The Ghost of You and Me
Lucas slowly walked into the living room the house was far too quiet, so quiet it made him nervous. He hadn't seen or heard Riley in a few hours. Maybe she'd given up and was on her way back to New York. As soon as that thought crossed his mind he wished he could take it back, he didn't want her to go back. He wanted her to stay and fight for him.
He sat on the end of the couch, focusing on his breathing before he picked up the television remote and pulled up Netflix on the TV. He didn't care that he was a twenty-two year old man, there was one thing in this world that would make him feel better at the moment, well he could think of a few things but they were out of the question, so instead he pulled up his favorite season of Cuddle Bunnies.
As the theme song filled the room the door opened and he reached for the remote to pause it when he saw it was Riley coming in with several Wal-Mart bags. "You went to Wal-Mart?"
"Yeah, I had to get a few things." She smirked when she saw the TV, "I went through the rest of what Maya packed for me. Let's just say, I wouldn't be comfortable wearing most of that around here."
"Oh so you're serious about sticking around" He shifted trying to decide if he should just focus on the TV or her.
She put the bags down at his feet, standing in front of him. "I'm not going anywhere Lucas, at least not without you."
"You make a better door than you do window." He tried to glare at her, but it didn't work, "Wait, is that my t-shirt?"
Riley looked down at the burnt orange t-shirt she wore and smiled, "What this longhorns tee? Yes it is I borrowed it while you were sleeping. Like I said Maya packed, and it was not appropriate what she packed."
"It's stuff you own." He watched as she bent forward to pick up two of the bags, the way her long hair cascaded down like a waterfall.
She looked up at him, "Yeah and it's all stuff you've pulled off my body to get me naked, like that red lacy thing I wore the weekend we spent in the Hamptons, or the nightie I wore last night. I can't really do anything in those."
"What's in the bags?"
"Dinner, you rest and I'll get it ready." She kissed his forehead before he could protest and he could breathe in the scent she was cloaked in—peppermint.
Lucas felt his foot tapping as he un-paused Netflix, watching the cuddle bunnies on screen, lost in the episode when Riley came out with a tray of food and drinks as he was halfway through the second episode. "You really cooked?"
"Yes, why is that so shocking?" She put the tray down on the coffee table and pulled out a TV Tray Table for him and set him up with his dinner.
Lucas could only think of the last time she really tried to cook him dinner, which was mostly the fire she started in the oven that filled her parent's kitchen and living room with smoke.
Riley rolled her eyes as she set herself up next to him, taking a bite of her chicken as though she had to prove it was edible. "I learned to cook okay. After that last disaster I realized I was going to have to really learn."
Lucas tried a bite, finding it to actually be good, "How did you learn?"
"I took a cooking class on some weekends, YouTube videos once I got the basics down." She smiled as she watched him eating more.
"So why did you think you had to learn to cook?"
She put her hand on his leg, "Because I knew I couldn't make my husband starve and survive on take out."
Lucas looked down at her hand, letting it stay on his leg for a moment before he picked it up. He meant to just move it, but he found himself holding it, his thumb rubbing her knuckles, he hated how perfect this felt, how calming and relaxing this was. "Well I'm sure whoever you marry will appreciate that."
"If I don't marry you, I don't marry anyone." Riley looked to him, watching him it was obvious he was trying to avoid looking at her. "I love you Lucas, and I am going to do whatever it takes to prove that to you, for you to trust me again."
He let his eyes fall on her, "I don't know if there is anything you can do Riley." But he knew all she had to do was stay, be here, take care of him until they could travel again, maybe by then he could trust her again.
Riley nodded, "Finish your dinner or you won't get any of the pie I baked this afternoon while you were sleeping."
"You bake now as well?" How did he not know this about her? Did he even really know her anymore?
"Yeah, I'm on a mission to make the best apple pie possible." She took a sip of her water, she wanted to say something anything but she just couldn't find the words.
"Where's Pappy Joe?"
"He mentioned something about having dinner with some friends from church."
"Huh, weird" Lucas realized he was still holding her hand and dropped it as he looked back at the television, "So Farkle said he's stream the game tomorrow for me, so you might want to watch that with me since Auggie is playing."
"I would love that Lucas." She looked at what was left on her plate and then noticed his was almost empty, "Um, do you want more?"
"No thank you. I'm saving room for that pie of yours." He gave her a smile.
She felt her body flutter when he smiled, he would forgive her he would trust her again. "Well then let me go get that, and you can get the next episode to play. I know it's your favorite one."
Lucas watched her, damn she was hard to resist. He had to he couldn't let her break his heart again.
As Riley sliced the pie she'd made early in the afternoon, she knew she had an uphill battle. She could tell, at least she thought she could, that he wanted to forgive her, to look in her eyes and tell her how much he loved her back, how he forgave her. But he wasn't ready yet and she was willing to wait for him to be ready.
She placed a slice on a small plate and then scooped out some vanilla ice cream, before making an identical serving on the other plate. She grabbed the forks and went back into the living room, "Here you go."
Lucas accepted the plate from her, watching as she sat next to him, even closer this time. He took a tentative bite, "Okay, almost as good as the ones at the bakery."
"Thank you." She watched as he quickly moved to take another bite, "If you feel up to it after dinner, I think we should go for a walk. Not a long one, just a short one, even just around the outside of the house, it will be good for you."
"That sounds like a good idea." He could tell she'd been reading all the care instructions from the doctor and probably had looked online as well.
She watched him finish his pie as she finished hers, before clearing everything up. "Come on Friar, time to get you moving."
He sighed, hating that she had to help him up. He stumbled a little bumping into her, their foreheads knocking. "Sorry."
"It's okay." She took his good arm and led him out the door, "Nice and warm still."
"But look, the stars are already coming out." He stood at the edge of the porch as he looked up at the sky.
"Nothing is as beautiful as this."
"It's not as beautiful as you." The words slipped from him before he could stop them, he knew she heard him from the grin on her face as she led him down the steps.
"I could tell you that resistance is futile, you'll forgive and trust me again Lucas. I know you will." They started walking around, occasionally looking up at the sky. "I know you need time, but if you need to ask me anything, or want to ask me anything that will make it easier to move forward, back to each other, just ask."
Lucas had questions, and considering he had pain killers' coursing through his system maybe now was a good time to ask them, dull the physical reaction, "When he kissed you, did you feel the same spark you feel when I kiss you?"
Riley turned to him, searching his green eyes, "It was different, but not this, not what we have." She caressed his face with the tips of her fingers, "I can't say I didn't enjoy them, because I did, but at the same time, in the back of my mind I was always comparing it to you, and how he didn't measure up."
Lucas took a few more steps before stopping and looking up at the stars, "I hate that I have to ask this Riley but when the two of you had sex, did you enjoy it?"
She didn't move, she twisted his promise ring around her finger, "Laurence and I never slept together. I tried to initiate it, to get it to happen, but he wanted to wait, he wanted the wedding night to be special, because he thought I was a virgin. And then, the night I left him, I went to him, and I begged him to make love to me."
Lucas was sure he was going to be sick and he didn't think it was her cooking, "Riley."
"And nothing happened, because he wasn't you." Riley watched as he spun around slowly, "I already knew in my heart that I had made a mistake, and yet here I was still trying to ruin everything. I couldn't make love to Laurence, because the only man I should ever make love to, with is you."
Relief and jealousy flooded him. He was thankful that she hadn't actually slept with the Prince, that she couldn't bring herself to do it. He was jealous that Laurence touched her that another man's hands had attempted to explore her body "You never had sex with him?"
"I couldn't" Riley rubbed her hands together, "That's when I knew what everyone else knew. That I shouldn't marry him, so I slipped his ring off and broke it off. I went to my room and found the USB, and that's when I realized I've probably lost you forever if I didn't fully snap out of whatever this was."
Lucas was quiet as he tried to focus on his breathing watching her.
"I called Maya, and I went to Farkle's for the night. I spent most of the next day reading the letters that I had taken with me to his hotel."
"You took my letters to your fiancés hotel?" His head snapped up, "Why?"
"I knew I had to read them after that, mess you all created when he met my parents."
He couldn't help but smile, "Zay just going to get cereal in your kitchen will forever be classic."
Riley shook her head. "So yeah, I brought some of your letters with me, and when I was at Farkle's I read them all."
"What about the rest, the ones you didn't have with you?"
"I have three left to read, 208, 209, and 210." She watched him, "Should I read those tonight, or should I wait?"
He honestly didn't know, "I think I need to lie back down."
"Of course" Riley guided him back up the porch steps, watching him walk down to his room. She went and cleaned up the kitchen and what dishes were left from dinner. When she finished she grabbed the last Wal-Mart bag she'd left earlier and went into the bathroom to take a bubble bath.
Lucas had sat on his bed for a good twenty minutes, all he could think about was that yes, she should read the rest of the letters and do it while lying next to him in bed.
He pushed himself up, going to her room, but she wasn't there. He saw the light on in the bathroom and he knocked on the door, "Riley, when you're done could we talk?"
"Come in here and we can talk right now."
He pushed the door open, expecting to find her brushing her teeth or washing her face. Instead he saw her lying in the bathtub, her body covered in bubbles. "Oh, I um, I didn't know you were taking a bath." He closed the door.
She smiled, "It's not like you've never seen me like this before Lucas."
He nodded as he moved towards the tub, "Um,"
"You okay Lucas? Is something wrong?"
He'd forgotten why he wanted to talk to her. All he could think about was stripping out of his clothes and trying to squeeze in the tub with her, even though he knew it would barely fit two grown adults.
"Lucas, seriously are you okay?"
His eyes landed on the bottle of body wash she'd used for her bubble bath. He picked it up, "Peppermint?"
"Yeah why?"
"Because" He slowly moved down so he could be face to face with her, "This is what you use when you're sad Riley. I never want you to have to use this again."
She wasn't sure what came over him, "Lucas, it's just body wash."
He shook his head, "You have a whole collection, maybe this makes you feel better, but God I hate it, because I don't know how to make you happy if you need this pick me up."
"Kiss me, right here, right now while I'm naked in the tub. Don't let the last man whose lips touched mine be Laurence's, let them be yours." She moved to the edge of the tub so he wouldn't have to lean too far.
He didn't think he just acted, kissing her, slowly, savoring the moment as her mouth opened, encouraging more from him. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of her damp hair against his fingers before he pulled away. "Read the letters the way they should be read."
Riley watched as he carefully and slowly rose to his feet, "Lucas, do you mean that?"
"I do."
"I will then, just let me dry off and change."
Lucas just nodded before going back to his room, what the hell was he doing?
He lay down on his side of the bed, realizing that would put Riley on his left side so he moved to her side of the bed.
Riley got out of the bath as quickly as she could, drying off, pulling her hair up changing into the pajama's she'd gotten earlier. She went and grabbed the three letters, this was just a first step, she knew that he could pull the rug out from under her at any moment; she couldn't let it phase her.
Before going in his room she grabbed a glass of water and his pain killers. She pushed the door open he was laying on what was normally her side of the bed, "I'm guessing that's more comfortable for you?"
Lucas watched her she had on a pair of black sweat pants and a blue t-shirt with the Captain America shield on it, her damp hair piled on the top of her head.
She wasn't really trying at the moment but this was his weakness, his Riley, this woman who looked beautiful even dressed down.
"I thought you could use these." She handed him the water and bottle of pills.
"Thank you." He accepted them and put them on his nightstand, "Come lay down next to me."
"Are you sure?"
"Before I change my mind Riles." He gave her an encouraging smile as she got on the bed.
She bit her lip, "Okay, so I should just read these huh, with you watching me?"
Lucas nodded, "Yeah, does that make you uncomfortable?"
"What if these make me cry, some of them have made me cry."
"Then I'll wipe away your tears."
Had she somehow cracked more of the wall he was trying to build? What had she said or done to do so, how did she keep doing it?
She nodded, watching as he took his pain killers before she started reading. Her heart was racing, feeling his eyes on her as she read the words she prayed to God he still meant.
Dear Riley,
Summer in New York just seems empty without you. Sure I could blame it on everyone going to the Hamptons or the Jersey Shore or whatever the hotspot is, but it's you. The energy you always bring, you fill a room and I don't think you even know it.
I can't wait for you to be back.
You should see Auggie play, he and Doy have really grown this summer as players. He can't wait for you to see him play. He adores you, I hope you know that.
Did I ever tell you that in the eighth grade he called me to come over to have a chat? He sat me down on this tiny little chair, and didn't let me get a word in edge wise. He told me not to hurt you. I promised him I wouldn't, and I hope to God I haven't because that would kill me if I ever did.
I'm not sure who scared me more, your father or Auggie, or the thought of losing you to Charlie Gardner that creep.
You are the sun Riley, the center of my world, my heart, you stole my heart and you didn't even know it that first day on the subway. It's always been yours as I've always had yours.
I hope you're looking up at the stars in Glendova and remembering they're the same stars I look up at every night thinking about you, about our future.
I can't wait to propose to you, I know you were probably speechless when I did it since you won't get this until afterwards.
I'll love you forever,
Lucas
She looked over to him, his green eyes dancing back and forth trying to read her, "Auggie really did that?"
"Yeah, he really did." He pushed as lock of hair away from her forehead that had fallen out of place, "Here I had just rode a bull for the first time in my life, survived, and won…but your brother scared the hell out of me."
"Is that when you promised him you weren't my brother?"
Lucas nodded, "Now read the next one." Watching her read them was almost everything he expected, even with the heaviness of their current situation.
"Okay" She put the letter she'd been reading on the nightstand and picked up the next one feeling Lucas snake his arm around her.
Dear Riley,
Zay is bartending like most nights, Farkle and Maya are acting odd, even for them. The Yankees are on TV and I just wish we were at the game together. I miss Saturday afternoon dates at the ballpark with you. I miss watching a movie and feeling you grab my hand when something startles you, the way you eat the heads off the red gummies first, the way you sneak a handful of my popcorn, or a few pieces of my chocolate when you think I've lost interest.
I miss the way your head rests on my shoulder when you start to fall asleep when we're on the couch, or when we're slow dancing. God I miss dancing with you, even at those ridiculous clubs Maya drags us to. All I really want to do is dance in the rain with you, one of those quick summer showers that come on fast and then are over before you know it. I just want to feel you in my arms again, even if we're soaking wet I know you'll be beautiful, you are always beautiful.
Like right now, if we're lying in bed together, you are probably so beautiful that you don't even know it, you're hair is probably a mess on the top of your head, as you're dressed in something comfortable that you don't think is sexy, but I can assure you, it is.
I'm probably watching you right now, waiting for the right moment to kiss you, remove this piece of paper from your fingers and make love to you slowly.
Hurry home to me my love, I need to feel you in my arms, I need to feel your heartbeat, I need to see the way your eyes sparkle when you look at me.
Always yours,
Lucas
Riley didn't know what to say as she looked up at him, only to discover he had fallen asleep, his left arm thrown over her body. She knew she couldn't make him move, and obviously he was comfortable, besides she didn't want to get away from his embrace.
She reached to turn off the light, settling in next to him, feeling that maybe he would forgive her, he would take her back, and they would still have a future together, the life they dreamed of.