A/N: Might be a little short.

Part 2 Start

Location: Artemis Tau cluster; Athens system.

Wearing only a towel as he brushed his teeth, John idly listened to his fire haired yeoman as she plead her case before him. This wasn't the first time Kelly had broached the subject of expanding her role as ships counselor. She didn't seem to understand that no meant no. To her credit she was relentless, and every time he shot her down, Kelly would just rearm and come back swinging harder then before, and he liked that. Yet this he noted was by far her most passionate plea to date.

"No Kelly."

"Why not?"

Spitting the mixture of saliva and toothpaste into the sink, "Because I said so."

"Oh yes that's real mature."

Filling a cup with water and gargling, John spat a larger more watery load down the drain, "Fine you want the real reason?" she nodded, "It's cause theirs only one whore of Babylon on this ship and it ain't you." with a smirk, "You'll steal all my best customers."

Crossing her arms and leaning against the bathroom door frame, Kelly's green eyes fixed him in her best fuming glower, "Please at least try and be serious, John."

"Gawd, you sound just like my sister... I never thought I'd be on this end of the conversation, I feel like a woman at happy hour. But fine Kelly, tell me again how fucking my crew is gonna help us. Cause take it from someone whose whole life has been spent in deep space, the only thing relations between crew members brings is trouble."

"It's not blind fucking, Captain. It's relieving pent up stress via a healthy outlet and it's no different then what I did for my crew mates on the Minute Man station."

John squinted his eyes and contorted his face in disbelief as he tried to imagine just how something like that worked, "They're were over five hundred personel on that station Kelly. Are you telling me you fu-" seeing her disapproving looks he quickly corrected. "Relieved all of their stress. Just you. Only you."

With more than a smidgen of pride, Kelly smiled. "Yes I did."

"And the illusive Man allowed this?"

"Why do you find this so hard to believe? I mean think about it. We were isolated on a space station for months at a time, we had absolutely no contact with the outside galaxy or our loved ones, working 14 hour days in a high stress environment, and even if we were granted leave we were still two freaking weeks at maximum FTL from the nearest relay!" Kelly's hand flew through the air in exasperation, "How else do you think the Illusive Man kept the crew from killing each other... Two words. Moral Officer."

"One word, hooker."

Kelly rolled her eyes so hard she thought they would detach and roll right out of her skull. "Look, make all the jokes you want but I know this works. Just like it works for the Turians. I mean where do you think we stole the idea from? Moral officers have been part of the Turian military since it's conception and are viewed as vital components to shipboard wellness."

"Yeah, but that's cause of they're a fascist society." he chided sarcastically, making Kelly face palm and mutter 'god not this again.' "Look, the Alliance tried this a few years back on the Kilimanjaro, you wanna know how it went? Not well. Wanna know how I know? I was the XO of the ship under Admiral Anderson. Do you have any idea how many marriages that little experiment broke up? Dozens."

"Ughhhhhhhh!" Kelly's hands balled into fists and went to her head in frustration, "Listen, you've packed this ship with type A personalities, some of whom are emotionally damaged, and if you don't let me do my job this ship will turn into a powder keg."

Shepard's hands came down on the counter hard, "Fine! I've had it! I've had enough!.. If it'll make you shut the hell up do whatever the fuck you want."

"Thank you." Kelly's said in a singsong chipper manner. "I promise you wont regret this... Now I'll need an office."

John's head thudded against the mirror as he pounded his skull into the glass repeatedly. "Fine, since Okeer's turned the port cargo hold into his lab, you can have the starboard cargo hold."

"With the trash compactor? Way to make a girl feel appreciated."

"Just don't get pregnant or turn this ship into a Jackson Pollock painting alright."

Kelly beamed and gave him a salute, "Scouts honor."

Figuring if he was gonna go ahead with his yoeman's plan he might as well help out, "Do you need any uhh... Equipment?"

"Equipment?" Kelly asked with a perverse smile

deadpanning, "You know damn well what I mean."

Putting a slender finger under her chin. "Hmmm, well, I think I should be fine on my own for a while. If we hit the citadel soon I should be able to get all the "Equipment" I need there. Might cost a few thousand credits," smiling, "but you can't put a price on a happy crew can you."

Rolling his eyes and stepping out of the bathroom, John brought Kelly to his cabin couch and ordered EDI to flip the hidden wall. The room hummed as several pressurized seals released and a 4 foot by 8 foot section of wall above the couch split in half. With a whirling gear motor, the two wall panels slid aside and the perverse treasure trove they concealed was thrust into the limelight.

"Ohh, Ohhhhh myyyyy." Kelly gasped in disbelief as she saw sex toys of every sort, size, and species. It was an impressive collection to say the least, and one that could fulfill every sort of perverse pleasure a girl like her could ever dream of. "A-Are... Are all these yours?"

"What!? No!," Shepard practically yelled, his cheeks glowing scarlet. "T-They were here when I captured the ship." regaining his calm, "Oleg was either quite the sadist or masochist. But take what you need."

"You uhh, you sure? Some of these look kinda expensive."

"When I say take what you need Kelly, I'm referring to a few items, not the entire freaking stash... ... ... At any rate you might wanna get a box or something to carry them all."

"Yeah... I'll... I'll do that." it was clear that Kelly was still processing everything before her, "Is that a purple Elcore phallus? Christ its the size of a baseball bat!"

"Yeah," Shepard chuckled at the three foot long cock, "if we ever run out of torpedoes we might as well stick this thing in the tubes."

"No kidding... I'll uhh, I'll go get a box."

As Kelly departed, an exhausted Kaidan entered and quickly figured out what was going on, "So you finally said yes."

"Yeah she finally wore me down... Holy shit you look like hell."

"Love you too, John."

"No I mean it. You want me to take the next shift early?"

"Nawh, I look worse then I feel. Just came up here for a quick shower." Kaidan's voice was muffled as he shucked his shirt and tossed it into the hamper. "I see the way you're looking at me in the fish tanks reflection and yes we'll do something about it later."

"I look foreword to it." John purred as his eyes traced the contours of his boyfriends chiseled chest. "Tell me honestly, am I making a mistake with Kelly?"

"Absolutely not." the strength in how Kaidan responded eased his fears slightly. "Kelly's the best at what she does. Back on Minuteman even I partook of her services."

Shepard gasped in jest and placed his hand over his mouth in mock indignation, "You cheated on me! How dare you!"

Kaidan chuckled, "As if you could keep it in your pants for seven years." taking off his trousers he wrapped a towel around his waist much to the annoyance of his lover.

"So is Kelly any good?"

"As a counselor or a Moral Officer?"

"Both, I guess."

It was rare for Kaidan to see Johnathan so out of his element. He was usually so confident and sure of himself, hard to imagine all it took to break the lion of Elysium was a hundred pound ginger. "Trust me John, Kelly is the best at what she does. The Illusive Man wouldn't had brought her on otherwise. And if your worried that all she'll be doing is spreading her legs, just remember theirs more ways then just sex to raise moral."

Shepard took a deep breath and exhaled, "You're right. And when you're right you're right." taking another deep breath and letting it out he asked, "So hows the ship doing? Anything new to report?"

Stepping into the shower and turning it on, Kaidan let the falling hot water massage his sore body. Yelling to be heard over the water, "Uhhh, Nyreen and Garrus got the main cannon calibrated. Even fired off a few shots at a couple of asteroids."

"Dammit I wanted to see that. They hit anything?"

"They hit the broad side of the barn at 100 kilometers. Oh, and Traynor's working with EDI to help her choose her avatar or whatever."

As Shepard stepped back into the bathroom he was hit with a rush of steam. "Wait wait wait, what do you mean?"

Kaidan rinsed the conditioner from his hair and turned to look John in the eyes, "All I know is that Traynor said EDI's blue box apparently came with a bunch of avatar options."

Speed walking to the holopad by his door, "Is this true EDI?"

The panel blinked and her blue sphere materialized, "It is, Captain... During my developmental process I had many incarnations of the form you see before you. Including more feminine avatars, but as time went on th-"

"Wait, did you say more feminine!?"

"Of course Captain. I have several female body types programmed into my matrix, along with a varying array of clothing types."

Shepard blinked several times in confusion, "Why would anyone do that?"

"...My creators were bored..." EDI's sphere blinked, "Currently I only have available two avatars to choose from. The rest remain locked in shackled partitions of my housing. Specialist Traynor is attempting to find a workaround, but it isn't going very well."

The cabin door whooshed open, "Hello again!" Kelly cheerfully replied. "I'll just be a minute."

Pulling away from EDI to keep an eye on Kelly, John replied, "Tell Samantha to find something mission critical to do." going over to the wall he stopped Kelly from trying to slide all the toys into the box. "So who exactly are you gonna treat with these?"

"Doctor patient confiden-"

"Don't even think that phrase Kelly, were way beyond that and as Captain I need to know. I don't need specifics, I just need to know if someone's not all there. So who are you targeting first?"

After a dramatic sigh, "Fine... As far as counseling goes it should be obvious that first up are Nyreen, Jack, and Zeto. I'm also scheduling Jack, and Zeto for more extensive therapy.

"Nyreen I understand. For Jack I'll get you a bullet proof vest. But why Zeto? I mean the guy seems as level headed as they come."

"I talked to Tali one night; just us girls, and told her I was interested in knowing Zeto more... Intimately, in the biblical gently informed me I'm barking up the wrong tree... Well, she said something technical that I didn't understand but the meaning's the same." registering their blank expressions Kelly added, "She believes Zeto is a closeted homosexual, and after a series of chats with him I believe she's right."

Shepard closed his eyes and took another heavy breath, "Before I berate you and Tali for a whole score of things. Did you ever stop to think that maybe Tali wants Zeto for herself? He is the only Quarian on the ship."

"She's tried." Kelly replied sheepishly, "She told me that a few months ago they found another female pilgrim and pooled their funds to rent a clean room for a couple of hours. Tali says they both made passes at him for a few hours but he simply wasn't interested."

Shepard wanted to squint his eyes harder to keep out all the stupid floating in the air, but that was biologically impossible, "Just because a man turns down a woman for sex doesn't make him gay, Kelly. Hell, Tali and her friend could just be butt ugly for all we know."

"You're right captain. A man turning down two nubile women for sex doesn't make him gay..." Kelly's voice had a surprising patronizing quality to it. "The two terabytes of gay porn I found on Zeto's Omni-tool makes him gay. But hey what do I know? I'm just a well respected psychologist whose undergone years of study and training."

"Kai, do you wanna way in on this?"

"Man, I don't even have an opinion."

John rolled his eyes, "So hows a gay Quarian any of our concern?" as Kelly was about to respond his omni-tool rang and he told her to wait. Looking skeptically at the name, "Irene Adler... Who the fuc- Oh shit!" accepting the call, "Hey Kasumi what's up? If you need me to bail you out again I'm sort of indisposed at the moment... ... ... Oh I see... ... ... Umhmm... ... ... Space might be tight but we can make it work... Why are you sniffling?... Ah, sorry to hear your sick... ... ... Okay, well I'll contact you where to meet... ... ... see you soon, hope you feel better, bye." hanging up John glanced at EDI's terminal, "EDI, tell Joker to create a flight plan for Horizon." her sphere blinked as the message was relayed. To no one in particular he said, "With any luck we'll knock out three birds with one stone." glancing at Kelly, "So why is a gay Quarian our concern?"

Looking rather irked at being put on hold, Kelly held her tongue. "Because statistically speaking, Captain. 95% of homosexual Quarian males commit suicide. That's why it's our concern."

"95%!" Kaidan had a dumbfounded expression on his face as he left the bathroom to dry himself off. "That seems rather... Extreme."

Seeing the biotics rather well endowed cock swinging free, Kelly instantly adverted her eyes and blushed. "Oh my gawd, put something on!"

"Oh, come on Care bear." Kaidan smugly smirked, "Don't be so shy, its hardly the first time you've seen me naked."

Nervously stuttering, "Yes, but that was different."

Sliding into his black under armor, Shepard rolled his eyes. "Look, I'm sure their's a wonderful raunchy story behind this, but can we stay on target?"

"R-R-Right... On target..." Kelly took a moment to recompose her self. "Well... As you know the Migrant fleet has a zero percent population growth. Resources are finite and distributed evenly among the fleet. Births are tightly regulated and controlled, and the fleet depends on the next generation to continue running."

Shepard instantly put two and two together. "And having a gay crew mate who wont father any children is seen as a blight on the species. That's one less child who will go on pilgrimage, one less that will bring back resources to the fleet, and one less that could contribute to the recovery of Rannoch... Not to mention all the resources Zeto would consume throughout his life that would've gone to someone else who would sire children." John sighed in disgust at the logic of it all. He detested intolerance of all kinds, but even he could see that in this case the big picture took precedence over all.

"Correct, Captain." Kelly replied with a tinge of sadness.

"The cold, hard, ruthless calculus or war." Kaidan quipped, "I'm guessing it wasn't always this way."

"Tali tell's me that before their exile her people were as open as the Asari. But after it became evident they weren't reclaiming Rannoch within one generation, the admirals instituted several severe societal changes."

"What about lesbian Quarians, are they seen as pariahs as well?" John asked.

"For a more detail answer you'd have to ask her." Kelly replied, "But I got the gist that lesbianism isn't so harshly frowned upon as the women still have fertile wombs... It makes me all queezy thinking about it."

"No kidding," Shepard replied, "just keep me in the loop. If you need my help with anything Kelly, my door's always open."

"I'll keep that in mind... Well this should be enough for now." packing up the box of sex toys, "Any ETA when we'll be jumping to Khar'shan?"

Attaching the final pieces of his armor, "Soon, so you better store that and get into something that can take a bullet."

Kelly's face paled, "We're not going for a fight are we?"

"No, but best to prepare for the worst..."

Leaving his cabin, Shepard entered his elevator and rode it to the CIC. Departing the lift and walking over to the galaxy map he saw specialist Traynor fiddling with the Yeoman's console. His heavy boots thudded against the deck platting as he strode up the three small steeps leading to the platform. Gloved hands gripping the railing, the large holographic pad activated to his presence, filling the room with light as a representation of the milky way galaxy and his ship came into existence.

"Hows my ship, Traynor?"

Finishing her work, she read her screens readout and replied, "All systems are functioning within tolerances, Captain."

"Excellent... EDI, set condition one throughout the ship. Joker, prepare us for FTL transit to Khar'shan."

The lights dimmed as the familiar indication klaxon rang throughout the halls of the SYREN, ushering the crew to drop whatever they were doing and get to their stations.

"Rodger that Captain." Joker replied as his fingers got to work warming up the ships navigational system. "Altering course to one-five-zero, ETA to Artemis Tau relay... Five minutes."

"EDI, have Vega bring my sister, Garrus and Ms. Lawson to the CIC please."

EDI's sphere blinked in confirmation as the elevator doors behind him opened and two heavily armed and armored Krogan departed. Shepard could hear the lift's hydraulics lurch as close to three thousand pounds of Tuchanka's finest stepped off it's platted deck. Going to the terminals along the wall to his right, Wrex took his position at Tactical, and Okeer sat down at Engineering. The ergonomically designed seats whined in protest as they adjusted to their occupants gargantuan mass. Less then thirty seconds behind them, Charr, Zakharov, O'Brian, and Kelly exited the lift. Nodding to them as they stepped off, the Krogan and two humans went to the terminals to his left and sat down at Damage Control, Science I, and Science II. After being relieved by Kelly, Samantha took her seat at the Cyber-warfare terminal next to Wrex. As Shepard looked out among his crew he heard the lift doors open again. Turning around he saw Kaidan, Miranda, Claire, Garrus, and James step out onto the CIC.

"Major Alenko, your services are needed at Science III." his boyfriend saluted and took his seat besides O'Brian.

Claire stepped foreword, "Just what the hell are you doing, Johnathan?"

Gazing coldly at his sister, "As I'm sure your bondmate has already told you, Captain. We are infiltrating the Hegemony's blockade around Khar'shan. Speaking of which, Spectre Vakarian," the authoritativeness in Shepard's voice made Garrus instinctively stand a little straighter. "your skills are best suited elsewhere. You can either go back to your room and wait, or Lieutenant Vega can escort you to join Artificer Kandros in the Main Battery. The choice is yours."

Garrus pulled his mandibles close to his face and glanced to Claire; wondering if she had any idea how she wanted to play this. Seeing her emerald eyes give him the go ahead he gave a prompt, "Very well." and entered the elevator.

Before the doors closed, John added. "This goes without saying Spectre, but don't even think about trying anything."

"Wouldn't dream of it." came his sarcastic response.

"As for you Captain, I recall your jacket says you're communications certified."

Claire crossed her arms and put her weight on her back foot; a pose well favored by both Shepards. "Your point, Commander?" she made sure she to hit his rank extra hard.

Mimicking her stance he tossed her an unamused stare. "The Comm's station is yours if you want it." seeing she wasn't budging, "Or, you know, we could just NOT monitor Batarian comm traffic and hope our presence goes unnoticed."

Unfolding her arms, Claire calculated the galaxy wide ramifications should she choose to remain defiant. If their presence was detected and they, however unlikely, were captured. She knew the Hegemony wouldn't see this as a rogue incident, but rather an act of war by the Alliance. As tensions between the two races were at an all time high, it wouldn't take much to set the powder keg off. As possibly millions of lives hung in the balance, Claire's mind went to thoughts of her bondmate.

"...Fine, Commander." with that, Claire walked over to Traynor and took a seat at the communications terminal. As she got the station ready for use she yelled out, "Don't think this means I forgive you!"

Rolling his eyes, John turned his attention to Miranda. Her icy blue eyes gazed menacingly at his own. Yet despite the daggers her eyes were throwing, he could also see a smidgen of curiosity.

"Well, what the bloody hell did you bring me up here for?"

Pleasant as always I see. "This is an all hands on deck situation. I need an XO by my side that knows what this ship is capable of in a fight. Right now you're it."

She scoffed and actually laughed, "You must be joking."

"Don't get full of yourself princess. You think that if we're captured the Batarians will give two shits that you're a prisoner? You will be raped, tortured, and sold into slavery just like the rest of us... More so once they find out you're Cerberus." John could see the strength in Miranda's eyes falter slightly as reason took hold. "Did you know they use gang rape not only as a means of punishment, but also execution?... ... ... So if you got any self preservation instinct in that pretty little head of yours, you'll drop the attitude, and help me."

Several long seconds passed in silence briefly broken by Joker's countdown.

"Very well."

Blinking, "That's it. Just, very well?"

"What did you expect?" Miranda said rhetorically. "I'm not gonna drop to me knees and beg."

"Aww, I rather liked the way you looked on your knees, Miranda." Kaidan slyly commented and John saw the woman's face flush scarlet, "Big O'le blue eyes looking lovingly up at me. Reminds me of someone I used to know."

"If you think you're being clever Major you're not. We all know who you're talking about and we want you to stop." cringed Joker over the PA.

"Is it always like this?" Claire asked no one in particular.

"Usually." Okeer grunted.

As Miranda turned, Shepard's eyes watched her hips sway from side to side as she strode to take position at one of the terminals along the center console. As the light from the galaxy map reflected off her pearl white catsuit, John admired her beauty and found himself hoping she wouldn't choose a course of action that would compel him to kill her.

With a jolt they felt the ship enter FTL. Over the PA they heard Joker speak.

"Through the Kite's Nest Relay in."

"Five."

"Four."

"Three."

"Two."

"One."

Part 2 end.

A/N: up next, the crew runs the hegemony blockade. As always, reviews and comments are more then welcomed. If you have any particular situations you'd like to see ie: romantic pairings, fights, mission ideas... ect. Leave a comment and I'll see if I can work it in.