Under Pressure

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She couldn't keep herself from thinking it wasn't fair. Shepard/Garrus, ME3.

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Disclaimer: This author in no way profits from the writing of this story. All characters, dialogue, or other referenced material from the Mass Effect trilogy belongs to Bioware.

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You are the sole ray of hope in a very dark night.

Shepard couldn't keep the asari councilor's words out of her mind as she shot the head off of one target after another in the Spectre firing range across the hall from Udina's office.

She hated them. All of them.

As if she needed one more person telling her that they were relying on her. As if she needed the extra pressure right now.

As if she didn't already know that every goddamn person in the galaxy was relying on her alone to fix everything.

It started with Admiral Hackett, someone she had always looked up to. She wanted to do him proud, to complete every task he sent her way. But she began to resent him as he put demands on her that were beyond any reasonable kind of expectations, even in wartime. She was only one person, after all.

She was fairly certain that no one else had managed to remember that.

She let out a sigh as she looked out across the littered practice range, realizing she was running out of targets. She may as well stop wasting her time, anyways. She was stalling, ignoring the problem. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't shoot those feelings away.

Still filled with turmoil, Shepard packed up her things and headed back to the Normandy.

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She called out reflexively when she heard the knock at her door. "Come in."

"Shepard, I—" The voice stopped short when she turned and saw Garrus standing in the doorway. "Never mind, Shepard, I'll take care of it. You look like you need to get some rest."

She bristled at his words. "I'm fine," she said shortly. "What do you need?"

She turned back to her terminal to shut off her messages, but stilled her movements when she felt two hands come to rest on her shoulders. "I need you to get some sleep," Garrus said, more gently than before.

Shepard sighed with annoyance. "I told you, I'm fine." She stood up, removing a hand from her shoulder and walking away, out of his reach.

"When was the last time you slept?" he asked, in that authoritarian C-Sec voice he still used when he wanted answers.

"I don't know," Shepard said, picking up a datapad, anything to occupy her. Maybe if she looked busy, he would leave her alone.

"You can't keep using stims to stay up, Shepard," Garrus warned. Shepard finally looked up, and as she met his eyes she could see the concern in them. Anger and frustration bubbled up within her, but she caved to his demand.

"Fine," she said with a glare, storming past him to the bedside table. She forcefully yanked open the drawer, rummaging through her things.

"Goddamn it," she muttered angrily. It was such a little thing, but so important.

"What is it?" he asked from behind her. A small item came flying over her shoulder towards him. He caught a small pill bottle and held it up, examining the label.

"Tranquilizers?" he asked, glancing up at her before turning back to examine what he held in his hands. The bottle appeared to be empty.

She slammed the drawer shut before coming over to him. "If you go to Chakwas and get that refilled, I promise I'll go to bed." She crossed her arms and waited for his response.

"You're taking these every time you sleep now?" he asked quietly, meeting her eyes.

She stared back, her eyes unwavering. "You think you could sleep if everyone in the galaxy kept telling you that you're the only damn thing standing between them and the end of life as we know it?" She looked ready to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, and Garrus couldn't blame her for it.

He gave her a long look, taking in her appearance. The angry eyes, the sag in her shoulders, the strain written so clearly on her face—they told him everything he needed to know. "No. I couldn't," he responded quietly, hints of both anger and sadness in his voice. He sighed, and put a hand on her arm. "I'll be back."

As the door closed behind him, Shepard sat down on the bed, feeling drained. Frankly, it felt good to do some yelling and to finally let out this anger she'd been carrying around. But as a wave of exhaustion hit her, she began to think that Garrus might have been right.

She stripped down, wincing in pain as she uncovered more bruises than she remembered having. She'd taken a lot of bad falls recently, not to mention the large bruise she'd given herself from overuse of her sniper rifle. Kickback was a bitch.

She let out a deep sigh as she slid into bed. It felt like years since she'd laid down at all. She couldn't lie to herself—the reason she had been avoiding sleep was because of the nightmares that came so often now. She was busy, yes, but not so busy that she wasn't able to make time for sleep. She simply couldn't bear to go to bed when she knew all too well what was waiting for her when she closed her eyes.

In spite of all her misgivings, she couldn't stifle a yawn. She'd close her eyes while she waited for Garrus, she decided. It's not like she had anything better to do.

When Garrus returned with the pills, he found her already sleeping. He was glad—she needed the sleep so badly. They were all stressed and over-taxed, but Shepard had gotten the worst of it by a long shot. It wasn't easy being a hero.

Coming up beside the bed, he looked her over. He couldn't say he wasn't worried. She'd been over-doing it, even by her own standards. He could tell so much from the map of her skin—the chafing of armor, the bruise in the crook of her shoulder from spending too much time on the firing range, freckles faded from lack of sun, a variety of scars that he could pinpoint and name. Garrus had to remind himself that humans bruised easily, like fruit, or else the many discolored markings on her skin would have caused him serious concern. But in spite of her battered appearance, her face finally looked peaceful, the lines of worry smoothed out by the escape of slumber.

He drank it in—seeing her peaceful, even if only in sleep, relieved more tension that he realized he'd been carrying. She wasn't the only one who needed a break.

Garrus went to sit in a chair nearby, and sent a quick message down to Traynor to divert anything that needed Shepard's attention to him. He was going to do everything he could to keep her from being disturbed. She deserved that much.

Though he had more important things to do than stand guard while Shepard slept, he figured he could work from his omni-tool. He could keep an eye on her and still work without interruption. Besides, the quiet of the cabin was refreshing. The thanix cannon's low hum became irritating if you listened to it long enough.

The thought suddenly occurred to him that she might not want him to stay. But, even though it meant risking her anger later, he didn't want to leave her. It seemed like she could use a little looking-after these days, as much as she would deny it.

His mind made up, he settled in and got to work. If she needed anything, he'd be here.

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