Life after Loss

Chapter 14: Telling Christina and Will

It is now half way through initiation and stage two is taking its toll on everybody. I ranked second for stage one, Uriah came first. The people who were cut are Al, Myra (and Edward left because of that, they were in love, and they're both transfers) and a couple of Dauntless borns I don't know the names of.

Christina and Will keep asking me about what's been going on. I still haven't told them about my past and I know I have to. The fear simulations are really shaking me up. I've been having more nightmares. The simulations show everyone I care about dying and me not being able to do anything to help them. I am struggling to cope. Tobias has taught me how to hide my divergence in them but all I really want is to show my divergence so I can help them. Though I am getting really quick times.

Anyway, I have decided to tell Christina and Will about my past today.

I am meeting them in Tobias' and mine apartment after lunch as the fear simulations only take up the morning. Tobias is going to be hanging out with Zeke and Shauna. Helping decorate the baby's room.

I am sitting on the sofa, waiting for them to turn up. I have already had my lunch, I wanted to get back early and prepare myself for it. But I know I can't.

Nothing can prepare me for this.

I hear a knock on the door and answer it, Will and Chris are on the other side. Holding hands.

"When did this happen?" I ask.

"After capture the flag. I was going to tell you but I didn't know how." Christina explains.

I nod.

Capture the flag happened last week, during stage one, it was amazing. Tobias and I climbed the Ferris wheel to seek higher ground. I told him he didn't have to follow me, knowing he has a fear of heights, but it was amazing. It was romantic as well.

We ended up winning as well, which topped of the perfect night and made it better.

I invite them in, congratulating them as I shut the door.

We sit on the sofa and they look at me expectantly.

"Well, I come from Abnegation. When I was five my parents wanted me and my brother to hide under the floorboards and be quiet... We didn't know why… They kept telling us they loved us and that they were sorry. I got under them but just as my brother was about to it was too late... He slammed the floor board down to cover me just as a group of people burst into the house and started beating, stabbing and shooting my family… Over and over again. I watched through a little crack in the floor. I watched my family die... I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't make a sound because I promised my parents that I wouldn't… I was crying silently as I watched and when the murderers left I got out and saw my family on the floor… dead… There was blood everywhere… their blood. I started screaming and sobbing… my neighbour heard and rushed over with his wife and son… I lived with them for a week before being adopted by Hana… my mum was Dauntless and her and Hana were good friends… Hana's my godmother… On my sixth birthday I changed my name to Tris Prior-Pedrad. It was originally Beatrice Grace Prior but I couldn't have that name anymore… I couldn't have that reminder of them anymore… my brother was seven when he died… They didn't deserve to die… When I was ten Michael, Zeke and Uriah's dad, Hana's husband, my adoptive father, he died of cancer and it made things worse… I already had PTSD from when I watched my family die, but having my adoptive father die five years later made everything worse… I couldn't handle it… I've had PTSD for eleven years… The anniversary of their death is the day of the choosing ceremony… I don't celebrate my birthday anymore. I never used to in Abnegation, at least, we weren't supposed to… but our parents were transfers… on our birthdays they would make pancakes and find something to give us… I was given all of their possessions, other than the house of course... I get nightmares nearly every night… I have to watch them die over and over again… I have to watch the people I care about now die… and I can't ever do anything about it… in the simulations all I see is my parents dying… and people I care about die… I can't handle it… if I see a family that is like the one I used to have I can't handle it… if someone mentions their family I can't handle it… When Shauna's dad arrived to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day I couldn't handle it… same when they had their dance… on visiting day I sat here and cried because everyone else was seeing their families and the only one I have is full of people that have their own families, people that are related to them through blood, and I don't have that… When I see something that reminds me of them I can't handle it… when I see something that is the same colour as what they wore I can't handle it… When Al mention me meeting his family I couldn't handle it… I can't handle it… I can't handle the fact that when I get married I won't have my dad there to walk me down the aisle or to dance with me… I can't handle the fact that when I have children my mum won't be there to hold my hand when I give birth… I can't handle the fact that my brother didn't get the life he deserved because he died when he was seven years old… sometimes I wish I did make a noise, or come out of the floor boards sooner so I could have died with them… so we could be together now… sometimes I feel like I wanna die... so we can be together again." I'm sobbing by the time I finish and they look at me in shock.

"Tris, I'm so sorry. If I had known I wouldn't have kept bothering you about it." Christina says as she engulfs me in her arms.

"I'm sorry, Tris." Will agrees as he joins the hug.

"Is that why you live here? With Four?" Christina asks.

"Partly."

We sit there like that for a while. It takes me about half an hour to stop crying.

"Do you want me to get you anything?" Will questions.

I shake my head, no.

"Why don't we watch a movie to take our minds of this?" Christina suggests.

I nod and she finds a movie, putting it on. And I really don't pay attention to it.

…

Tobias gets home at about five, Christina and Will leave when he does.

He comes over and sits next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

I nod and look at him, in the eyes.

I kiss him, hard. Wrapping my arms around his neck and he wraps his around my waist. Kissing me back twice as hard.

I move so I am straddling his legs and kiss him more passionately.

We keep going and it isn't long before he picks me up and carries me to the bedroom. Dropping me gently on the bed and laying on top of me, his legs on either side of mine.

We keep kissing and soon we're both topless and losing more clothes by the minute.

We get lost in each other.

Hey Ravens, I'm sorry I didn't do capture the flag but I felt the need to skip a little while. I will be doing some other cute Fourtris moments though, I promise. And maybe another game of capture the flag where they may climb the Ferris wheel.

You don't have long to keep voting, just so you know. I say a few more chapters before the result will be revealed so vote for when you want her to get pregnant.

I will update again as soon as I can.

Please review!