Chapter 14: the Truth will set you Free...but first it turns you inside out.
(Flashback)
"Everythin he did…it wasn't entirely his fault" I said quietly, breaking the silence that had been surrounding us since we sat outside.
The cell block was cleared, everyone was settled in, this was the first time we've actually gotten to really rest in months. Daryl and I had talked briefly over everything, before, but I never had the chance to lay it all out on the floor.
Daryl didn't answer me, we stood out by one of the fences side by side…his hand let go of mine after those words slipped out of my mouth. I lifted up head up from staring at the ground to glance at him, he deserved to have me at least look him in the eye for this.
"Those month we were apart, I was a wreck, I withdrew into myself. It was winter and we only had my car as shelter on most nights. The wool blankets did little to help…we never did anything! But…we needed each other's body heat. I made sure nothing ever happened though, I couldn't get you outa my head…my need to find you" I tried to get my story out but I wasn't sure if it was even making much sense.
"The months on the road with Merle… we were doing well. I kept looking for you, Merle kept our supplies up and made sure we had what we needed. Everything went to shit when we went to Woodbury" I continued cause it was obvious he was going to let me speak my part before he said anythin.
"When I got the news, it felt like another piece of my heart got ripped out. After losing you…I wasn't sure if there was enough left in me to carry on after I lost our baby too. I wandered around that town in a dark haze for a month. I didn't eat, I slept more than I liked…the nightmares plagued my every dream and I could never wake up from them" as I talked I could see my old self walking aimlessly around Woodbury.
It was only a short time ago but it seems like a lifetime.
"Never in my whole life have I felt more depressed then I did there. I contemplated death every day, almost starved myself to death if my family hadn't been forcing food down my throat whenever they could…it was a dark time for me. I didn't think straight. I don't expect you to forgive me for anything I did, I was reckless and stupid…" I looked at him even though his eyes were focused on the tree line.
"That morning…I woke up and Merle was actually still there. Since my brothers believed he had been the father…we never told them otherwise since Merle and I had already agreed not to give anyone info on us or the group…" I faltered, trying not to stutter when I realized what I just said.
Daryl's eyes shot to mine as soon as the words left my mouth, a lump formed in my throat and I knew I regretted saying those words to him. I said I wouldn't lie to him…but I knew this could be the thing that sends him over the edge.
He already knows I kissed his brother….he doesn't know Merle acted as if he were the father.
"They what?" his voice rumbled out the two words, his eyes glaring at me, fists clenched at his sides.
"I…we never corrected them. They assumed, we didn't tell them that… and that's how Merle and I got put in one room together. I never seen him, Dare, he was out on watch all day…I slept more than anything. But…that one morning I woke up and he was still there. I wish I could go back and change it, I wish I could slap myself silly for what I did! I kissed him…I'm not sure how long it lasted but it wasn't long…I pushed away first and everything seemed so clear to me then." I tried to get the rest out as fast as I could.
He was angry now…and my heart broke for having to put him through this.
"I knew I made a mistake the second I did it, my brain shocked me back into reality…I knew I had to get out of there. I had my little bag packed already, all I needed was water really. There was no way I was getting out with a weapon so I accepted the fact that I may die out there, but anything was better than staying there" I could feel my heart beating a mile a minute.
We stood in silence for a couple minutes that seemed to stretch out into eternity.
"There's no excuse for everything I did, if I just tried harder…fought better… maybe I could've found you. Our baby would still be alive." I added into the silence that surrounded us.
That lost month I spent in Woodbury, I wasn't sure how I could fix that… I wasn't myself there. I had a mental breakdown or something and I didn't have the capabilities to help myself. I know more people have faced worse than I did and made it out, I don't know why I broke down there. I'll probably never fully understand.
"No, it ain't your fault that baby's gone…outa everythin…jus promise ya wont blame yourself for that" Daryl said finally looking me in the eye for longer than a second. His voice shook slightly under the usual rumble, I could see his thoughts rushing around in his head.
He needed time to think about everything, I knew he wasn't goin to say anythin more to me until he's had time to think now.
I nodded slowly, he searched my face one last time before he took off to the prison. I stayed standing there watching his angel winged back walk away…he was my angel, I couldn't live without him. I turned back to look out at the fading light of day and I knew it had to be around 5 o clock now. The days were short right now.
I heard the gate open and I didn't even need to look to know Daryl was going out. There was a slight panic in my heart that he may not come back…but I had to trust him, I owed him that much.
I looked just in time to see him disappear into the woods and Rick slid the gate closed with a resounding bang.
Not much has happened in the past few chapters but I figured they needed to happen, I want to show exactly where everyone is with themselves and the relationships now. I wasn't sure if I was going to show this part...but I hope it came out alright anyways.
as it was put in another chapter, Daryl went out hunting, he told Rick he'd be gone 3 days, Sam went to go find him on the 5th day he was gone, he was already heading back and they found each other. walking back together with the squirrels Daryl caught :) jus encase ya needed a review lol.