Episode 13: MegaMan Moves Away Part 1
It's another day at MegaMan Jr. High.
ElecMan: And that's how Sigma wasted all the ivory. Class dismissed.
The students go home, walking past the ivory spike sculpture that's gathering dust on the ground because no one can touch it without exploding. MegaMan reaches his house.
Light: MegaMan! I have a very important dinner tonight with my boss!
MegaMan: I thought you were self employed!
Axl: I didn't think you had a job.
Light: What are you talking about? Everyone knows I work for Capcom, and that Capcom is a robotics company in this reality. Anyway, their new president is coming to dinner, and he's incredibly corrupt. I could be fired if things don't go perfectly!
MegaMan: Who's the new president?
Light: Some maniac who took over the corporate headquarters by force, demanding a MegaMan X9.
KI walks in.
KI: Sorry I'm late, I was "convincing" Nintendo to tell me the release date of New Super Mario Bros.
We hear a sound coming from KI's car.
KI: You know what I want, Iwata!
Voice: I'm Kojima! You went to the wrong/
KI shuts the door.
KI: Okay, time for the dinner I'm using as a lifetime performance review.
Light: But… school just ended! It's only 9:28AM!
KI: No excuses!
Light: This isn't good…
We hear more sounds from KI's car.
Voice 2: Let us out! I don't work for Nintendo either, I'm not even a game designer!
KI: I figured that out, but since I already captured you, Matt, I want to know what state Springfield is in.
Voice 3: At least let me out! What do you want from me?
KI: You didn't give me enough ketchup packets! Now be quiet, Bushnell!
KI thinks for a moment.
KI: Well, you got lucky Light, you have until I get back from returning everyone. Normally I'd put it off, but, well, the car is stolen and everything.
KI leaves.
Light: Okay MegaMan, we have to get everything ready for dinner! We have to pull out all the stops:
One call to Pizza Hut later:
Light: Okay, we're ready. My entire career, and by extension our ability to continue to live in RockMan City, depends entirely on this dinner!
Act break.
Act 2:
KI walks in again.
KI: Stupid corrupt police force. Made me bribe them for each person I kidnapped.
Light: Well, don't worry about that now. I promise you that absolutely nothing will go wrong with this dinner! Absolutely nothing!
There's an explosion in the kitchen.
MegaMan: Dad! The lobsters are out of control! They formed an alliance with the turkeys!
Light: We ordered grissing pizza!
Axl: With live lobsters and turkeys on it.
KI: Well, this looks like a bad time. I'll come back another time.
KI leaves.
Light: What a relief.
10 seconds later:
KI: Okay, I'm back. Impress me.
Light: Now what are we supposed to do?
MegaMan: Try stalling.
Light: KI, is it okay if we wait a few minutes, hours, years, etc. for dinner?
KI: No! I can't wait forever!
Light: Well if you're hungry, there's a Cliché Mart right next door/
KI: I'm not hungry at all. The sole purpose of this dinner is to put pressure on you.
We hear another explosion from the kitchen.
Axl: MegaMan, this isn't a good time to work on your science project!
We hear screams and a voice saying "I will devour all humans!" Then more explosions.
Axl: I mean it! Stop playing that tape recording you made from that low budget 50s sci-fi movie!
MegaMan: But I need it! That movie is the basis for my argument against genetic engineering!
KI: Now may not be the most un-needlessly evil time to bring this up, but I'm allergic to pizza.
Light: Really?
KI: No, and I'm not actually going to eat anyway. Just adding another condition to make your life difficult.
Light: Okay, I need to think of something. I guess I have no choice. It's a little early to use this, but…
Light holds up a SNES emblem.
Light: DEUS EX MACHINA!
Cut to Light, KI, MegaMan, Axl, and for some reason Nolan Bushnell sitting at a table, a complete dinner prepared.
Light: Looks like everything turned out okay.
KI: Well, I guess I can't find any justification to fire you. And I of course try to be fair in my running of this show.
We hear a warning siren go off. Everyone goes outside.
Zero: The Eurasia colony is about to crash into RockMan City!
Sigma: My plan is working! Soon, Zero will awaken to his true self! Now, to teleport to safety!
Sigma presses a button. Nothing happens.
Sigma: My teleportation program is gone!
Wily: You removed it so that you could install an Atari 5200 emulator, remember?
Sigma: NO! I'm doomed!
KI: Calm down. I'm fully capable of stopping the colony from destroying RockMan City. Light, just use a Deus Ex Machina emblem.
Light: I… already used this episode's…
KI: WHAT?
Light: It's not my fault! You didn't even mention they existed yet!
KI: Fine.
KI takes out an emblem with a picture of an onion on it.
KI: PARODY OF THE FLANDERS SONG!
Tornado Tonion appears.
Tonion: DEM emblems are a plot gimmick for this episode, a reason for Light to get fired.
Tonion leaves.
KI: You heard the tonion. There's nothing I can do.
The space crashes into RockMan City. The entire town is destroyed. KI fights his way out, and uses an emblem with Mr. Spacely's picture on it.
KI: LIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHTTTTT! You're fired!
Act break.
Act 3:
MegaMan: My Dad lost his job? This is the worst thing that's ever happened to me!
The camera zooms out and we see the post apocalyptic RockMan City.
Light: You can't fire me! You know why? Because I quit!
KI: Fine. That way I don't have to give you severance pay.
Light: Gris!
MegaMan: What are we going to do? Without your job, how will we pay for our house?
Axl: You mean that smoldering heap where the colony landed?
Light: I can't believe I lost my job. I've had that job since the first episode…
Zero: Actually, you've only had it since act 1. It was just a setup so that you could get fired.
KI: Shouldn't you be virus possessed right now?
Zero: Why bother? You know that you'll just ignore the effects of the colony crashing.
Light: Well, I guess I don't have a choice. We're going to have to… move.
Act break mini!
It's the next day at school.
Roll: You can't move away MegaMan! All our lives revolve around you!
Bass: Yeah! I wanted to make you have to leave by beating you fair and square! Or by blackmail. Or mafia connections. Or KI firing Light because the dinner itself was messed up. But not like this!
Roll: We won't let this happen! When have we ever failed when we set our minds to something?
Zero: We still have the Battle Chip Club. Other then that, we've failed at everything.
Roll: Oh. Well, we succeeded once! And we can again/
Wily: You have a secret Battle Chip Club? Detention for everyone!
And so the Battle Chip Club is finally closed down. Stay tuned for the next sentence.
Roll: We need a plan!
Ceil: I think I have an idea…
Cut to the kids in MegaMan's basement.
MegaMan: Making counterfeit KI Funbucks was a great idea!
Roll: It's a perfect plan!
There's a knock on the door.
Sergeant Officer: This is a raid!
The police burst in.
Officer: I knew it! This is the paper that got stolen last week! You kids are in a lot of trouble, unless you bribe me with all your counterfeit money.
And so the counterfeiting scheme ends.
Roll: I'm sorry MegaMan, we tried our best.
MegaMan: I know. But it looks like I'll have to move anyway. Take this to remember me by.
MegaMan gives Roll Light's unemployment check.
Light: Okay MegaMan, it's time to go.
MegaMan, Light, and Axl get into the family skull tank. ProtoMan gets into his wagon tied to the skull tank. They drive away, off to their new lives.
Axl: Dad, don't you think you should have gotten a house, or job, or at least some idea where we were moving to before we left?
To be continued.