Chapter 13: Tears

Wednesday, October 29th, 6:15 p.m. (Same day as last chapter)

APOV

I took a nice deep breath as the elevator doors opened to the apartment, readying myself for what was to come. I knew what was inevitably going to happen, so I didn't know if I wanted to hear how or why. If it was going to be over something little, then I knew I would become furious and instantly loath what I am, bringing me deeper into my depression. And that would be pretty deep, seeing as I was already feeling like I wanted to ask Bella and Rose to go bury me into the deepest hole possible.

I frowned as I slowly walked out of the elevator, feeling as if I was walking to my death. Though the moment I left Jasper at the mall felt like my death...

"What's wrong, Ali?" Jasper asked softly as he frowned down at me. I sniffed as the tears came harder, and turned to look up at his angelic face. I took a moment to look over every little detail of his face as he stared me straight in the eye, his eyebrows scrunched in concern.

A loud sob broke through my lips as his frown deepened and he gently reached up to cup my face in his hands, his thumb wiping away my tears. "Alice." He breathed.

I smiled as best I could, my lips trembling slight as I moved my hands to either side of his face. I gently ran the tips of my fingers over every small curve and dip on his face, stalling slightly on the dip between his lip and chin.

I never wanted to forget this face, the face that made me realize how much my life was better with him. How much I was suffering before I met him, something I hadn't even realized until I knew what it was like with him. But now that I have to leave, I have to turn back to the pathetic excuse for a life, one without him in it.

"I'm fine." I said quietly, "Just emotional, is all."

I smiled and waited for him to believe my words, though I knew that was a long shot. We knew each other like the back of our hands, I could read his facial expressions and know exactly what he was feeling, as he could do the same for me.

"No, you're not okay." He said, his voice confident. "Tell me whats wrong, Alice."

I frowned, having heard the pain in his voice and I knew it was simply because I was in pain. We were already so connected. This was going to be the most painful thing I could ever do.

I sucked in a deep breath, building myself up for the lie I had to tell him. I couldn't tell him why I was upset, but I could try my best to get him to let me leave.

"I'll call you later, okay? I'll tell you everything." I lied through my teeth. There was no way I was actually going to call him later. This was it, the last time I would gaze into his beautiful blue eyes.

So I kept my face perfectly blank as I silently begged for him to believe me and let me go without anymore fuss.

He stared at me for a moment, as if reading me as thoroughly as possible. Finally he smiled weakly and nodded. "Okay." He breathed, running his thumb over my cheek one more time before bending over to kiss me.

I tried, oh how I tried to stay in control as his lips touched mine. I didn't want him to feel the pain and desperation in my kiss. But the harder I tried to make the kiss indifferent and like all the others, it got harder to contain and my body had other ideas. I quickly entangled my fingers into his hair, roughly pulling his face closer to mind to deepen the kiss. And every second that his lips were on mine, I memorized the feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. I never wanted to forget the affect he had on me, even when I was silently dieing inside.

My heart broke inside me, as his own kisses became rough and desperate, as if he could sense that this was the last time we would be together. I cursed my body for not listening to me when I tried to keep the kiss calm. I wanted our break to be as least painful to him as possible. I didn't care if it tore me up, just as long as he was okay.

We finally broke apart, gasping for the air I didn't welcome, air I didn't want to breath once I left him. What would be the point anymore? He was my life, so why take the air that gave me it? It would only continue my suffering. I only wanted my life source to be from him and only him.

I pulled him to a hug, locking my arms around him and squeezing as hard as I could without breaking him. Then I took a step back and smiled up at him. "Goodbye, Jasper." I said, and I hated the way it came out. It sounded so final...which wasn't how I wanted it to sound at all.

Without giving him a chance to say anything I turned on my heels and walked back to my car. "I love you." I whispered quietly to myself, just wanted the words to flow from my mouth when I was near him. Even if he didn't hear it, I still wanted to say it... for the first and last time.

Before I had even reached the door to Rosalie's apartment, I could hear the quiet sobs, though I was a little unnerved that it only came from one person. I knew that Bella was home and that if she wasn't crying that it wasn't a good sign.

I felt the tears well up in my eyes at full force as I reached Rosalie's living room where I saw both Rose and Bella sitting on the couch. Rose had her knees pulled up to her chest as she cried into the pillow she had clutched to her, while Bella sat quietly with her hands in her lap, staring off into space with an empty look in her eyes.

I knew that was exactly how Bella was going to be from now on. She had always been the type to suffer in silence, to not show her emotions around anyone, and that broke my heart. She never wanted to burden people with her emotions or problems, though I knew it would only make it worse for her if she didn't let it out. It pained me that she closed off like this, we were her sisters, we were here exactly for that reason – to help her cope with things.

Without saying a word, I sat my purse on the floor and went to sit in between them. I too brought my knees to my chest as I waited for someone to break the silence. I would have...if it wasn't for the tight feeling in my throat from my trying to keep from sobbing.

"So when are we going to do it?" Bella asked in a dead tone, not taking her eyes off of the wall. I shivered at the sound, knowing that this was just as painful for her.

"Well don't you sound crushed, Bella!" Rose spat, most likely letting out her anger on Bella. I knew if she thought about it, she would know why Bella was acting like this.

"Whatever." Bella said, glaring over at Rose, "I don't care to hear it, Rose. Why don't you go find someone else who wants to hear you run your mouth? Maybe someone who you can beat down, because you can't beat someone down who is already there!"

"Stop!" I shrieked, "This isn't helping! I know you are both mad, but do not take it out on each other, we are all each other has right now!"

They both sighed, out of defeat and anger. I rubbed my fingers over my temples, trying to gather my jumbled thoughts. It was hard thinking thoroughly with a broken heart. The pain I felt in my chest was clouding my thoughts, making it almost impossible to focus. And I don't mean a figurative pain. No, it was an actual ache. The pain I felt in my mind had spread to actual physical pain. My stomach ached, making me feel as if I could at some point meet my lunch again, and my chest burned with every breath I took. Like my lungs were seeking Jasper's familiar sent and was starving without it.

"Oh, Ali." Rose sighed as he pulled me into a tight hug and only then did I realize I was sobbing uncontrollably.

"I can't live without him, Rosie." I cried into her shoulder. After a few moments, I felt a warm body wrap around me from behind, and I smiled slightly.

"Don't cry, pixie." Bella breathed, her voice slightly strained as she tried to hold her indifferent physique.

"How did it happen?" I asked, sniffling as I pulled away from Rose.

I watched as Rose clamped her eyes shut, most likely trying to hold back the tears that came with the memory of why we had to end it with the guys.

"Well I was at work, and I had let Frank work on this 1974 VW beetle. He used one of those traditional jacks instead of the lift we usually use. While he was checking the oil, he forgot to place the bowl under the car before he opened the cap and it drained all over him. It shocked him and he accidentally kicked the jack out from under the car. It landed on him so I did the only thing I could – I lifted it up with my hand and pulled him out with the other..."

"And Emmett saw you do it?" Bella asked.

"Yes." Rose cried as she wiped the tears of her cheeks.

"So he could just think you're freakishly strong!" I said, trying to get some shred of hope.

"No." Rose said, shaking her head. "After the accident, he was really quiet. He kept looking from me and to the car. He looked thoughtful the whole time, like he was trying to figure something out. Thoughtful! Emmett never looks thoughtful! He knows something is up and I'm even surprised he hasn't interrogated me yet."

I frowned as I thought this over. Now that I think about it, it was a pretty sketch move. We couldn't just blame it on Rosalie's adrenaline rush or freakishly strong biceps. It was a freaking car! They would never believe us!

"Alice, will you use your crazy intuition to figure out what to do?" Rose asked, a hint of desperation in her voice. I cried and pulled her to me, having never seen Rosalie so broken before.

"I'll try." I whispered as I pulled back and opened my arms wide for my girls to snuggle close to me. I giggled as they both hugged each of my side, burying the side of their face into my chest like little kids.

As we sat quietly holding each other, I closed my eyes and willed that little 'intuition' to speak to me. It wasn't really a little voice per se, but more like a hunch. A very big hunch. Its like that moment you think of a scenario for some situation, and you just know thats whats going to happen.

So thats what I do. I close my eyes, and think of every single possible outcome of this horrible situation, and wait for that feeling to come to me. Of course, I started with the obvious. Like will I be with Jazzy in the end? Or will everything work out for the better?

In all the time I had this little 'hunch', I never started with the bad ideas. Maybe it was because I was an optimistic person, but I just think its my hunch having a hunch. Sort of like I had a hunch that my 'intuition' was going to be good.

So I ran various questions along in my head to see which one felt right. In the end, are we going to be happy? Will we be with the one we love? Will our secret be in danger of getting out?

A few tears fell from my eyes as I waited...and waited... But nothing came. No little voice, no feeling, no hunch, no nothing.

A large sob broke through me as I realized I didn't know how this was going to work out. It scared me that this one time, the time it meant most to me, I couldn't get anything.

"Is it bad? Oh, God. It is, isn't it?" Rose cried.

"No." I choked out, "I don't know, guys. I just don't know!"

I cried quietly while I waited for them to process that this one time I didn't know how things were going to work out. I almost never didn't know what was going to happen. And now, when they needed that comfort, I couldn't give it to them. I felt useless and empty inside and I hated that I let them down.

"I'm so sorry, guys." I breathed, as Rose pulled me into a tighter hug as she cried. The next moment, I felt Bella pull herself away from me and jump off the couch.

"What do you mean 'you don't know'?" She spoke quietly as she began to pace back and forth, the anger evident in her voice.

"It means I can't get anything. I don't know how its going to work out." I spoke quietly, waiting for her to lash out at me. I knew that Bella was hurting and that she usually used her anger to vent instead of crying.

"What do you mean you don't know!" She shrieked, turning on her heels to glare at me. "How can you not know! You always know!"

"Bella, settle down. I can't just make it work, I can't get anything. I'm sorry." I spoke quietly, not wanting to provoke her anger.

"I swear if this is another one of your games, I will never forgive you! This isn't a game! This is our lives!" She hissed, pointing an accusing finger at me. I understood what she meant. I had a few times where I withheld information because I felt that was how it was suppose to work out. I had to tell them certain things so that the situation could work itself out.

"I'm not playing games! You think I'm over here crying because I know the answer to this? You think I would lie about something this big? I know how much this is going to affect us, I wouldn't do that to you Bella. You have to trust me. I don't know."

BPOV

I stood there glaring at Alice as I felt the anger course through me at full force. Though it would seem I was furious at her, in reality, I was angry at everything else – what I am, the accident that happened at Rose's shop, the fact that I was going to break Edward's heart and crush my own.

I used my anger as a sort of shield. I let the anger build in me so that it overshadowed the pain and sadness I felt inside. I didn't like to feel or let people see me at my most vulnerable. I never like for anyone to feel sorry for me, so I hid it by focusing on the anger.

In the end, I felt even worse about what I do to Alice and Rosalie which in turn made me even more angry, though that was directed at myself. Why couldn't I just deal with this like a normal person? Oh, I know. Because I'm not normal, nor have I ever been!

"I'm sorry, guys." I sighed, covering my face with my hands. What happen next was something I expected and knew would make me even more angry. \

"It's okay, Bella. We understand why you are angry, you're just upset." Alice said sweetly. I resisted the urge to growl at her. Though I had apologized, I still felt all the anger inside me and I hated it when they were so sympathetic. Sometimes I just wanted them to yell back at me, just so I could let some of this pent up anger out.

I took a my seat again, but kept my distance from Alice, not wanting any physical contact. I rested my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands and worked on my harsh breathing.

Frankly, I needed to work on this anger problem. But right now wasn't the time. I was such a mess inside, I couldn't even begin to work through my emotion.

"Can we get this over with?" I asked quietly as I stood up from my seat to look down at Rose and Alice.

Alice's head snapped up to me and I could see the pure panic in her eyes. "Now? We have to do it so soon?" She breathed, her bottom lip trembling.

"When else would you want to do it, Alice?" I snapped, rolling my eyes. "You really want to wait to break up with Jasper? You want to sit here and pawn over it?"

She cringed at my bluntness but nodded her head slightly and stood. Rose stayed quiet as she followed us towards her front door, still clutching to her pillow for dear life.

I sighed and turned to her, staring straight into her bloodshot eyes. I gently pulled the pillow from her arms, though it took a little work, the threw it back on the couch. When I looked back at her, the anguish that shown through her eyes cut right through me and I could no longer keep up my indifferent physique.

"Oh, Rose." I cried and pulled her into a tight hug. I felt Alice's little arms wrap around us from the side as she buried her face in between us.

And I cried and cried, trying to ease the build up of emotion inside of me so I could get through what I was about to do. I had to stay strong if I was going to see Edward for the last time. I couldn't let him see how much ending it between us would hurt me, or else he would never let me go.

So as I pulled away from our group hug and led them down the hall towards the elevator, I realized that I now took on a new perspective on what we are. I no longer saw it as a blessing. No, now it was a curse that I would loath from now until the day I die. No matter how much of a part of me it was.

A/N: So it was a short chapter, more of a filler... thanks for all the reviews, love you guys. Hopefully this chapter wasn't too gloomy. I hate angst...so I assure you this 'break up' will not last long at all.

Don't be hating on Bells, thats just her way of copeing with the pain. She doesn't like to seem vulnerable or show weakness, so she focuses on all the anger she feels towards various things and lets that control her. Make sense? If not, tell me! :P

Oh, and I made two banners for my story, they will be on my profile. Now I'm not all that good at photoshop...so don't be surprised if they totally suck, they didn't take a lot of work. And for all you Jasper lovers, I have one of him! Eeeee! So maybe check that out before you review? Or send me a PM! :)

So review and remember to be totally honest, I will take your thoughts and comments to heart and see if I can use 'em to improve!