Thank you to all my loyal readers, I'm very glad that people are enjoying this little bit of insanity.
http : / bit . ly / pLdXdB is the primary list that I'm picking from, feel free to e-mail with more.
Harry looked at the dwindling number of students with a mixture of horror, revulsion, and pride. The horror was that there was only thirty percent of the total student body able to attend the meal in the great hall, the rest being in the infirmary with burns, cuts, broken bones, and in one case animalification. No one could quite figure out how Draco managed to turn himself into a talking ermine but he was currently being studied under intense observation by some of the top magical accident researchers in all of Magical Britain. It seems that the three days since Professor Binns took over for Potions had been rather eventful.
The revulsion came in that the entire staff table seemed blissfully ignorant that nearly three-quarters of the student body was in dire need of medical care. Of course they didn't really care about the students, they're safe as the professors. Especially under the manipulations of that man, that evil, glittering eyed old coot that continued to throw away the health and sanity of the students nearly as fast as he sucked down those damnable lemon drops of his. Harry didn't know where this loathing of the grandfatherly man that had saved him from his relatives was coming from, but for some reason it just felt right. And made him want to taste purple again, purple was such a happy color to taste, unlike orange or red.
Where was he? Oh yes, pride. He had great pride in his house having the fewest number of student absent. This was in part due to their years of having to avoid potion 'accidents' at the hands of Professor Snape over the years. They learned how to duck, dodge, and various other life and body saving maneuvers as a simple matter of course. Thanks to those very same actions, Harry could now formulate the greatest plan he and Hermione had ever came up with.
They were going to escape, they were going to get away from the insanity of Hogwarts, by never accepting those damnable letters. They were going to go into the past and send out letters to the schools in the Americas, the Common-wealths, Eastern Asia, and any other schools they could find to avoid coming to Hogwarts ever again.
With a happy smile plastered on his face, he turned to look at Hermione, taking what might very well be her only break of the day. She was so close to a breakthrough that they both could almost taste it. "Hermione... I know we probably will never want to remember our lives here, and the crumbling walls of the Obliviation spells on our minds aren't going to keep the nightmares at bay forever, but I just want you to know one thing. You are my best friend, and I can't think of anyone I'd rather have by my side during these times."
Anything Hermione might have said was cut off by the the aged old coot creaking his way to a standing position, before clearing his throat to address the students as a whole while his eyes twinkled behind his half-moon glasses. "Students, I received rather wonderful news from an associate of mine in the United States. It seems that one of their wizards is looking to begin teaching, and has all the qualifications we're looking for in a Defence Against Dark Arts professor."
At the smattering of applause, there was a new cry from a set of twins on how long he would last. However, it was the fact that it was the Patil twins and not the Weasley twins that caused the heads to turn, up until the Weasley twins unveiled their 'How Potter Will Kill Them' board. For the life of him, he could help but feel that it was justified, even if he only remembered killing one of the professors. But that was a complete and utter accident. How was he to know that the man was running at his back, attempting to sacrifice his student to sate the Gremlin's thirst for mayhem and murder?
Alright, so maybe it was the small fact that the mirror showed him the teacher approaching him from behind at the top of the stairs. And maybe he might have shot him with a stunner or twelve before sending him falling to his doom. But Professor Riddle had always insisted that his students know that the number one rule of combat is that there is no kill like overkill.
Ah, memories that were still somewhat coherent in his brain.
"So it is with great pleasure that I ask you to welcome your new Defense Against Dark Arts professor..." Dumbledore concluded a lengthy, boring speech as a man with short cropped grey hair and round glasses stood up at the end of the staff table. "Professor Ben Stein."
"Thank you Professor Dumbledore," the man started with a dry, dull, monotone, "I hope that this will be a rewarding and enriching experience for all the students and myself as we-"
A part of Harry's mind tuned out the man, shutting down to prevent sleep from overcoming him with a fierce passion of a slamming mallet to the back of his skull. If he had the full working capabilities of his mind, he might have recognized it as the part he listened to while surviving Professor Binns' Potions lessons. However, he simply turned to look at Hermione and tilted his head with a hopeful smile. "So... progress?"
"Yes, lots of progress, in fact I'm just having a light meal before getting back to it..." Hermione gushed out while the new professor continued to drone on and on. "Why don't you help me look into my latest thread of research?"
"Sounds wonderful... think we can be gone before our first class with him?" Harry asked hopefully as the droning continued to fill the air like like the soothing lullaby hum of a thousand bees. Maybe they should just make the run now, get away from him before he puts the surviving students to sleep. Looking down the table, he spotted at least five students that were drooping off to slumber land, while their neighbors kept elbowing them.
"Yes... it's a fairly simple spell, we can start researching it after a light meal... some coffee would be wonderful..." Hermione offered helpfully, even as she fought a yawn herself.
Yes, they had to get out of here fast, or there'd be no student left alive.