A/N: Welcome back! I apologize for the delay, and promise it won't happen again. I've started another story called Don't Let Me Down, check it out if you haven't already! Enjoy!
ooo
Rachel stared intently at the clock mounted in her therapists office, listening to the seconds tick by, praying that the time would go faster so she could go home to her racing thoughts.
Tick.
How could Quinn be in love with her? Rachel was unlovable, and she's pretty sure those exact words have come out of Quinn's mouth on more than one occasion back in the day.
Tick.
Why did she leave as soon as she confessed her love. Why didn't she give Rachel a chance to say anything?
Tick.
Was it some sort of joke? Did this mean they weren't friends anymore?
Tick.
Why was she so confused over Quinn's confession. Why did her heart speed up every time she saw Quinn? Why was Quinn the only person who made her feel safe besides her mom? Was she in love with Quinn?
"Rachel?"
Rachel was brought back to reality when her therapist, Dr. Blakely, called her name.
"Where did you go just now?"
Rachel looked down and started picking absently at the leather chair she was sitting in before looking back up to meet Dr. Blakely's soft eyes.
"I'm not really sure." She said with a shrug. "I have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head right now, that I can't think straight."
Dr. Blakely nodded with a knowing smile. "It's okay to feel overwhelmed with emotions sometimes. It's perfectly normal. Do you want to talk about what has you so worked up?"
Rachel slouched over and cursed when she felt tears spring to her eyes. "Quinn came over to see me yesterday." She said softly.
"That's great! I know you two were in a fight, did you resolve the issue?"
Rachel sniffed and picked more at the chair. "I'm not entirely sure. She came over to tell me she was in love with me." Rachel said, slowly glancing up at Dr. Blakely, waiting to see the surprise written all over her face, but it remained neutral.
"And how did you respond?"
"I didn't get a chance to." Rachel said dejectedly. "Before I even had a chance to process what she was saying, she was hobbling back to Santana's car, mumbling something about forgetting her crutches."
"Okay. Well, if Quinn would've stayed, what would you have said?"
Rachel sighed and felt a few of her tears finally fall. "I would've told her that I think I love her too." Rachel choked. "But that I can't be in a relationship right now."
Rachel felt a tissue being pressed into her hand and she quickly wiped her tears away. She felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
"I think that's really smart, Rachel. You know you're not ready for a relationship and you're doing the responsible thing. You have a lot going on, especially with the trial in just a few days, we should talk about that." Dr. Blakely said, trying to casually bring the trial up. Something Rachel noticed she had been doing all week.
Tick.
"Maybe tomorrow, Dr. Blakely," Rachel said as she stood to grab her things. "My time is up."
And before Dr. Blakely could protest, she was out the door.
ooo
Shelby shifted uncomfortably in her car and groaned in frustration. The past two days she had been having a dull ache in her lower belly. She prayed if her period was coming, it would start soon. She had too much going on to be distracted by menstrual cramps.
Shelby's eyes shifted towards the entrance of the therapy building and she watched as her daughter slowly made her way over to the car. Shelby felt her heart fill with pride looking at her daughter knowing she made a perfect human being. She loved having Rachel apart of her life more than she ever thought was possible. But she hated it took something so terrible to bring the two together. She couldn't wait for the trial to be done and over with, so the two of them could start with a clean slate. She didn't want their time together to be filled with trials, therapy and homeschooling. She wanted it to be filled with prom dress shopping, vacations, and laughter. She wanted Rachel to move forward, and she wanted to be right there with her.
A second later, the passenger door flew open and Rachel climbed in, clicking her seatbelt into place before shutting her eyes and leaning her head back against the seat.
"How was it?" Shelby asked while putting the car into gear.
Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "Okay. Same as always."
Shelby blew out a puff of air in frustration. She hated when Rachel wouldn't talk to her.
"Did you talk about-"
"No, mom. We didn't talk about the trial. No we didn't talk about the rape. And no, we didn't talk about my coping mechanisms." Rachel spat out angrily, effectively cutting Shelby off. "Now, if you don't mind I'd like to close my eyes for a couple minutes on the way home. I have a lot of work to turn into Cara tonight so I can be done for the week."
Shelby tightened her grip on the steering wheel as another wave of cramps took over and willed herself not to snap at her daughter's attitude.
"You can rest your eyes, but we aren't going home." She said, waiting for the inevitable argument to come from her daughter.
"Why?" Rachel sassed.
"Because, whether you want to talk about it or not, you do have to make an appearance in court next week, as do I, and we both need something appropriate to wear."
"Whatever." Rachel mumbled, turning her gaze out the window.
Shelby sighed for the hundredth time. She'd take the cramps over a moody teenager any day.
ooo
Rachel awoke the next morning to an annoying buzzing. She groaned and blindly reached for whatever was making the god awful noise that was interrupting her dreamless sleep. Her eyes shot open when her hand found the buzzing item, and she realized it was her phone. She scrunched her face in confusion and saw her mom was calling her.
"Hello?"
"Well good morning sleeping beauty." Her mom sing songed. "Consider yourself officially ungrounded."
"But it's only Friday? I thought I was grounded for a week? Don't I have one more day left?"
"Well, if you'd like I can call Aunt Cara and tell her to take your phone back and to continue with the extra work load."
"No!" Rachel said quickly. "I'm perfectly fine with being ungrounded a day early."
"I thought so." Shelby laughed. "You've been working really hard this week, and I thought you could use a little reprieve. I have to work late tonight so please be home by eight if you go anywhere, and don't forget about your appointment today."
"Yes ma'am. I'll see you tonight."
"I love you."
Rachel smiled, her annoyance with her mother from yesterday dissolving. "I love you too."
Rachel ended the call and immediately went to her messages. She wasn't surprised that all of her missed notifications were from Quinn. She quickly scrolled through and saw they were all from before the night that Quinn came over. Her finger hovered over the call button, before she finally decided to press down.
ooo
Quinn Fabray wasn't normally someone who was nervous. She can count on one hand the number of times she every truly felt nervous, and it all revolved around her pregnancy and the birth of Beth.
Quinn was used to being handed everything she wanted. She was pretty, smart, and sure of herself. She got what she wanted, when she wanted. She knew how to get her way. Quinn was confident and collected, she didn't get nervous. But sitting on Rachel's bed, staring at the girl pace, two days after she professed her love for her, Quinn was the definition of nervous.
She was surprised when she saw Rachel's name flash across her screen during lunch. Her surprise quickly turned into sheer panic, but she still answered. She was even more surprised when Rachel simply asked her to come over after school. And now Quinn was sitting on her bed, waiting for the diva to speak.
Rachel finally stopped pacing and then looked over at Quinn who gave her a soft smile. Rachel returned it and walked towards her, sitting gently on the bed next to her.
"I wanted to talk to you about the other day." Rachel said softly.
Quinn nodded her head and tried not to flush. "I figured that's why you called me over."
"I still am working through a lot of emotions about all of it. It's been very hard for me to process with everything else that's been going on. But I want you to know that the feelings are mutual."
Quinn shot her head up and felt her eyes widen in surprise. "What?"
"Like I said, I'm still processing, but I think those feelings are there." Rachel said softly, reaching over and grabbing Quinn's hand. "But Quinn, I can't be in a relationship right now. And I don't know when I'll be ready to be in a relationship."
Quinn stared down at their interlocked fingers and nodded. "I understand, Rach. I really do. I just want to be there for you. Our friendship can stay the same, it doesn't have to change because of what I said."
Rachel smiled softly and squeezed Quinn's hand. "Will you come to the trial on Monday?"
Quinn sucked in a breath and nodded. "Of course. Whatever you need. I'll probably be called up too." She said, gesturing towards her cast.
Quinn watched as Rachel's chin quivered and her eyes cast downwards. "Thanks. I'm really not ready for it. I don't want to have to face him. I know my mom will be there, but sometimes she looks at me like I'm going to break at any second. You look at me like I'm strong. And I need to feel strong."
"I'll be there, Rach. I promise." Quinn said, pulling the short brunette into her. "I'll always be there."
ooo
Quinn was lying in Rachel's bed a few hours later trying desperately to ignore the fact that Rachel's hair was tickling her shoulder and it smelled like heaven. The brunette beauty had fallen asleep about an hour ago, but Quinn couldn't get her mind to shut off. She looked over at Rachel and couldn't help the smile that fell upon her face. They had come a long way.
The first time Quinn ever saw Rachel Berry was in sixth grade at recess. Rachel was new and was the talk of the town. Having two openly gay fathers was unheard of in Lima. Quinn thought Rachel was the prettiest girl she had ever seen. She went home that night ecstatic to tell her parents about the new girl and the possibility of a new friend, only to be shut down. Her father had spoken harshly about Rachel's father's, and had practically beaten it into her head that homosexuality was disgusting and a sin.
She avoided Rachel for the rest of the year.
It wasn't until eighth grade that Quinn started to notice Rachel again. Everyone had started going through puberty, and Rachel had become even more stunning. Her skin was a rich olive color, and her beautiful dark hair always framed her face perfectly. Quinn caught herself staring at least once a day. It was then she started to realize she liked Rachel. She liked Rachel in a way she knew she should be liking boys in their grade. And that scared Quinn. Her daddy had made it very clear of his expectations of her, and she was pretty sure being a lesbian wasn't one of them.
Once high school hit, the crush hit in full force. And it made Quinn angry. She was finally working her way up the social ladder. She was pretty and people respected her. She didn't want to have a crush on the school's biggest loser. But she couldn't shut her feelings off. So she started tormenting Rachel. Enraged at the girl for her feelings, even though she knew it wasn't Rachel's fault. Plus, tormenting Rachel meant that she still had some sort of interaction with the girl, and in Quinn's mind, negative interaction was better than none at all.
It wasn't until a year later when Beth was born that Quinn realized how foolish she had been. The way Quinn looked at it, she was always going to end up getting kicked out of her parents for something. Had it not been Beth, it would've been coming out. She would never live up to her daddy's expectations, and with her mom leaving her father, she felt more comfortable being open about who she was. Quinn decided right there in the hospital she was going to tell Rachel how she felt. She was going to apologize, and she was going to make things right.
And then Rachel was raped.
And now they were here, lying in Rachel's bed. And Rachel had reciprocated her feelings, but for some reason, Quinn couldn't find it in her to be happy about it. The trial started Monday and it was tearing Quinn up inside just thinking about it. She's seen the shows on television, she knows Karofsky's defense team is going to try and make it seem like Rachel's lying. They're going to pick her story apart until even she doesn't know what's true. And Quinn's afraid it's going to break Rachel beyond repair.
Rachel stirred next to her and started to whimper, immediately bringing Quinn back to reality. She slid down and carefully placed on arm gently on her waist.
"It's okay, Rach. I'm right here."
ooo
Shelby groaned in pain as she adjusted the heating pad she was laying on. She knew she needed to get up and get things ready for tomorrow morning, but her cramps were killing her, and they had been all weekend.
She was just getting ready to start the process of getting out of bed when she felt her bed dip.
"Can I lay with you?" Her daughter whispered.
Shelby turned around and smiled up at her daughter. "Do you even need to ask?" She said, opening her arms up for Rachel to slide into to.
"I'm scared, mom." She heard Rachel say quietly.
Shelby tightened her grip around Rachel, rubbing her back in the process. "It's going to be okay, baby." She said quietly. "I'm going to be in there with you the entire time. So will Aunt Cara and Quinn. I think grandma and grandpa might even come too. You'll have a whole support system there with you."
"Do you think my dads will come?"
Shelby grimaced, thinking about the multiple voicemails she had left both of the Berry men in the past week. "I don't know. I haven't been able to get ahold of them. But I told them what time it starts tomorrow and what courtroom you'll be in, in my voicemail."
Rachel nodded and buried further into her, grabbing a fistful of her shirt in the process. "As long as you're there I'll be okay."
"I'll be there." Shelby assured her, placing a kiss on her forehead.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Rachel looked up at her.
"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"Can I sleep with you tonight?" She asked softly, causing Shelby's heart to burst. It had been awhile since Rachel had slept with her, and Shelby relished in it.
"Of course. Go get some pajamas and I'll put a movie on."
Shelby sighed as she put Funny Girl into the DVD player. Tomorrow was the start of the trial, and other then confessing that she was scared, Rachel had hardly talked about it at all. She was nervous for her daughter, she was afraid of the things the defense might try to say about her. She was afraid that she wouldn't be able to handle recounting the horrible things that happened to her. Shelby was afraid that Rachel was going to break.
She smiled as Rachel walked back into the room and crawled into her bed, looking at Shelby expectantly, waiting for her to crawl in next to her.
Shelby hit the lights and snuggled up close to Rachel. Praying that sleep would come for both of them.
ooo
Sleep didn't come easily for Shelby. She tossed and turned all night with horrible cramps that only seemed to get worse. And if it wasn't the cramps, it was constant anxiety about the day ahead. She finally relented at five thirty to get up and start the day, hoping a warm shower would soothe her aching abdomen.
When Shelby emerged from the bathroom forty minutes later, she saw Rachel was awake, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling.
"Morning baby." Shelby said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "How about you hop in the shower and I'll go make us some breakfast? I already laid your clothes out for today."
Shelby brushed a few stray pieces of hair out of Rachel's face and felt her daughter lean into her touch.
"I love you, baby." Shelby said gently. "Go get ready."
Rachel smiled softly at her and slowly got up. Shelby waited until she heard the shower running until she left her face fall in pain. The throbbing had picked up since her shower, and she knew she was going to need some sort of medication to make it through today.
Shelby slowly made her way downstairs and saw that Cara was already making breakfast.
"You're a life-saver." Shelby said through a grimace while grabbing a cup of coffee.
"It's no problem." Cara said. "I figured you'd be busy getting yourself and Rachel ready, and I'm here to help."
Cara grabbed a cup of coffee after throwing the breakfast bake into the oven. "How's she doing?"
"She seems okay. But you know how she is, always putting on a brave face. I think I'll be able to read her better once we get to the courthouse."
Cara nodded in agreement, scanning Shelby over. "You look like shit." She said bluntly.
Shelby rolled her eyes and took another sip of her coffee. "Gee, Thanks."
"No. I mean it Shelbs, you look terrible. Do you feel alright?" Cara asked her, worry laced in her voice.
Shelby waved her off and stood up to rinse her cup out. "I'm fine. I just didn't sleep very well last night and I've had killer cramps all weekend."
Cara scrunched her face up in pity. "What a time for Mother Nature to make an appearance."
"Tell me about it." Shelby mumbled, feeling a wave of nausea pass over her.
"Good morning."
Shelby whipped her head around at the sound of her daughter's voice and her eyes softened at the sight in front of her.
Rachel was wearing a modest black dress with long sleeves, which Shelby was grateful for as the weather was starting to get a bit chilly. She had her damp hair pulled back into a loose braid, and her face was free of any makeup, making her puffy, red rimmed eyes stand out.
She looked so young and fragile standing in front of her. Shelby wanted to scoop her in her arms and never let her go.
Shelby walked over to her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, lingering longer than usual. "Morning, babe." She mumbled, lips still connected to her head. "Aunt Cara made your favorite vegan breakfast bake. It should be done in a few minutes."
Rachel nodded and pulled away, much to Shelby's dismay, and made her way over the the kitchen table. "Thank you for making breakfast." She said softly to Cara.
"Anything for you, kiddo." Cara said with a smile. "I'll go fix you a plate, we have to get going soon."
Shelby watched as Rachel looked down at the table, wringing her hands nervously in her lap.
Shelby went to lay a comforting hand on her shoulder when there was a loud knock on the front door, causing Rachel to fly out of her seat.
She watched as Rachel flew open the front door and practically throw herself into the blonde who was hobbling on crutches. But Quinn didn't seem to mind as she wrapped one arm firmly around Rachel to the best of her ability. Shelby smiled at the sight, thankful that Quinn was here for Rachel.
"Guess I should make Quinn a plate too." Cara said, setting down Rachel's plate in front of her seat. "Do you want some, Shelbs?"
Shelby shook her head no, bracing herself against the kitchen counter as another wave of pain crashed over her.
"I'm going to start the car, have the girls outside in ten minutes to leave. I just need a second to myself."
Cara nodded, not paying much attention as she fixed Quinn a plate. "Outside in ten minutes. Got it."
Shelby walked outside through the garage door and immediately emptied the contents of her stomach in the outside trash can. She cursed as she wiped the sweat forming on forehead. The pain was growing in intensity but Shelby forced herself to stand back up and start the car. She had to be there for Rachel. She wanted to prove to her she knew how to be there when it really mattered, and damn it, she was going to be there no matter what.
Shelby wiped away the remaining sweat on her forehead as her daughter and her small entourage started making their way towards the car. Shelby looked at Rachel and saw nothing but fear in the young girls eyes, making her that much more determined to push through her pain.
She was going to be there for her daughter when it mattered most.
ooo
The car ride to the courthouse was spent in absolute silence. The air was thick with tension, and Rachel couldn't stand it. She had a firm grasp on Quinn's hand and was grateful for the girl sitting next to her, occasionally squeezing to remind her she was there. Her Aunt Cara's entire face looked tense and was set in a permanent frown, something Rachel wasn't used to. Her Aunt was always so bright and bubbly.
Her mom was a whole other story. She was pale, and she was gripping the steering wheel so tight that Rachel was surprised it wasn't breaking. Her hair was sticking to her forehead as if she was sweating and she looked like she was going to be sick.
Rachel was so used to her mom always being strong and sturdy, that seeing like this made her uneasy.
"Rach?"
Rachel was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Quinn's voice. She looked over and saw that the car was stopped, and Quinn was out of the car offering a hand to help her out. "Are you coming?"
Rachel tried to smile while taking Quinn's hand, but she suddenly felt sick. "I should be the one offering you help, Quinn. You are the one on crutches after all." She tried to joke, her voice coming out raspy.
"Yeah, and thank god that I am. It'll just make Karofsky look that much worse when I go up there to testify against him." Quinn said determinedly.
Rachel tensed at the mention of his name. She didn't know how she was going to do this.
Quinn seemed to realize her mistake almost immediately and reached out for Rachel's hand. But Rachel shook her off, there was only one person who could comfort her right now.
She quickly made her way around the car where her mother was slowly getting out and lunged herself into her arms, causing Shelby to take a sharp intake of breath.
"I want to go home." Rachel cried into her chest. "Don't make me do this."
She felt Shelby gently pull her away by her shoulders and watched as she crouched down so they were eye level. Her mom looked like crap, but her eyes were soft and warm.
Shelby wiped Rachel's tears with her thumbs and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Listen to me." She said slowly. "You are the bravest girl I know, Rachel Barbra. And you're going to go in there and be strong, and show people just how strong you are. And I'm going to be there every second of it."
Rachel fell back into her mother's arms and clutched onto her blazer for dear life. "Promise you won't leave?"
"I promise baby." Shelby said into her hair. "Now go follow Aunt Cara. I have to use the restroom really quick."
Rachel nodded and reluctantly let go off her mom, and quickly latched onto her Aunt's hand. She needed physical contact. Quinn was trailing behind them and when they walked into the courthouse, both girls gasped in surprise.
Sitting outside the courtroom where her case was assigned sat the entire glee club. Rachel felt tears spring to her eyes as she took everyone in.
Rachel has decided a few week back that she would sit glee out this semester while she was being home schooled. While she had the option to stay in it, she knew it would be too much. But that didn't mean she didn't miss her teammates greatly.
Mercedes approached her first, and Rachel felt her Aunt let go of her hand and take a step back to give them privacy.
"If you don't want us here, say the word and we're gone. But we wanted you to know that we all have your back. We're here to support you." Mercedes said softly.
Rachel nodded through her tears and stepped forward, engulfing Mercedes in a hug. "Thank you." She whispered. "Thank you so much."
Mercedes stepped back and puffed out her chest. "Us diva's have to stick together." She said proudly. "Now let's go in there and show them that nobody messes with Rachel Berry."
Rachel smiled and nodded, suddenly feeling much more confident about today. Her mom was right.
She could do this.
ooo
Shelby clutched the basin on the sink and willed herself not to throw up again. Not here. Not now. The pain was tearing through her like an absolute wrecking ball. Her entire abdomen region felt like it was on fire.
She shoved her shaky hands under the sink and splashed cool water on her face, trying to cool herself down. She could hear them calling Rachel's case and knew she had to get out there before they shut the doors, but she couldn't move.
She looked towards the bathroom door and started walking despite her body's protest. She made it three steps before her legs gave out underneath her and everything went black.
ooo
A/N: AGAIN so sorry for the delay. I had an unexpected death in my family. This chapter isn't my favorite, but it was the best I could do with the given situation. Let me know what you think.