Hello friends. How are you guys doing? I have a present for all of you who have actually made it to this point: a giant internet taco! Eat up!
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that you might be familiar with. None of it!
May I just say that it was one of the most painful things in the history of painful things? Imagine getting smashed the head repeatedly by a sumo wrestler with a mallet. Now speed it up to where he (or she, I'm not sumo-sexist) is hitting you so fast it feels like there's no time between each hit. Now multiply that by 1,000,000,000. Now forget all that because what I felt was worse.
I tried to regain control of myself, if only long enough to slap myself and apologize for whatever I was doing. 'Doctordoctordoctordoctordoctor, please help!' I tried to cry out, resulting in only more pain. I felt Cassandra rifling through my memories, seeing almost every moment of my existence. I could kind of understand what was happening in the real world, and what I picked up on scared me. She was getting dangerously close to revealing the future, as well as some very private things. Finally, right when I was coming close to crumbling entirely, she left.
"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed as she left, falling to my knees, shaking. The Doctor ran towards me as Rose, who I guessed was the current host of the World's B****iest Trampoline, inspected her nails. He placed his hands on my chest, making sure both of my hearts were working. "Jadis? Jadis, can you hear me?" he said, cupping my face once he was sure I was okay. I nodded slowly, rubbing the sides of my head. "Please, just stick with Raven. Jadis was a little human girl. I'm not her, not anymore," I told him. He engulfed me in a hug, and then helped me to my feet.
We ran back to Ward 26, the Doctor asking me mental questions all the way. 'Are you ok?' 'Does anything hurt?' 'Can you keep going?' 'Do you need a rest?' on and on and on. I pulled up on my tip-toes and gave him a light running-hug. 'I'm fine, ok? She just un-buried a few hatchets, reminded me of some things better left forgotten. I'm good, honest,' I said. This quieted him for a bit, though I was sure he was looking into every one of my thoughts.
We got back to the ward, and the Duke of Manhattan's insane assistant was waiting for us. She started yelling at us, demanding proof that we were healthy. I was sick of it at this point. I broke through the Doctor and Rose and slapped the stupid lady. "Look here, you s*** headed idiot, if we'd been touched we'd be dead! Now open the d*** door!" I yelled at her. The Doctor just stared at me as we were let in.
I suddenly hoped that I hadn't magically been added to the show in our universe, because that little outburst would be in more memes than then Percy's pen. Anyways, I sat around for a bit, waiting for the Doctor to come up with his brilliant plan. I got bored very quickly, and went to talk to Jack. 'Jaaaaaaack, hey Jaaaaaaack,' I said. The giant head looked at me with one eye. 'What?' he said. His mind-voice was raspy, but underneath it I could hear the sound of the flirty time agent from the Boeshang Peninsula. 'Are you my mummy?' I asked, giving him a very sly slybrow. 'If I had legs I'd kick you,' was his reply.
I was about to ask how he'd become what he was, a giant grotesque head, when the Doctor had his lightbulb moment and started shouting. "Grab the cure for every disease! Every single one!" he shouted. I quickly grabbed all the little plastic bags I could carry and raced over to the Doctor, tying them onto him. He hopped onto the elevator cable, shouting at Rose/Cassandra to live a little. Just before she jumped, I climbed onto the cord. "You didn't think I'd let you two have all the fun, did ya?" I said as we slid down the metal rope, showering the shaft with sparks.
The Doctor started making his cocktail, telling Cassandra to pull the lever. "Raven, you're with me. The Doctor is in!" he yelled, and he and I leapt into the little compartment. As we stood down there, telling the infected to come to us, I'll admit I was a bit terrified. I mean, I knew the plan would work, but I was scared out of my wits anyways. As soon as the sprayers started working though, I knew it would be okay.
The people started spreading the cure, something I'd never really understood, and the Doctor gave his speech. I'm not going to say the whole thing. Go look it up on YouTube. Then this one girl came up and hugged us, which was incredibly awkward. I greatly dislike being touched by people I don't know. The Doctor nudged me. 'Hug her back,' he said. I rolled my eyes but returned the embrace.
Blah blah blah running, yada yada TARDIS, you know the drill. As we left New Earth there was a crash, and the ship starting spiraling out of control. "C'mon, not now!" I yelled at Sexy. I'd gone on one adventure, and now we were going to come within a millimeter of death. Yay. The craft landed with a thud, not making the normal vworp-ing sound. "Oh s***," I mumbled. The Doctor headed towards the door, opening it with a small creak.
A green light blasted its way inside the TARDIS, hitting a screaming Rose in the chest. The Doctor ran for the fallen companion while I ran out the doors, fists flying in every direction. I didn't care if it was Daleks or Cybermen or Slitheen, it was going to pay for shooting Rose Tyler. Suddenly an unusually strong hand grabbed my wrist, pulling me from my rage.
Standing in front of me was Madame Kovarian, with that smug, arrogant look on her face. She looked at me and said a single phrase, "She's not Melody but she'll do."