Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Ok we're getting closer to the main parts of the story. I know there's been a lot of 'other stuff' but it's all necessary for the story to work properly. So hang in there!
Huge thank you to everyone who's read this story so far and even bigger thanks to those who have reviewed it. :D
I didn't see Renee for the remainder of the morning and although it bothered me a little not knowing where she was, I focussed on the day ahead of me.
I was to meet Casey in an hour down in the reception for our day of shopping.
I had no intention of spending a large amount of my limited funds but I would need to spend some of it just travelling around and getting some food. I had missed my meal at the hostel last night and they didn't serve breakfasts. Then there was the issue of not appearing cheap in front of Casey. She was always in fashionable clothes and so I could only imagine the amount of money she must spend on a shopping trip such as this one, therefore I didn't want to give her an impression of being unworthy of her company just because my funds didn't match hers. It was for this reason that I had given myself the rather large budget of $100. Perhaps I could treat myself to a new outfit to wear in this place or indulge my love of music by buying some of the many tapes on offer.
Clthoes were of the highest importance because I didn't have many clothes I could wear without standing out. Today I had chosen to wear my white and yellow sundress with my white trainers. It was warm enough outside to wear it and I liked the way it reminded me of my first day in Texas and my meeting with Jasper and Katelyn.
I wondered whether they were ever together, like Katelyn had always wished. Whether Jasper ever came to call on her like he had suggested that day we said goodbye. They both deserved happiness but I wasn't sure if they truly would have had that together. Katelyn was excitable and kind but didn't seem observant or caring enough for Jasper to really connect with her. Then again they say opposites attract, that had certainly been the case for Sam and Maggie. They were the perfect team even though they had their differences. It was possible that Jasper could find that with Katelyn.
I sighed and finished making myself suitable for the day. I would have to change back into my t shirt and jeans later on today when Chris came. I doubted a sundress was suitable for skateboarding given the scrapes I had acquired yesterday.
I ran a brush through my long golden hair. It now fell in thick silky angel curls down to rest half way down my chest. I loved having my hair long and flowing but the ends were damaged from when I had slept rough or had a lack of nutrition. Somehow it still had the same satin like texture and shine but the tips were like straw and spoilt the sleek curtain as it fell down my back. I pondered having Renee cut it or me later but I couldn't spend too long in my thoughts. Casey didn't seem the type to enjoy waiting around.
I packed the few basics I would need into my old satchel. Money and my key.
Something had changed in me; I didn't feel the need to carry everything with me any longer. I had lasted yesterday without my bag and it gave me the comfort that I would be ok without having to have it close to me all the time.
My journey with Katelyn had shown me that although the tingle is the thing that decides when and where I travel to I don't have to bend completely to its will. I can put off the jump by a week if I have to. I knew I would never be able to really choose when I jump but I could postpone it once the process had started.
It was this reasoning that convinced me that even if the tingle crept up on me when I was out with Casey today I would have enough time to get back to the room and gather my things. There would be enough time for me to tie up any loose ends.
A knock sounded on the door and I jumped. It was only 10.30. Although I was dressed and ready but I hadn't cleared away my things.
"Come on Saz open up!" Casey's voice rung through the door and I panicked. My neat pile of possessions lay on the bed and I stuffed them frantically into the sack before rushing to open the door for Casey.
She was in her usual stance of near boredom and impatiently tapping whilst chewing. Her outfit was just as revealing as always but I wasn't as shocked as I had been the first few times, I was getting used to this place and the way things were.
"God Saz, took your time. I think I aged like 10 years just standing there" I choked back a giggle. If only she knew that what she had said was an actual possibility for me. I could literally have jumped and found myself looking at a 24 year old Casey in a matter of seconds.
"I apologise, I was just trying to clean up a little" I blushed as Casey inspected the room with a look of disinterest.
"Yeah right, whatever. You coming? Can't wait to show you how I live in Florida" Casey winked and dragged me out the room as she had yesterday. This time I was prepared with my keys and money in my small bag at my side. It certainly wasn't enough to survive if I jumped but I didn't need to worry about that now I just needed to survive shopping with Casey.
* * * * *
Casey's way of navigating this place was similar to Renee's way of going about everyday tasks. Haphazard and seemingly illogical. We walked up and down streets visiting stores in no particular order except for the order in which Casey's desire lead us.
There was one thing that I noticed in these places. Casey always left with an item, whether it was a new top, jewelry, CD. The list was endless. She was so frivolous with her spending I was amazed that she still had the stamina or funds to continue our shopping expedition.
I hadn't came away with anything except a full feeling in my stomach thanks to the fast food stop we had made. My lack of spending hadn't been due to not having found things that had caught my attention, but more that I couldn't find it in me to treat myself to something that would be the equivalent of 3 months food and shelter in the past. Even if I did have the money with me to do so. It seemed there was a difference between being able to bring that much money out with me and then actually spending it.
Now we stood in an electronics shop whilst Casey admired a new walkman.
The idea of portal music was tempting but the price of it was extortionate and I knew I wouldn't gain anything real from it, just a little enjoyment now and then. Plus there would be the expense of buying music to play on it. Music, that given my ability, would always be either too old fashioned or too modern for it to be acceptable, no matter how much I enjoyed it.
I wanted something that would mean so much more than fun.
My eyes raked over the shelves of electronics. It was fascinating how the world had changed so much in my time of travelling. They now had TV's that showed moving images in fabulous vibrant colour. There were music players that could almost emulate the sounds of a live orchestra in the room. Communication devices were even available in small box like structures that meant you could talk and walk at the same time without wires holding you in one place.
All these things were interesting and useful but it was one device that caught my attention and held it with its possibilities.
The Polaroid camera.
It wasn't a large object to carry and the idea of being able to capture a moment forever and have that moment and memory as a physical thing in front of me to look at, was enough for me to be intoxicated with the idea of owning it.
"Oh that's pretty!!!" Casey had bounced over behind me and we stood both admiring the shiny black box.
The price tag said $80 and I thought about the $100 in my bag. Could I spend such a large sum on this object?
"You getting it?" Casey was fiddling with the black box and spun it to take a picture of me and her together.
I watched amazed as the picture slid out of the camera and her happy face shone out next to my confused one. It was in black and white but she repeated the action after switching it to colour revealing our very different appearances.
I was so pale and simple compared to Casey. She was full of vibrant colour with her bright make up and honey blonde highlights.
I fiddled with my own blonde hair, picking at the dead ends. It was no wonder I just blended in wherever I went. I had nothing about me that made me stand out in a crowd. I wasn't the type of person that capture your attention. I wasn't someone like Casey.
"Ok, you know what, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna buy this then we're gonna get you pimped out!"Casey rushed me to the cashier and I gawped when she handed over my money.
It was $80. That was a lot of money to me and yet she just handed it over had if it was nothing. It was more than I spent in a week of being in Florida and yet now it was gone in a day.
I was stunned.
And I was still stunned when we left the shop with my new camera in hand.
"Here your gonna need a load of these" Casey bundled boxes of film and paper slips into my bag and I looked at her confused.
"Do we get them free with the camera?" There had to be year's worth of film, ink and cartridges. I couldn't imagine that I would ever have to think about buying them again.
"Sure, sure. Whatever, special offer." Casey mumbled before pulling me into a clothes store.
* * * * *
As Casey and I continued to shop, she continued to give me things.
Things that were more than I could have asked for.
Her reasons behind them ranged from discounts, special offers, buy on get 1 free, competitions.
3 more t shirts were added to my collection of one each one the height of fashion with a mix of stylish grunge and vivid colour. Along with the t shirts came a denim tight fitting shirt that stopped in the middle of my thigh, tights, a long vibrant red cardigan, mascara, a stripy purple and black scarf, lipgloss. I had never had so many possessions but with every item she gave me as a gift I noticed the look in her eye.
They weren't real gifts, there wasn't that look of excitement or anticipation in her eye. Instead there was anxiety. I didn't think much of it, the very idea of owning such beautiful items was the sole reason I didn't question her. She was being nice to me. We were talking and laughing, just like Katelyn and I, had once upon a time in Texas. She was being more like a friend than she had ever been in the time I'd known her.
I had eyed the bundles of items Casey had given me whilst I had sat in nervous excitement. As promised she had taken me to a hairdressers to complete my new look.
It had been a little unnerving to sit in the black leather chair and watch as the hairdresser assessed my hair with a look of interest. I had no idea what she was going to do or if I really wanted to have my hair cut. I knew it was probably necessary given the condition it was in but I hadn't thought of having anything done to it except for a trim off the ends.
Casey had told me to just trust her and I watched with anticipation as she had whispered to the hairdresser. After that I was spun away from the mirror to have my hair cut after having no input as to what the style of it would be.
I had been in near shock when I saw the large chunks of hair falling to the ground and the feel of scissors hacking at the blonde curtain, that I had taken 3 years to grow down to the middle of my back, sent shivers down my spine.
I anxiously waited nearly an hour before I was finally allowed to see the finished result. I knew it had been given a proper wash with expensive shampoo and conditioner because just the feel of it was fresh and healthy.
Before I opened my eyes to see the finished product I felt the satin smooth feel of my waves against my skin. They felt just like my mother's hair had whenever she leant to hug me.
The sight before my eyes when I finally opened them was breathtaking. It wasn't hugely different to outsiders but to me it was drastic.
My hair no longer fell half way down my back. Instead it was a mass of thick waves stopping just below my shoulders. The hairdresser had cut in a feathering effect around the front that brought my waves out of my hair and made it seem full of life instead of the dull state it had been before.
I had soft side swept bangs that skimmed the sides of my face and dusted over my eyes, adding interest to my bland porcelain appearance.
Casey had beamed at me as she watched me take in my new look and I couldn't help the smile that echoed back at her.
She had begged the hairdresser to take a photo of the 2 of us together and this time I didn't look confused or simple. There was a smile on my face that matched Casey's and I looked like I belonged there.
She had subtly helped me fit in just a little better.
The haircut however didn't stop me from worrying about the clothes.
"Casey? How can you afford to buy all these things? I don't want you spending so much money on me" I stroked my newly cut hair simply because I loved the way it slipped between my fingers and the style made me feel more confident. Like an adult.
I may have had to grow up a lot through the past few years but people still treated me as the child I appeared to be. Now I knew I looked a little older and it fitted the person inside me better than my long flowing locks had. They had made it seem as if I was innocent and naive to the uglier things in life when in reality I had probably endured and seen more than most adults.
I looked at Casey as she kept walking in front of me, she was stalling her answer to my question. If I was merely a child then I would have accepted her refusal to answer but I would not let her keep me in the dark.
"Casey? Tell me how you afford to buy these things" She huffed, acting like the teenager she was.
"I told you Saz, discounts and stuff. You never heard of the 5 finger discount?" Casey smirked at me. She was mocking my ignorance. I may not have been naive to many things but that didn't mean there weren't things I didn't understand. I accepted that and enjoyed discovering and learning the little things that makes each place I've visited different.
In Texas it was their way of speaking with playful metaphors, in Chicago it was the importance of etiquette and class, with Carlisle religion was the basis of the society. Here, in Florida, with Casey it seemed it was more based on social survival and the lengths at which people would go to compete.
Casey had made the decision that the competition was worth taking the risk of stealing.
It made perfect sense now. 5 finger discount.
I looked down at the fabrics and items in my bag with a new look of horror and disgust. I had never been part of something such as stealing. My parents had always taught me that you work for the things you want and although I was unable to work at my age that didn't mean that I would just let my morals crumble.
Casey had stolen the items and that was something I never agreed with. There were too many people who would rely on the sale of the clothes to make them money and provide for their families. No matter which society I had lived in, you always knew the shop owner and knew that they worked to provide for the people they loved, because of that no one ever stole. The guilt of knowing who you were stealing from was enough of a deterrent. In this day and age of anonymity that guilt seems to have vanished.
I tried explaining this to Casey to get her to give them back as we walked back towards the hostel.
"Look Saz. So I know you don't like the idea but look at it this way. The people who own these companies have millions. They're not gonna miss a few more dollars. It's like that whole robin hood thing. Take from the rich and give to the poor."
"Casey I'm not poor" I didn't like her taking pity on me just because she believed I couldn't afford to buy my own things when in reality I could easily pay for all the items she had taken but I didn't want to spend that amount of money. It was worth too much to me.
"Saz you don't have a home, you're living with some old chick with a smelly kid and no offense but you dress like some kind of walking Victorian. So just accept the clothes and I'll promise not to ever do it again" I cringed when she insulted Renee and Bella. They didn't deserve that, just as I didn't deserve the things she had given me.
That didn't mean I didn't want them.
I wanted to have these material possessions.
It was selfish and wrong, but why shouldn't I have them?
I had lost everything else that really mattered.
I would never steal myself but now that the deed was done, I wanted to keep the spoils of it.
As Casey had talked I had realised that the places she had stolen from weren't small family businesses. They were large corporations that employed helpless people for less than they were worth. They weren't the nice caring people that smiled and asked you how you were. They only cared about the profit.
I knew I was wrong to think that this was a good enough reason to forget about the fact that Casey had stolen but something in me was persuaded to think that if it was between me or the multimillion corporations, as to who deserved to have the nice things. I chose me.
Just this once I was going to experience what luxury was.
Just this once I was going to have what I wanted, even if it was just material possessions and would never be the emotional comfort I craved.
"Casey. I'll keep the clothes but if you ever do something like that again I don't want to be a part of it or even be aware of it. And as for Renee and Bella. You don't know them so don't judge"
"Right whatever Saz. You're a nice girl but you can be so uptight sometimes" Casey huffed and we walked a little longer in silence.
It had been a long day, a lot longer than I thought it had been. It seemed we had been walking for days not hours.
We didn't talk all the way back to the hostel. I think I had offended her but she shouldn't have insulted people she knew nothing about. How would she cope with a baby when she was alone?
Not very well was my opinion.
I walked past the reception but this time the receptionist didn't just smile.
"Love the new do, Honey, and you've got a message from a boy" She smiled with that look in her eye that showed she thought it was cute I had a boy visiting me. I didn't bother telling her that he was only a friend and a new one at that.
Waited for you for ages but you're obviously out. Would have been nice if you'd just said you didn't wanna hang out. Guess you're just like Casey, only interested when it suits you. I get the message. I won't bother you.
See you around Sarelle.
Chris
"Casey what time is it?" she was lounging on the battered foam sofa in the reception whilst the receptionist cast disapproving glances at her.
"Dunno like 5 ish maybe half past. Why?" she drawled and I felt fury fly through me.
"I told you I had to be back by 4. You promised last night you would get me back by 4" I almost hissed and I felt my blood boiling as she just stood there with a bored looking expression on her face.
"Well soz I thought you knew the time. Why do you wanna waste your time with Icky anyway. He's a loser"
I was seeing red in that instant. It may have been immature to lose my temper so quickly but she had driven me to it. Possibly from the moment I met her with her constant impatience, lack of social manners, expecting me to just drop everything to do something with her only to have her use me.
"He is NOT a loser! He was the one who actually talked to me whilst you just ignored me. It was like you just brought me to show me off as the shiny new thing you found then discarded me when it didn't get you the attention you wanted! I should have learnt my lesson that first time round but no I thought I would give you the benefit of the doubt today. And I was made a fool of again!" I was standing over her berating her with all the anger that ran through me and all she did was look up at me with her blank eyes.
My words and anger didn't even pierce her hard exterior. I wasn't getting through, I was just wasting my time. I had always just been wasting my time with Casey. I had only known her briefly for 3 weeks but to me those 3 weeks were precious. Every second was precious.
My father's words echoed in my mind.
"Time is free, but it's priceless.
You can't own it, but you can use it.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it.
Once you've lost it you can never get it back."
I had thought I could enjoy the life that came with Casey but I was just wasting the one thing that was worth so much more than 'fitting in'. The strange friendship I had with Casey wasn't even worth what it had cost me. 3 weeks was too much time to me for me to just let her behaviour slip by.
"Casey, thank you for today but please don't ever visit me again. I thought I wanted to fit in with your world but if this is what it's like. I can't do it."
"Whatever, Sarelle, should've known you weren't worth it"
I could feel the tears threatening to spill over. I briskly turned away from the poisonous girl beside me, and lugged my stuff upstairs to my door. Forcing it open as the tears ran down my face.
I wanted to walk into my mother's arms but that would never happen.
Instead I dropped my bags to the floor and curled up on my bed clutching my locket to my chest. Perhaps if I held it tight enough I could imagine that my parents were here with me. That my mother's arms were around me whilst my father stroked my hair newly cut hair.
Eventually, after hours of crying induced haze, I felt a tentative pat on my hand. I turned and smiled with watery eyes at the young little toddler that stood with a dummy in its mouth and sympathetic brown eyes.
"Thank you Bella"
A/N: Show me some love people and leave a review! xx