Things Sasori would never say:
1) I've been waiting for you. I don't mind.
2) I'm very patient.
3) Deidara looks cute in that hat...
4) Sakura looked so cute when she killed me...
5) I chose Kabuto to be my slave-spy because he was such a cute wittle kid xD
6) The reason I looked so ugly in my puppet was because I used to be Orochimaru's partner, and his ugliness rubbed off on me. It was a good thing Itachi was near me some of the time, his sexiness saved me...
7) Granny! It's so good to see you! How are you?
8) *Shakes red hair* I'm too sexy for my puppet...
9) I make the clay for Deidara's bombing. Don't ask me where it comes from...xD
10) All my human parts are in this compartment on my chest, but even so, I can somehow talk, see, and hear, and probably other things. Since I have to do all the life processes to be alive, I'll have to excrete, too, and somehow eat...It makes total scientific sense.
11) I like Sakura even though I'm probably thirty years older than her, as Granny Chiyo said, so because I look young makes it ok that I date her. Even though she killed me. Same with Kakashi and her.
12) Orochimaru left Akatsuki because he wanted Itachi's body, but Itachi was too sexy for him to handle in his weird Michael-Jackson form.
13) I'm a little puppet, short and stout...here is my strings, and here is my mouth...
14) I like puppets...heehee... o.e
15) Would Mr. Kazekage like a cup of tea? *Pours some tea* mmmhmm, yes he would... *Deidara: Sasori, we gotz to go getz that Jinchuuriki, hmm...oh...tea time...that's so childish...can I join, un?*
16) Itachi, can I do your nails? *Itachi sighs, nodding* I only gotz purplez though... *Itachi shrugs* Yayz!
17) Sasori's so lonely...I gotz nobody...except for you, Kazekage-sama...mmm...
18) *Sasori dies* Ugh, finally! I'm outta this stupid series! Yes, now I can audition for New Moon in the Twilight series...I wantz to be Marcus cuz I'm a puppet and don't have emotions! Rawrz! Wait, Sai is auditioning? Noez!!!!