Author's Note: First of all, a gigantic THANKYOU to my new beta: HopingForLove! It's awesome to have such a talented gal helping me with this story.
A Fresh Distraction
The weeks in Florida were exactly what I needed- a distraction. My mom showed me around the town and we even took a day to swing through Disney World. I was too busy to really even think about all of what had happened to me.
The night of my seventh day in Florida was when my mother first decided to bring up the inevitable. "You're not wearing your wedding ring," she began.
"No, not for now," I answered hesitantly.
"Does that mean that you have decided to leave him," she asked me as neutrally as possible, though I could tell she was hoping I wouldn't.
"I honestly don't know mom, I promised I would come back in two weeks to settle this, but I don't know. It's not enough time, I'm starting to think that maybe I'll go back and just see how it goes- decide later when I'm ready" I trailed off.
"Honey, you know I'm not exactly a life coach," she grinned at me, "but there is one thing I learned from my time with your father. There is no in-between and wait and see. It only leaves you bitter and unhappy in the long run. You have to decide: either you can leave him or stay. If you leave him, you shake the dust from your feet and move on, not looking back. If you stay with him, then you have to let it go eventually and get on with your life. But you can't linger where you are, somewhere in between, that would destroy your soul."
"I'm not even sure leaving is really an option," I admitted with trepidation, she had no idea how tightly I was truly bound.
"Of course it is an option, this is America. Don't stay because you feel like you have to, stay because you want to. Have you thought about where you would go?"
I nodded, "I was accepted to Dartmouth, but Edward was too, so I don't know."
"It's a big campus. If you choose to leave him then don't let him influence your decisions," she said simply.
"But what if I make the wrong choice? What if I want to forgive him, but I simply can't?"
"I'm not saying that he deserves your forgiveness, but maybe consider forgiving him in either scenario."
I looked at her curiously, "What do you mean? If I forgive him, I stay with him."
"No," she answered, "Forgiving him isn't just about him, it's about you too. It will give you closure and peace. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you're acknowledging that what he did was alright, it's more like showing him mercy. I am certain Edward is very sorry for this, and although you may decide you no longer want to spend your life with him, you are not the hateful type. Though you have every right to be angry with him, one day you'll want nothing but peace. And you won't find it so long as your heart knows he is suffering."
I shook my head, "When did you become all wise?"
"Phil's been dragging me to a little church; I really like it," she winked at me. I wondered if it just wasn't another phase for my mom, but I hoped not. It seemed she was doing well and was happy.
I went back to my hotel room and settled in for the night with quite a lot to think about. Since I couldn't decide what I wanted to do, I decided to map out both paths.
In either case I was stuck with the Cullens for the next year or so. I only had a few weeks left in this human life then I would be a blood-crazed newborn for at least a year. I needed them to keep me under control- I had no desire to be a murderer.
My first option was to stay, make amends and move on. My mother was right, if I stayed, I couldn't hold this against him for eternity. We would have to reconcile and move on. On the plus side, time would be on my side for once- we would have eternity to somehow start over.
The other option was to leave. I could go through the change then strike out on my own, forever a nomad. Fate had been kind enough to bring me my soul mate, I was certain lighting would not strike twice. I would never find another Edward especially not amongst the vampire kind. From what I have gathered, the only other vegetarian clan out there is Tanya's clan- no way I'm joining them. Becoming a vampire would also estrange me from my best friend, Jake. Granted he betrayed me as well, but I was losing everyone down this path.
Wandering the earth alone for all time, feeding on animals, avoiding the sun and notice of humans- it was a dreary future that awaited me down that road. Forever eighteen, I'd never be able to hold a real job or anything beyond the menial and mundane. Without love, suddenly eternity seemed like a very long and pointless time.
To an outsider, maybe the simple choice was to stay with Edward, but it wasn't that easy. If I couldn't forgive him, if I couldn't move on, I would be trapping myself in a worse place. Certainly the absence of love and companionship had to be a better place than living in hate even if surrounded by others?
That night, sleep evaded me once again. The next morning I got up early and walked the streets of Jacksonville. I came across a book store and for the first time in my life, I walked out with a Science Fiction/ Fantasy type book. I found the summary interesting- body snatching aliens, rebel humans- I decided I needed an out of body experience. It was a thick book too- it would keep me busy for a few weeks, maybe.
After a little more walking I found a little coffee shop and ordered a hot tea- I could never handle the caffeine in coffee. I sat in the cute little bistro, sipping my tea and reading my new book. The alien was apparently reliving the host's last moments before capture. It hooked me right in, surprisingly enough, since my personal library was mostly filled with the classics.
A movement at my table caught my attention as a young gentleman sat down across from me. "Hope you don't mind me joining you, seems there are no open tables," he began in a tenor voice. He was easily early twenties, wearing casual jeans and a UCF shirt. His hair was a few shades darker than mine, his eyes that gazed at me through his thin rimmed glasses were a hazel green that reminded me of the moss that clung to the trees back in Forks.
I shook my head suddenly realizing I had been staring at him and looked around the bistro to confirm that in fact, yes, the only open seat was the one across from me that the dark haired, green eyed stranger now occupied. "Sure, no worries," I finally replied awkwardly.
"You don't quite seem like the body-snatching-aliens book type," he commented.
"I'm trying to branch out and try something new, figured you don't get further out there that aliens, right?" I responded back with a grin.
"Actually it's a really good book, more about humans than aliens. I think you'll like it, it's almost like looking at humanity from the outside and seeing us from a much different perspective," he replied with a heartwarming smile.
I don't know why, but I was enjoying talking to him and it was refreshing, "So what are you reading about," I motioned to his shut book that he had removed the cover from. I did that as well to save the cover and keep it looking nice, then put it back on when I was done with the book.
"Hmm, well it's a little hard to describe, there are these teens and they are selected for a game show of types, kind of like survivor, only it's to the death and televised. It's a little overwhelming, I can't imagine being in that situation- kill or be killed and to know thousands are watching and betting like it's all nothing," he tailed off passionately.
"Sounds interesting, so you go to University of Central Florida?" I asked.
"Third year pre-med, and you?" he smiled back.
"I'm headed up to Dartmouth in the fall for my first semester, I'm majoring in English studies," I told my story.
"Dartmouth, in cold New York? Yikes, well you'll have to fly down here often to get your Vitamin D."
Suddenly my phone vibrated and squealed some annoying ringtone as I fumbled to answer it, "Hi mom," I smiled back at my new friend as my mom spoke.
"Honey, where are you, are we still catching the matinee today?" she asked a little flustered.
"Ohh! I totally lost track of time, yeah. I'll meet you at the theater in fifteen." I closed my phone and gathered my belongings.
"Hey," UCF interrupted me, "how much longer you in town for?" he asked.
"Uhh, another week," I bit my lip nervously unsure where this was headed.
"Can I give you my number? Maybe we can hang out and talk about crazy books," he asked a little timidly.
I hesitated, "Well, okay sure," I decided- why not after all? A book buddy would be fun.
"My name is David, by the way," he reached over and shook hands with me, his grip was warm and secure.
"Bella," I responded simply with a smile.
He jotted his number down on a napkin and I folded it, placing it my book to mark my page. I walked out of the bistro and waved goodbye to him.
I met my mom at the movie on time, though I spent most of my time thinking of David. It was strangely appealing to suddenly know someone fresh, someone who wasn't tied up in all my drama, someone who just wanted to chat books with me. Maybe I would survive the next week after all.
~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~
That night, as I got back up to my hotel room, I saw a little red light on the room phone indicating I had a message. I curiously picked up the phone and pressed the red light. I was connected to the front desk where an overly perky girl answered the phone, "Front Desk," she squealed.
"Hi, I was just checking my messages and it put me through to you," I asked.
"Ohh yes, Swan? Room 4398?"
"Yep, that's me."
"You have a mail, I'll hold it here at the front desk to pick up when you like," she offered.
"Okay, thanks," I hung up the phone.
There was no way I was going to be able to wait until morning to find out what the letter was, so I made my way back to the front desk.
I walked up to the counter and asked for my mail. The hostess handed it to me with a fake smile. As I turned away I flipped the envelope over to see it addressed to me in plain type:
Bella Cullen
C/O Jacksonville Marriott 476 Main St.
Jacksonville FL 32745
It was sent certified mail, the envelope delicate and fancy type paper. There was no return address, but looking closer I could see the postage stamp from the post office, though it was slightly smeared and looked foreign.
My heart stopped as I made out the faded stamp on the battered, well traveled letter.
It read: Volterra, Italy.
Author's End Note: Bonus points to those who can name the books Bella and David are reading! I always like to hear your thoughts, what do you think the letter is?