And I'm back my faithful readers with another chapter to quench your thirst. I don't own Naruto but I do own Kouhei's ass. I also don't own Asking Alexandria or Steel Panther. I'm putting two songs into this chapter, one funny and one sad. Hopes you likes its.
"We…pass?" the blonde Suna girl gasps.
"Are you newbies fucking deaf or something? Yes, you passed" Ibiki laughs.
I glare at the renowned interrogator,"You're a dick. You know that?"
He just smiles.
A shadow crosses the window before smashing the glass. A banner sticks to the ceiling by two kunai before unraveling, revealing the very sexy Anko Mitarashi.
She smiles and points to the banner that reads," The Very Sexy and Still Surprisingly Single Anko!" which I have to laugh at her goofball antics.
Someone has the balls to throw change at her.
"Why did you throw change?" someone at the back of the room asks.
"I made it hail, that's where you throw change at sluts" the boy snickers.
He's pinned to the floor with my sword to his neck before he can even piss himself.
"Call her a slut again and I'll take away your ability to procreate" I hiss into his face.
Now he pisses himself. He nods furiously and I haul him up by his neck.
Anko stands at the front of the room, very surprised to see someone other than Naruto standing up for her.
I nod for her to continue while I discreetly scoop up the change and pocket it.
What?
It's free money…don't you judge me.
"My name is Anko and I'll be your second proctor for the exams. Meet at Training Ground 44 in two hours."
She then disappears in a swirl of leaves.
Naruto and I just body flicker to the field and leave the others in the dust.
We arrive with the full two hours ahead of everyone else and find Anko enjoying some tasty dango.
"What's up Naruto? Who's your friend?" she gestures to me.
"This is my brother, Kouhei" he smiles at the Snake Mistress.
"Thanks for the kind words…why would you defend Orochimaru's apprentice?" she asks, slightly hesitant.
"You were Old Snake Pedo's student? Is that supposed to scare me away?" I smile.
She looks at me, like she's trying to see if I'm lying. "You really don't care?"
I shake my head in a no.
"Why would I? You're a human being who just happened to be training under him? That doesn't make you anymore evil than Naruto and his Fox" I reason.
She nods slowly, finally understanding that she now has another person that cares for her.
"I'm bored" Naruto grumbles.
I pull out a summoning scroll.
"Well we could always show Anko-Chan what we've been working on."
Naruto nods excitedly.
He bite me thumb and let the blood fall onto the paper.
Two guitars, a microphone, and a drum set pop out.
"Which song do you want to do?" I ask.
"We could always scare the shit out of her with Dear Insanity" he grins evilly.
I take hold of the mike and tell Anko to put some healing chakra into her ears.
I take a very large breath.
"OOOOOH SWEET INSANITY!
You take my hand and walk me out into the dark
We walk this road for hours and hours
To the white hills, and the oceans
On a collision course, to hell we march
We're doomed to this now
Oh the irony
If I'm going down I won't go down alone
You're doomed to this one
You're doomed to this now
Hold your breath my dear
We're going under
I take another large breath, taking time to admire the area of flattened grass around our makeshift stage.
Naruto rips on his guitar while one of his shadow clones slams the drums in an excited fury.
The loud and angry music has brought a large crowd of ninja to the site.
I've walk this road for hours
To the white hills, and the oceans
I search for solace in this toxic land of sin
Just let me in
Don't wake me up, their songs are soothing
Their wine subdues me
Hold your breath my dear
We're going under
We wrote this song when we first got out of that hellhole of an 'orphanage'. We were filled with so much anger; we just wanted to scream…so we did. We just started screaming and putting lyrics into it.
The feelings we held were poured into our lyrics and instruments, it released all of our hate that we held towards this biased and bigoted village. All the beatings, starvings, stabbings, burnings, attempted castrations were all thrown into this song.
I notice that a majority of the crowd is head banging, including Anko.
Dreams, my mind won't me lift from my dreams
And thought I try I can't escape my mind
Dreams, my mind won't lift me from my dreams
And though you try you can't escape me
Now you've seen what I've become
Now you've seen what I can do
Now you've seen what I'm capable of
I've walk this road for hours to the white hills, and the oceans
I search for solace in this toxic land of sin
Just let me in
Don't wake me up, their songs are soothing
Their wine subdues me
Welcome to the diary of a man that lost his mind so long ago
Welcome to the shell of a man with a heart so black and cold
Over and over in my head.
With a final ear shattering scream the song ends in a crash of emotions. The crowd screams for one more song.
"Hey Naruto...how about Turn Out the Lights?" I ask with a smirk.
He laughs hysterically while nodding.
I lean into the microphone, "This is a song we wrote after we overheard a conversation between a man and his ugly girlfriend."
I try desperately not to break down and laugh at this ridiculous song.
So you're big and kinda hairy
Like a monkey at the zoo
I don't care if you're a monkey
With an ass that's red and blue
Cause I'm gonna fuck you doggy-style
The way chihuahua's do
But I got one request
That I just have to ask of you
Turn out the lights
Before you suck my dick
Someone beat you with an ugly stick
I wanna fuck, but you make me sick, so
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
Naruto and most of the crowd have tears streaming down their faces from laughter at our disgusting ode to bar wenches.
We felt so bad for the guy that we kept his identity a secret.
So you think that I'm a loser
Cause I used to be in Jail
And I got my GED Diploma
Last week in the mail
Well at least a man can exercise
If he gets too fat
But I got news for you
Your face will always look like that
Turn out the lights
Before I take a ride
You don't seem to have a "good side"
Whip out a condom and the astro-glide
Turn out the lights Turn out the lights
I think I'm gonna hurl
Jesus Christ I hope that you're a girl
Open your mouth, baby, here come the pearls
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
Most of the crowd now lies on the ground, desperately clutching their sides in pain.
I spot the emotionless Gaara in the crowd and I'm delighted to see that he's even trying to suppress a smile.
Naruto and I laugh harder at knowing who this song is about.
Tell me when it's over
Please tell me you don't have VD
Thank god that it's over, yeah
Well we all have indiscretions
I think you're my BIGGEST yet
Had to roll you in some flour
Just to find where you were wet
Well this never would've happened
If I hadn't lost that bet
I wonder if our grand-kids
Will ask us how we met
The poor man we sing about is none other than Asuma Sarutobi who was so obliterated by Sake that he took this girl home with him….the Daimyo's wife, the crazy cat lady and owner of the devil cat Tora.
Yes.
The son of the Hokage slept with the least attractive woman on the entire fucking continent.
Turn out the lights
Girl it's way to bright
I don't wanna look at your cellulite
There ain't nothing on your body that's tight
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
Before you take off your clothes
I wanna tie you up with some garden hose
Slap your tits and rub my balls on your nose
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights
Before we do the deed
Before I cover your box with my seed
I'm gonna pound ya 'till ya fucking start to bleed, bitch
Turn out the lights, Turn out the lights!
The song finally ends and the crowd is hysterical with laughter and Naruto and I spot Asuma in in the crowd giving us the evil eye.
"WE ARE THE FOX AND THE RED! THANK YOU KONOHA! GOODNIGHT!"
Well that's another chapter down. R&R, Flame, whatever.
Songs used
Dear Insanity by Asking Alexandria
Turn out the Lights by Steel Panther