Ramblings: The Diary of Jorya Lank
Entry 14
Dear Diary,
I heard rumors today that the battle is drawing closer to Coruscant, but even here in the Jedi Temple we have very few details. I know that our Republic fleet is doing all that it can to ensure that everyone, especially Chancellor Palpatine are kept safe.
Being on this city wide world, it seems bizarre for me to see people on the streets talking about the latest holodrama, or what the newest fashions are; when others fight daily just to survive. This galaxy is full of contradictions, and I'm falling into the trap you see. I'm doing something that is forbidden for Jedi. I'm falling in love.
I have no idea when it started, but the sudden realization and clarity of it shook me. Teran has become an important part of my life in some ways. He is always able to cheer me up, give me advice, and I love his sense of humor. Not to mention the way his dimples show up when he smiles, how his eyes change color in different lighting or his sheer physique.
I know it's wrong to feel this, I should've trained myself better to protect myself from this. Jedi can't fall in love because attachment can lead to the Dark Side. I've known this since childhood yet now, on the brink of my Knighthood, I find the Jedi Code harder to follow than ever before.
I don't know what to do about this problem. I couldn't possibly talk to one of the Masters, because I would definitely be in trouble, and at the same time I can't talk to Tegan. After all, I wouldn't want to lead him astray either. When I meditate I think they are helping me to detach from my feelings for him, but the burst up like a blaze of hot fire the next time I see him.
I don't know what to do about this, but I suppose only time will tell. That and trying to keep myself as busy as possible. I will update this diary later when I've finally figured out what to do.