When I wake up several hours later, I stretch and groan. I must've laid wrong cause I have a bit of a stiff neck. I'd just like to know how everything went to hell between Elena and me. Although I have no idea as to the how, one way or another, I'm going to get some answers, no matter how long it takes. Shaking off my stupor, I drag myself out of bed and go into the bathroom to wash my face and freshen up a little bit. It's only about three in the afternoon so I don't want to go to Ric's bar just yet. I'm definitely having a date with 'Mr. Jack Daniels' tonight.
Stepping into my walk in closet, I slowly pull open the dresser drawer, reaching inside till I find her letter. Running my fingers over my now barely recognizable name, I take a breath and sit down on the floor. The rough fabric of the carpet abrades the bare flesh of my thighs, setting the mood for what's to come.
With shaky hands, I take the letter out of the envelope. Carefully unfolding it, I swallow thickly as I stare at the words for the thousandth time. Even though some of it is illegible, the ink distorted by my tears, I couldn't find it in me to crumple it up and toss it away. When I first opened it, I fought every instinct that I had to burn it. So I hid it inside a locked box, underneath a mountain of socks so I wouldn't have see the box unless I took the trouble to dig for it.
Taking a deep breath, I drop my eyes to the letter.
Damon,
First of all, I love you. You may not believe this simple statement by the time you reach the end but it's true. I don't even know where to start. There are no words to soothe and comfort you knowing what this letter signifies.
I never thought I would be writing you a letter like this. There was a time when I thought our love would stand the test of time. Unfortunately sometimes life has other ideas, ideas that we have no control over. You can't know how much it kills me to have to say goodbye to you but this is something I have to do. Not only for me but for you too. I know this sounds like an oxymoron but the only way I know to keep from hurting you is for me to leave.
The moment is at hand when we have to part ways. It must be this way, Damon. You have found your path and I want nothing more than for you to follow and embrace it. I'm still trying to find my way in this world and it would be beyond selfish to lead you away from something you love so much. No matter how hard I look, this is the only path that I see. I truly believe there's someone out there for you to share your dreams with, someone more worthy than me. As much as I want to be that someone for you, I'm not.
God Damon, I don't want to do this but I have to. I won't put you through this kind of pain again. Please just don't hate me.
With everything in me, I love you, Damon Salvatore. Goodbye, Elena
My feelings are so contradictory whenever I read the letter, a mixture of both anger and melancholy. After sucking in a deep puff of air, I stand up. Even though it was only hours really, by the time I read the letter, she had already disappeared. Her phone number was inactivated, her apartment had been emptied out. She had to have been planning for that moment for awhile. That fact alone shattered what was left of my heart. Eventually I felt like Kai in 'The Snow Queen', the feelings that I had for her turned to ice as despair turned into loathing. I never reckoned that I'd see her again. But no, she had to come back. Much to my dismay, I stand back helplessly as that sliver of ice melts, all my feelings for her slamming right back into me.
Folding the letter, I carefully slide it back in its envelope and put it back in the wooden prison of my little box. I stand there for a little while staring at nothing really. Several minutes pass before the spell is broken. While I'm standing here in my boxers, I figure I might as well get dressed. After slipping on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, I grab a clean pair of socks and my shoes before trotting down the stairs to put them on.
After making myself something to eat, I give Enzo a call. "Do you want to go to Ric's tonight for a few drinks?"
"Yeah, sounds good. As soon as Katherine gets home, I'll head over there."
"Great. I'll see you there."
"You okay?"
"I'm okay Enzo. Thanks for asking. Bye now," I tell him, hanging up before he can delve any deeper. Looking at my watch, I see it's a little early to start drinking so I plop down onto the couch, grab the remote and watch 'Forensic Files' reruns on TV.
Elena:
When I hear a light rap on my door, I look up just in time to see my nurse, Patti walking into my room. Smiling, I lay my book face down on my bedding to keep my page marked.
"I'm just making my rounds, Elena. I stopped in to see if you needed anything?"
"I do have a bit of a headache. The morphine takes the pain in my arm away but it always gives me a headache. I hate that."
"That's because Opioid drugs can cause an increase in intracranial pressure and some people are very sensitive to this increase. Some of our drugs are more apt to cause headaches than other. Have you ever tried Dilaudid? Hydromorphone is another name for it. I really don't hear my patients complaining of headaches with it."
"Yes, I've had that before. And while it didn't give me a headache, I got sick to my stomach."
"Do you want me to get you some Tylenol?"
"That would be great, Patti. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Can you hand me your water pitcher and I'll put some fresh ice in it." I hand it to her, smiling as I watch her walk towards the door just as Katherine walks inside, excusing herself when Patti walks around her.
"Hello Elena."
"Katherine, it's good to see you. Have a seat."
"How are you, Elena?" she asks, giving my good hand a gentle squeeze.
"I've finally gotten rid of my fever plus my arm looks much better, don't you think?" Raising it up, I give her a good look at it.
"It does look much better. I vaguely recall you telling me that the swelling you get from time to time is a nasty side effect from your cancer treatment?"
"Yes, it's called lymphedema. It's a miserable condition but a small price to pay for being alive."
"Absolutely." She reaches over to give my forearm a very gentle squeeze before continuing.
"I wanted to talk to you about your book. A friend of mine owns a 'Barnes and Noble' book store. Believe it or not, he was reading it because his wife beat cancer as well. He was wondering if you'd be interested in a book signing when you're feeling up to it?"
"Oh wow! Yeah, that would be exciting." Smiling widely, I offer her my hand. We give each others hand a squeeze, pulling them apart when I hear a knock on the door. I look up in time to see another nurse, Shar step back inside with my water pitcher and a computer so she can give me the Tylenol.
"Patti just got admission so she asked me if I'd refill your water and give you some Tylenol." After scanning my bracelet and the pills, she opens the packets then hands them to me. Once I swallow it, she says that Patti will be in to check on me later. Pushing her c.o.w. in front of her, she leaves my room.
"I'll tell my friend that you're excited to do a book signing at his store. We'll pick a date once you get out of here and feel like yourself again," Katherine adds, her smile turning to a frown when she sees the look on my face.
"Is there something bothering you, Elena?"
"No.. yes, I just don't know if I should stay in Denver given everything that's going on."
"Elena, Denver is a big city. You don't have to keep running into him. There are also other hospitals yet you came here. You still care about him, don't you?" I can't answer her so I get up to use the bathroom. Once I'm done, I wash my hands and splash a little on my face till I go back to visit with her some more.
"I hear you're going to be an aunt?" I mention as I climb back into my bed.
"Yes, we're so excited about it," she gushes which surprises me because I didn't think she was all that fond of Meredith.
"Well hello ladies," Brady greets us, walking into my room. After he drops a kiss to the top of my head, he takes a seat at the foot of my bed.
"I have a surprise for you." Curious, I can't help but smile when I see the big, goofy smile on his face.
"Really? What kind of a surprise?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"Surprise, you can come in now," he blurts, winking at me. When I look up, my eyes widen and my mouth drops open. Tears fill my eyes as I scream, "Jeremy!" I jump out of bed, practically leaping into his arms, hugging him as close as I can.
"Oh my gosh! What are you doing here?" I squeal, happy tears filling my eyes.
"Brady called to tell me you were sick. Anna is watching the shop for a couple of days so I could be here with you." My eyes close to breath him in when he squeezes me even more firmly. When he lets me go, I take his hand and lead him towards my bed. I sit down, sliding over so he can sit beside me.
"Katherine, this is my brother, Jeremy. Katherine is my publisher and very good friend."
"It's great to meet you, Jeremy." Standing up, Katherine raises her arm, offering her hand to Jer.
"You too," he agrees, shaking her hand then wrapping it around my shoulder, pulling me into his side.
"Well, I'll let you three get reacquainted. I'll give you a call tomorrow, Elena." Katherine waves bye as she walks out of my room.
Katherine:
After leaving Elena's room, I walk into the visitor lounge for a few moments to get my things together. Once I have them in order, I step back into the hallway and when I look up, I see Meredith walking this way.
"Hello Meredith." Try as I might, I'm unable to hide the disdain in my voice. I am so glad my brother has finally come to his senses where she's concerned.
"Katherine?" she remarks, looking down her nose at me as if I'm nothing more than a bug she'd like to squash.
"How are you?"
"I'm doing very well as you can see," she gloats, circling her belly with her hand.
"Congratulations."
"Thank you. I'm very excited now that I've gotten used to the idea."
"Good for you. You must've had a change of heart because I seem to recall Damon saying that you didn't want anymore children." I don't even trying to hide the sarcasm in my voice.
"Things have changed," she snaps, glaring at me.
"Goodbye Meredith, I have things to do at my office." Not wanting to discuss her baby, I turn around to walk away from her. Just as I'm about to unlock my car door, it dawns on me that Elena must think Meredith's baby is my niece or nephew to be. She did mention the other day that Meredith was the doctor who saw her in the emergency department. Plus I don't think I've mentioned Stefan and Caroline to her at least not recently. After tossing my bag onto the passenger seat, I jump in, turn on the ignition and hightail it back to my office, knowing I'll set Elena straight the next time I see her.
Damon:
"Hey!" I give Enzo a tight smile before sitting down on the barstool beside him.
"So what's up?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at me.
"Not much. I just had a tough night at work and need a little down time." I give Ric a thankful nod when he slides me a glass of tap beer. Enzo and I share a few beers and a few laughs. Ric switches the bar TV to the ballgame so I can watch it. Little league season is almost over. My team only has one game left since we didn't make the finals. I had a lot of fun coaching the little kids though.
"I was thinking about signing up to coach one of the 'Pop Warner' teams." After swallowing what's left in my glass, I turn my eyes to Ric and then to Enzo.
"That's great. You're really good with kids," Ric mentions as he refills my glass.
"Either of you interested in being my assistant coach?" With a tilt of my head, I raise an eyebrow.
"I'll talk to Jenna. If it's okay with her, I'd be glad to be your assistant coach."
"Jenna loves me, she'll agree," I chuckle, taking a deep slog from my Pilsner glass.
"I know she does but what I don't know is why?" When my mouth drops, Ric smirks knowing he one upped me.
"Great. I'll go down to the athletic complex tomorrow to see if I can get a team. I'll keep you informed." He nods before walking off to wait on some of his other customers.
"Hannah loved the aquarium," Enzo remarks, taking a drink.
"It was fun. I think the next time I take her out that we'll go to the zoo again."
"Yeah, she loves the zoo. She's also been bugging your sister and me about giving her another sibling."
"I'm on her side on that one buddy. I love my niece," I add, raising an eyebrow teasingly at him.
"Damon, I would like nothing more than to knock up your sister again. I'll just tell you that we're practicing," he adds, giving me a wink before finishing off his glass of beer.
"Eww, I don't want to know about my sister's sex life, Enzo. Just no," I laugh, chugging the beer that's left in my glass.
"Stefan hit the bulls eye, maybe one of mine will too."
"Remind me again why I invited you out tonight?" Feigning a horrified shiver, I tell Ric thanks when he hands me another glass. We settle into a comfortable silence as we watch the ball game. When a commercial comes on staring a pretty brunette, my mind harkens immediately to Elena. From the back, the model resembles her with the long hair and svelte legs.
I work the next couple of nights but then have a long weekend. Katherine told me that Elena has authored a couple of adult books too. Maybe I'll go to the bookstore again on my next day off to see if her books are in stock. I only bought copies of her children's books the last time I was there. After Enzo excuses himself to go outside to call Katherine, I turn my back to the bar, focusing on the TV till I hear my name.
"Hello Damon," Meredith says, sidling up to me at the bar.
"Meredith," I mutter, taking a sip of my whiskey.
"How are you doing?" When I turn the stool to face her, she tries to fake a smile.
N"Just perfect. Jack and I are having a great time." Having changed from beer to bourbon, I raise my shot glass to her.
"Should you be drinking?" I furrow my brows when I see her take a swallow of whatever she has in her hand.
"It's Coke, I'm here with Dr. Matthews," she answers, gesturing toward a table with her eyes.
"How's your friend, Elena is it?"
"I wouldn't know." However my curiosity is piqued as to why she'd ask me about Elena.
"She's on your unit. Surely you've taken care of her?" she utters, taking a sip of her soda.
"No, she doesn't want my help." I don't miss the smile that plays on her face after I admit that fact.
"What are you smiling about?"
"I may or may not have said a few things to her," she adds cryptically. Taking her by the crook of her arm, I lead her outside where it's quiet. Although I don't see anyone nearby, I thought I saw someone in my peripheral vision. Shaking it off because I don't really care if anyone overhears me, I turn to face her.
"What did you say to her?" I drop her arm because I don't want to hurt her.
"I told her that I couldn't be her physician given my relationship with you. I may or may not have insinuated that this is your baby," she gloats, smiling like the cat who ate the canary.
"You what?" I ask incredulously, my mouth hanging open in shock. Turning away from her for a second, I need to take a breath to keep my composure.
"Why would you do such a thing?"
"Because I could," she sneers, crossing her arms over her chest.
"That's not a reason. Now tell me," I seethe, again grabbing onto her arm although I'm careful not to squeeze tightly.
"You started pulling away from me and Charlie as soon as she showed up here."
"Meredith, I was never in love with you. Yes, I liked you and we had fun while it lasted. But you and I both know, there was no white picket fence in the works for us." And for whatever reason, I feel my anger starting to ebb just slightly.
"I was in love with you and you knew it. You even took me home to meet your parents. What was I supposed to think?" Using her hand, she flings my fingers off of her arm.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, Meredith. But I just couldn't deny my feelings for her anymore. I realized that I wasn't being fair to you or to me and that's why I ended things between us. It wasn't fair to Charlie either. Do you really want a relationship with a man who's still totally and completely and irrevocably in love with someone else?"
"No, I have more respect for myself than that."
"As you should," I blurt out.
"You still taunted me with the prospect of more. It was wrong and you knew it!"
Dropping my eyes momentarily, I shake my head before looking at her again. "Do you remember that evening I took Charlie so I could tell him that we broke up?"
"I remember."
"He told me that he was glad we broke up because he wanted his mom and dad to get back together." I hear her gasp audibly with that revelation.
"You've been given another chance to make things right with Mason," when she starts to say something, I raise my hand to silence her for a moment before continuing.
"I know he cheated on you. But from my perspective, he seems genuinely sorry, Mer. You're going to have another baby with him. I can't tell you what to do but maybe the two of you could make it work this time around," I point out to her. She drops her eyes for a moment.
"I don't know what will happen between Mason and me and frankly, it's none of your business." She gives me a scathing look then turns around and starts to walk back towards the bar entrance. I reach out and grab her arm a third time.
"I expect you to clear up Elena's misperception about the parentage of your baby."
"I'll do no such thing," she snaps. With a pronounced huff, she walks back into the bar.
Feeling my anger surges again with her obstinance, I just stand there for a few moments before going back inside myself. As I make my way through the crowd to go back to the bar, I notice Brady sitting on one of the barstools. Tipping his drink to his lips, his eyes never leave mine till I turn away to walk towards the men's room, my thoughts uneasy, hoping he doesn't think that Mer's baby is mine.
Once I finish in the bathroom, I walk back out and look around. Only this time I don't see Brady. Shrugging my shoulders, I go back to the bar. Sensing my mood shift, Ric slides me a tumbler full of aged bourbon.
"You okay?" he asks, using his eyes to gesture at Meredith.
"Other than wanting to throttle her, yeah I'm fine." Shaking my head, I chug it down. I slide my shot glass back over to him so he can refill it.
"What did she do?"
"Nothing much, she all but told Elena that I'm the father of her baby. I know I shouldn't care given the state of my relationship with Elena but...," I explain, sarcasm lacing my tone.
"Seriously?" he asks incredulously.
"Yep!" After blowing out a deep puff of air, I pick up my glass and take another deep swallow of my drink, cringing as I feel the burn all the way down and into my chest.
"So Damon, what are you going to do?"
"That my friend is the million dollar question." After chugging the rest of my drink, I pay my tab. Looking around I don't see Enzo.
"Katherine called. He went home when you went outside with her."
"I'm going home. I'll talk to you soon, buddy." When I see him nod, I walk outside. Although it's late, I decide to walk home rather than wait for a taxi. Feeling a bit tipsy, I could use the fresh air to clear my head so I put one foot in front of the other and start to walk towards my house. I get maybe two blocks from the bar when a car pulls up alongside me. My eyes widen when I see who's offering me a ride.
Meredith really is a piece of work. What did Damon ever see in her? *shudders*. The light bulb moment coming up...
Thank you Eva for everything. I love you lots.
chapter title: 'Jump' by Van Halen. (Love Sammy Hagar much better than David Lee Roth)
Thank you all for your reviews and for putting me over the 200 review mark. I really appreciate you all so much.
Both of my Christmas stories have started posting. Have a look at 'When You Wish Upon a Star' and 'It Came Upon a Midnight Clear' a look. Watch for my one-shot for This is my Escape to post next week. 'Tears in Heaven' and 'Midnight Clear' will update yet this week.
Please do remember to *Review*.
I know I repeat it ad infinitum but the world is a dangerous place. Stay safe and be aware. And have a lovely weekend... Until next week.