Falling Over Her
Chapter 13: Eight Letter Words
HORRIBLE.
A simple eight letter word that definitely described me and how I was feeling right at this moment, I cannot believe I did that. The first mistake was almost kissing Shane last night after we danced. Well maybe dancing was the first mistake but still. Then I kiss him loving the feel of his lips on mine which was, yeah you guessed it, horrible. Then I made it worse. I groan putting my phone back onto my bedside table after texting Shane. I told him to forget it ever happened. I made it happen hell I even know I liked it. Although in all eyes I totally just played his feelings, and that makes me a horrible person.
I knew he liked me. I knew he had strong feelings towards me I got that, hell I think I have a few for him but not like he does for me. I loved Adam and I don't love Shane. He doesn't love me he likes me. Why am I even thinking love, god he doesn't even know me enough to love me, like is what he is feeling. I am still horrible. Why did I kiss him? I knew part of it was because I was upset but it wasn't all that and as soon as his one hand cupped my cheek and his lips pushed back sparks flew through me and it was no longer just because he was there, it was because a part of me wanted the kiss, wanted to feel the sparks that ran through my body when we touched.
I close my eyes trying to relax and go back to sleep. I was still so tired from last night and it wasn't because I was up late because I wasn't. I didn't know what it was but I just wanted to sleep and maybe waking up after a nap would make me feel less horrible, maybe. I laid there for almost an hour it being just about 4. I couldn't sleep so yeah still as horrible as before. I sigh and get up. I go to the bathroom and brush out my hair tying it up. I slip on my glasses and make my way down to the living room. I really needed to clean. Cup's and snacks everywhere. There was some beer spilt and a bit of puke at the bottom of the stairs gross. There was no-one here still they probably woke up and left. Adam was probably still fucking passed out in the quest room. I was angry at him, ugh! The girls I wasn't sure they might be here but I had no idea.
I carefully made my way to the kitchen trying not to step in anything. That was the key at this point. I couldn't help but smile when I stepped into the kitchen. There were 3 bags of trash in the corner and the kegs where gone. Adam was mopping the floor. Laura and Amy were scrubbing down the table and chairs as Kenzie was doing the counters.
"Guys, you shouldn't be cleaning"
"You are kidding right, we all wanted you to have this party we had to help" Kenzie said
"Well you three helped last night after I went upstairs" I said
"I didn't" Laura said "I was making out with Kyle actually sorry"
I just laughed "That's fine but Amy and Kenzie you two shouldn't"
"Oh shut up we want to" Amy said "But help" She said and tossed me a cloth as I started whipping the island counter top.
"Sorry about last night babe" Adam said
"I am still angry at you… how's your head this fine sunny day?"
"It still hurts"
"Good" I smile and the girls all giggled as we finished the kitchen.
We finally made our way towards the living room. I made Adam clean up the puke. The girls and I turned on music dancing around the living room picking it up. It was 6:00 when we just finished half of the trash. Not to mention all the scrubbing down and everything we still had to do. I sighed sliding down the wall. "Hungry" I said and the girls nodded
"Definitely" Adam agreed "We could get pizza"
"Yes sounds good" Laura said
"Agreed" Amy said and I looked to see Kenzie as she would usually say something. Instead she was texting. It must be that secret boyfriend.
"Kenzie, stop sexting and answer, do you want pizza" I said and she snapped up her head.
"I am not sexting, I only do that in private" She shot back and we all burst out laughing except for Adam.
"TMI" He said
"You wouldn't say that if it was Mitchie" Laura said and he shrugged
"HEY!" I said and then we all laughed "True, so Kenzie pizza?" I asked
"Sounds good"
"I'll call the pizza palace" Adam said and I nodded
"Alright" I said standing up with the girls. We decided to continue cleaning until the pizza came. When it did Adam forked out the cash for the two large pizzas and drinks since he still owed me. After all I was still mad. I was also not feeling horrible until well now, again. We just finished the pizza and the girls and I were going to finish me cleaning as Adam was going home. The girls were staying over again as we were working on our dance tomorrow. We had 2 weeks from this coming Friday before our show which was exciting but still a lot of work to be done.
It was finally midnight when I was lying in my room staring at the ceiling. Not able to sleep. I still felt horrible and still worried about the feelings of Shane. I must've hurt them because he liked me and I shouldn't have played them. I would love to say that I was sorry and that it didn't happen and it wasn't because I was upset but that would mean I admit my feelings for him to him and I had to deny to him that I had any. I was not giving up my love for Adam for Shane, for his liking and me liking him, it wasn't worth it.
The only thing that was also keeping me was he said he knew what he was doing. Maybe, just maybe he was happy to be kissing me. That he enjoyed and didn't care that I wanted to forget it. Mind you I never would forget it because it was amazing. He said I was beautiful and danced with me something Adam would never do but hey not all guys can do what you want, even though it's a passion. Yeah I will stop saying that now and he still supported me during it.
Of course he cared god damn it. I was so frustrated and it was driving me nuts. I needed to talk to Shane to see he was okay. I mean what I did was heartless and totally bitchy. I mean I officially played them not meaning too. I loved feeling that spark but I felt like I needed to apologize and hope it wasn't bothering him. I mean I am no-one totally special just Mitchie but still I had to make sure. I grabbed my phone taking a deep breath and sending a message. I couldn't sleep even if I wanted too.
Shane, you up I sent and waited for about 15 minutes. It was finally when I thought he wasn't going to I got a reply
Nope, can't why?
Meet me? I want to talk, need to tell you something
It's almost 12:30
So?
Fine, the park in 5
Yeah see you then
I placed my phone on the table and started getting dressed. The air coming through my window was hot and humid. I stayed in my pyjama pants and tank top slipping on flip-flops. I quietly made my way downstairs avoiding waking the girls. I was still feeling horrible so I had to say sorry. He might be mad I pulled him out of bed for this, but he wasn't sleeping either. I got into my car and slowly made my way to the park. He wasn't there yet. I walked to the play structure just past the picnic tables. The park was gorgeous and lit up at night. I let my feet graze the sand as I sat on the swing waiting for Shane.
Soon enough I saw as lights came from the parking lot. A small smile came to my lips as I saw him get out of his car making his way to me as he raises his hand in a wave. He is in plaid pyjama pants that hang on his hips and a zip up sweater un-done. He clearly had nothing underneath. Yeah like that helped me at all. Ugh why did I find him so hot and feel sparks when we kissed, oh well it's not like I could change that, he could never seem ugly, to anyone.
"Hey" He said sitting on the swing beside me
"Hi" I said smiling "It's gorgeous out tonight" I said looking up and seeing the stars shinning
"Yeah it is" He said smiling "But I am sure you came out to tell me something else than its gorgeous" He said with a small smile on his face
"Yeah" I said "Sorry"
"Its fine" He said "So what is it?" He asked. He had a cute smile on his face but there was something in his eyes. I couldn't tell but almost like sadness, yeah that's what I did, oh still horrible!
"No I had to say sorry. Look about the other night I just I was really sorry I kissed you"
"It's okay Mitchie honestly like I said before I knew what I was doing, I should've stopped you I didn't it's over"
"Just I felt like I played your feelings"
"I knew what I was doing, and I know you are with Adam we can just forget it okay" He said his voice clearly a bit pained, especially when he spoke Adam's name.
"I know you won't forget it and honestly I probably won't either"
"That's fine Mitchie I just didn't know why but it's fine you were upset I was there I got it and I let you, no worries"
"Yes, worries. Look the why isn't because I was upset and you were there I wouldn't do that, you know that"
"I don't know that Mitchie, people do things when they are upset"
"Look Shane the reason was…" I was about to say I like the feeling of him against me, holding me, touching me and for god sakes I am losing it, well at least he interrupted me
"Listen Mitchie, I think it's better if I just don't know because of my feelings and yeah" He said
"You're right sorry just know it wasn't because I was upset and you were there, I wouldn't do that"
"Okay it's fine" He said looking up at the sky watching the stars as I do the same
"Just the moment"
"Always the moment" He said. Yeah like either of us would forget even right now was so romantic, we wouldn't kiss but it was after midnight. I can never have midnight kisses with Adam again it was almost mine and Shane's thing now; I really have to stop thinking about this and his feelings. Horrible, one simple eight letter words and Feelings another eight letter word that was just as simple but complicated all the same.
"Yeah well I should get back. Thanks for coming I just needed to make sure you knew that. The girls slept over so I should get back before they see I'm gone"
"Do they know anything?"
"Nope"
"Kenzie knew something was up Mitchie, I saw it"
"She is the only one I told about that Wednesday I trust her. I trust the others but they have the tendency to think before they speak, she'll keep it to herself don't worry I just needed to talk" I said
"Okay" He nods
"Bye Shane thanks again" I said hugging him and then pull back "Sorry"
"Stop saying that" he said with a smirk on his face
"Okay" I said and headed to my car. I heard him take a deep intake of breathe. I felt bad for what I was doing or hurting his feelings, a very complicated simple eight letter word.
I get to my car and turn around to see him back on the swing looking into the sky. He looked so peaceful. I sigh getting into my car and headed back to my house. I get there and carefully walk up the stairs. I get to my dark room and step in closing the door and leaning against it. I turn around and flicked on the lights.
"Oh Jesus" I screamed jumping back against the door. Kenzie was sitting on my bed her arms crossed, clearly wondering where I was "You scared the shit out of me." I said turning my bedside lamp on turning my big ones off then sitting on my bed
"Would you like to tell me where you went at 12:30 in the morning?"
"A walk" I said like a question knowing she didn't believe it
"You took your car Mitchie I'm not stupid. Was it to see Adam or was it Shane" She asked
"I had to see him Kenzie, especially since last night I just had to talk to him, say I was sorry say I didn't play his feelings"
"What happened last night" She asked, right she just walked in on us about to kiss, not that we did, damn it!
"Yeah about that, we kind of kissed, maybe made out a little. Like no tongue or anything just lips to lips for a few minutes that's all" I said blushing
"Did he kiss you?"
"Not exactly, I kissed him. I don't know Kenzie it's not because I was sad and he was there it wasn't like that. I love Adam I do but I like Shane and he excites me. You know when you kiss someone and feel sparks fly through your body, yeah every time he touches my hand or hugs me as a greeting I get sparks. I love that feeling but I hate feelings" I said spilling my heart to Kenzie, which we really rarely do.
"I can't tell you what to do Mitchie, you love Adam, you like Shane and love the feelings you get when you touch each other or whatever, it's hard but you have to listen to your heat, and yeah feelings do suck"
"Tell me about it. I mean you said you are still going strong with that guy, which I totally want to know who. I just I don't think a chance with Shane is worth ending the 2 year relationship with Adam, you know?"
"I don't know but I do understand Mitchie and I don't think you mean to but this is kind of like cheating"
"God I know, I just there is something there and I can't decide"
"You have decided Mitchie you just said it isn't worth ending the relationship you already have" She said and I knew she was right. 2 months I would be done school and leaving in the fall, I would get over this thing with Shane.
"True, it will all be over after Saturday. Before you asked Thursday when Shane well found out the real me I said I would give him one day to hang-out and then he was taking me to dinner, he said date I said as friends. After that we will probably be parting ways, well for me we will be" I said
"Okay Mitchie but if you ever need to talk"
"Thanks Kenzie, and yeah I will definitely take you up on that offer"
"You will be telling me about Saturday, he seems cute and sweet"
"Stop that is so not cool to remind me of because he totally is"
"Right, sorry anyways I want to go back to sleep" She said lying on the side of the bed I don't sleep on.
"Can't you go back to the other room?"
"Too tired" She said rolling over and closing her eyes
"Fine" I said rolling my eyes and then trying to sleep. This was like our old sleepovers. We would gossip and talk to each other about boys. It almost makes me laugh how we were back then. I take a deep breath still thinking about Shane as my mind slowly starts to relax and I soon fall fast asleep.
It had been a few days and it is now Thursday. It is about 12:30 and I just sat down with Kenzie, Laura and Amy for lunch. I was at CSPA for the day. I was here yesterday too. We have extra conditioning and time to work on our dances. From 9-12:30 we had conditioning, our muscles were burning but still, it felt good like always. We then dance all afternoon working on our class dances, solos and well our group one when we can. We are taking this afternoon to do just that. We are finishing our group dance, which we are excited about. We got the approval from our teacher already. It was slightly sensual maybe even a little sexy but we are professional dancers or want to be and we don't laugh at little things. Plus from personal experience this wasn't all that sexy.
We were dancing to country girls (shake it for me) by Luke Bryan it was pretty amazing. We were going country for it as it was a country song, clearly made by the title. We finish lunch and make our way to one of the rehearsal rooms. I haven't talked or even though about Shane a lot. 2 weeks form tomorrow, Friday was our recital and we were working our ass off to finish it off. All of us dancers were doing our best to perfect our dances. There was five scholarship offers for Julliard and whoever got them and accepted got in. If not you could apply for an audition which many of us had. They weren't announced until after they gave the offers. The auditions were always in June. I would really like a scholarship since I will have to move and all that and I would work harder for it. My parents could afford it but I don't want them to have to pay for it all.
The best thing about working with our friends was we all took in each other's ideas and always incorporated them somehow. Laura had this amazing idea for the set and we were doing our best to make it happen, but we wouldn't know for sure until the final week of preparation which that Friday was the show but anything could happen if we wanted it too. We were now taking a break as we started chatting.
"The song was approved by our teachers and the principle final. I mean it's kind of sexy but we are dancing as professionals and there are many sexier dances in the real world of dance." Laura said and we all nodded
"Definitely" I smile "Then at 5 we are finishing our hip hop. Lyrical is cancelled for today. It's amazing though. 2 weeks from tomorrow I am beyond excited guys.
"How is your solo coming" Amy asked me
"Good still trying for the raw emotions but it's getting better, yours?" I asked
"Still putting some more choreography in it to prove myself, I was to "amateur". I was so mad when she said that, so I put in some really show stopping moves and I am nailing them just got to fit them into the timing"
"I am sure you will get it" I smile approvingly
"We always do" Laura said and we all laughed.
Finally we got to hip-hop and in the 2 hours we finally finished the dance. We were doing a bit of polishing tomorrow. Next week we were doing all the polishing and fixing the dances. Then the final week I got Wednesday, Thursday and Friday excused from school for preparing the school and auditorium for the show. We had a huge auditorium and I loved performing on stage even if it was just here. I make my way to my car around 7:15 and head home. My body was sore but felt amazing with all the practicing and conditioning.
I got home and went into the kitchen grabbing a glass of water. I was just about to head upstairs when my parents walked into the door. They were back from another one of their vacations. It would've been nice if they were home more of the time. Again they always travelled for work, just stayed extra days to see the world, like they wanted too.
"Hey" I said smiling not hugging them because I was still a bit sweaty
"Hey princess" My dad said hugging me not caring.
"Hey sweetie, how is the recital coming" My mom asked
"Good 2 weeks from Friday, you can both come right" I said hoping they could. Only my dad made it last year but then again he was the most supportive of my parents, especially for dance. I don't why but it was always him.
"We wouldn't miss it for the world, I promise" My mom said and I didn't care I wrapped my arms around her.
"Nothing can stop us pumpkin" My dad said and I playfully groaned at the name he called me. We talked for a few minutes before I excused myself and went to have a shower. I stepped into the shower washing myself and my hair.
I got out wrapping a towel around both my body and my hair and made my way back into my room. I got dressed into a pair of pyjama pants and a tank top. I tied up my hair in a messy bun and walked over to my bed where I placed my laptop in front of me and turned it on. My teachers were e-mailing me what I had to cover to catch up since I had the three days off this week. I got my assignments and grabbed my books and started working on them. I didn't do any last night so I had a few to catch up on. I knew I had the weekend but Saturday was a total right off because it was my dad with Shane and honestly I wanted to relax Sunday so I was getting as much as I could get done today. At 8:30 I went downstairs and made some nachos for dinner as I was hungry. I finally again started working on my homework getting most of it done except for calculus which I was not doing at 10:30 that was just not the right time, I could do more at lunch tomorrow. I had tomorrow off as well from school so I could do some there. I was doing nothing tomorrow night homework and mentally preparing myself for Saturday. It was still a little nerve wracking considering last Saturday but I would have to forget about that, it was going to be fun at least hoping it would be that.
I was getting ready for bed it almost being 11 when my phone vibrated. I got it and opened it to see a new text message from Shane. We hadn't talked since the night in the park. I decided we needed a little bit of space until Saturday, I guess this was enough time.
Hey Mitchie, haven't seen you, you okay?
Yeah Shane, just excused for conditioning and dance…
Fun how is that coming?
Good two weeks from tomorrow, so any idea what we are doing Saturday
Well thought you could come over here for a bit, don't worry my parents will be home and then maybe go to the beach in the afternoon then back here and dinner out?
Sure sounds pretty good, and I wouldn't be worried about being there alone
I know, just saying anyway I'm watching a game with my dad, so I will talk to you Saturday 930
Okay, address?
554 park view Avenue
Okay see you then
Night Mitchie
Goodnight
I hung up my phone and finished getting ready for bed. I crawled into bed after turning my lights off. I closed my eyes actually excited for Saturday and let myself slip into dream land.
It was now Friday night. I just finished showering from after dance and was getting some stuff ready for tomorrow night. I was also slightly mad. Today when I went to get my contacts form my optometrist since I was now out, they hadn't arrived. So I was stuck with my glasses this weekend since my last pair was for the garbage, I couldn't wear a pair for more than a week, for this certain kind it was bad or something. It also sucked that tomorrow night I was wearing my glasses, but I knew Shane didn't care but I like my contacts a lot better.
I grabbed my Guess tote bag I got one day when I went shopping in LA. I put in a towel a magazine, my bathing suit with a cute cover-up dress for the beach tomorrow. I then put in a change of clothes for after the beach for dinner. I wanted to look slightly nice. I mean I always liked looking nice. I was satisfied with what I picked and started my homework.
I was excited for our Saturday but I mean I didn't know what was going to come of this. I didn't even know why I was doing this? Oh right because I got shocks every time we touched. I just had to figure this out and I think it might come clear tomorrow, might be worse, but I have no idea.
Finally it was midnight when I crawled under my covers in the darkness. I just said goodnight to Adam who had come over at 9 and just left. I closed my eyes letting myself into dream land thinking about tomorrow. My dreams filled with my not so "mystery" Man, Shane Gray himself.
A/N: Chapter 13 is done and it was honestly kind of a filler chapter setting up for my next two. The next chapter is the Saturday. Then chapter 15 well there is quite an angry fight coming and definitely excited for that. It leads to something very exciting. Sorry it took a while for an update. It's summer and all that, I will update again soon. What did you like about this chapter? Did you like the midnight talk, it was cute on the swings, if not a little awkward. I am excited for the Saturday "Date". It's in Shane's point of view. Let me know what you think might happen, any thoughts? Please Read and Review. Enjoy!
~Kim