Chapter 14

Sophie and Nate stared at each other for a few minutes before either one spoke.

"So we are…married?" Nate asked softly. He was not sure what he was afraid of more, that she said yes or that she said no.

"We are." Sophie replied.

"How long…?" Nate asked hesitantly.

"Nine months now…"

"I don't…I don't remember." Nate said almost apologetically.

"I know, and that is ok." Sophie said softly. "It will come back to you."

"What if it doesn't?"

"Then we will deal with that."

Silence fell again. Sophie remained standing at the foot of the bed. She did not make a move to go to his side, or to touch him. She did not want to make this any more uncomfortable for him that it obviously already was.

"You've started to remember…?"

"Only…only about…"

"Sam?"

Nate nodded then looked up into her eyes and she could read the pain in his. She steeled herself against the rush of emotions that welled in her. The need to comfort him, to hold him and never let him go, instead she just stood and waited for him to continue.

"I see him…I see…I can see him die…" Nate stuttered and tears welled in his blue eyes as he averted them from her trying to hide his pain from her.

"You don't want to remember…" Sophie said her voice calm and steady.

Nate nodded his head without looking at her. To not remember Sam's death meant to not remember them.

"I understand." Sophie said and she did. The years he had spent drunk, trying to avoid those memories, and finally when he had come to terms with all of it, when he had been able to work through it, this happens. It was not fair, but it was happening, so she would help him through it as best she could.

"Do you?" Nate asked looking up at her again, and this time the look sent a shiver through her.

"Yes I do Nate…" She said trying to keep the fear of what he really meant out of her voice.

"I'm sorry." Nate said bowing his head slightly in shame. He knew he loved this woman. He had loved for a long time, long before Sam had become ill, long before he had died and long before his marriage had ended. He had never acted on those feelings, and he never would have. But he knew that his love for her was as real then as it was now.

"Nate. There is nothing to be sorry about. You don't want to remember Sam's death. I understand that, they understand that. But you will, weather you want to or not. You will remember, it has already started and it is going to hurt. So you have a choice. Either you can share that pain with me…with us, your family and get through it. Or you can do what you did all those years ago and hide away from it in a bottle. If you chose to do that, I can't stop you, nobody can. But you will be losing something very precious. You will be losing everything you built up over the last five years. You will be losing your family. You can't bring Sam back. But you can have us back. All of us…Parker, Hardison, Eliot…your family. It's your choice."

Nate did not answer her. He did not look at her. She was right. It was his choice. But he had never been good at facing emotional things, and the pain he was feeling was almost too much for him to bear. It was more than he wanted to bear. He just wanted it to disappear and if that meant they had to disappear with it…

"Look at me Nate." Sophie said softly.

Nate raised his head brining up his blue eyes that shone brightly with unshed tears to meet her chocolate brown ones.

"I love you. They love you. We will be here for you no matter what. But we can't stop you from doing whatever it is you think you need to do. We never have been able to do that. But we will be here for you always. Just know that."

"I…I just want this pain to stop…I want him back Sophie…I just want him back."

"I know…" Sophie said unable to keep the tears from her own eyes as she watched his face contort with the emotional pain he was going through.

She could not help herself then. She rounded the bed and moved to his side. She leaned over and wrapped her arms around him, fully expecting him to spurn her at that moment, but he didn't. He grabbed onto her and clung to her as if she were his only lifeline and he was a drowning man. His body shook as he silently wept for a long dead son. She pulled him close and ran her hand through his hair not saying anything, just allowing him to cry.

"I love you Nate. I can't bring him back. I can't take these feelings away from you, but I will be here for you. You lived through this once and you can do it again. We will all help you…you just need to let us." Sophie whispered to him.

She held him then, rocking him gently in her arms. She knew this was a start, but there was a long way to go. Nate had loved Maggie, loved her very much, but in the end the pain and anguish of Sam's death had driven him from her. He had not been able to cope with the misery and the sorrow and had turned to the bottle for solace. True Maggie had been going through the same pain as Nate then, Sam was her son too, she could not help herself then, let alone be strong for Nate. Sophie only hoped that there would be a better ending to this story. She was sure that between them, Eliot, Parker, Hardison and herself they could help Nate through this, he just had to allow them to do that.

They sat like that for what seemed like hours until Nate had stopped sobbing. Then he gently pushed himself away from her and lay back on the bed closing his eyes.

"I don't remember them. When Parker was in here with Hardison…I just…I don't remember any feelings of friendship…family… I just don't." He said opening his eyes and looking at her. "When I looked at her, at them, all I saw were two thieves whom I had chased."

"I know, but memories will come back." Sophie said then smiled at him as he opened his mouth to speak again. "If they don't…then I don't know Nate. There are no hard and fast answers. What I do know is that those three people out there would move the world for you, don't you think you owe it to them to at least give them a chance?"

"I don't know if it will ever be the same again. That bond you and Maggie seem to think is so strong." Nate sighed heavily. "I…I just don't know Sophie." Nate said then looked at her seriously again. "I also…I know…I just…" He stuttered unable to get his thoughts together enough to voice them to her.

"Nate…?" Sophie said her heart suddenly clenching. Had she read this wrong, his allowing her to comfort him.

"Sophie…you know I have always had feelings for you. You know that. I just don't remember…I can't believe that we…that I…"

"That we are married?"

"Amongst other things…" Nate said blushing slightly. "It's just that…I don't know Sophie, it FEELS right but…but wrong at the same time…" Nate saw the look in her eyes and smiled sadly. "I know I am making no sense…"

"No…no. You are making complete sense…for the Nate of old." Sophie said. "You have to remember who you became Nate, you are not nearly the same man as you are remembering. So much happened in your life, in our lives…we went through so much."

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry you have to go through this…" Nate said softly.

"No…no Nate don't say that. I want to go through this…" Sophie shook her head then and smiled. "I mean I want to be here with you. I want to help you. We knew it would be hard, but it could have been worse. The tumor could have caused a lot more damage than just your memory Nate. Don't ever say you are sorry about that again, not ever."

Sophie said it so emphatically that Nate had to wonder why. What had happened that she was adamant that she wanted to here with him, despite the circumstances? Had he guilted her into being here he thought, nobody would willingly go through this and if what she said was true and it could have been worse, then it must have been one hell of a guilt trip he had laid on her. And what about the others, although he did not remember their family relationship, he trusted it was true, and if it was what gave him the right to put them through any of this? He should never have involved them.

"What are you thinking Nate?" Sophie asked watching him closely.

Nate looked up at her and saw the concerned expression. He smiled at her and took her hand in his.

"Nothing…I'm just tired." He said trying to allay her fears. He was a bastard he thought…to do this to her, he had no right.

"Ok, well do you want me to leave?" She asked hoping he would say no but knowing that was not going to happen.

"If you don't mind…I just need some time…I…"

"It's ok Nate." Sophie said leaning in and kissing him on his forehead. "You take as much time as you need. We will be around when you need us." She said then turned to leave the room.

"Sophie…"

"Shhh…" Sophie said as she opened the door. "Just know we are here." Then she walked out leaving the door open and Nate staring after her.

She walked to the couches and sat down heavily.

"So how did that go?" Eliot asked.

"I'm not sure Eliot…I'm not sure." She said then seeing the angst on their faces started to tell them what had happened, what Nate had said and what her impression of the situation was.

Will Nate let Sophie and the others help him deal with his returning memories of Sam or will he ultimately go back to drowning his pain? Will his love for Sophie and hers for him be enough to pull him through this, or will that ultimately make him leave them due to his sense of duty? Reviews are so very much appreciated.