"I fucked up. I fucked up bad." Severus groaned as he banged his head against the wooden surface to a rhythmic beat. Thud. Thud. Thud. Over and over again on the table, he was sitting at in the common room. His friends sat around him and on the nearby couches. They were relaxing after dinner and finishing up homework or playing chess. Regs sat across from him with his chin resting on his propped up hand.
"If you keep at it you might lose more than your sanity." Regs mused while watching him continue to injure himself.
"What's wrong with him?" Lucius asked from the couch where he watched Yaxley and Mulciber play chess.
"The usual," Avery said without looking up from his homework. "I honestly don't know how you're still top of the class when I never see you study or do homework." He complained as he shot Severus a sneer. He continued to bang his head on the table as he ignored his friend.
"Why the hell haven't you asked her?" Lucius asked as he looked over his shoulder at him.
"Don't get him started again, please. I don't think I can hear any more of this. You had your chance, and you blew it. Either man up and ask her or pick another girl." Nott rolled his eyes and closed his book. Apparently, he wasn't going to get any work done right now.
"Pick another girl?!" Severus' head snapped in his direction. The pissed look on his face normally would have the other boy backing down, but the large red indent on his forehead made him laugh.
"Snape, you're one of the smartest guys I know. But you can be so bloody dense at times. I'm going to break this down as simple as I can. You need some major fucking counseling-" Regs started to say.
Mulciber yelled from the couch. "Or a knock upside the head!"
"What now?" Severus asked as he leaned forward in his seat.
"Do you like her?" Regs asked with his hands folded in front of him.
"YES!" all of them yelled before he could answer.
"Why?" he asked and gave him a lopsided smile and tilted his head to the side.
Severus scowled and looked down and a scratch on the table for a while. "What do you mean why?"
"It's a simple question. Why do you like her?" Regs shrugged his shoulders.
"Is this question strictly for him? Cuz I can name two reasons why I like her." Mulciber smirked as he cupped his hands to imaginary breasts on his chest.
Severus jumped out of his chair and rushed at the much larger boy. Mulciber stood up and held his palm straight out, Severus wasn't quick enough to dodge it. His massive paw of a hand clotheslined Severus, and he fell hard onto his back, knocking the wind right out of him.
"Stay down, Snape. You may best me in a duel, but you'll never kick my arse." Mulciber snarled down at him.
Yaxley started to laugh so hard he nearly choked, he started coughing as his eyes got watery. "Did you see that?" he pointed to the two and looked at Lucius who was nodding and laughing.
Severus didn't bother to get up, he just laid there looking up at the ceiling. "What the fuck do I do? I waited too long, now she's of age, and she'll get bids to court her." He put his hands up to cover his face, he screamed a curse word into his palms.
"The proper term is petitions, not bids. She isn't livestock, Severus." Lucius snorted and rolled his eyes.
"Then put your petition in like the rest of- everyone else." Nott caught himself.
All their heads turned to look at him. Severus sat up slowly and eyed him suspiciously from the floor. "You were going to say the rest of us."
"Nah, Mate. I'm sure she's got a bunch of petitions already, might as well throw yours in." Nott said but not meeting Severus' eye.
Regs scowled at him as well. "Bloody liar. You petitioned for her didn't you?!" slammed his fist on the table.
Severus jumped up to his feet to charge at the Nott. Mulciber was faster, he grabbed Severus by the back of his robes and pulled him back. He held him back and snapped at Nott. "That ain't right. You know he likes her. The only reason I'm holding him back is because he's gonna do something stupid. Again."
"What?! Like none of you thought of it! He hasn't done a damn thing the whole year. I'm not the only one- whole bunch of people applied." Nott said defensively.
"Applied? This isn't a job interview, Nott. She may be one of the Sacred 28, and it's expected of us, but you know when to step aside for a brother." Lucius scolded.
"You didn't put in? I'm surprised your father didn't put in for you." Nott pursed his lips.
"Because I told him not to. For my friend, you know a person you don't backstab." He said sarcastically. "Besides, he's working out something with the Black's now that they're desperate. No offense Regs."
"None taken, you and Narcissa would make some butt ugly babies though." Regs shot back with a quirked brow. Lucius bit his thumb at him and smirked. Severus was still trying to get out of Mulciber's hold, grunting in frustration and forgetting he had a wand.
Regs sighed slowly and walked up to Severus and flicked him on the nose. "Oi, you can't get pissed when other people make a move you didn't."
"Yeah!" Nott called out from across the room.
Regs spun and around and pointed his finger at him like a mother would do to a child. "And you can't go behind people's backs without getting their consent first."
"Yeah!" Severus yelled back.
Regs turned on him quickly and flicked him again. "You can't run around defending the honor of a girl you're too scared to ask out."
"I'm not scared! I'm- I'm…." he had nothing. He stopped struggling against Mulciber, and the older boy released him.
"You want to hold her?" Regs asked and wiggled his brows suggestively.
"Yes." He admitted.
"You want to kiss her?" the brows wiggled even more furiously.
"Yes!" he said with conviction.
"You don't want anyone else to have her?" he raised his voice.
"No!" Severus raised his voice as well.
"You want to show everyone who she belongs to?!" he was yelling now.
"YES!" Severus matched his intensity.
"You want to…" he trailed off for Severus to finish the sentence.
"Grab her and tell her that I want her and put a collar around her neck-"
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Regs said and put his hands up, moving them up and down signaling him to calm down.
"Sweet Circe Severus… what the hell is wrong with you?" Lucius said.
"You're pretty fucked up here, Snape," Mulciber said and pointed to his head.
"Sweet Circe Severus… that's a tongue twister." Yaxley chuckled. "Hey Rowle, bet you can't say it five times fast!"
"Sweet Circe Severus. Sweet Circe Swervus. Shwet Shwervey damn." Rowle tried and laughed.
"You're up here right now," Regs held his hand up to his eye level. "I need you to come down here." He lowered his hand to his belly height.
"Sorry. I don't know… this is why I can't talk to her. I get all stupid…" he ran his hands through his hair.
Regs looked at Yaxley and nodded, giving him some sort of signal. He nodded back and got up and went to their dorm.
"What's this? Where the hell is he off to?" Avery asked.
"Plan B. Or is it plan G at this point? Oh well, it's time for some liquid courage and drastic measures." Regs said as Yaxley returned with an arm full of alcohol. The bottles clinked together with each step he took.
Yaxley put them on the table in front of Avery who got excited. They all gathered around it and took a seat around it. He waited for all of them to sit before he reached into his robes and pulled out Severus' journal that he wrote in about Juliet. Severus' eyes got wide in a panic, and he reached for it.
Yaxley smacked his hand away and gave him an evil grin. "Here's how this is going to work. You're going to sit here and write out a petition to court Ollivander OR I will open this up and read it in the most annoying monologue voice I can muster."
"Wh-what? No!" his eyes went wide in fear.
"Drinks are for liquid courage and brainstorming. Pour us a round, Avery." Yaxley said and tucked the journal back into his robes and sat down.
"Ahem. Voice of reason here-" Lucius cleared his throat and leaned forward.
"More like a buzz kill," Rowle said.
Lucius scowled at him but continued anyway. "Should he really write a serious legal petition when he's drunk?"
Severus took the quill and parchment from Regs with shaky hands. "Well, he obviously can't do it sober. Besides, we're all here to monitor him!" Regs said and raised his cup in a mock toast.
Yaxley leaned close to Lucius and quietly said "I'm bluffing right now, I just picked a book off the shelf. Doesn't matter anyway, we're really not going to make him send it. Just trying to get him over the hill of fear is all."
Lucius gave a small gasp of surprise. "Well… that's actually quite brilliant."
"Been known to have a few good ones now and again." Yaxley clicked his tongue and winked while clinking his glass to Lucius'.
A few hours later a very drunk Severus was hunched over the table scribbling furiously on his twentieth draft of his petition. His writing was abysmal and crooked with poor spelling and swear words. His friends were either passed out at the table or were still helping him. Avery was leaning on Lucius' shoulder fast asleep while the blonde was nearly passed out himself. The Slytherin common room had no rules other than don't bother each other, it's not like Slughorn ever came in to check on them anyway.
"Tell 'im…. Tell 'im" Hiccup. "That you're gonna take good care of her," Yaxley said as he pointed his stubby finger at the parchment.
"Yeah! That's a good one." Severus mumbled and scribbled away. He signed the bottom and threw the quill down. He held it up triumphantly and had a lopsided smile on his face. His eyes were bloodshot and struggling to stay open. He had ink on his hands and cheek where he smudged it when he scratched an itch. "Done!" he yelled.
Everyone perked up and congratulated him. "Alright! Let's get to bed then send it out in the morning; I'm completely knackered." Regs said then yawned.
"Oh don't-" Mulciber tried to tell him not to yawn, but his yawn took over him. "yawn because then I will."
"Nope, let's go to the owlery now. While I'm still thinking straight and got my mind right." Severus said and stood up too fast. He swayed a bit and gripped the edge of the table for support.
"But its so faaaaar," Avery complained and scrunched his face while he whined.
"'S-alright. I can go b-" burp. "mm-self. You guyssss helped me enuff." He slurred and almost tripped over his chair as he started to head towards the door.
"Alright, we're off to bed." Regs called out his goodnight. Severus waved his hand at him and walked out the portrait to head across the castle.
Lucius' bloodshot eyes blinked a few times. He looked at Regs then Yaxley, to the door Severus just went through and back to the two again. "Wait. I thought he wasn't 'posed to send the pet-pet." He slurred and swung his head around to look at Yaxley.
Yaxley and Regs eyes got huge in acknowledgment of what just happened. They looked at each other then at Severus' empty seat. "FUCK!" they cursed at the same time. They both shot up and looked around at the others.
"He wuzzin s'posed to send it!" Regs said and rubbed a hand down the side of his face in aggravation.
"Fuckin' go get 'im then!" Rowle said and got up. "c'mon you lot." He said and grabbed Nott by the shirt and pulled him up too.
They all drunkenly got up and rushed out of the portrait after their friend before he made the biggest mistake of his life. They navigated through the castle in what they thought was silence but they were like a heard of Centaurs crashing through a china shop. They couldn't find Severus anywhere, he wasn't at the owlery or anywhere along the way. When they entered the owlery, and the sight of the angry birds they had just woken up made it clear that he had yet to arrive there.
"The fuck he go?" Yaxley asked as he looked around the corridor.
"He innit here for sure. Think he got pinched by Filch?" Avery asked.
Mulciber froze and held his hand up to silence them. "Shh! Wait- wait." They all stopped and looked at him. "Hear that?" he asked and looked at them. The sounds of someone yelling in the distance could be faintly heard from where they were.
"Oh shit, that's him. Wut the hell is he doing?" Lucius swore and started heading towards the direction of the noise.
"It's coming from Ravenclaw tower. Two guesses what he's tryin' to do." Regs snorted as he followed.
"Wait- he's gonna get caught! We can fuggin' hear him from here." Yaxley said as he trailed behind them all.
"And?" Nott asked as he hurried along.
"Means everyone else can hear 'im too! We go there then we're gonna get caught too!" he explained.
"We can't leave him to the wolves!" Mulciber snapped and started running.
They found Severus teetering very dangerously close to the top of the staircase yelling at the portrait to let him in. "C'mon! I gotta tell her sumthin'. Don't be a bitch." He slurred at the portrait who gasped in shock at his words.
"Snape! What the fuck you doing?" Mulciber hissed as he grabbed Severus' shoulder and spun him around.
"I'm trying to see Juliet so I can tell her." He looked at the portrait of the woman reading a book. She was red in the face and looking pissed. "But this one's being a bitch, and won't lemme in!"
"I told you, no password- no entry!" she said and snubbed her nose at him.
"Let's go. Sadly we're no match for her-" Regs started to say, but the portrait opened. "What the hell?"
"Ah-ha! Match! The password- 'tear it off, scratch its head something something black to red.' It was a fuggin' match!" Severus said and hugged Regs quickly before running inside the portrait.
"No! Severus get back heeer this instant!" Lucius hissed and ran in after him. They all filed into the portrait and quietly snuck in behind him.
They all stopped when they got to the other side and looked around in awe. The whole room was decorated handsomely in different shades of blues and greys. Its walls were lined to the ceiling with books and shelves, its ceiling had the same enchantment the Great Hall did of the night sky.
"Juliet!" Severus called out loudly.
Rowle tackled him and put his hand over his mouth as quickly as he could. "Shut the fuck up before – oh shit." The sounds of a door opening somewhere upstairs and footsteps could be heard.
"Run for your lives!" Yaxley whispered urgently and took off our the portrait.
Rowle and Mulciber grabbed Severus by the upper arms and dragged him backward out of Ravenclaw tower. They all ran as fast and quietly as they could until they reached their own dorms. They threw Severus onto his bed, and he passed out immediately when his head hit his pillow. Mulciber muttered something about lovesick fools and pretty girls and left to his own dorm on the next floor.
Nott grabbed the thick silver rope that tied back Severus' curtains and ripped it off the bed frame. He tied one end to Severus' ankle tightly and the other to the bedpost. "There. Now-" Hiccup. "-he can't go anywhere." He said proudly and fell back on his own bed dramatically.
"What if he has to piss?" Avery asked with a yawn.
Lucius kicked one of the larger trashcans next to Severus' bed and said: "Pro'lem solved."
"That was a close one guys." Rowle laughed into his pillow.
"'magine if he sent that shitty letter." Regs laughed as he left to go to his own dorm. They all laughed as they got into their own beds.
Severus never sent the letter, but he did drop it on the common room floor in Ravenclaw tower when Rowle tackled him. None of them knew that Juliet found that letter when she was woken up in the middle of the night by a voice calling her name.