Harry Potter and the Mysterious, Smelly Bathroom Stall
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I just have too much free time.
Harry Potter lay in bed, too hyper to sleep. He had not gotten himself into enough mischief that day, and felt he needed to have just one more pointless adventure until he welcomed the dark, empty comfort that was sleep.
"Ron? Ron, are you asleep?"
Nothing. Nothing but the sound of Ron snoring loudly and muttering something that sounded a lot like, "Oh...Oh, Severus... Ah, that's niiice..."
Harry did not even want to know.
"Ron, you lazy wanker," Harry muttered, as he got out of bed and pulled on his invisibility cloak.
He hurried through the common room and past the portrait of the Fat Lady, not knowing where exactly to go yet. So, he did as he had always done. He just wandered around aimlessly looking for nothing in particular, because when he did that, he usually found something really fun, or impending doom.
He passed by the boys' restroom, and was greeted by an exceptionally rank stench. Trying hard not to think about puking, he pinched his nose and skittered inside. He imagined he could see comical stink lines coming from a particular stall, in which the loo had obviously seen better days.
He wondered what could possibly make a toilet smell so bad. Besides maybe Gregory Goyle. But...Honestly. Feeling rather sick, Harry decided now would be a good time to go back to bed. And he did so.
The next morning at breakfast, Ron wasn't eating. Or at least, not as much as he usually did.
"Anything wrong, Ron?" Hermione asked.
"Nah...I just don't feel great, that's all."
"Ok," Harry and Hermione said in unison. No one really cared anyway.
Throughout the day, Ron kept making mysterious trips to the bathroom. Harry sincerely hoped it didn't have anything to do with what he'd heard Ron muttering about last night. He shuddered involuntarily.
That night, Harry decided to go investigate the bathroom stall again. He looked for Ron to come with him, but he'd mysteriously vanished.
Harry made his way to the loo quickly and quietly, but when he got there, he found the bathroom was not empty. There was somebody in the stall! Harry crept silently to it, and pushed open the door. What he found surprised him entirely.
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Ron squealed girlishly
"Bloody hell!" Harry shouted, accidentally throwing off the invisibility cloak.
Just then, Filch staggered inside with Mrs. Norris at his heels and an empty vodka bottle in his hand.
"'Ere, what's all this, then?" He demanded. He looked from Harry to Ron sitting with his pants down on the loo, and decided not to ask anymore questions. Then he left, as fast as anyone as inebriated as he was could.
Harry looked back at Ron and arched an eyebrow. He'd solved the mystery all right. He rather wished he hadn't.
And with that, Harry left Ron to his business and went back to bed. He resolved to have fewer nightly excursions from then on.