The Value of a Life
Chapter 14 When Jokes are Enough
A/N: Sorry I took an extra day. I was having a little trouble with this one towards the end. Hope it came out okay.
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"Just when I thought my day couldn't get any better, I get notifications that you have updated. God I loved this chapter." –Kellylad13 (I have a soft spot for him if you haven't noticed.)
(Humphrey's Slightly Less God Awful POV)
(Still Monday, October 4th)
Lily helped put a lot into perspective for me. I was still mad at Charlie, but I wasn't feeling so bitter about the day. Lily gave me her phone number, under the pretense of being able to 'call her if I need her', whatever that implied.
I spent all of seventh period history class thinking about what Lily had told me about Kate, though there were certain parts of what she said that I didn't want slipping back into my mind. She told me that her sister didn't hate me after I so smoothly blurted my most personal ruminations. I mean it made sense for Kate to. The only things we'd said to each other had been out of a common politeness, usually reserved for strangers. She'd asked to borrow my pencil earlier in the week and I passed her a couple of hand-outs, but never anything beyond necessity. On top of that, today she'd been giving me contemptuous scowls or something like that, bearing her disappointment in me.
It would be best for everyone if I just tried to let my feelings toward her turn into quiet indifference. No good came from pining after her like I did; though it felt decidedly more substantial than just a crush. I tried to push that thought from my mind.
I wanted to forget her. I wanted to think of her as nothing more than just another person in my class. I wanted to be able to move on. I needed to get over her, because she clearly had no real attachment to me, if I could be so easily removed and replaced. All of the sweet words and unsolicited, gentle affection and embraces were nothing more than platonic actions of an utterly fantastic girl. I mean…and alright girl.
A particularly bitter and cynical part of me discreetly suggested that she did it all for personal gain…or even worse, entertainment. The rational majority of my brain knew it was ridiculous, but once the seeds of suspicion were planted, they were not easily removed.
Eventually I'd had enough soundless torment and realized that I had to get out. I had to find sanctum somewhere. After the seventh period bell rang, I slipped out of the school and to the parking lot. It's not like anyone would notice the absence of the lonely, quiet kid that never talks to anyone and is usually asleep. Last period teachers are so lazy they don't even take attendance anyway. I didn't care if they did either. This was worth it.
I snuck into my parked mustang and threw my head back into the seat with a loud sigh. I just needed to be alone for a little while to decompress, my original intention at lunch (though I didn't regret what happened). There was a lot for me to think about. For starters, there was Lily. Why was she acting so nice? This is the same girl that vaguely threatened to out me to Kate and tackled me to the ground at their house. What is with the sudden change of heart? Also, that is probably the first time she ever hugged me, even if under the guise of staving off hypothermia. I guess that's not so weird and technically I hugged her first, but still, it was a little…weird. She is kinda like family, though. She and Kate spent so much time at my house and I at theirs that our parents basically became surrogate aunts and uncles.
So next, there was Kate. I didn't mean to spend a whole lot of brainpower thinking about her, but I did have to go over everything that was probably going to happen at least once. I basically resolved to ignore her, excise her from my life like she did me. I was going to see her every day and almost in every class, so I would have to make my peace with stinted conversations and uninterested glances. I needed to prepare myself for that, though I'm not sure that I ever could. Yet another ongoing struggle for my day. It had to be done though. Trying to find at least some of the same amount of interest and happiness in another person or even spending the rest of my years in high school in solitude is better than hopelessly chasing after her to no end. This I could come to terms with. I can handle it…right? Doesn't matter, that's what is going to have to happen.
Finally, there was the big shit-storm with Charlie. I just dawned on me that I was going to have to see her at home and the day after that and the day after that at infinitum. Fuck, I might even have to see her in less than an hour, expecting to be driven home. I couldn't handle that. I spent the entire day making extremely sure to avoid any place where I might cross her, even at the cost of walking in big, less than optimal, circular routes to achieve this. After all of that effort, the finality was out of my hands. I was going to see her; it was just a matter of when. I begged to any ethereal being, be it flying spaghetti monster or the big random number generator in the sky, that it wouldn't be for a while, that she would be so pissed off that she walks home by herself or goes to a friend's house. Anything but having to face her this soon.
This was a lot to have to deal with all at once. In actuality, it became too much. I got a headache that could only be deserved by a serial murder, maybe even a repeat offender of genocide. My brain swelled to an unbelievable degree, trying to burst from my apparently too thick skull. It'd be merciful if my head just decided to explode.
I tried to calm down. I angled my head backwards again and closed my eyes. I took a long measured inhale through my mouth and exhaled it nasally, trying to clear my mind of every perturbing thought or stressing idea, leaving only blank emptiness. My hand reached into my pocket and retrieved my phone. I deftly unlocked it without looking and opened the music application, easily found on the first page of apps even while blind. I pressed the 'play all' button and listened as smooth melodies filled the dead air. It's no surprise really that I fell asleep.
(Time Skip: 5 hours later)
I woke up from the nap I apparently took and immediately noticed a few things. One, the sky was black and the parking lot's hazy lights were on, so it was late. Two, it was cold as balls. Three was the stabbing pain in my neck and lower back, the muscles tensed by hours of sleeping in a chair that wasn't exactly made for it.
I looked at my phone, carelessly placed on the dashboard and finally noticed that there was music still coming from it. I grabbed it and as I turned it over in my hand, the lit screen blinded my dilated pupils with a searing accompaniment of pain. I shielded them from the offending device until they adjusted to the new level of light. When my eyes' straining finally ceased, I read the time on the phone. It was already fucking 6:37 pm and I had slept the afternoon away in my stupid fucking car. I addressed that fact with a sorted 'Whatever.'. I turned my attention to the new text message notification. I clicked it and a message from Paul read:
"Where are you?" –sent at 6:21
"Where is Charlie?" I asked imprudently. Obviously the flying spaghetti monster let me off the hook, as Charlie had not come to me for a ride. I would have to give it the appropriate thanks later.
A minute later, another message answered "Home. You?".
"On my way." I replied, as I started the car and fastened my seatbelt. I gave one, final rub to my eyes before putting the car in drive and speeding away from the dark, deserted lot.
When I reached my house, exhausted after another incredibly taxing day, I was reminded once again of the stiffness in my spine upon grabbing my backpack. The weight of it, while manageable, was not appreciated by my body. With a groan, aggravated by the entire world, I walked up the stone path to the front door and entered. I instantly regretted that decision because inside the house, waiting for me on the couch with the lights dimmed, was my adopted father, turning off the TV when he heard me come in.
He turned to me and spoke gravely, "I think we should talk.". It was less of a suggestion than it sounded. I knew what was coming, there was no way I couldn't, but that didn't make me ready for it. I sighed audibly as I set my bag down near the door. Bailey perked up at my arrival, but sensing the tension, left and made her escape to my bedroom upstairs.
"Just…two minutes, please." I implored, pinching the bridge of my nose in frustration. He granted the short leave with a curt tilt of his head. I trudged into the kitchen and to the sink, splashing a sufficient amount of cold water to allow me to be capable of conversation. After drying the moisture, though some still clung to my brow and the light stubble of my face, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and downed it quickly. The frigid refreshment sent shivers along my nerves, reaching my fingers and rousing everything else along the way. I trotted back into the living room and slumped into the armchair across from my Dad. It was his turn to sigh, clearly just as unenthused about this discussion as I was.
"I'll start with the simple stuff. Where were you?" he asked plainly, trying to ease the shock of whatever was to come.
"I fell asleep in my car until I texted you." I responded, equally frank.
"Alright. So…um…how was your day?" He asked, skating around his real question out of discomfort. Great father as he is, he's not so good at being the serious, firm Dad most people have. I don't need that anyway. I looked at him through disapproving eyes, very aware about what he was trying to say. I leaned forward intently and my arm slid along my lap, joined by my folded. Only then did he see the now bruised split on my cheek, the full physical extent of the events of today.
"What did she tell you?" I asked, attacking the discussion head first, a distinct break in my pattern of coyness. The man gaped at the wound and brought his hand to my chin so that he could angle my face to see it better. When his inspection came to a close, he sat back into the couch. He obviously didn't want to have to say anything at all, but did so out of some moral obligation to keep his children at peace.
"She said you were yelling at her all morning and when you guys got to school, you called her a c-…name." he said, struggling for an appropriate euphemism to recover from what he almost let slip.
"And you believe her?" I said, calling into question the very blatantly doctored approximation of what happened.
"I believe what she said, but not as she said it." Paul replied with a small chuckle. I shared in it for a moment, but then returned to severity.
"Yeah, that all happened." I affirmed. I don't know why I cared enough to defend myself, it's not like he was going to ground me or something else you do to a child, but I did anyway. "I'm going to assume she left out the parts where she was pestering me since I first saw her today, how she stepped over all kinds of boundaries, how she called me an asshole much more than once, or the fact that she threw the first punch and went back for more." I said, listing my own grievances with an admittedly smug and arrogant smirk.
"Mmm, she must not have thought those were relevant." he stated, sighing, not so much at my retelling or Charlie's actions, but more at the situation as a whole.
"Seems pretty fucking relevant to me." I snorted indignantly.
"Humphrey, language." He scolded robotically. I rolled my eyes and huffed derisively.
"Whatever. Are we done here?" I asked impatiently, itching to be anywhere else. Hell, I would have even taken being with Charlie. She'd probably be up for another fight, but I'd be ready to go another round with her. Next time she takes a swing at me, I'll put her down like a dog.
He coolly answer "No.", choosing to ignore my brazen rudeness. "Are you still angry with her?"
"Fuck yeah I am! Why wouldn't I be?"
"Language." He repeated, just as calmly as before. "I figured you had enough time to sleep it off."
"No. Wait, was I in a coma?" I asked sarcastically. Paul lowered his eyebrows and knit them together closely, outwardly showing his distaste in my humor. I ignored him and continued "What year is it?"
"Humphrey, not funny." He admonished. That was rich coming from him, who basically taught me my sense of humor. "I thought you two were actually getting along lately."
"You know what they say about assuming…" I started
"Humphrey." He interrupted.
"…it makes and ass…"
"HUMPHREY." He growled, brought to the edge of his tolerance for my bullshit. I stopped my snarky comment uncompleted. He sank back into the sofa, frustration cooling gradually. After some forced breathing, he continued, "So what did Charlie say that was so horrible."
"Nothing." I deadpanned automatically, not about to spill my guts right then.
"Was it something at school?"
"No." I responded quickly. He must have taken the lack of hesitation as a partial yes.
"Someone?" he pressed further.
"No." I answered just as hastily, gritting my teeth together in growing tension.
"Someone in particular?" he asked. I refused to meet his eyes and abstained from answering any longer. After the deliberate silence was recognized, he followed up "A girl.". That struck a chord in me. He was plucking nerves, just like Charlie was that morning.
"Dad, stop." I seethed; jaw tight against my upper pallet.
"I thought you were okay on that front. Isn't there something with you and Kate?"
"I said stop." I repeated, a fire burning in my stomach and only being stoked further.
"Did something happen between you two?" he asked. Boundaries were crossed, my warning had gone unheeded.
"I SAID FUCKING STOP!" I roared forcefully, the sound reverberating off the walls of the house in a buzz. Charlie was no doubt now aware of this pitiful excuse for a talking to and was probably very aware of the mistake she had made as well.
"Language." Paul said one last time, his lips pursed into a frown.
"No fuck that! You don't get to just sit there and berate me with your bullshit just like she did and then bitch at me for fucking swearing!" I yelled defiantly, standing from my seat in anger. My fist balled at my sides so hard that my fingernails might have drawn blood. Emotional wounds that had just today been closed now were being ripped of their scabs and treated with salt. He had to have been trying to get a rise out of me. How could he interrogate me like that after I had literally gotten into a fight earlier about the same thing.
He sat on the couch, stuck somewhere between disbelief and confusion and staring at me with wide eyes. "Fuck this. I'm not dealing with this twice." I said, turning around and starting toward the door. I didn't know where I was going, but I certainly didn't care. With my hand on the door, Paul finally found his words.
"Humphrey, wait." He called. My shoulders rose and fell with a furious breath. "Don't leave. I'm sorry. We're done."
I let out another hot, steaming breath, but I made my choice to stay, though reluctantly. I didn't look at him as I passed by and when straight upstairs to my room. I said a silent prayer to a certain pasta overlord because Charlie's door was closed and because I wouldn't have to stomach her passing glance. I stripped to my boxers, gathered my phone, and practically jumped into the warm embraces of my bed.
I spent several minutes trying to find some relief in the form of more sleep, but it refused to come to me. I tossed and turned and flipped my pillow repeatedly, but no rest befell me. I was still so manic with ire that it kept me awake. Suddenly, a desperate thought occurred to me. It was my last hope for any kind of respite. I pulled my phone put in front of me and typed a new message to Lily. "Can you help me smile?".
This would be the kind of thing that I would go to Kate for. If there was one person that could definitely bring a grin to my mouth, it was undoubtedly her. In a pinch, I hoped her sister could do the same. I had to wait a few minutes, but she didn't disappoint.
"What do Northern European churches have to do with Mortal Kombat?"
I didn't know she was into video games much, but I didn't think Kate was either, so I bit.
"What?"
Moments later: "They always end with a Finnish Hymn!"
And with that stupid, stupid fucking joke, I cracked the slightest grin, completely glad for the fact that at I hadn't managed to ruin my relationship with at least one person irreparably. It wasn't really the pun itself that cheered me up, but that I had a person to fall back on, to be there for me in the smallest way. All that I needed was that slight distraction, a meager act of kindness with no questions asked, to be able to find enough peace. Sleep didn't take much time seeking me out after that.
(Lily's POV)
(6:03 am)
I sat alone in my bed, trying to pass the time with the MacBook Pro sitting on my lap. I was mostly just watching old Disney movies on Netflix, but I found it very hard to focus on Tarzan's story when Humphrey kept popping into my head. It was more than just the fact that the loincloth wearing man reminded me of Humphrey that day at our house, exposed in all of his glory. I couldn't help but feel bad for him, feeling so alone and rejected. He said that he actually thought everybody, even Kate, hated him. I mean, she sure does have a funny way of showing it, but I couldn't believe that she would ever hate him, especially when he did nothing wrong. I hoped when he said 'everybody' that it didn't include me.
There was a soft knock on my closed bedroom door which effectively pulled me out of my own head.
"Come in." I said, pausing the movie that was just providing background noise to my thoughts and closing the laptop.
Kate stepped in and prefaced her entry with "Can we talk?". It sounded a little ominous, but it isn't very strange for her to spend time with me at night (or vice versa), either just talking or relaxing or the occasional, reassuring sleeping in the same bed. As per usual, she shut the door behind her, locked it, and crawled onto the comforter across from me. I crossed my legs to make room and she held her bent knees.
"What's up?" I asked, noting her slightly distressed expression.
"Nothing. I just…kinda wanted to hang out with you. Is that okay?" she implored, sounding uncharacteristically weak and more than a little upset.
"It would be, if you weren't lying through your teeth. Does this have something to do with Hutch?". She laughed at my answer, but shook her head in regards to my question. "Well, then what is it?"
She sighed before asking "Do you know what's up with Humphrey?". My eyes widened to the sides of dinner plates unpermitted. I tried to hide my nervousness. I left to talk to him, making no mention to the rest of the table. Kate couldn't have known that I did, so she must be asking out of general curiosity. Still, I'm sure Humphrey barely wanted to tell me what he did, so he would probably object to me regurgitating it to Kate.
"Umm…no." I answered, choking on the words anxiously. She didn't seem to notice.
"Have you talked to him at all?"
"Y-Yeah."
"Well, what did he say?" she asked, growing tired of my stalling and dodging questions.
"I…I don't think he'd want me to tell you." I answered sheepishly. It felt like such a betrayal of his trust, but here was a source of one of his worries, rather pitifully begging for explication.
"Come on, Lily. Please?"
"No. Kate I…"
"Pleeeeaaase? Just tell me one thing." She pled, looking at me through eyes that just engendered urgency. I didn't want to say anything, but I was sympathetic to her too. She'd lost a friend just like Humphrey did. On top of that, she wasn't going to leave me alone until I told her something. I didn't have either the heart or the energy necessary to forge a lie. At least I could tell myself that I might be helping the guy.
"He said…he said he thought you hated him." I leaked reluctantly. She recoiled as if the words struck her on the nose. Her eyes fell despondently, but she didn't refute it immediately like I expected.
"Oh." She finally said. Hands came up to shield her face. "That makes so much sense. God, I've treated him like such shit. He probably hates me now." She admitted, punctuating the last sentence with what almost sounded like a sob.
"I…I don't know. He didn't say." I responded, attempting consolation but failing in my lack of knowledge.
"It's all my fault. I might as well have been ignoring him."
"No, no. It's…it's not…" I said, trying to find the appropriate words to help and once again failing miserably. My pathetic attempt was thankfully cut short by my phone going off in the pocket of my pajamas. I pulled it out and on the lock screen read 'New Text Message from Humphrey'. "Kate, he's texting me now." I informed her, sliding the notification across the screen to open the message.
"What's he saying?" she asked, choking on the words a little, and I tried hard not to notice the puffy bags under her eyes as she looked up from her palms. The text read "Can you help me smile?". I bore a puzzled look and read it aloud to Kate.
"What does he mean 'help him smile'?" she asked. I shrugged my shoulders. "Do…do you think it's because of me?"
"I don't know." I answered honestly. It seemed as good an explanation as any and I would disregard it as a possibility.
"Well what are you going to say back?"
"I have no idea."
She seemed to have an internal debate for a minute, but eventually came to the conclusion that she should snatch my phone. At first I reached to grab it back, but she held out her hand for me to stop. Her fingers danced over the screen as she typed. A few seconds later, the ringtone sounded again. She started pressing the digital keys again, though the first message seemed longer. After she sent that text she handed the phone back. The text conversation seemed like a set up for some dumb joke about Catholicism, but it escaped me.
"I don't get it." I blurted, looking at the confusing riddle in my hands.
"Yeah, you wouldn't, but he would." She replied, the slightest smirk curling at the corner of her mouth. It didn't seem condescending, more relieved. She was probably really happy to have helped. We spent the rest of the night in my room, eventually sharing the bed until morning.
A/N: So, good? Horrible? What'd you think? Please tell me. :) Funny story. I pm'd squid84 and we were talking about our stories and I said that I was having a little trouble writing the last part. The way I said it accidentally made him think something terrible was going to happen in this chapter. XD sorry squid. Also, some people have asked questions in guest reviews. I can't answer those if you don't make an account.
-Nick (Ncham9)