"Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision."

Eric Fromm

Late at night, all of the roads in the city were mostly clear. One car sped down across a bridge, aware of the fact that the police didn't come out as far as it was traveling. There was a man driving in the front seat, stone faced with a woman sitting in the backseat behind him. They drove silently for a while until the woman finally broke the uncomfortable silence.

Their conversation went something like this:

"I'm sorry."

"Too late now."

"What did you do with them?"

"The same thing that I'm going to do with you."

Pause.

"You're bluffing."

"You know me so well. Look, I'll forgive you for your unruly outburst, but if it happens again you'll suffer the consequences."

"So where are they?"

And that was where it ended. The man never answered her question, just smiled a charming, but creepily sinister smile and continued the drive.

A couple of miles away, two SUVs were making their way through the countryside. They passed over the same bridge that the man and the woman had just passed over. They drove down the same road, but at the next turn they went left while the man and the woman went right, the two groups traveled in opposite directions without knowing who was going down the other road.

The two SUVs arrived at a large suburban house a few minutes later. It was two stories, maybe three, but it was hard to tell from the outside. It was made of pale brown bricks with white trim on the edges of the dark brown roof. The garage doors were painted black and there was a long front porch leading to the front door. The one thing that Reid noticed as he walked up to the house was the large grandiose windows. He picture JJ sitting inside, staring out the large windows at the outside world that she hadn't yet experienced.

His shoes thumped against the wood porch as he approached the door. He glanced behind him and saw that the team wasn't there. They were by the garages talking about something, but they hadn't called him back so he assumed it wasn't important and carried on.

It felt vaguely violating to be invading JJ's house without her permission or knowledge. He used the key that he had been given back at the police station to open the door. It creaked open with what he could only assume was age. He looked around at the inside of the house and couldn't help smiling.

To his left there was what looked like an unused dining room with a beautiful chandelier hanging above a sleek wooden table that looked like it had never been touched.

On the right there was an office with its doors wide open. He could see a computer and a desk in there, along with a bookshelf filled with books. That looked like a room Reid would be comfortable in. He assumed that it was JJ's father's office.

He walked ahead into the large foyer with the stairs running along the right wall just behind the office doors. The ceiling was high in the foyer with large windows towards the top, lighting up the whole area. The second floor hallway was open, making it visible from the foyer on one side and from the living room on the other.

Reid walked underneath the upstairs hallway, held up by an arc and entered the living room where there was a large couch and a TV directly across from it. There was a sunroom just beyond the living room that led out onto the back porch which was on stilts because JJ's house was sitting on a hill. The kitchen was attached to the living room also and he noted that the guest room and master bedroom were downstairs. He ventured into the basement, which was actually pleasant. They had carpeted it and basically turned it into another room with a bedroom attached. Because their house was on a hill, the basement was only halfway underground, meaning that he could walk out the basement door and find himself underneath the tall back porch.

Next he went up the stairs where family pictures were nailed on the wall leading up to the second floor. He walked slowly, examining the pictures as he went up. He recognized JJ easily with a big smile and bright blue eyes shining in every picture. Her brothers were also in the pictures, it looked like Cole was shining just as bright as JJ while Travis smiled a charming, gentle smile in the background. There was a second girl in a couple of the pictures too. She had a large smile on her face just like her siblings. She looked a lot like JJ, blonde hair, pretty eyes. As he traveled up the stairs, Sarah started appearing less and less in pictures until she wasn't in them at all. And in the pictures after that, none of their smiles seemed to shine as bright.

On the second floor there were three bedrooms and a frog, which had also been turned into a fourth bedroom. He turned left when he got to the top and entered one of the bedrooms. Inside he found countless football memorabilia sitting on shelves and team jerseys hanging on the walls. He looked around and saw Cole's name in large, confident letters on the bulletin board. He could see how this room fit the man he had met a few days earlier. Directly across the hall was another boy's room, obviously Travis'. To Reid, this room was more soft-spoken with band posters, trophies and certificates, most of them for writing. The thing that intrigued Reid the most was a bulletin board hanging by the bed. It was filled with what looked like endless pieces of paper ranging in size from tiny scraps to full pieces. Each had a quote written on it. Some were famous and others were unknown, but they were all awe-inspiring.

When Reid finished looking at that he turned around and saw that there was drawer of Travis' desk labeled Stories. His curiosity got the better of him. He walked over, pulled the drawer open and picked up the paper lying on the top of the large stack. It had no title so he began reading.

She stared. Her eyes wide and vast with innocence, searching the dark for something that she was missing, something we were all missing. I watched her sitting there by the window, staring. There was something in her eyes unrecognizable, an emotion none of us had seen before. Living in this town, we'd seen joy, anger, jealousy, pride, and the most moderate kind of sadness. This place was untouchable to us, invincible, there was no sadness. But in her eyes, I saw a sorrow that I never once seen before, an unimaginable misery that radiated in those deep blue eyes as she scanned the sky. I wasn't sure whatshe was looking for. I thought maybe she wondered if there was God or a heaven or something, but then I realized it wasn't what she was looking for…it was who, but I could tell she couldn't find it for the sadness in her eyes grew. Tears brimmed in them, but never fell.

She tried so hard to be strong, to be as strong as the rest of us. And that was unfair of us to think that she was able to keep up. It was unfair of us to leave her behind as the wound that punctured us all started to heal.

She was lost. She was so lost.

And I didn't even notice it back then. None of us did. But I wished I had because while we were all going on without lives, she was falling apart in the background. And she was doing it alone.

She didn't see me until I walked over. I sat down beside her, put my arm around her, told a joke. It was all I could think to do.

She smiled brightly, masking the sadness that I had previously seen. I stared into her eyes as we talked, but she was a master of disguise, a master of hiding and holding in emotions.

I felt for her, I really did, but all I could do was offer her another joke and then make up an excuse to leave. I was naïve, young. I didn't understand what she felt until years later when I felt the same thing. I regret that conversation and the way that I didn't address the sadness that I knew she had.

Some people say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I disagree. I think they are the doors. And hers were closed, holding in the emotions and feelings she wanted to express. It was up to me to grab the handle and help her to pull it open, but I didn't. I let it stay closed. And until someone grabs that handle, that door will never open.

Her door was not the only one that I left closed, there was another before that. Her eyes showed the same look and I saw it just the same, but I never moved to open that door. I just figured there would always be time for me to open it, but without knowing it, in the middle of the night, her doors were sealed shut along with her eyes, as they would be forever.

And the girl I was watching now…her eyes were just as filled with sadness as the girl that was before her. But still, I sat and did nothing as her doors slowly shut. I stood idly by, but why? Was I scared? Was I unsure? No. I was grieving, as was she. It was impossible for me to heal someone else while I was trying to heal myself.

If ever I could, I would find her, open that door and wait…because I think that if I opened hers then she could finally open mine.

And then we could both stare at each other and I would finally say what I had always wanted to say: I'm sorry.

Reid finished and immediately felt terrible for reading it. It was obviously a private piece of writing that Reid had invaded. He thought it had been about JJ's sister at first, but then he realized it was mostly about JJ. He had never really thought about how the suicide had affected JJ and her family's life afterwards. He felt bad, but wasn't sure why. Maybe it was just in general. He just felt bad for JJ in general.

"Reid?"

He jumped when he heard a voice come from the doorway. His back was to the door so he took the story, folded it and put it in his pocket. He wasn't sure why he wanted to keep it. Maybe it was because it was one of the first things in a long time that actually made him think, made him wonder.

He turned around slowly to find Hotch standing in the doorway. "Travis' room." He stated to the unit chief.

Hotch nodded and glanced around the room, "Come on. We're all going to JJ's room now and we could use your help to…" He trailed off, knowing that Reid got the point.

Reid nodded, followed him out of Travis' room and then down the hallway where there were two more doorways across from each other. The one to his left was open and he could see his team members already looking through it. He assumed that was JJ's room. The door to his left was closed.

He reached for the handle, but Hotch stopped him. "That's Sarah's room." He said.

And that was enough to make Reid recoil. He wasn't going to look in it; none of them were, not yet. But if it came down to it, they would.

The two men turned back towards JJ's room and entered. He saw that Emily and Rossi were already trying to open her diary, but there was a lock on it that they could not get open and that made Reid relieved. He didn't want to read her diary. They were there to try to figure out more things about her mother, her father and her brothers…her family, not her deepest seated secrets.

And the worst part was...he knew where the key was.

JJ's life was soccer back then when she would have been writing in her diary. If there was somewhere she would keep the key, it would be soccer related. It was simple, but no one would think of it off the top of their head…well, except for Reid. He spotted a soccer trophy on the bookshelf and he knew it had to be somewhere near there.

But he didn't speak up. He stood by, pretending to look at things in her room until he heard Emily starting to come to the same realization that he had come to a few minutes earlier. She walked over to the trophy, pulled the key out from underneath it and inserted it into the small lock holding the diary shut.

Reid shook his head and walked over to Rossi and Emily, shutting the diary before either of them could read it. He snatched it out of Emily's hands.

"What the hell, Reid?" She asked, reaching for it again.

Reid pulled it out of her grasp. "What is this going to help? Going through her deepest thoughts and secrets, how will that help us learn things about this case? If there's one thing that I know JJ would want right now…it would be for us to respect her privacy."

Emily nodded, "I get where you're coming from, but in order to understand what was happening in that part of her life, we need a written account…like a diary."

Reid stared into Emily's eyes, his anger taking over before he could manage to control it. "Fine, you want to read it? Go ahead, but I won't. You know what? I'm not doing any of this. I'm done. I'm…I'm just done." He handed the diary to Emily forcefully, turned on his heels and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

He heard Hotch call out to him, but he was already walking down the hall.

No one followed him.

He walked down the stairs to the first floor and then down to the basement. He just needed to get away; he needed to be somewhere quiet, peaceful. From the back door, he could see the leaves blowing outside. He sat down in one of the chairs, faced it towards the window and watched the leaves. He wondered if this is where JJ sat when she stared and thought about her sister. He pictured her…an eleven year old girl, sitting where he was sitting, thinking about things that no one that age should have to worry about.

Reid pulled the paper out of his pocket and reread it…twice.

Travis really was an enchanting writer, his words were enticing, descriptive. Reid wondered what else he had written and if it had been about JJ as well. He was sure there was more and he was tempted to go back up and look, but he never did. And never would.

He went over one of the lines from Travis' writing:

"Some people say that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I disagree. I think they are the doors. And hers were closed, holding in the emotions and feelings she wanted to express."

Reid thought about that. He thought about JJ's eyes, how guarded they were, how she put up walls to seal off her emotions. He realized that was what Travis meant by the "doors" and JJ's were still closed.

And he silently vowed to himself that if he got the chance he would open them because that door had been closed for too long. It was about time that someone picked the lock, got inside and repaired the cracks.

Because JJ needed that.

She deserved it.

"Guys," Garcia's voice came out of a phone that was sitting on JJ's desk, "I found something on her computer." She didn't sound excited, more like haunted by what she was doing.

They had given her the IP address so she could search through the computer from where she was in Quantico.

"What is it?" Hotch asked, lingering near the computer.

"This was from...1995 when JJ was 17. I found some messages that she was exchanging with a boy named Logan Bennett. I already looked him up, he checks out…he's about a year older than her…give or take a couple months. I pulled the messages up on the computer there. You guys should check it out." Garcia told them solemnly and then hung up.

Hotch sat down at the chair in front of the computer and read the messages that were displayed on the screen.

Tue, September 22, 1995, 7:30 PM

Logan: This town is a hell hole, full of all these people…that don't understand. Don't you wish we could just run away? Get out of here for good?

JJ: We can.

Logan: How?

JJ: Just like you said. We could run away. We could go to the city somewhere, just us. It just has to be anywhere but here. This town isn't the same anymore.

Logan: Are you serious?

JJ: Of course I am. We could do this, you know. You're 18, I'm 17. We could both get jobs in the city, make a living.

Logan: You're serious.

JJ: Yea.

Logan: Maybe we could…

JJ: You know what this town is to me. No one wants to get out of here more than me.

Logan: And I want to get you out. We're going to do this. Pack your stuff. We're leaving Friday.

Fri, October 01, 1995, 9:04 PM

Logan: I'm coming at midnight, be ready on the back porch.

JJ: I'll be there.

Wed, November 20, 1995, 2:44 AM

JJ: Are you okay?

Logan: You shouldn't be talking to me.

JJ: Don't worry, my dad isn't home. He's out again.

Logan: Again?

JJ: I'm sorry about what happened. It was my fault. I never should have suggested we leave. I didn't know that it would turn out like that.

Logan: I just have one question. Before your dad came, we were walking down the street in the city. You freaked out and I didn't know why. Who did you see?

JJ: No one.

Logan: Tell me.

JJ: I wish I could.

Logan: Why can't you?

Wed, November 20, 1995, 3:45 AM

JJ: No one can know.

Logan: I think I love you.

Thu, November 21, 1995, 12:00 AM

Logan: JJ? Are you there?

Fri, November 22, 1995, 1:22 AM

Logan: JJ, please talk to me.

Sat, November 23, 1995, 12:44 AM

Logan: JJ?

JJ: I'm here.

Logan: Where have you been?

JJ: Where do you think?

Logan: We need to talk.

JJ: I can't.

Logan: What's going on with you?

JJ: Nothing.

Logan: Did you get the message I sent earlier?

JJ: Yes.

Logan: And what do you think?

JJ: I can't.

Logan: You can't or you don't?

JJ: I can't.

Logan: So you do?

JJ: Maybe you're right. We do need to talk. Meet me by the train tracks tomorrow tonight at midnight.

Sun, November 24, 1995, 3:23 AM

Logan: Who was that?

Logan: Are you okay? Did you get home?

Logan: Why did he call you his…sister?

Hotch was complete confused by that. He tried to understand, but there were so many holes in the story that it was hard to. What he did know was that JJ's birthday was in November and she would have been turning 17, meaning if the story she told during interrogation had been true, her mother's murder would have happened during this time.

He knew what they had to do.

He printed the messages out from the printer in her room and then turned to the rest of the team. "Come on everyone. We're leaving."

"I take it you found something." Emily assumed.

Hotch nodded with a small shrug as he pulled the papers out of the printer and then handed her the messages. "You tell me." He said as he walked out.

The rest of the team lingered for a few moments before following him out of the room and then getting into the SUVs parked outside, but Hotch wasn't there.

Their unit chief emerged from the house minutes later and climbed into the driver's seat. "Reid is staying here." He stated blankly, not sure how he felt about it.

Emily, who was sitting in the backseat, had just finished reading the messages. "We're going to Logan's house, aren't we?" She asked.

Hotch nodded and started the car, "Someone get Garcia on the phone."

Carson pulled over when he knew they were getting close to the house. He got out of the car, opened the back and put a blindfold over JJ's eyes. It was black and he tied it tight to make sure that she couldn't see anything. He also tightened the rope around her wrists to make sure she wasn't loose. When he finished with that, he got back into the driver's seat and continued driving.

From there, JJ tried to measure time and pay attention to the turns that he took. It didn't help though because as it turned out, they were still an hour away from the house so JJ quickly lost count of minutes and turns.

When they finally arrived, Carson helped JJ out of the car. She felt grass tickling her ankles, but that was just about all she felt. That was weird though because that meant that he had parked in the grass…she wondered why. He touched her back to push her along towards the house. She walked willingly, she wanted desperately to make sure her brothers were okay.

She heard the door of a house creak open.

"There's a step right here." Carson's voice was in her ear. He was chillingly close, his breath hot on her neck.

JJ stepped up, the floor creaking underneath her feet. It felt like a hardwood floor, but as they walked across the room and started walking down the stairs, it transitioned to carpet. At the bottom of the stairs, the floor changed again to concrete…maybe brick.

"This is where you will stay. I will bring you food in an hour, until then…get comfortable." Carson took her blindfold off gently and then tediously undid the rope tied around her wrists. He gave her a smiled before turning around and walking up the stairs, "Please…explore."

The door at the top of the stairs shut and she heard it lock.

That was when she took in her surroundings. The room was dark, with light grey walls and one single wall lamp centered on the wall farthest away from her. There was a couch in this room made out of what looked like expensive dark leather and there was also a wood coffee table with a newspaper on it. This looked like it could be a normal living room. She also saw a dining table on the other side of the room, it was nice. Five places were set at it. Lastly, across from the couch was a TV. It wasn't flat screen, it was big and bulky. She picked up the remote off the couch and tested it only to find that it actually worked, which was a surprise.

And then JJ spotted a door near the wall lamp, two doors actually. She walked to the closer one and opened it only to find a bathroom with a large bathtub, shower and even a window which of course was nailed shut with bars over the glass. She'd checked. On the counter there was a note:

Make yourself at home. There are toiletries under the sink. If you need anything let me know.

JJ let out a sigh. This note made it seem like this was going to be a long term thing, which it might be…she didn't know.

She walked out of the bathroom and entered the second door. On the other side, the first thing she saw was a picture on the wall. It was painting of a sunset, very beautiful actually. The walls in this room were pale yellow, creating a warmer more comfortable feeling than the room she had just exited.

There were two beds in this room and a couch by the door. There was also a dresser and a closet, both full of clothes. She also noticed, on the other side of the room, that there were two more doors to be opened. The first one she went into was a second bathroom. It was completely white with sunlight flooding in from a window and reflecting off the shiny tiles, blinding her for a moment, but when she recovered she saw two men in there, both sitting on the side of the bathtub: her brothers.

Travis saw her first, "JJ?" He asked as he stood up and embraced her in a hug, "I'm so glad you're here…I mean, I'm not glad you're here, I'm sorry that you are, but…" He trailed off as he noticed JJ wasn't looking at him.

Her eyes were on her other brother who was still sitting by the bathtub with his shirt off. His back was covered in bruises and cuts, most of which were still bleeding. "Oh my god, what happened?"

"Ethan happened."

JJ looked at Travis, "Who's Ethan?"

Travis shrugged, "He's in charge of discipline. We don't know anything about him except his name and that he's one hell of a fighter."

"And that they know about us, our families." Cole said, "Ethan threatened my kids and Emma…so I punched him, but then things got ugly. He hit me with this stick thing so many times that my back just went numb. I stopped feeling it."

JJ walked around to the other side of Cole to see his face. It was just as bad as his back. His left eye was blackened and he had a swollen lip along with blood dripping out of his nose. "Oh Cole." She sat down in front of him and brushed his sweat covered hair out of his face before walking over to the counter and reaching under the sink to get a wash cloth. She soaked that wash cloth with warm water and then walked back over to Cole, sitting in front of him. She dabbed at his nose gently, "I'm so sorry that this happened." She said softly.

"It's not your fault." Travis said from where he was sitting behind Cole, dabbing at the cuts on his back.

JJ shook her head, "I know him. The guy that took us, I know him. I met him a few days ago, talked to him…and now we're here." She sighed.

Travis left the silence hanging for a few moments before speaking again, "There was no way you could have known." He said, "We don't blame you for this, Jayje so don't blame yourself."

Cole gave a small nod without speaking, he was too busy trying to keep from wincing.

They finished cleaning him up about a half an hour later and then JJ skillfully used a light towel cover the wounds on his back.

"We'd better start getting dressed." Travis said, standing up.

JJ stood up too, gently helping Cole to his feet as well. "For what?"

Travis faced his sister, "Dinner. We have to dress up every night for dinner." He explained before walking back into the bedroom. "This," He pointed to the second door in that room that she had never gone through, "is your room. You'll find your clothes in there."

JJ pulled that door open and descended into her room. The door shut behind her. Inside, she found a large queen bed, a dresser, a closet and a third bathroom that she realized connected back to the bathroom that she had gone into when she first arrived. She went into the walk-in closet only to find it stocked with clothes, mostly dresses. There were so many to choose from, she didn't know which one to pick…until she saw the note on the door.

Wear the red dress. There is make-up and hair products underneath the sink in the bathroom. Make sure you're on time for dinner.

The red dress popped out from the others in the closet. She took it off the hanger, undressed and slowly slipped it on. It was a tight dress, showing all of her curves and cutting off just above her knees. There were heels underneath all the dresses, she chose the black ones. And then she descended into the bathroom, locking the door that led to the bedroom and the other that led to the living room. Slowly, carefully she did her make-up and ran a brush through her hair, adding some products. By the time she finished, she looked acceptable so she exited the bathroom, walked through her room and entered her brothers' room. They were both dressed.

Travis was wearing black pants, a white collared dress shirt with thin dark blue stripes on it, a dark blue tie and a black blazer with a white pocket square in the pocket. He looked handsome.

Cole was also wearing black pants, but he had on a light blue collared dress shirt with a white bow tie and a black blazer. He was facing the mirror, running a comb through his hair.

"You look great." Travis said as he walked over to her and kissed her cheek.

JJ smiled at her brothers, "So do you and Cole. I like this color on you Travis and that bowtie is great." She winked at Cole when he turned to look at her. "What time is dinner?"

"5 minutes." Cole answered, "We should go sit down."

JJ followed her brothers out of the room and then sat down with them at the table as they waited for their captors to come down so they could have dinner with them. She folded her hands on the table nervously, unsure of what to expect.

Travis gave her a comforting smile, "Don't be nervous." He told her, "We're here with you...and we won't let anything happen to you."

JJ met Travis' eyes and offered a small smile before looking over at Cole who also gave her a nod in agreement. They shared that small moment just before the door from upstairs opened and two sets of footsteps started to make their way down.

"Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words."

Rumi

A/N: I realize that Sarah is actually not the name of JJ's sister, but because I wrote this before I knew that I decided to just keep it so that the story wouldn't get confusing. Sorry about that. There should be a lot of exciting stuff coming up in the next few chapters so look for updates and review! Thanks!