How we were before it all went wrong (415 words)
They had just been friends. Good friends. Best friends. Normal – making inside jokes, laughing at stupid TV shows, teasing relentlessly, taking each other's food, looking out for the other's back – best friends. Their relationship made sense and he knew where they stood with each other. It was comfortable.
And then he had to go and screw it all up! And now she was back in Soul Society leaving him with all of his paranoia and anxiety over wondering what she thought of him and if he basically ruined everything they had built into their strong connection. The near-terror he experienced was almost debilitating. Was she laughing about his fumbled attempt at a kokuhaku? Did she hate him now? Would she ever come back to visit him again?
She hadn't even responded to him! If it weren't for the confused gaze she gave him before the doors closed, sending her back to Soul Society, he would have even considered the option that she didn't even hear him. But he certainly didn't whisper it as he watched her leave.
Ichigo had been too moved by her leaving him – again. He was just getting tired of seeing that. Every visit she took to see him and every assignment she was given to this area always had to come to an end. He even tried convincing himself that it was business trips and that her home was actually with him, instead of the other way around, to make her absences feel less painful. But her visits weren't always predictable and there could be months in between and that's what drove him crazy.
And though he never figured himself to be one of those guys who would suddenly make a love confession, his instinct reared up and did it for him, probably as a maneuver to keep her with him. Unfortunately, she still left. And to make matters worse, she left him without any reply. So how in the world was he to know if she accepted or rejected him?! Was she sharing his humiliation with her friends? Is Renji laughing at him right now? Or maybe instead now Ichigo succeeded in making it totally awkward for her and she will decide to spare him the rejection and uncomfortable atmosphere by never returning to visit him again!
And now he was stuck in this damnable anticipation! And with the very real possibility that he screwed everything up with Rukia, he was left regretting his rash decision in the worst way.