It was hard for me to write this, but I needed to try it. Check me out on tumblr; ohsogleekyy(dot)tumblr(dot)com and enjoy the Glee premiere tonight! I will be blogging like crazy.

The day Julian Larson Armstrong was lowered into the ground was one of the most coldest, bitterst, heat wrenching moments Logan Wright or Derek Seigerson ever had to face.

'Come on, Lo.' Derek said as he threw a sweater into his friends hands. 'Time to go visit.' he added, passing his friend a bottle of water.

Logan's eyes stayed trained on the floor. 'Do we have to?' Logan asked quietly.

Derek sighed sadly. 'Yeah, Lo. You know that son of a bitch would nag us if we didn't.' And so, Logan stood up and made his way out of Derek's house and into his car as they drove to the Ohio cemetry in silence.

Once they arrived, it was a cold February morning. The sun was rising slowly as they walked across a hill onto the most secluded part of the cemetry where the headstone read Julian Larson-Armstrong. Both boys sighed and lowered themselves onto the grass in front of it, side by side, as they'd had done for the past six years of their lives. More than two or three times a year after the first year, they might add. When Julian first passed away, they visited almost every day.

'Six years..' Derek said quietly.

'And its never gotten easier.' Logan said almost robotically. Derek looked towards his blond friend and felt his heart wrench for him. Ever since Julian, Logan never found strength to move on. He went about his day to day life, but Derek knew Logan cried himself to sleep every night and woke up screaming Julian's name, just as he did during the fire.

'I have something for you.' Derke said, earning the attention from Logan who looked at him curiously. 'Its a letter.' he said, pulling it from his jacket pocket. 'Julian wrote it a few days before the fire, shortly after the valentine day fair.' he paused. 'H-he left a small note, saying I was to read it when I was ready.. and to give you yours when I thought you were ready.'

Derek looked over at Logan again who just stared at the piece of a folden envelope in his hands. 'I don't think you're ready, but I think i-its time.. we move on.' he pushed the letter towards Logan who hesitantly took it.

'H-he..' Logan stuttered.

'I know, he was in love with you. He told you that. Just open it. I haven't ever opened your one, but I think its unfair of me to keep it from you any longer, although I have a good idea of whats actually written in there.' Logan sighed and with shaky hands opened the seal gently, pulling out a piece of white paper. He opened it to see Julian's perfect handwriting. He sucked in a deep breath as he read.

Dear Lo,

If you're reading this.. I guess something bad has happened including my stalker or some freak accident. If so, I'm hoping Derek chose the right time to give this to you, otherwise I may just have to talk to God or whoever the hell is up there into making him turn from a man whore to good samaritan. Who are we kidding? Never gonna happen. Okay, I'm going to stop rambling now..

Look, Lo. I always said that if something bad happened to me and I had the chance to tell you, I would. I'm praying I got that chance or this is going to be the worst thing ever.

John Logan Wright, I'm ridiculously, hopelessly and completely in love with you and have been since Freshman year when I asked if the seat beside you was taken. Yes, I'm bisexual.

I loved you so much it hurt. You know when I kept leaving and coming back when things fell apart? Its because my heart ached every time I saw you with another guy who just wasn't me. I know that you thought I was straight, but I never thought that would stop you if you had feelings for someone. Derek knew, Derek always knew. He always bugged me to tell you, but you know me and my ego, always getting in the way. The fear of rejection was just too much for me to face.

All I ever wanted, and want, is for you to be happy Logan. Whether thats with me, or some Australian guy, I don't care. Just please, don't sit around forever and wait for me to come clean, or wait for me to come back.. just be happy and live your life with someone who bows at your feet. I know I did. I know you have problems, many of them, but someone is out there and willing to help you, to love you, and to put up with you. Screw those idiots who lost you, they never deserved you. You deserve so much and more. Please promise me you will move on and be happy?

I love you so much Logan. It'll hurt me even more to see you sad. Please don't be mad at Derek if he hasn't given you this in a long time, I made him promise when I gave him this that he would wait until he was sure you could handle this. Even though he shot me one of those looks that said 'you're being ridiculous, you're not going to die or magically disappear at seventeen.' Better safe then sorry though, right?

About my stalker, I never wanted to tell you because I was so frightened and didn't want you to see me so vulnerable. I think I'm able to handle it though, but I wrote this just in case.

Again, Logan, I love you, you giant squid. Please do one thing I ask for once in your life? Be happy. Move on. Find love. Have kids. Get married. Get a record contract. Just do it, Logan. Don't be stubborn and sit around moping.

I love you. Forever and always.

Love,

Jules. xo

Logan bit his lip harshly as tears ran down his face freely. The letter still in his hands. His eyes shut tightly as he tried not to sob. He felt Derek lean into him and Logan just couldn't hold it in anymore. 'Let it out, Logan.' Derek cooed. 'Just let it out.'

6 years of hating himself and how oblivious he was. 6 Years of regret. 6 years of pining hopelessly over someone that was gone.

9, almost 10 years of being ridiculously in love with his Hollywood actor of a best friend only to find out the last second before his best friend took his last breath that he returned those feelings Logan fought every day to hide, and he remembers it like yesterday, the hand clutching onto his loosely and brown eyes staring up at him, his face a pale color and his hair messy.

'I'm in love with you, Logan. I love you. Forever. Don't ever forget it, or me.' he whispered. And the line went flat.

Review, please? It would mean a lot if you did for this one. I would like to know how my first death piece went over.