Chapter Fourteen: The Uncertain Road

Elena was in high spirits as she casually paced around the front half of Tseng's room, keeping an eye out for the nurses. He was just finishing the soup she'd brought him from his favorite Wutaiian restaurant on the base, a large portion of the food from his hospital tray already packed into the take-out bag and ready for disposal. They had developed a routine over the last few days, and Elena was thrilled to finally be able to do something useful for him. She would sneak the food in shortly after the nurses served his meals, removing the items he would never have touched in a million years and replacing them with what she'd purchased. Then she'd scrape a gradually increasing amount of the vile portions into the bag, making it look as if Tseng was slowly eating more… which he was. Just not of what they were serving. When he was finished eating, she'd return the partially emptied plate to his tray and take the discarded food and take-out containers to the isolated restroom she'd been using for her phone calls with Reno. So far, the busy staff was none the wiser.

Elena turned and snuck a glance at Tseng, hoping he wouldn't notice. She was unable to hold back a smile of satisfaction, thrilled that she was finally able to actually take care of him a little. And it was working. His color was better, and she'd noticed that he was able to stay awake a bit longer during the day. He still slept most of the time, but there was definitely some improvement. His eyes were brighter, too, and his voice was stronger. He was still extremely weak and in so much pain, but slowly, she could see him fighting back one day at a time. She wanted to tell him how incredible he was, how strong and brave he had been… but she knew he didn't want to hear those words. She sensed that as far as Tseng was concerned, he was simply doing his job, and his mind remained focused on only one goal.

She watched him push the nearly empty plastic soup bowl aside, and when he looked up he caught her eye before she had a chance to turn away. A slight smile crossed his face, and Elena swallowed hard against all of the feelings it stirred within her before managing to speak.

"All finished?"

"Yes, thank you," he replied, settling back against the pillows supporting him with a slight wince of pain. "The food at this hospital is delicious." He smirked, and Elena could not hold back the girlish giggle that escaped her.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it."

She gathered the evidence of their crime into the paper bag and folded it up tight, then set the largely emptied plate the nurses had served back on the metal tray in front of him. "Look at that, you finished almost two thirds of your lunch today," she said with a crooked grin. "You even ate the creamed spinach!"

Tseng made a disgusted face, leaning as far away from the tray as he could. "Why would anyone create such a thing… Spinach is disgusting enough on its own."

"They'll come and collect it soon, hopefully," Elena said sympathetically, still a bit surprised by just how strong his aversion to certain types of food was. She was dying to sit and ask him if he liked various things from her list of favorites some time. He wouldn't even touch the mashed potatoes the previous evening, though in his defense they had been rather runny and covered in a suspicious-looking grayish gravy. Elena would eat almost anything when hungry, and even she would have had a hard time getting those down.

"They better, or I may not be able to keep down what I ate."

Elena playfully rolled her eyes, approaching the door with the bag of trash in hand. "Let me go and dispose of the evidence, and I'll be right back," she said, pausing to study him for a moment. He looked so relaxed and content at that moment, his dark eyes a bit heavy from the combination of pain medication and a full stomach. It was still so strange to see him so vulnerable and unguarded as he lay stretched out in bed, and it made her chest ache to know he was hurting and unhappy about his situation. She wanted to reach out to him so badly, to do so much more for him, to simply be there for him. What she was doing was not nearly enough, and it wounded her to her soul. Elena finally tore her eyes away and quickly left the room, wondering if she would ever find the courage to tell him how she felt. But at the same time, she knew she could never allow it no matter how badly she wanted to or how much holding back slowly killed her one day at a time. They were Turks first, and he was her boss. Besides, someone like Tseng would never feel the same for her…

Who did she think she was, developing feelings for him of all people? Elena was filled with a bitter self loathing as she made her way down the corridor, frowning severely. She was no one, just a young woman from a small town in the middle of nowhere… a mere rookie who still struggling to prove herself and be accepted as a Turk. She had only been in Midgar for about a year, and while she'd excelled and quickly risen in rank, she knew she had a long way to go and precious little experience. She'd made her share of mistakes and was teased mercilessly by the others in the department for everything from her appearance to her voice to her habits. The label of rookie clung to her, and she had yet to complete the final stage of her training. She wondered if she ever would if Tseng was not there to guide her. Gods, he had to be able to return to duty, or she would be utterly lost in more ways than one…

He was the widely respected director of the entire department, and had been a Turk for… well, a long time. He seemed virtually flawless, and everyone looked up to him like he was some kind of god in a blue suit. Even Reno considered him a role model and rarely spoke a negative word about him outside of some occasional light teasing. But for Elena, Tseng had quickly become her everything even though she tried her hardest to push the powerful feelings aside and focus on her work. She was an idiot for letting her admiration of him go beyond professional respect, but she had been helpless to stop it. It had started almost instantly, the moment she laid eyes upon him. Tseng was undeniably gorgeous, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from him as he sat behind his desk that first morning she reported to his office. Those delicate but handsome Wutaiian features, his intense dark eyes that seemed to look right into her soul, that stern but serene expression… long, silky black hair she longed to touch. And when he stood and towered over her, she almost melted. He seemed so powerful, yet always so calm and controlled. He made her extremely nervous at first, but she always felt safe when she was with him. While his position intimidated her, he had the power to soothe her anxiety on missions and bring out her confidence, something that greatly contributed to her quick improvement. She was certain that if not for Tseng's patience and personal attention, she never would have made it as a Turk.

Elena pushed open the restroom door and threw the bag into the trashcan, stopping in front of the mirror to glare at herself in disgust. She was kidding herself if she thought a man like Tseng would ever have any interest in her. She knew she was widely considered to be pretty, though closer to cute than beautiful, and she wasn't built like a model or particularly glamorous. She was short and petite with a soft, cherubic face and big blue eyes. Her short pixie haircut only served to make her look younger and more innocent, something that had backfired on her mightily. She'd thought it would make her look tougher and less feminine, but it only accented the roundness of her face and made her seem even shorter somehow. The navy blue suit covered up what curves she had, making her appear plain and boyish. She wasn't sophisticated or particularly interesting, and she tended to ramble and embarrass herself at the worst possible times. Even if Tseng was open to the idea of risking an office romance with a subordinate, it would never be with her. She had seen his secretary and personal assistant, after all, clearly hired by Rufus for their appearances. They were always shamelessly flirting with him and undressing him with their eyes, giggling and gossiping and trying to think of ways to make Tseng actually pay attention to them. When he had women like them available and willing, why would he give her a second look?

Tears burned her eyes as she quickly stepped away from the mirror, cursing herself for being such a fool. That was not why she was there. She was there to help Tseng get well and be able to return to duty. She was doing so as his partner and his friend… and yes, because she loved him. She was past the point of being able to deny that fact. It didn't matter that he would never know or feel the same. Elena cared about him so deeply that she never would have been able to walk away, and he had no one else to stand beside him. She was all he had right now, and he needed her. She took a deep breath and stood up as tall as she could, steeling herself against the pain as she left the restroom. She had a feeling this was going to be her most difficult assignment to date.

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Tseng was relieved when an unknown nurse arrived almost immediately after Elena's departure and removed the foul remains of the hospital lunch from his room after making a quick note in his chart. Good. They were convinced he was eating the slop they brought him, noting his positive progress for the doctor. One more step toward his release as an outpatient.

He closed his eyes and tried to relax once the nurse had checked his vitals and made her exit. She had done everything without speaking a single word to him. How he hated that. While he didn't necessarily want to make small talk with these people, they could have at least acknowledged him instead of treating him like an object… or a specimen. Some of the staff were quite pleasant and friendly, but others barely looked at him and never even said hello. It was odd, and he had no idea why they would behave that way. Was it because of who he was within Shin-ra, or did they treat all of their patients that way? Did some of them not realize who he was and assume he didn't know Universal simply because he was Wutaiian, as stupid as that would have been? Sadly, it wouldn't have been the first time. He supposed he could have asked and started using big words they likely wouldn't have known the meanings of, but he never bothered. He had enough on his mind and didn't plan to stay there much longer anyway.

After only a few minutes, Tseng opened his eyes and glanced toward the doorway. He frowned, immediately scolding himself. There was no way Elena would be back already. But the need to look for her had been nearly overpowering, and he was left feeling weak and foolish. When she was gone, the room felt so empty and silent despite the constant sounds of the monitors, and he was suddenly aware of just how alone he was. It shouldn't have mattered. All that did was that he continue to heal so he could get out of there and back to work as soon as possible. He didn't need… company in order to do so. He had never needed anyone to accomplish his goals, and there was no reason to start now regardless of how badly he was injured.

Yet he could not deny that her presence was making things easier somehow. She had been there all along, and he would never forget her for that. It meant far more than he would ever admit or be able to express, and just thinking about those feeling left him confused and uncomfortable. Having her by his side helped take his mind off the pain and frustration that filled his days. She talked to him even when he was not in the mood to respond, something that relaxed him even though he often pretended to be annoyed. She made sure the nurses kept on schedule with his pain medication because he had too much pride to ask for it, and now she was going out of her way three times a day to make sure he had food he would actually eat. He still couldn't wrap his mind around that. No one had ever done anything like that for him before. The hospital staff was seeing to his needs because they had to, but Elena… she was taking care of him because she chose to. Wanted to. And stranger still, she seemed to be enjoying it. She seemed to have a renewed energy the last few days, and there was a sparkle in her eyes each time she returned with the smuggled meals. Was it because she was finally able to do something other than sit around bored, the thrill of getting away with a 'crime'… or something more?

Sometimes when their eyes met as she sat at his bedside, Tseng's breath caught in his throat and a powerful feeling stirred deep within him, and he could have sworn he saw the same emotion reflected back at him. But he always looked away before he lost control of his expression, carefully biting down on the dangerous feelings that had been growing stronger over the past few weeks. He would not allow himself to be so foolish. He knew he was attracted to Elena… he always had been. It had surprised him, because he wouldn't have thought she was his type. But there was just something about her. She was so small, something that brought out a protectiveness in him… yet she was deceptively strong and capable and had grown into a very skilled Turk over the last year. He had proven Reno wrong by taking her under his wing and mentoring her, taking her as his partner and teaching her everything he knew… Well, almost. Even the best of teachers never revealed all of his tricks. Elena was so eager to please him, so determined to succeed and improve, and he admired her for that. It was also painfully endearing… She never gave up, even if she did something stupid and barely held back tears of frustration. Tseng hated it when people cried, but when Elena did and tried so hard to hide it… it made him want to reach out and comfort her, an impulse he fought with all his might more than once. Her big blue eyes were captivating, and it was easy to get lost in them. Gods, she was one of his Turks! He couldn't let himself think about her like that…

But he was also human, and he could not deny that as a man he thought she was beautiful. Even in the suit. Or especially in it. But there was more to it than that, and that was the part that scared him the most. A simple physical attraction was one thing. That could be easily dealt with and pushed aside with proper self-control. This… This went deeper, and it wasn't going away. Tseng sighed as he stared at the ceiling, admitting to himself that he had allowed himself to develop feelings for Elena that went far beyond professional or even friendship. It was something he had never felt before, and it was only growing stronger as she stayed by his side and did her best to help him recover.

How could he have let this happen? He was her boss. He was older. He was supposed to be the one in control. This was entirely unacceptable! His personal feelings and emotions had no place in his line of work. He was to remain an unknown entity, a calm and reliable professional the others followed without question and trusted with their lives. He had never had this problem before, part of the reason he was never seen with a member of the opposite sex. There was no room for that in his life, no place for anyone else… it would only interfere with his work and complicate matters. It was a luxury someone in his position could not afford, a sacrifice he had to make for his job. Every now and then the feelings of loneliness and longing would rise up within him, but they could be painfully squelched with meditation and by throwing himself relentlessly into his job until he nearly collapsed from exhaustion. But now, he could not use his work as a shield, trapped in bed by his injury with nothing but time to think. And with Elena constantly by his side, much of that time was spent thinking about her.

He knew he had to get control of himself quickly before things got any worse. Elena could never know of his confused feelings for her. It would ruin their working relationship, and if word got out his reputation would be permanently soiled. Tseng frowned as he stared at the ceiling he had grown to hate, trying to convince himself that his feelings for Elena were wrong and needed to stop. Immediately.

Gods, but if they were wrong, why did the very thought of her ease his pain? Why did her presence make him feel safe in a strange place he found so unnerving? When she took his hand he was warmed all over, and sometimes when their eyes met his heart fluttered like that of a nervous teenager. He knew she would never be interested in him, a much older man who was so serious and dedicated to his work, but it was nearly impossible to stop thinking about her as he lay there with nothing else to do. Despite his every effort and legendary self-control, the feelings he had tried so hard to fight over the past year had only grown more powerful. He even dreamed about her sometimes. And if he had his way and earned his release, they would soon be spending even more time together, alone, in his quarters. What had he been thinking when he agreed to that? Perhaps it would force him to face the problem and get control of himself once and for all… He was determined that by the time he returned to duty, he would have his emotions under wraps and be able to see Elena no differently than any other Turk no matter how badly it hurt. It could be no other way.

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When Elena returned to Tseng's room, she was puzzled to find him in a dark mood. He would barely look at her, claiming he had a headache and wanted to be left alone. She could see in his eyes that there was something more to it, a sickening feeling settling into the pit of her stomach. He had been so upbeat just ten minutes before… but she had grown used to his moodiness and there wasn't much she could do. With the amount of pain he was in and the side effects from all the medications he was taking, she really couldn't blame him and did her best to be understanding. It still stung, though, especially after the troubled thoughts she'd just been having…

She'd retreated to her cot in the corner, pulling out her PHS and finding a friendly text from Rude. She was touched that he had contacted her just to ask how she was holding up, the only one to do so thus far. While far from pouring her heart out, she let him know she was tired and missed them, and that Tseng was doing well but being grouchy. Then she wished he and Reno luck and good health wherever they were, because she still didn't know. Maybe Rude would tell her if he wrote back, since Reno never had during their conversations. She had just sent the message when she looked up and saw Doctor Welsh entering the room.

Elena instantly tensed despite the genuine smile on the aging doctor's face. She'd been dreading this visit for the past few days. She was fond of the man and trusted him with Tseng's life, but she knew he was not going to be happy that they'd found a way to ensure he could still be released as an outpatient. She also knew that the memo he'd received informing him of Elena's new assignment had been worded in such a way that it had more or less ordered him to release Tseng from the medical center as soon as he was physically able to survive while being cared for in his quarters, authorized by Rufus Shin-ra himself. Doctor Welsh was used to dealing with Shin-ra Incorporated and powerful members of their staff, since he worked at a hospital in the center of their main military base, but she couldn't imagine he liked receiving documents like that that went against what he thought was best for his patients.

"Good afternoon!" Doctor Welsh said cheerfully, picking up Tseng's chart and beginning to scan it from behind his thick glasses. Elena rose from the cot and approached his bed as she always did, quietly offering her support. "How are you feeling today?"

"I'm well, thank you," Tseng answered with a nod, his mood instantly improved. Elena watched him closely, instantly sensing that he was playing it up for the doctor. She had noticed that over his last few visits. Tseng had started to act more energetic in Doctor Welsh and Nurse Becky's presence once he decided he needed to be released as soon as possible, severely downplaying his pain level and any other symptoms and complaints. In fact, he had stopped complaining about anything at all, even how much the tight bandages wrapped around his entire upper body made him feel smothered and itchy. The moment they left the room, however, he would slump back into bed, exhausted, the strain clear on his face. Elena had been terrified when she realized what he was doing, especially because it seemed to be working. He was succeeding in convincing them that he was doing better than he really was… and soon it would be up to her to take care of him. Gods, what was she going to do… He trusted her, and she wasn't sure she trusted herself.

"Good to hear! Mm, this is excellent," the doctor said, nodding at the information in the chart. "You're eating and drinking well, most of your medications have been changed over to oral doses, and they've got you sitting up on the edge of your bed once a day. … It says that yesterday you were able to stand with assistance for a few moments?"

"That is correct," Tseng said with a slight smirk, seemingly pleased by the doctor's shock. He had always enjoyed proving people wrong and exceeding expectations.

Elena winced at the thought of Tseng being dragged to his feet when he should likely still be resting peacefully on his back, wishing she could purge the horrific image from her mind. Watching the nurses help him to sit up for the first time was bad enough. He never made a sound, but the agony was so clear in his eyes that she wanted to vomit. His complexion had gone ghostly pale and he began to sweat, his breathing so labored she feared his damaged lung might collapse despite the oxygen he was receiving. She'd had to cover her mouth with one hand and grip the sheets of her cot with the other to keep from crying out and running to him to stop the madness, but he was determined to succeed. He grit his teeth and closed his eyes, managing to slow his breathing and somehow handle the intense level of pain until he'd met his goal. And he'd done it each of the three days since, every attempt the same agonizing routine. Elena had to leave the room, and she definitely had not stayed there when they decided to try to briefly get him on his feet the day before. She felt like a coward and a traitor, but she simply couldn't handle watching him suffer and put himself through that kind of torture.

It was insane… too much too soon, and she couldn't understand why he thought he had to rush things instead of taking his time and letting his body heal at its own pace. He had certainly earned that right after all the years of hard work and sacrifice he had put into the company. She wished he could simply relax for once and let others handle things, let her take care of him until his wounds were healed… There was no reason he had to hurt this way, but it was almost as if he needed to. By the time Elena returned to his room after each session, he was always sound asleep from exhaustion and extra pain medication, and she would sit and hold his hand and cry silent tears.

You're killing me. Watching you hurt this way is killing me…

"That's amazing," Doctor Welsh said as he shook his head, his unruly gray hair flopping to one side. "I'm sure it must be incredibly painful, however."

"A bit."

Elena wanted to ring Tseng's neck. She stared at him for a moment, incredulous, but knew he would never forgive her if she spoke up. Doctor Welsh briefly glanced at her as if he sensed her unease, then set Tseng's chart aside and quickly looked over the monitors and his remaining intravenous lines.

"Everything is looking good. I'm a bit concerned about your breathing without the oxygen tube, however. You seem to do all right for a while, but your levels slowly drop and the nurses report some wheezing and congestion on your left side."

"I can hear it, too," Elena finally said, earning a hard look from Tseng that the doctor did not miss. "It isn't always much, but it's definitely there… and it worries me if he's going to be released soon."

"I am not having any difficulty breathing without the oxygen," Tseng insisted firmly, his mouth forming into a stubborn line. "I don't feel I need it any longer at all."

"You know that you have permanent damage to your left lung, and some of that weakness is going to be permanent… but right now, it's too early to say how much it will effect you. But as far as your release goes, I am willing to compromise with you," Doctor Welsh said with a slight smile, taking a seat on the nurses' rolling stool. "I received the paperwork from your office, so I realize it's of utmost importance that your release is hurried because you are needed to help with important matters… even if it'll be from bed. But I'm not about to risk your life over it, even if you are."

"Thank you…" Elena whispered, relief washing through her like a warm blanket. No one seemed to hear her over the sounds of the monitors, and Tseng's attention was completely focused on the doctor.

"All right," Tseng said slowly, tilting his head curiously.

"There are portable oxygen canisters we can provide in certain situations, and I'd be willing to have the nurses bring a supply with them during their visits. Since you seem stable enough to go without during the day for the most part, if you agree to sleep with the tube at night until you are cleared to stop I will check that goal off your list right now. But you will also have an inhaler that you are to use any time you begin to wheeze or have shortness or breath, and I'm adding a decongestant to your medications as well."

Tseng looked a bit irritated at the idea of additional medications and having to continue sleeping with the oxygen tube, but didn't even hesitate before answering. "Very well."

"And I'm trusting you to make sure he does what he's supposed to and doesn't make excuses," Doctor Welsh said, glancing up and meeting Elena's eyes with a fatherly smile. She nodded, her stomach churning with nervousness. "It's very kind of you to do this so he can get out of here, since it seems to be so important to him." He turned back to his patient and shook his head with a crooked grin, but Tseng's expression remained unreadable.

"There is much going on right now, and I fear my second in command is a bit overwhelmed. I am also a man who values peace and quiet… and my privacy. I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I need to go home and rest now. We will manage."

Tseng looked up at Elena, favoring her with that slight smile that always made her weak in the knees. Her heart fluttered and she felt her face grow warm, finally managing what she hoped was a confident nod and a smile of her own. Did he really trust her that much to help with his recovery, or was he simply that desperate to leave the medical center?

"I understand," Doctor Welsh said, unoffended. "But I still don't like it and remain concerned that you're rushing things and may seriously hurt yourself. Frankly, I'm surprised that you haven't opened up your wound with all the moving around… which is the other thing I'd like to talk to you about today."

Tseng lifted an eyebrow and Elena felt herself grow tense, unsure of why. There was suddenly something different in the doctor's expression, something more serious, and she clasped her hands tightly in front of her to keep from fidgeting. She found herself staring at Tseng's right hand resting on the bed beside him, wishing she could reach out and take it. It looked so inviting, so warm and strong, and she could remember exactly the way her hand fit against his. Whether the desire was to support him or comfort herself, she didn't want to try to answer.

The doctor cleared his throat, then reached inside his white jacket and produced a small container of pills. "I'll begin by saying that I've never done anything like this before, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it ethically," he said, keeping his voice low and shifting uncomfortably on the stool. "But I know I'd feel much worse if I released you knowing it was premature and something happened. And I also realize just how important it is to you that you're able to recover enough to return to your job. My first priority is always to save my patients' lives, but my next is to give them back the life they had before. Whatever white magic you… 'came in contact with' in that temple certainly gave you a head start, but this may be the rest of the advantage you'll need."

"What is it?" Tseng asked, his dark eyes locked upon the container in the doctor's hand. It was a typical orange prescription bottle, but label was strange and bore the familiar Shin-ra company emblem. Elena was wondering the same, but she tried not to interrupt unless it was necessary or she was asked. This conversation was between Tseng and his doctor, and she considered the fact that he allowed her to remain in the room to be a privilege now that he was well enough to speak for himself.

"This is… an experimental medication developed by the Shin-ra Science Department, intended to-

"No. I am not interested," Tseng interrupted, shaking his head as a look of intense disgust crossed his face.

Doctor Welsh blinked, stunned. "I haven't even told you what it's for yet."

"That does not matter. If Professor Hojo had anything to do with it, I am not putting it in my body."

Elena tried not to visibly react, shifting her eyes from the doctor to Tseng as her mind began to race. His mask of neutrality had been removed, his emotions written plainly across his face. He was frowning severely, his dark eyes burning into the bottle with something bordering on contempt. His opposition had been instant and extremely strong… and Elena had no idea why. He hadn't even let Doctor Welsh tell him what the medication was for despite how badly he wanted to earn his release and be able to return to work, and his response seemed to be based entirely on the fact that Hojo was connected with whatever it was. Weren't they colleagues, working for the same company at approximately the same level of influence? She knew that as department heads they saw each other at least weekly at staff meetings, so they had to have some interaction with each other… and they even shared a common culture in a city where Wutaiians were a very small minority. Elena had never heard of any infighting among the department heads or other executives, though she was rather new and not privy to any inside connections or most of the hottest gossip. Reno and Rude had just started to include her in some of it, but she had a feeling they would not have shared something so sensitive. And Tseng never gossiped or talked about anything personal…

"If that's the only issue, then I can assure you he had nothing to do with the development or testing of this medication," Doctor Welsh finally said, still taken aback. He clearly could not figure out why one high-ranking Shin-ra employee wanted nothing to do with something developed by another. "In fact, in all my years at this hospital I've never received a single piece of equipment or new medication developed by Professor Hojo."

Tseng snorted, his expression deathly serious. "Hojo would much rather destroy lives than help to restore them." He muttered an additional word or two under his breath in Wutaiian, and from his harsh tone and expression Elena assumed he hadn't said anything kind about the elderly professor.

Doctor Welsh looked extremely uncomfortable by then, glancing across the bed at Elena for a moment. She offered him a slight, helpless shrug to indicate that she had no idea what the issue was even though she was a fellow Turk. She assumed she probably looked like a chocobo caught in the headlights of a motorcycle on the main road leading away from the base.

Yeah, sorry… you've got me!

While Elena had seen Professor Hojo in passing more than once, she had never actually spoken with the diminutive scientist. She didn't know all that much about him, but she'd begun hearing whispers and rumors shortly after arriving at Shin-ra Headquarters, mostly from other female employees. They said he was a womanizer and a pervert, into all kinds of strange fetishes and bizarre interests. There were even claims that he attempted to rope women into participating in strange experiments and had done so in the past. Elena had rolled her eyes and written the stories off as nonsense and the product of office boredom. The man had to be nearing seventy, and the years had not been kind. He was painfully thin and stooped forward, his glasses extremely thick and magnifying his beady eyes. Perhaps the shriveled old scientist was a bit of a dirty old man, but at his age she was certain he was harmless. What could he possibly do? She doubted he could make it up half a flight of stairs by himself.

"This, uh, medication was developed by a female scientist who has been responsible for several highly successful new treatment options over the last five years," Doctor Welsh finally went on after awkwardly clearly his throat, breaking Elena from her confused thoughts. Tseng still looked unhappy, and she added it to the list of things she wanted to ask him about if she ever found the courage. Why was it so hard to simply talk to him? "I think very highly of her work or I would not even be suggesting this, because it's still in the experimental stages… It has yet to be tried on an actual patient."

"As opposed to a 'specimen' in the laboratories," Tseng said coldly, causing Doctor Welsh to briefly look down into his lap. Elena didn't like the way he emphasized that word, gritting her teeth in frustration. The laboratories were highly classified and above her current level of security clearance, and she had very little knowledge of what actually went on there. But she had a bad feeling about it, especially after the incident involving Sephiroth and whatever it was he had released from the main area. Many people had been killed that night, and she could remember clearly the panic in the air as she'd helped to evacuate the residents along with the other Turks. Tseng had refused to take her with him and been gone for hours, and when he'd finally returned he'd been grim and tight-lipped. If he'd written a report, she'd never seen it.

"While I may not always agree with them, your Science Department's practices aren't my responsibility," Doctor Welsh said, his voice quiet but also a bit defensive. "Now did you want to hear about this or not? I'm trying to help you here. I was already uncertain about offering an experimental drug to one of my patients, especially one with such a severe injury, and I'm starting to think this was a huge mistake..."

"Please at least tell us what it does," Elena said, hoping to dispel the tension in the air. She was also extremely curious, and if it was something that could possibly help Tseng she was not about to let him throw away the opportunity with his stubbornness. He glanced up at her briefly and for a moment she thought he was about to scold her, but then he quickly looked away and simply nodded to Doctor Welsh to give his approval.

"This medication has been shown to boost cell regeneration," he said, holding the bottle up in front of his glasses and staring at the label. "There was extensive testing done in cases involving long term serious injuries, and it was shown to improve overall recovery time by up to 28% in some cases."

"In… unaltered humans?" Tseng asked, lifting an eyebrow. He still appeared reluctant, but there was definitely a spark of interest in his eyes.

Doctor Welsh nodded. "Yes. And in additional to that, those who received the pill recovered more strength and function than predicted in almost every case."

"Oh wow…" Elena breathed, the implications immediately clear. If Tseng was not expected to recover enough to be cleared to return to duty, this medication might hold the key to giving him back his life. Tseng, however, barely reacted, listening closely and carefully digesting the information.

"So you can see why I thought of you when the report about this study came across my desk the other morning," Doctor Welsh said. "I got in contact with the scientist who developed it and asked if she might be willing to allow me to try it on a special patient of mine, on the condition that we closely monitor your results for her studies. It's information we would have been taking down anyway, just a bit more detailed… and she may want a few additional blood samples and an interview or two."

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable becoming a lab rat for one of Hojo's dogs," Tseng said, his expression set in stone. "It sounds ideal but they always make their work appear that way. I'm not some common fool."

"But… but sir!" Elena interjected, her eyes wide with shock. "If this works, it will help you heal faster, and it might be what you need to assure you'll be able to get back to work! How can you just-"

Tseng fixed his eyes upon her, and suddenly he was her superior and she the clueless rookie. "Elena, you do not understand what they-"

Doctor Welsh quickly rose to his feet and began backing toward the door. "How about I give the two of you a moment to talk this over?" He was out the door before they had a chance to protest, leaving the two to stare at each other in tense silence.

Tseng closed his eyes and brought his right hand to the bridge of his nose, bowing his head and sighing quietly. Elena cringed guiltily, feeling responsible for causing his stress and wishing she could go to his side and gently rub his neck, or do something to ease his tension. She wanted to take care of him so badly, but all she ever seemed to do was make things worse.

"I'm sorry, sir…"

Tseng slowly lowered his hand and glanced up at her, his dark eyes tired. "What have I told you about calling me that…"

Elena's cheeks instantly flushed crimson, her heart in her throat. "Oh gods! I'm so sorry! I- I totally forgot. I got nervous, and… and…."

"Elena, please sit down and relax."

She swallowed hard and approached the chair at his bedside, lowering herself into it and clasping her hands tightly in her lap. She stared down at them, afraid to look at him again. She could feel his eyes upon her, imagining the look of disapproval he was giving her. She knew he would never love her, but gods, she didn't need to make him hate her instead. Why did everything she tried to do for him turn out so wrong…

"I just thought the medication sounded like it could really make a difference and help you get better," she said quietly, still unable to look at him. "That's all I want…"

Tseng sighed, and she heard him shift slightly beneath the sheets that covered him. "I know. Perhaps that is where some of the problem lies."

Elena finally lifted her head, frowning in confusion as she cautiously met his eyes. Her heart began to race, terrified that he was about to scold her for letting her emotions effect her judgment. Or… oh gods, did he know!? Had he seen it in her eyes, or read it in her actions? Did he finally realize how hopelessly in love with him she was? Panic began to rise within her and she unfolded her hands to grip the wooden arms of the chair. Her feet were already braced against the floor, ready to flee.

"Wh-what do you mean…?"

Tseng briefly looked away, and for just a moment she could have sworn he looked… almost nervous and unsure of himself. It was so out of character that she nearly forgot her own fear, studying him closely as his eyes gradually found their way back to hers. "I'm not used to having someone try so hard to help me," he finally said. "I don't quite know what to think, and I fear my reactions have not always been something I'm proud of."

Elena was struck speechless, staring at him in awe. That was not what she had expected him to say at all. She let his words sink in, his eyes intense as they searched hers for some kind of response. He started to look worried before she finally reached out and gripped his hand between both of hers, breaking into a broad smile of relief.

"It's okay," she told him, watching as his eyes widened just a little. "I understand that you're in pain and not feeling well, and that this whole situation really sucks. I don't expect you to be bright and cheerful about it."

I get to be the first person to take care of him like this, and he isn't mad at me! Gods, how I want to be the last…

As she held onto his hand, letting herself enjoy the warmth and imagine what it would feel like to have him really touch her, she nearly became lost in his eyes. They were so dark as to be nearly black, intense yet beautiful, and currently focused entirely on her. The butterflies came alive in her stomach and she swallowed hard. There was something in those eyes, a hint of emotion stirring just beneath the surface, powerful and forbidden. Elena had never wanted to kiss someone so badly in her life, gripping his hand more tightly between hers without realizing it. Tseng's expression was unreadable, but his eyes never left hers, and she could have sworn… Her breath caught in her throat and she dared to lean forward ever so slightly, hoping against hope that he felt the same powerful connection. And then he blinked and cleared his throat, abruptly turning his head away, the moment shattered.

Elena quickly released his hand and leaned back in the chair, blushing severely at the realization of what she'd been about to do. Her heart was racing in her chest, her entire body tingling with a mixture of nervousness, desire, and disappointment. Gods, what had come over her? The feeling had been so sudden, so powerful and amazing… so natural. It had felt so right, and for just a moment she swore he had wanted it, too.

No… you're kidding yourself, girl. You're seeing what you want to see…

"The medication?"

"…what?" Elena nearly choked, jumping as her head jerked up.

Tseng was watching her, his expression completely calm. Whatever she thought she had seen in those captivating eyes was gone. "We're supposed to be discussing the pros and cons of the experimental medication."

"Oh! Right, right…" Elena stumbled, her cheeks growing warm. All she really wanted was to leave the room and get some air, but she quickly reminded herself of her first priority. She took a deep breath and forced herself to look at him again, hoping her emotions did not show through. "I really don't understand why you're so opposed to it. It sounds like a chance to make sure you can make it back to work. I mean, what if you don't try it, and you can't ever…"

Tseng frowned, sighing quietly and looking down into his lap. "I realize that is a possibility… one I cannot allow to happen. But Professor Hojo and I… we do not see eye to eye on many things, and I do not trust him. He is a dangerous man, and his work is not true science."

"But he didn't develop this!"

"He has been with the company for far too long, Elena… and he has tainted the entire department."

"Doctor Welsh trusts this scientist, though… and you trust him, right? He saved your life, and he treated you before, when you got… shot was it?" Elena asked, hoping she might get a bit of information out of him.

Tseng nodded, leaning back into the pillows and wincing as he tried to get comfortable. It was so hard not to reach out and assist him, but after what had just happened she remained frozen in place. "There was an assassination attempt on Rufus' father about five years ago, during a speech he was giving right here on the base, actually. I was his body guard and spotted the shooter just as he fired. Thankfully I was able to jump in the way and knock him to the ground. I would have died if it had not happened so close to the medical center."

Elena committed the information to memory, another treasure to store close to her heart. But she was also horrified by the thought of what he'd done, and by the very idea that someone else's life was considered more important than his simply because of wealth and power. "Right before you jumped in front of the bullet, did you think about the possibility that you were about to die?" she asked, wondering if she would be able to do the same if the moment ever came.

Tseng shook his head, finally settling into a comfortable position and looking less pained. "There wasn't time to think of that. And besides, it was my job."

She took a moment to digest that, reminded once again of just how dedicated he was to his position. It was his life, a life that would never have room for her. A life he would be utterly lost and broken without. "You know you won't be happy if you can't be a Turk, Tseng…" she said quietly, allowing herself to steadily meet his eyes. "I think you need to try this medication. I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't honestly believe it was in your best interest."

Tseng was quiet for a long time, lost in thought as he considered the situation. Elena let him be, allowing him to work it through. She closed her eyes and tried to will away the confusing and painful thoughts swirling wildly through her mind, her pulse pounding at her temples. She was exhausted and wished she had someone she trusted that she could talk to openly about her feelings for him. It would help so much just to get it all off her chest, and some advice would have been wonderful…

"You're right," Tseng said suddenly, turning his attention back to her and nodding confidently.

"I… what?" Elena said, blinking in surprise. "I am?"

A slow smile crossed his face, and he couldn't help but laugh quietly. She realized her expression must have registered her shock, and she felt herself begin to blush fiercely. Still, she was unable to help but smile back. The simple fact that she had amused him warmed her heart.

"If there is a chance this can help me heal faster and assure that I can return to duty, I have to take it," he said, instantly serious again. "It was foolish of me to allow my personal feelings to cloud my judgment. Thank you for reminding me of that."

"You're welcome," Elena said quietly, unable to help but think that his words were the most ironic thing she had ever heard in her life. If he only knew…

"Do you suppose I scared the doctor off?"

Elena grinned crookedly as she climbed to her feet. "Possibly… Let me see if I can track him down."

"Can you also track down something for me to drink while you're out there?" Tseng asked, still sounding a bit awkward at having to ask for everything he needed. He was so proud and independent, and it was obvious that being so helpless deeply hurt his pride.

"Of course. I'll be right back!"

As Elena stepped out into the hallway to complete both tasks, she was as conflicted and confused as she'd ever been. Her emotional state was getting worse instead of better, and she had no idea how to get a handle on it. She had never felt more alone, swallowing down on a lump in her throat as she approached one of the nurses to assure Tseng was brought his next round of pain medication along with the requested drink. She was relieved when she located Doctor Welsh a short distance down the corridor, desperate for the distraction.

((Author's Notes: Hey all! Well, I finally got my last chapter for Transformations (before the epilogue) written, so I was able to get myself back to business over here. So we got to see a bit of what Elena and Tseng think of each other and their chances of getting together… which is kind of sad and ironic. Too bad they don't just talk honestly at this point, because they are just torturing themselves and confusing each other. At least Tseng is getting a little boost to help with his healing. Not a miracle cure by any means, but it should help him recover faster than would be typical with such a serious injury. If the pill works, of course, and becoming an outpatient isn't a total disaster. What almost happened there at the end? Whoa, Elena! Wonder if that was almost mutual. ;)

Preview for Chapter Fifteen: Tseng has one condition left to earn his outpatient release: taking that short assisted walk across the room. Can he do it? And of course more interaction between he and Elena as they both struggle to deal with their feelings and prepare to spend a lot more time together in his quarters.

Thanks for being my most loyal and supportive readers right now, the ones I can always count on for reviews… and really nice, detailed ones at that. You all are the best, and I hope I'm living up to my half of the bargain! ~ JenesisX ))