Chapter 14

It had nearly been two weeks since Alex got out of the hospital which mean that she would soon be able to get the cast on her arm off. But unfortunately Charlie had still been acting weird. Alex was thinking about it and she realized Charlie was becoming distant, not physically but mentally. Ever since they got out of the hospital Charlie had refrained from touching and heavy kissing, not to mention there was no teasing for flirting with each other. It was just something about Charlie that seemed different and Alex couldn't figure out why she was being like this.

"hey so my dad said he could drive us down to the walk in clinic to get your cast off" Charlie said to Alex.

"alright cool, when?"

"um now?" Charlie said looking down at her watch.

Alex got up off the couch and grabbed her crutches. "are you guys coming?" Alex asked Charlie's sisters.

"nah, I think you'll live if we aren't by your side every step of the way" Chris said. Alex rolled her eyes and continued out the door beside Charlie.

"god I hate these crutches" Alex said nearly tripping on her way into the elevator.

"it's just two more weeks, don't worry babe"

"I'm so glad you're here with me" Alex said as she took one hand off her crutch and was about to grab Charlie's hand when the elevator door opened, Charlie quickly walked out ahead of Alex, not letting her even touch her. They went to the parking lot and saw Charlie's father pull into the parking lot, with her mother driving another car behind him. Charlie's jaw dropped at the sight of the car her mother was driving. Charlie's father stepped out of his car with a huge smile on his face and waited for his wife to pull up.

"well what do you think?" he asked.

"you bought mom a beamer?" Charlie nearly shouted.

"no, I bought you a beamer" he said as he handed the keys over to her.

"you bought me a new car!?" Charlie jumped for joy.

"well I can't drive you around forever and no daughter of mine will take the bus" he said.

"oh thank you daddy!" she shouted as he hugged him and then hugged her mom as well. Alex was just standing to their side watching Charlie become so happy over her new car. It had been a while since she had seen Charlie this happy.

"so what do you think Alex?" Mr. Barker asked.

"very impressive" she replied.

"come on Alex, I need me a hot girl to ride shot gun" Charlie said opening the door for her. Alex smiled and started walking over to the car.

"well if you insist" she said as she put her crutches in the back seat and hopped into the car. Charlie honked her horn as she sped out of the parking lot.

"can you believe my dad bought me another car?"

"actually I can" Alex said admiring the interior of the car.

"okay enough about this car, let's get your appointment over with" Charlie said.

At the doctor's office…

"so Alex, you're keeping up with your medication and eating healthy?" the doctor asked,

"yes sir" she said proudly.

"and you're taking it easy? No over physical exertion?"

"unfortunately no…" Alex said looking at Charlie.

"okay good, well if you'll just follow the nurse over to the other room she'll cut the cast off" he said. Alex got up off the table and grabbed her crutches and walked out of the room.

"So Charlotte, how have you been doing?"

"fine" she replied simply.

"keeping up with your medication?"

"yes" she replied even though most of the time she hadn't been taking any drugs.

"how's your head? Any head aches or pain in your abdominal section?"

"no" she said. Though she had some sharp pains in her stomach sometimes… but no head aches, so she wasn't completely lying. But she didn't even know why she was lying, it was just kind of happening.

"what about your anxiety attack? Any of those lately?"

"none at all" she replied fakely.

"good, that's good to hear, sounds like you're on your way to a full recovery."

A minute later Alex walked back in with her crutches and smiling, she was gripping her wrist, finally being able to move it.

"well I guess that's it" the doctor said.

"thank you" they both said and shook his hand and left.

Later that night when Charlie and Alex were going to bed, Charlie started to fall asleep, but every night she would wake up in a cold sweat from the same nightmare, every night she would have a replay of the car accident and would wake up at about 3:00am, and there was nothing she could do about it. But every time she woke up she would have another anxiety attack, and every time it would get worse.

This time Charlie woke up at 3:42am, and started breathing heavily, she was expecting this anxiety attack, but for some reason could never avoid it. Every night she would get more and more scared about these attacks but didn't want to tell anyone, because well… they would always pass. But tonight Charlie couldn't breathe. Her eyes started tearing up. She was sitting on the side of the bed with her head between her knees trying to calm herself, but it wasn't working, which was just making her panic even more. Soon she couldn't take it anymore, she passed out and with a thud hit the floor. Hearing the loud noise Alex was awoken, she turned to her side to see if Charlie was okay, but she wasn't there.

"Charlie?" she asked. She sat up a little and looked over the side of the bed, she could see Charlie's legs sprawled out on the floor. "Charlie?!" Alex said again, but Charlie didn't move.

"CHRIS!" Alex yelled in a panic, she tried getting out of the swing but it wasn't easy for her. "CHRIS!" Alex yelled out again, not even noticing that she was crying. Chris burst in through the door a few seconds later, and saw Alex struggling to get out of the bed, she looked down at the floor and saw Charlie on the floor.

"what happened?" she asked desperately as she tried to pick Charlie up off the floor. Within a few seconds Terry and Darcy ran into the room and help Chris pick up their sister.

"I don't know, something woke me up and then I just saw Charlie lying on the floor"

"she's not breathing" Darcy said in a panic and she put her head down to Charlie's chest.

"terry, go call 911" Chris said as she looked for a pulse on Charlie's wrist. Terry ran out of the room and called for an ambulance.

"what's happening to her?" Alex asked, starting to sob.

"I don't know, she's unconscious" Chris said frantically.

Within minutes the paramedics had shown up and rushed her out to the ambulance.

"who's coming?" one of the paramedics asked.

"Chris you go" Alex said.

"Are you sure?" Chris asked.

"yeah, I can't go with my crutches" Alex said sadly.

"okay" Chris said as she got in the ambulance and drove off.

"come on Alex, we'll take Charlie's car and go to the hospital" Terry said rubbing her arms up and down for comfort.

By the time Alex had gotten to the hospital Charlie was already being looked at by the doctors. She walked up beside Chris as fast as she could.

"is she okay? What's wrong with her?" Alex asked.

"she had a panic attack, her body shut down, they've steadied her heart beat. But she flat lined in the ambulance, they had to get the defibrillator pads going… They said she was dead for 19 seconds." Chris said, her arms were crossed and the fear in her voice was obvious. The doctor came out of the room that Charlie was in.

"ladies, long time no see" the same doctor as before said.

"what's going on with her?" Alex asked.

"were you aware that Miss. Barker wasn't taking her medication?"

"no. She said she was" Chris said.

"did you actually see her swallow the pills?" he asked.

"well no… but she wouldn't do something stupid like that…"

"what actually happened to her physically?" Alex asked.

"she wasn't taking her medication for her fractured ribs, which I can imagine was very painful. Also, she must have been doing too many activities because her ribs are no where near what they should be, and she's also caused internal bleeding. If it weren't for the anxiety attack we probably wouldn't have noticed any of it. So this could have possibly saved her life"

"can we see her?" Alex asked. The doctor nodded and let them into the room, Alex first.

Alex walked in and saw Charlie blankly staring at the ceiling. "Charlie, baby…" Alex said in a comforting tone.

"…what the hell is wrong with you!?" Chris interrupted. Charlie just rolled her eyes.

"Chris, maybe now isn't the time to get angry" Alex said. "Charlie, why weren't you taking your medication? Better yet why didn't you tell me you were having panic attacks"

"I don't know…" Charlie said not even trying to hide the fact that she was lying.

"come on Charlie… tell me the truth" Alex pleaded.

"I don't know" Charlie said again.

"Dammit Charlie! Tell me why!" Alex yelled, she was incredibly angry at this point. Charlie had never seen her thing angry… ever. "Charlie this is your life you are dealing with! Don't you dare tell me you don't know because I know you know! Now give me an answer"

Charlie swallowed the lump in her throat "I didn't think I would end up in the hospital again… I just thought I would get over it. I was just scared."

"scared of what?"

"I was scared of losing you Alex!"

"what are you talking about? I'm right here!"

"yeah Alex, you're right here… now. But what about tomorrow, or a week from now? I don't know if you're still going to be here! Alex I almost lost you in that car accident, I don't know if I could handle that pain again. I love you so much that it scares me to even think about what would happen if you got hurt. And look at you! You're on crutches and you know what? I'm so afraid to hug you, or kiss you, or even touch you. I'm just so scared that if I do something to hurt you I'm going to lose you… and I just can't let that happen"

"Charlie that fear of losing me will be with you for the rest of my life, because I know it's with me all the time. Everyday I watch you go out to get something from the store, or go say hi to someone, and everyday I am faced with the fact that I may never get to see you again, or kiss you again, or hear your voice. Everyday Charlie… everyday. But look at me, I get through it, and you're going to have to learn to do the same."

"but Alex, I don't know what I would do without you if you weren't here. I really don't know how I could live without you, truth is, I don't know if I could. That's why I can't put myself through that possibility."

"what are you trying to say Charlie?"

"I'm… I'm trying to say that I don't know if I can do this"

"do what?" Alex asked even though she could get what she was talking about.

"…us" she whispered. "Just look at me Alex, I'm in a hospital because every day I wake up in the middle of the night because I keep replaying the car accident in my head. And after seeing it in my dreams I have a panic attack right afterwards."

"this has been happening everyday?" Alex asked in shock. "why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know… look the point is Alex, I love you so much, but the problem is… I don't think I could live without you."

"Charlie would you listen to yourself? You love me so much that you can't be with me! How does that make sense in any way?"

"I know it sounds stupid but Alex I can't go through it again… I just can't." Alex paused for a second staring at Charlie, she was really serious, she was basically saying she couldn't be with her. Alex turned around and walked out of the room. Chris was standing outside of the door, she had snuck out sometime after Alex had started talking to Charlie. She could hear the yelling, but she couldn't tell what they were actually saying. All of a sudden she saw Alex walk out on her crutches.

"Alex where are you going?" Chris called out, but Alex just kept walking away. Chris walked back into the room to see Charlie, laying down with her eyes red, but no tears.

"where's Alex going?"

"I don't know… just take me home"

The whole car ride home was silent with the Barker sisters, no one wanted to talk about what happened, but desperately wanted to know. When they got home Charlie immediately went to her room and started going through her drawers.

"Charlie lay down and get some rest" Chris said. But Charlie ignored her and pulled out a suit case.

"where are you going?" Darcy asked. Charlie once again ignored her sister and continued packing. Once she filled up one suit case, she started on another.

"Charlie, where are you going?" Terry asked again with more feeling. Charlie looked up at her three sisters in her door way, then back down at her suitcase. Charlie got up once she was finished and walked passed them with her suitcases in hand.

"Charlie Barker don't you dare walk out on us" Chris said. Charlie finally turned around.

"why? You did it to me 12 years ago, and 10 and 8." Charlie said referring to all of her sisters. "if you can do it, so can I"

"Charlie stop, just talk to us" Darcy said.

"no" she replied as she threw on her coat.

"where are you going to go? Paige's place? Mom and dads? Anywhere you go we'll find you" Chris said.

"no you won't, because I'm going home" Charlie said and walked out the door.

"home? What does she mean by home? She lives here" Terry said to her sisters.

"I don't know, but I'm going to call Alex…"