A/N: So this chapter didn't flow as well as I wanted to but after some scene rewrites, I got it to a point that while not completely satisfied , achieve some of what I am trying to convey.

Please enjoy and review.

BPOV

Last night better than I expected…

...Better than I had hoped.

Well with the exception of my mini-meltdown.

Which Edward covered for really well by saying something I ate must not have agreed with me and I wasn't feeling well.

I had been infinitely grateful that he had not exposed me.

He had actually been kind and funny…much different from the sullen, moody person I had become used to the past few days.

And of course, I had to reassure Alice that shopping was still on.

I snuggled deeper beneath a mountain of blankets not wanting to get up and the sky outside my window was too gray to be a compelling invitation to do so. However; the smell of fresh coffee brewing from downstairs was.

Scrambling from under the covers, I grimaced as my bare feet hit the cold floor and immediately felt around with my toes for the slippers I always kept under my bed.

The smell of pancakes accompanied the brew of the coffee as I walked downstairs after my shower.

Charlie was cooking?

Pancakes?

And not the microwave kind either.

I half expected a pod person to greet me as I entered the kitchen.

"Who are you and what have you done with my father?" I asked Charlie.

He was standing in front of the stove with a perplexed scowl on his face. There was a plate beside him stacked with half burned and half underdone pancakes and batter droplets had formed on the counters, the stove and even on the glass door of the oven.

Okay…correction…Charlie was trying to cook.

"Nevermind." I corrected as I swept my hair into a pony tail.

"It's not working out the way I hoped." He said miserably.

"Okay, Aunt Jemima, step aside." I procured the spatula from his hand and took his place at the stove, barely flipping the currently cooking cake in time before it started to blacken.

"The directions on the box said it would be easy." He grumbled shuffling to the coffee pot, pouring a cup and setting it beside me on the counter.

"Obviously they didn't have you in mind when they wrote them." I teased.

He leaned against the counter taking a sip of his own coffee and nodded approvingly as divvied up the "good" pancakes onto two plates I pulled absently from the cabinet.

I traced the crack in the cheerful floral pattern of one with a slight grin. Charlie still had these plates after all these years.

"You're in a good mood." He stated.

Was I?

Huh…my acting must be improving…I was even able to fool myself.

I shrugged as I gave him his plate and took mine to the table.

"It looks good on you." He added shoving a forkful in his mouth. "Guess you had a good time last night."

I remembered the sense of camaraderie I felt both at dinner and in the theatre despite my anxiety attack…I remembered Edward's concern and my own reaction to it…to him.

"I did." I said as I traced the sides of my coffee mug, feeling the warmth under my fingertips.

"I'm glad."

He really was. I could see it in the relaxed set of his face. He wasn't walking on eggshells around me wondering what would set me off.

He'd been doing that a lot since Phoenix.

"I saw Sam Uley last night." I told him; using my fork to draw patterns with the syrup on my dish. Flashes of the scarred images of his fiancé swept through my mind.

His face brightened. "Did you?"

I nodded. "I did. He was with his fiance' Emily."

"She's a sweet girl."

"I noticed the uh…" I drew an imaginary line down my jaw unable to say the words out loud. "What happened to her?"

Charlie's expression sobered immediately and I felt awful for even asking but for some reason I had to know. He scrubbed his hand down his face before locking it behind his neck.

"A few years back Sam and Emily went camping in an area of the forest they always went to. They never had a problem before with any of the area's wildlife but this time was different."

I watched as Charlie's eyes were overcome with a darkened faraway look. "Sam went to look for more firewood while Emily was preparing dinner. A wolf must have smelled the food and went to investigate. It ended up mauling poor Emily in the face. Sam came back just before it was about to kill her and he killed it instead."

My hand flew to cover my mouth.

"She must have been devastated." I whispered knowingly when I could find my own voice.

"You would think so but she wasn't…not like you'd expect anyway. I think Sam was more affected than she was."

"Because of the scar?"

Charlie gave me a weird look. "No." He said almost angrily. "Because he realized how close he came to losing her. I don't even think he sees the scar when he looks at her." He sighed, giving me a look filled with hidden knowledge. "But you're not really asking for Emily's sake are you? You're wondering about you and the scars you have."

He could be so perceptive sometimes. My eyes filled with tears and I blinked them away as I dumped my syrup congealed pancakes in the trash.

I no longer had an appetite.

His chair scraped on the floor as he got up and stood right in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders. I couldn't look at him…see the anguish in his eyes…anguish that I caused.

He had been in such a good mood and I pissed all over it.

"Bella, the right man won't run from your scars, he'll embrace them because they're part of who you are."

Alice took her shopping seriously...very seriously.

On the long trip to Seattle, she launched into her plan of attack; where we would start and where we would end up, whipping out store coupons and handing them to Rosalie and I.

"So, if she starts spontaneously throwing clothes at you that you must try on, don't panic." Rose whispered to me as the three of us walked the corridor of the crowded Pacific Place Mall.

Suddenly, I wonder if this shopping excursion is a good idea with my limited resources and my limited choices in clothes.

"She doesn't really do that, does she?" I asked warily.

Rosalie gave me an amused look with a nod. "Just consider yourself her human Barbie Doll for the day."

I nearly snorted. Barbie Doll? More like the cheap imitation one they sold in dollar stores with that horrible plastic smell.

"Is it too late to turn around and go home?" I asked only half joking.

Alice stopped and turned around with a mock glare of annoyance. "I am right here, you know." Then she smiled as she eyed me up and down while tapping her chin. "I'm going to have so much fun dressing you...so much potential."

I looked down at myself wondering what she saw that I didn't. My parka was unzipped revealing a ivory sweater and blue jeans that didn't quite fit anymore. I had lost weight while in the hospital and everything swam on me.

Not that I minded too much.

It was easier to hide in plain sight that way.

"Alice is a fashion addict." Rosalie explained.

"Future Vogue editor, thank you very much." She corrected with what would have been a smug response if it wasn't for the huge grin that punctuated the end of her response.

The way she said it, I had no doubt she would be.

True to Rosalie's words, the first department store we entered, Alice had flitted from rack to rack in the Junior department pulling clothes off hangers and holding them up to me. I put my foot down on the short sleeved and the mid drift tops explaining the need for full top coverage saying I had anemia and I had a tendency to be cold.

The lie rolled off my tongue as if I had been practicing it for years.

And I hated myself for it.

"Blue." Rosalie nodded at the top Alice held up. "Definitely blue. What do you think Bella?"

"Blue is nice." I said noncommittally. "But you could probably where any color."

Rosalie laughed. "Not for me, for you."

"Oh and plums and deep reds too." Alice added. "Jewel tones are definitely her colors."

"Forest green would look great too."

I was beginning to feel overwhelmed as they went back and forth. My intention was to only pick up a few things, not buy a whole new wardrobe. What was I dressing up for anyway?

"Guys, wait." I interrupted them. "I appreciate your advice but I don't even have a job here yet. My funds are kind of low."

"No worries." Alice said going over to the sales rack. "How much do you have? We'll make it work."

I tried to calculate in my head how much I had put in my wallet this morning combined with whatever was left over from last night.

One fifty, maybe?

I pulled out my wallet to double check. Inside the folds were three crisp one hundred dollar bills attached together with paper clip and a post it note in Charlie's quick scrawl on top of it.

Happy Belated Christmas, Bells

We hadn't celebrated Christmas, not really.

Charlie must have known I would have put up a fight had he tried to give me money outright so he snuck it in my bag.

Blinking back the tears, I put the wallet back in my purse.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Alice asked tentatively touching my arm. "Is it the money cause if it is…"

"No, I have enough." I forced a smile, wiping at the corner of my eye. "I think a piece of dust just flew into my eye."

Neither of them looked convinced but they didn't push it and for that I was grateful.

Several shopping bags later we were seated at the food court eating salad and drinking Mochaccinos. According to Alice, once you had one, you'd never go back to regular coffee.

She was right.

Especially when it came with a shot of espresso.

I needed it. I was completely exhausted after trekking around for a few hours on barely any sleep, in and out of one store after another. I never liked shopping. It was a mere necessity for me and nothing more. I could never be like Alice, who got such pure enjoyment over searching through clothes racks for the "perfect" find.

If I didn't see something I liked right away after a once over perusal of a store, I was out the door. Renee had always been the one to chide me into a second look. She was like Alice in that way.

Renee had almost a child-like exuberance when it came to most things.

I missed her.

"You're so far away Bella." Alice said softly. "Are you having buyer's remorse already?"

I gave her what was probably a sad, wistful smile.

"I was just remembering the times my mom and I would go shopping."

I could see I had Rose and Alice's rapt attention now. Their cups hung suspended by their mouths before they slowly lowered them to the table; settling them down before leaning forward, eyes wide who curiosity.

"She was what I would call bohemian chic." I continued, partly in wonder that I could even speak about this at all while the pain was still fresh.. "She used to find these out of the way flea markets and drag me from stall to stall, rummaging through countless bins and hangers…"

I remembered the huge flea market we went to while we lived in New Mexico.

The New Mexico sun was dry and hot and all I wanted to do was take shelter in the shade away from the crowd of other shoppers with a large bottle of water but Renee had other ideas.

"Ooh, these would be perfect." Renee held up a pair of dangling turquoise earrings. "I could get a pair for you and we'd match."

"I must have these." She insisted, holding up a pair of mosaic tiled candle holders l for my approval.

At another stand she held up a Native American designed turquoise dress to herself and looked into a dusty mirror that was leaning against the wall.

"This peasant dress would look absolutely adorable with the earrings. How about I buy one for each of us? You need variety in your wardrobe. It's all t shirts, shorts and jeans." She chastised with a smile.

Mentally, I was assessing and calculating how much we had in the bank; if we could afford the extra expense. We couldn't but I didn't have the heart to tell her. Instead, I vowed I'd make it up by seeing if any of more of our neighbors required my babysitting skills.

"I don't need anything, Mom." I told her. "Just get what you want for yourself."

She got me the earrings and the peasant dress anyway, claiming you only live once.

I still had them. Phil had made Renee get rid of the candle holders.

"…She used to find the best things in a pile of junk, ya know? Whether it was a candle holder, a small little knick knack or earrings she would only wear once." I bit my lip and turned away, taking a sip of my frothy drink to keep the emotions locked inside.

"Sounds like my type of girl." Alice winked and nudged me playfully with her elbow.

"She would've liked you too." I told her honestly after clearing my suddenly clogged throat. "Soooo…" I said drawing out the word, stabbing at the cherry tomato on my plate with the plastic fork.

"Soooo…" Rosalie repeated catching the obvious cue for a change in subject. "Let's talk guys."

Apparently this was a subject they both warmed to immediately.

It left me feeling cold.

Never having been in a relationship and now, despite what Charlie told me this morning, the chances seem pretty slim.

Not that I would ever confine someone to me like that. I had already wreaked a path of destruction. There was no need to add to the list of casualties.

"So, Bella what about you?" Alice asked me.

"What about me, what?" I startled when I realized I was being addressed. My face heated a bit when I realized I wasn't even listening to them.

"When you see a guy, what do you look at first?" Rosalie elaborated, not even fazed by my lack of attention. "I said shoulders. I love a man with big, broad shoulders." She added with relish and an exaggerated lick of her lips.

"Hence Emmett." Alice retorted wryly. "And I look at the whole package….ya know...how it all works together."

"Which is why her choice in Jasper is so amusing." Rosalie smirked but I could see there was no malice only affection for her brother. "She went relentless on his ass until he finally succumbed."

Again her words held affection. I couldn't help but feel the bitter sting of jealousy at their bond. They were more than friends, they were family.

"So, what about you, little Miss Bella?"

Stormy green eyes, invaded my vision. Bottomless orbs filled with a thousand untold secrets gazed at me…penetrating me, surrounding my soul within warm folds until I radiated with heat.

I must be a masochist for wanting something I could never have…never had a right to have.

"Oh my…look at her blush." Rosalie clapped with glee. "It's asses isn't it? Bella is a total ass chic."

I shook my head, feeling the blush that had only stained my face, spread all over my body.

"Eyes." I corrected her, softly. "It's all about the eyes. They say what the mouth does not, sometimes what the mouth cannot. It's the only part of someone that cannot truly be masked"

"Wow." Rosalie's voice was filled with awe. "I just got a chill. That was fucking profound Bella."

I blushed harder, hiding my face behind the cup of mochaccino even though there was nothing left to drink.

"Is there a face attached to those eyes of yours?" Alice asked, her eyes twinkling with mirth.

"No." I shook my head but I think my uncontrollable wistful smile gave me away.