"Release

Let it feel like…

Let it feel like falling"

~Digital Daggers

My vision is rimmed with black, pulsing in and out with my heartbeat. I know I'm on my back but I don't remember falling. A dark form appears over me but its edges are fuzzy and I can't make out who it is. I think another appears, or maybe even two, but the shapes blur together. There's voices but much like the people, it's slurred and fuzzy.

I squeeze my eyes shut. Pressing my palms into my eyes, I will my senses to return. Pain thrums through my skull but I'm able to push it away. The sound of footsteps crunching in the snow makes me open my eyes again. I have to squint, but already the forms are becoming more clear. Trying to swallow down the throbbing in my head I try to count the shapes. There's five- no, six people standing around me. In an instant I snap into awareness. I scramble to get my hands beneath me so I can at least prop myself up. My eyes lock onto the face of the one standing directly over me, the one whose spear sent me to the ground. I can feel the dismay clench around my gut. The face above me is Hubert, the monstrous tribute from District 2; and with a quick glance around him I know I'm in the middle of the Career pack.

Dark hair hangs nearly over his eyes as he looks down at me. The grin on his face raises goosebumps on my arms. He's going to kill me. Panic rises in my chest and I instinctively reach for my axe, only to find it held in none other than Kane's hands. When I notice him standing to the side, his face cool as stone, I'm surprised to find him looking right at me. Silently I plead with him, hoping he'll find some sort of loyalty to me and let me go. But he doesn't say a word; instead he watches with an unsympathetic scowl.

"You killed her" Hubert spits, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he looks over at Maisie's bloody body. There's a terrible glint in his eye when he looks back at me. "Why would you do that? We were having fun."

The grin falls from his face, leaving an even more terrifying glare. He spins the spear in his hand so that the blade is pointed at me. All my muscles clench, waiting for him to plunge it into my abdomen, or maybe my neck. This is what they did to Maisie; tortured her and made her run. That's what they're going to do to me.

"Well," Hubert shrugs his shoulders, looking over at his companions for a brief second before turning his attention back to me. "You'll have to do instead."

He swings his foot and kicks me hard in the ribs. Air rushes from my lungs, making me cry a sound more like a strangled yelp. The force of blow makes me roll to my side, my arms instinctively wrapping around my torso for protection. Another kick comes, this time hitting my spine, sending prickling waves of agony up to my head. In the movement my elbow brushes against the knife in my belt, hidden under my shirt. Another kick once again pushes the air from my lungs, leaving me gasping and writhing.

Ignoring the pain, I curl my knees up close to my chest, hearing the horrible gasps coming from my throat. I'm hyperaware of each movement Hubert makes. I brace myself, expecting another blow but instead he steps away, turning towards the boy from 1. While he's distracted I pull the knife from my belt, holding it tightly by my stomach where it's hidden from view by my curled body.

My pulse hammers in my ears. I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this. There are six of them- six strong, capable, and deadly people who are set on killing me. I grit my teeth as one of the girls walks towards me, muttering something as she looks down at my face. If I'm going to die, then I'm taking someone down with me.

I swallow heavily, daring to raise my head only enough to see where each of the Careers stand. Next to me, standing in the small curve my body makes is the short, blonde girl from District 1. At her side she holds a long and terrifyingly sharp sword. I can easily reach out and grab her… A few steps down from my feet Hubert stands, talking loudly and condescendingly towards the others, who each stand far enough away that I think I could at least scramble to my feet before they reach me.

My fingers are wrapped so tightly around the hilt of the knife that already my knuckles are aching. It's a long shot and I'll only have one chance to do anything more than a pathetic scramble for freedom before that sword punctures my heart.

I take a few gulping breaths, trying to regain the air that Hubert forced from me. Trying to steady my hand, I attempt to swallow my fear and accept that I'm probably going to die here. Maybe I can be as brave as Maisie; maybe I'll go down with some dignity.

Before I can change my mind I kick at the girl's leg, causing her to gasp in surprise. She doesn't fall immediately, but I kick at her knee as hard as I can, rolling onto my back as she falls down on top of me. She shrieks as the knife plunges in between her ribs. Without stopping to look at the others I push her off of me, feeling the wetness of her blood soaking through my clothes. I pull the sword from her hand as I jump to my feet, whirling to face the others who are staring at me with expressions of shock. Adrenalin doesn't let me stop and evaluate. As soon as I'm on my feet I hurl the knife, my aim off from the urgency of the throw. It lands in the center of the other girl's stomach, causing her to scream and immediately pull it out. Beside her, the boy from 1 gives her a concerned look, taking a step backwards as if he might run.

Hubert laughs loudly, sending waves of doubt through my arms and down my legs. The rest of the Careers look nervous, all but Kane and Hubert having stepped backwards, the boy from 1 holding onto the girl's arm as she presses her hand over her bleeding gut.

Serves her right, I can't help but think, after what they did to Maisie.

My eyes flicker between Hubert and Kane, the only two who look ready for attack. They both move towards me, slow and meticulous in their steps. Holding the sword in front of me I walk backwards, I flinch when ice crunches beneath my foot. I'm so focused on the boys in front of me I didn't notice how close to the river I was. Quickly I glance behind me, seeing the dark churning water, ice clinging to the edges for at least a few steps. The bank opposite me rises in a slope too steep and muddy to climb. Looking back at Hubert and Kane, I realize when they've done- pushed me into a corner with no chance of flight. If I want to survive, I'll have to fight.

My jaw clenches, bracing for attack. Kane stops when my feet hit the water but Hubert keeps coming towards me. I hold the sword defensively but clearly I have no training whereas Hubert has spent his whole life preparing for this. As he gets within striking range, he does some elaborate move with his spear with an ease that only comes from experience. This time it isn't the butt of the spear that lashes out at me, but the blade. I hardly have time to react as it slashes at my face. Without thinking, I lunge with the sword, a gasp of shock escaping my lips when the fabric of Hubert's pants rips, revealing a thin red line of blood. He looks as shocked at as I am, taking a step backwards while his free hand hovers over the wound. It's deeper than I thought possible. It shouldn't have been more than a scratch, but it's deep and long.

In my shock I don't notice Kane until he's beside me, throwing me down onto my back. The thin layer of ice breaks beneath me, plunging me into the freezing water. It feels like thousands of needles are poking into my skin, pressing onto each nerve. Once again the air rushes from my lungs, leaving me gasping. Water splashes into my mouth, sending me into a desperate coughing fit, trying to fight against the water and cold to get a mouthful of air.

Kane steps into the water, not even flinching when it rises up past his boots. He holds my axe above my head, positioned to strike. I reach for the sword but my hand just brushes over soft sand and pebbles. Kane stands over me. One hand grabs onto the edge of my coat, pulling my torso up out of the water. Desperately I try to pull myself away but his grip is steel. There's no mercy in his face, only sheer determination. He's going to kill me without any hesitation.

My hands run fervently over the river floor, searching for anything I could use to defend myself. Kane's hand tightens and I know he's only seconds away from slitting my throat. He raises his arm back just as my fingers brush over metal. My heart beats so hard that I swear I can see my coat moving in rhythm with it. I tighten my fingers around the sword, feeling the blade bite into my fingers. I don't have time to find the handle so I ignore the pain as the skin of my fingers breaks under the piercing sharp blade. Kane moves the axe down towards my head but before he can do any more I pull the sword up from the water, thrusting it imprecisely towards Kane. Immediately the axe splashes into the water beside my head. I risk looking up at Kane. The point of the sword has entered just beneath his ribs, angling so sharply up that I know it's gone up into his chest.

He makes a small gurgling sound, almost similar to the sound of air rushing before crumpling forward on top of me. The sword presses deeper into his body as he falls into it. I'm able to wriggle away just enough that I avoid being impaled by the handle. The cannon rings while I'm still in the water, trying to push his body off me. The water makes every movement painful, but I grit my teeth and heave Kane's body away, nearly gagging when water splashes into my mouth and all I can taste is the metallic flavor of his blood.

As soon as his body is off of me, I grab the axe and jump to my feet, expecting Hubert to be after me next. Instead he's standing farther back than when I went into the river, the assurance in his face completely replaced by doubt. The other two have moved off even farther, seemingly leaving altogether.

Hubert meets my eyes for only a moment, looking me up and down and over at his dead companions before stepping backwards and jogging after his companions. Even from here I can see the blood that's stained his pants. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll get infected.

I stand in the water, my feet in agony against the cold, until I can't see them anymore. Even then I can't bring myself to move. My vision pulses every few seconds, altering the world so that it's all coated in red.

Time seems to slow down, making each breath feel slow and even more painful than the last. I have no idea how long I've been standing in the water, starring off into the trees where the remainder of the Careers fled.

Finally, the shivers become too much for me to ignore and I take agonizing steps forward out of the water. My whole body aches, hot waves of pain washing over my calf and arm, the pain from the cornucopia and the fresh slice across my fingers mingling together. Even my head screams each time I move. Somehow I am alive. As I stumble towards Maisie's body I realize tears have welled in my eyes. I bite into my lip, trying to focus on the pain instead of the urge to fall down and scream.

I slump to my knees in front of her crumpled body, trying to muster the guilt I should be feeling. Slowly I strip her of her jacket, then her shirt. Not caring that the cameras are likely on me, I pull off my soaked clothes and replace them with Maisie's dry ones. I know it means little but I drape my old clothes across her body. She isn't in any pain anymore. Maybe she got the good end of the deal. For her it's all just… over. Maybe that would be easier…

I squeeze my eyes shut, my whole body shaking in the cold. Is winning even worth it? If I live everyday with this pain, is it worth it at all?