Heather and Ilyana

GIFT

"I'll give you an all-you-can-eat buffet if you give me a kissing session," Heather teased, holding a shrimp fork seductively.

"You always get me to do exactly what you want," Ilyana said, "I like that. It's nice to have some competition for my sneakiness."

"Kissing first, because I don't want you to forget," Heather spoke suspiciously.

"No," Ilyana said, "If I kiss you first, you will not give me the buffet, and then I'll have wasted my time."

"No, Ilyana," Heather said, "If I give you the buffet first, you'll sneak off without kissing me."

"I have a compromise!" Ilyana shouted, gesturing to the buffet.

"What?" Heather asked.

"Come on!" the mage exclaimed, dragging the thief behind her.

"Where are we going?"

"Here's what we do. You take a bite of the buffet, and I will steal it from your mouth!"

"Well," Heather said, "I found a hole in your plan. What if I swallow it and don't let you eat it?"

"Well then, I suppose I'll have to stop kissing you."

Heather resigned, knowing full well that Ilyana meant every word she said. She had to use her full willpower not to swallow it. But it was well worth it.

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TALK

"Boys are easy," Ilyana said, "You girls are more difficult."

"Boys are indeed easy. Too easy if you ask me," Heather said slyly. "Sometimes I wish girls were as easy as guys because I don't want a guy."

"When did you discover it?" Ilyana asked, "About not liking guys?"

"It was when the rest of the girls around me all went after boyfriends, but all I did was get catty and jealous of my best friend's boyfriend. Then she told me that there might be something wrong with me, and… there was. I went to a harem, and I was interested in paying for it."

"Well that's a pretty big slap in the face," said Ilyana. "Were there any hints before then?"

"Well, I mean, there was that one time that I tried to kiss a guy but I wasn't attracted to him. I thought it was just because he was ugly, even though all of my female friends thought he was hot. I didn't have to agree with anything they said, right?"

"Heather, I think that your life is too messed up for words, and I am a cuisinophile," Ilyana said.

"That's not a word!" Heather teased.

"It should be…" Ilyana muttered, as she began to take a bite out of a truffle.

"Yes, Ilyana," Heather said, "Any word I can use to describe you should be a word."

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HARDSHIP

Gatrie walked up to Heather and asked her out.

"I'm sorry," Heather said, "I'm pretty sure I've already rejected you."

"Well you know," Gatrie said sadly, "I might have been asking Ilyana! You ever think of that… because I brought a ton of bacon!"

"D-d-d-did you say bacon?" Ilyana said. She took the bacon and ate it all.

Zihark then showed up and asked Ilyana if she was hungry.

With bacon still on her cheek, she asked, "What do you think?"

Zihark handed her some shrimp. "I caught these in the river, and thought you might like them."

Ilyana quickly devoured the shrimp, tails and all. Soon afterwards, in walked Mordecai.

"Ilyana!" He shouted, waving his arms, and a recently killed rabbit. "Have some food!"

"Yuck…" she said, "I don't want that…"

"Oh! This isn't the food… this is for the burial. This is the food." He held out some fruits.

Ilyana gladly gorged herself on them as well. Heather sighed, knowing full well she didn't have any food with her at the moment.

"Thank you, Zihark, Garrett, and Mikhael."

"Well at least you remembered MY name," Zihark said.

"Of course. How could I forget?"

"Apparently you've forgotten three years ago…"

"That I have," Ilyana said, "Is that bad?"

Heather was crying. Ilyana looked to her. "Heather, what's wrong?" Ilyana asked.

"Those boys sure do like you…" Heather said.

"Indeed they do," Ilyana said, "But I hope you weren't misled into thinking I was with them. I couldn't remember the blond guy or the tiger's names."

"But what about Zihark?"

"Zihark. You think I'd cheat on you with Zihark! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! That guy swore himself to celibacy after his first girlfriend. He's a real ROLE MODEL, isn't he?"

"Well, you know, sometimes people break their vows…"

"It wasn't a 'vow'; it was just one of his crazy compulsions, like cleaning his weapons or remembering everyone's name."

"Maybe that last one isn't as strange as you think it is," Heather muttered.

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ARGUMENT

"I don't think I can date you anymore, Ilyana," Heather said one day.

"WHY NOT?" asked Ilyana with tears in her eyes.

"Because you're too… fickle," Heather said, "I don't want to be with a girl who might one day decide that I'm not good enough for her."

"Uh… YOU'RE dumping ME and I'M the fickle one?" Ilyana asked.

"I apologize, Ilyana," Heather said, "I'm just not thinking straight today."

"You're dumping me for another girl, aren't you? AREN'T YOU?"

"No," Heather said, "I was just afraid you would do that to me…"

"If someone accuses you of wanting to cheat on her without evidence, she's probably trying to cheat on you," Ilyana said, "No, seriously, who is she?"

"No one!" Heather shouted, "I'm just insecure!"

"Don't be… as long as you keep making food for me, as long as Mia keeps being crazy, as long as Lucia keeps being taken, as long as Mordecai keeps being ugly, as long as Zihark keeps being a prude, and as long as Gatrie keeps being a pervert, you have nothing to worry about."

"Okay, then I won't worry anymore."

"I'm glad we can stay together."

"Me too."

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RELAXATION

Heather and Ilyana were two of the best lovers in all of Tellius. Although their pair was slightly unorthodox, the two worked together to find both of their passions and combine them to form the greatest relationship of all. Heather had her lust and Ilyana had her gluttony… but when sins truly make your partner happy, they don't seem so deadly.