Elsa POV

I am woken up by the feeling of being pushed off the bed. I slowly open my eyes and see Dean looking down on me. At first I smile but then I slowly realize that something was wrong.

He looked worried.

I asked him what was wrong but the only thing he said was "We have to go."

He grabbed a duffle bag and started throughing my clothes into it.

I grabbed the clothes out of his hands . "Hey! Hey! Dean what are you doing?!" Dean stopped and looked at me but wouldn't speak.

I moved my hand up so that it was touching no longer the cloths but his hand.

Dean looked up at me. "It's Cas."

Those two words made me freeze. "What about Cas?"

Dean looked away and I automatically started thinking the worst. Oh my god. What if he's hurt or dead? Or even worse, what if Micheal found him?

I quicky pulled my hand away. "Goodamn it Dean what about Cas?!"

Dean looked at me for a second then continued throughing clothes in the duffle. "He's in trouble."

I stood there for a second, letting the words sink in. Then I also started to throw clothes in the duffle.

Oh my god. I thought I was going to be sick. What if he's dead? I don't think I can handle another death after what happened in heaven.

Then I realized something. The last conversation I had with him I yelled at him.

What if that is the last thing I say to him. I quickly picked up my duffle bag and almost ran out of the room.

I have to find him

-

We walked into the old warehouse that Cas directed Dean to and we were all shocked.

The place looked like a bomb went off. There were beams hanging down, electrial wires sparking everywhere, and symbols on the walls.

I ran up to one of the symbols and recognized it immediately.

It was the same exact symbol I used on Zachariah when Dean was in that office a few months back. I felt like I was going to pass out.

He was fighting angels. But why? Was it because of me?

I come out of my thoughts when I see a slumped figure out of the corner of my eye. The boys noticed it also and followed me as I ran to the figure.

They lightly touched the figure and it groaned.

Dean moved closer. "Cas? Cas? Hey. Cas?"

The figure groaned again and began to sit up. I let a sigh of relief until I saw his face.

To anyone else it looked like Castiel. He had his signature trench coat and backwards blue tie but this wasn't him.

My supsions were confirmed when Sam asked "Cas" if he was ok and he responded. " Ugh. Castiel? I'm not Castiel. It's me."

Sam was confused by his statement. "Me who?"

I let out a strangled noise which sounded like a sob. "Jimmy. His name is Jimmy."

Dean looked confused. "Where the hell is Castiel?"

Jimmy sadly looked from Dean to me. "He's gone."

I'm surprised I actually made it to the motel before breaking down.

Sam, Dean, and Jimmy were all gathered around a small table talking about something that I didn't listen to.

When I first heard those words "He's gone" my vessel literally stopped breathing.

What would make him leave his vessel? But I already knew the answer. He was pulled out by the angel he was fighting and if that happens its because you need to be 'reformed'.

Just the thought of that word made me shiver. Reformed was a word that Micheal liked to use for torchure. It just sounded less barbaric.

He could be dead right now and what was I doing? staring into space thinking about the worst possible outcome. I'm so pathetic. I couldn't just sit here.

I stood up from my chair and everyone turned towards me.

Lying was never my strong suit but I gave it a try. "Umm. I'm going to go get some air."

Avoiding eye contact from the rest of the room I quickly walked out the door into the cool night air.

I stood there for a moment contemplating if this was something I really wanted to do.

Then I slowly raised my hand up to snap my fingers when I heard someone shout "Elsa no! Wait!"

I looked other my shoulder a saw Dean running toward me.

He looked at me with frantic eyes. "Where the hell are you going?"

I looked at him and gave him a small smile "I'm going to get Cas back."

Dean looked confused by my statement. "Wait. How? Isn't he in heaven?"

"Yeah..I'm going to break into it."

"Wait. Wait. Your going to break into heaven?"

I gave him a small nod and realization crossed his face. "But you told me that your wanted there. If you go there they will kill you!"

Elsa looked at Dean . "Yeah Well, All Iv'e ever done was run away. Iv'e been doing it all of my existence. Even with you Dean. I ran away from heaven which caused your life to turn into a living hell! Sam has died. You sold your soul and went to hell. If I was there none of this would of happened! I'm poison Dean. I left because I was to scared to face my brothers and I ruined your life. Don't you understand that?"

Dean grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. "Ok first of all none of this is your fault. What I did was my choice. Going to hell, bringing Sammy back so don't tell me that you ruined my life because you didn't. Those were my choices. Second of all you can't go there. It's a sucidite mission and you know it. You can't just die! The apocalypse is coming and we need you."

He moved closer to me to where we could feel each others breath. "I need you. Please don't do this. For me?"

I looked down at the ground and then back at Dean.

I gave him a sad smile and said "I'm sorry."

And suddenly I disappeared from Dean's grasp.

Dean POV

I stood there in that parking lot for what seemed like hours.

She was there.

She was right in front of me and now she is gone.

It suddenly became harder to breathe and I leaned against the impala. How can she be gone? What if she never came back? I couldn't even follow her because she went to heaven.

The pain in my chest tightened. Why did it hurt so much to see her leave?

She was just his guardian angel who saved his ass. Right?

But deep down I knew that was a complete lie. I thought of the time that she smiled when she talked about saving my ass all the time.

Wait. Why was I thinking about that.

It's not like I love her or anything.

Wait. Do I?

I was interrupted out of my thoughts when Sam and Jimmy yelled at me to get inside. I couldn't think of this anymore. We had to find out a way to get Castiel back.

I tried to stand straight and walked into the motel where Jimmy and Sam where seated.

Sam looked concerned and said "Hey What's up?"

I thought of the blonde angel once more but quicky pushed it from my memory. "Nothing."

There was work to be done.