene bringing the confidence back in her. "I am just fucking awesome."
Minato finally ended the two shadows and roared on the top of his lungs. "Bow to Kiriji-hime!" he demanded.
"And that's a wrap folks," Fuuka said with a sigh, clearly exhausted. "What a miraculous comeback by the teenagers. This was one hell of a night and I still do not know who this girl is." she said, pointing over to Natsuki.
"It's over," Yukari stood up and stretched. "We did it!"
"I did it," Mitsuru smirked as Junpei and Minato bowed at her, praising her and the gifts inside of her closet. "There is no doubt now. Mitsuru rules."
"Cool," Fuuka yawned.
"Hey!" Natsuki spoke but nobody paid attention.
"We got our modem too!" Akihiko cheered.
The team gathered around Fuuka, with Minato and Junpei floating towards the redhead.
"I'm still here!" Natsuki growled.
"Whoever you are," Fuuka waved her off. "So, what do you offer me?"
"Everything, just stay with us, and only us," Mitsuru said, holding out her hand.
"Fine!" Fuuka accepted the handshake and the persona users quickly left the lobby, leaving Natsuki all alone in the tower.
Natsuki had no idea what had happened. She had no idea what she was going in the lobby. She didn't even know Fuuka. Who on earth was Fuuka? What the hell was going on?
"This is some badly written story or some shit," the girl spat and stalked off. Ouch.
...
After praising Mitsuru and thanking the Lord for the new information. Minato finally got back to his room and booted up his laptop. Finally, no yellow signal which meant the internet was working. He opened the browser and giggled, not able to control the excitement. He was finally going to meet whoever sent him the request.
"Yes, Yes, Yes!" Minato loaded up myspace and went straight to the lone request he had received.
Name : Freaky Fred.
Location : Middle of Nowhere.
"Okay..." Minato smiled.
Interests : Teenage boys.
Creepy but Minato still retained his smile, scrolling down for more info.
"This is going be a start of a beautiful friendship-"
Profession: Barber.
Minato's breath hitched inside his throat and his hand started shaking.
"..."
DING.
He had received a new message as well. From Freaky Fred, his new friend.
Minato opened the message and his eyes widened to comical portions.
Freaky Fred : I like your hair :3
"..."
Minato stared at the screen for half a minute.
...
"Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccckkkkkkkkkk!"
Dunno why I wrote this. I really dunno. Might be because I am sick of Fallen Messiah, Bloodlust, Minato, Hamuko, Ryoji, Nyarly. Fuck em! I was in the mood to write humor and if you read all that, you know I stopped giving a fuck now. If this ever sees another update, you can expect this to get more... freaky...
Thanks for reading. I needed to write some humor. Boy, it felt good.
Also to the guest who suggested body harm : Great idea dummy. You must be really fun at parties.
And yes, Mitsuru broke my doc manager. No joke.