Day 15

Logan lay back on his board and closed his eyes, his hands resting on his stomach and his legs dangling into the water, the waves gently bobbing him away from land. As usual, he was thinking about Veronica. Things were weird now with her. Yesterday in the equipment room, he tried to act as if she hadn't shattered his heart but he assumed she'd seen right through him. They had spent the hour being extra polite to each other. That didn't sit well. He and Veronica were never polite, in any iteration of their relationship.

"Forget about the kissing," she said. Easier said than done, Veronica. If there's any possible way to forget about the kissing, I would really love to figure it out. Cause remembering the kissing is torture. Agony. Every detail replays in my head and I CAN'T SHUT IT OFF.

Fuck her.

No, not really. It's not her fault. It's his. More like... Fuck his life.

Logan figured his sex life could now effectively be split into "Before Kissing Veronica" and "After Kissing Veronica." "Before Kissing Veronica," it was all about easy sex with Lilly or the many other willing girls who followed. Lilly demanded that he play by her rules. Early on in their relationship, he'd attempted to forge a deeper emotional connection with her but was quickly rebuffed. "Really, Logan?" she'd say. "We're too young and fabulous to be tied down." Then she'd grind her hips into him and whisper something suggestive like, "Unless you want to tie me to the bed. I'd be okay with that." And she'd lean in and kiss him as her hand massaged his cock and he'd completely forget that – no, dammit - it was NOT okay that she refused love him the way he needed. But when his hands were full of Lilly's luscious curves and his mouth was full of Lilly's luscious tongue, he would shut off his mind and let it go. Only when he was wasted and moping would he dwell on Lilly's casual take on love. "But I love you, Lilly," he'd say and she would pat his hand dismissively and say, "I love you, too, lover."

And he'd be left with the certainty that Lilly's definition of love was about a million miles away from his.

After Lilly died, one of his primary grief-coping strategies was to screw as many girls as possible. Sex was supposed to be light and fun; Lilly taught him well. Half the time, he forgot their names. Every time, he was drunk or high. The only real indication that it was still him in the room/car/hot tub/pool/guest house with his girl-of-the-hour was his insistence that they left satisfied. That was a matter of personal pride. No goddamn way would he let it be said that Logan Echolls was a lousy lay. So he spent that last year messing around with a lot of girls and now, because he used meaningless sex in a futile attempt to mend his broken heart, the girl he actually cared about didn't want anything to do with him. Poetic justice, he supposed.

Lilly and Veronica - the differences between them were striking. Lilly was fire. She lit him up and kept him warm as long as he didn't try to get too close. Veronica was ice. With her cool beauty and barbed wit, able to freeze him out with just a look or a few choice words.

"After Kissing Veronica," he didn't think he could go back to screwing any girl who looked his way. Because being with Veronica was a revelation; like a long-missing puzzle piece was just locked into place. The intimacy Lilly denied him, he felt the budding promise of it with Veronica. So he would put on his brave "we're just friends" face and fake it till he fucking made it. There was no way he was going to walk out on her again, even if she was only looking for friendship. He would be the best friend he could be and wallow in abject misery on his own time.

The first thing I need to do - get us back to normal. No more polite weirdness. Just us being us. And pray daily to whatever deity it is that listens to spoiled rich kids to allow me to get over this crush. But IS it just a crush? It feels like more than that.

Logan felt a hand wrap around his ankle and, with a strong yank, he was pulled into the calm ocean water. He came up sputtering and cursing to be faced with Dick smiling at him from atop his board.

"Dude, you've been a moody, broody little bitch since Halloween. What's your problem? You're missing the best waves."

Logan climbed back onto his board. "Nothing, Dick."

"Is 'nothing' code for Veronica Mars? You tappin' that yet?"

"No. We're just friends."

"You know she's like an uber skank, right? You should hear what she did with the volleyball team. We're talking gang bang situation."

Logan kicked Dick's board. "Get the fuck out of here. Do you honestly believe that shit? You probably made up that rumor yourself."

"No, I made up the one about the swim team and her love of water sports."

"You need to shut the fuck up right now or I'm going to make it so you can't surf again, ever."

"See? This is what I mean. What is up with you? You used to be fun."

"Maybe I don't think it's all that much fun to terrorize innocent girls."

"It's not like I can't see the appeal. She's got that tight little body and that smart little mouth. I bet she's a tiger in the sack, barking orders the whole time. But, dude, it's not worth price of admission. The doctor visits alone-"

Logan jumped off his board and wrestled Dick into the water, shoving him under for a long minute. When Dick surfaced, Logan punched him square on the nose.

"Do NOT talk about Veronica. To anyone. She's off limits. Don't look at her, don't think about her. No one's going to disrespect her anymore."

"Fuck! I think you broke my nose!"

"Guess I won't be seeing you at school then." Logan swam back to the beach, willing himself to calm down before the day even started.

Veronica stood by an oven in the back of the Foods classroom. She covered her nose and mouth with one hand as she opened the door and peered inside. It was worse than she feared, full of charred black gunk and still smelling of burnt baked goods. Someone's failing this class, she thought. Exploding banana bread did not an "A" make.

Would it be too much to ask for Neptune High to invest in self-cleaning ovens?

Logan leaned down behind her. "Eww. Who's cleaning this one? The one over there isn't this bad. Let's flip for it."

"I'll do it, Princess. Wouldn't want you to get a hair out of place with some manual labor."

Logan tried to hide his relief but it was evident. "Really? You will? I'll clean out the fridge, too, so we're even."

"If you want to think that makes us even, go ahead, but the next disgusting job is all yours and who knows…it may involve scrubbing toilets."

Logan made a face. "These hands do not touch things that scrub toilets, Veronica. That is where I draw the line, Ms. James be damned."

Veronica cackled. "You know, I think I'll put an anonymous tip in her idea box, something about the boys' bathrooms being in desperate need of a deep cleaning. See if she takes the bait."

"You do that and I'll forget to clean your phone number off the walls."

Veronica stopped scrubbing and turned back to him. "My phone number is on the walls of the boys' bathroom?"

"No, but it will be if you insist on making me clean toilets," he joked.

"Aw, think of it as a growth exercise. You'll have a lot more appreciation for your domestic staff.

"I appreciate Mrs. Navarro. Even more than my own parents. And now I especially appreciate that she doesn't burn bread in our oven. This smell is giving me a headache." He pulled his t-shirt up over his nose. "I don't know how much more I can take."

Still a drama queen, I see.

"I'll take your mind off it. I met someone today who can hack into Shannon Hastings' email. She's a student here. Seems really cool."

"Oh. That's good." Behind her, Logan was making faint gagging sounds that she tried to block out.

"You sound thrilled. Maybe you don't understand the significance. There may be a clue in her email as to where she is."

"I think it's awfully naive and romantic of you to assume she's alive. I bet the husband killed her."

Veronica snorted. "Naïve and romantic? Yeah, that's what everyone says about me. But as far as the husband goes, your theory is possible."

"But?"

"But I really hope not. I've been meaning to talk to you about where I'm at with this. She and Diehl had some very loving emails that he never deleted. Also some emails of a more… adult nature."

He immediately hopped up and crossed the kitchenette to stand next to her oven. "Really? I'm all ears."

She pulled her head out of the oven. "Now you perk up. Naturally."

He rolled his eyes and motioned for her to continue.

"They were just so…

Hot.

"Look, I'm not going into graphic detail for you. If you're that interested, you can come over and read them yourself. Suffice it to say they truly loved each other and the husband is an abusive ass. She alluded to having a plan so I'm hoping that plan involved her having her baby safely away from him."

"Aww, look at you. No matter how badass the exterior, you're still a softie at heart. It's endearing. But if she really loved her boyfriend, she wouldn't have left without him."

"My guess is that she's scared and thought he would be safer away from her for the time being. Cause if the husband finds her, or the two of them together, I can't imagine it'll end well."

"Why do you think he hasn't made a move against Diehl?"

"I don't know. Maybe the police haven't shared the pictures I took with him. My dad refused to give him any information until the case was closed. It could also be that as a person of interest in the case, the police are watching him closely and he can't risk it. Although I seriously doubt the Neptune Sheriff's Department is doing anything they're supposed to be doing. They're probably just waiting for her body to land at their feet."

"So where does that leave us?"

"I need to do a few things. One of those is switch the tracker from Adam Diehl to Michael Hastings. I'll probably start surveilling Hastings at night if I can do it between my other cases. Your part of the case is over since I'm confident Diehl is innocent. You can let your parents know that it's okay to return the minivan and start driving the XTerra again."

"Thank God. I cannot WAIT to get my car back. But… I still want to help with the rest of the case if you'll let me. I kinda feel invested now."

"Oh. Um, yeah. Sure, I guess."

"So when can I come over to read the emails?"

"Never. I was just kidding around."

"Nuh uh. You offered. I'm not turning that down. Sitting side-by-side with you on your bed reading other people's smut? I can't think of a better way to spend an evening."

Me neither. Reading those hot, hot, hot emails with Logan. Pretending Logan wrote them to me. Pretending Logan wanted to DO to me what was in them. The one about the massage. Mmm, the one about the shower. Stop this before you embarrass yourself.

"God, you're such a guy."

Logan smiled at her. "That's me. All man. So, after school?"

"After school I'm moving the tracker."

"We're moving it. Then tomorrow?"

"Okay. But you'll be staying in my living room looking at my laptop."

"Great. Your dad and I can share the porn in the living room."

"Don't ever use the words 'your dad' and 'porn' in the same sentence if you want to retain the use of all four limbs."

"Honestly I'm going to feel a little weird if he's there. Is he out of town?"

Veronica went back to scrubbing as they talked. "Yeah. Probably for a few days. Got a lead on a skip trace in Texas."

"He leaves you alone a lot."

"I've gotten used to it. It's not too bad. Wallace comes over sometimes to keep me company. But most nights I'm working anyway so no one's home."

"You ever planning on introducing me to Wallace?"

When hell freezes over.

"Wallace sort of hates you based on the whole headlight-bashing incident. I'm thinking it'd be best if you two stayed in separate corners."

"What happens when I start eating lunch with you?"

"Ha ha, right."

"I'm serious. We're friends. Friends eat lunch together."

"Then I guess I'd have to introduce you. But let's just wait on that. I still need to fill him in on the whole couples counseling/detention thing."

Which is never gonna happen.

"So he doesn't know we've been hanging out after school for weeks?"

"I haven't told anyone. Have you?"

"Nope. Didn't think it was anyone's business but ours."

"Good. Let's keep it that way. Our secret."

Veronica was sorting through the CDs in Logan's console. They had just retrieved the tracker from Diehl's car, which was parked outside his home, and were driving to the address of Michael Hastings' workplace. Hastings was a CPA with an office about fifteen minutes from Neptune.

"You got anything good in here?"

"Depends. What type of music goes best with detecting?"

"I always opt for smooth jazz."

He snapped his fingers. "Shucks. Fresh out of that."

She popped in Arcade Fire's Funeral and turned it up.

Of course she chose that one. The one that reminds me of her.

"That's my favorite CD," he said softly.

She started singing along to "Wake Up."

Somethin' filled up
My heart with nothin',
Someone told me not to cry.

Now that I'm older,
My heart's colder,
And I can see that it's a lie.

Logan turned down the music when the song ended. "Hey. So, um, you sure you're okay with what happened in counseling today?"

**FLASHBACK**

"I have to say, I'm very impressed with the way you both have conducted yourselves in these counseling sessions. I thought there may be a lot more animosity to work through. I can see why you were friends, the connection is fairly obvious."

Veronica and Logan both fidgeted then turned their attention back to Ms. James.

"I think it's time to try a simple trust exercise. One that you're probably familiar with, the trust fall. This should be a piece of cake for you two. Who wants to start?"

"I will," Logan said, "but do you really think Veronica can catch me? I'm double her weight."

"Good point. I don't want either of you to get hurt. I'll give Veronica a hand. Normally, I'd have you climb up on a chair to do it but, in your case, we should just let you do it from a standing position on the floor."

Logan got into position and peeked back at Veronica over his shoulder. "Don't miss," he joked. Then he folded his arms across his chest and fell back easily into Veronica's arms, his head resting on her shoulder. Veronica's hands clutched around his chest in a hug. She buckled a little with his weight so Ms. James stepped in to support his back.

"Great. Veronica, it's your turn." Ms. James pulled a chair to the middle of the room. "Hop up here and Logan can catch you."

Veronica walked slowly to the chair, the air getting impossibly thin. She gingerly climbed up and moved her feet back to the edge. Can't breathe, she thought. Must get air. She could feel her face getting hot and her palms were beginning to sweat.

"Whenever you're ready, Veronica." Ms. James prodded.

You can do this. It's easy. Just fall back. He'll catch me.

Her heart was racing and she thought she might pass out from the lack of oxygen. She knew she couldn't go through with it when her legs started to shake. Logan grabbed her hand to steady her as she began to climb down. Ms. James appeared shocked and Veronica couldn't bear to look at Logan before she bolted for the bathroom.

After some deep breaths and splashing cool water on her face, she felt much better. Totally humiliated, but at least blood was getting to her brain. A minute later, she heard Logan knock on the door.

"Veronica? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'll be out in a minute."

"No, I'm coming in."

She didn't have time to school her features into someone who didn't look like they'd just suffered a panic attack before he stepped into the bathroom and stood by the door, anxiously looking at her in the mirror.

"What are you doing in here? Can you please just wait-"

"No. I can't. I'm worried. You completely freaked out back there." He moved to stand a foot behind her and watched as she wet her hands and rubbed them on her face. He handed her some paper towels to dry off with.

Still can't look at him.

"It's nothing. Sorry to worry you. I'm fine now." She dried her face and started for the door and he blocked her path.

"Listen, do you, um, want to talk about it?"

"No. Let's just get to detention."

"Wait." He put his arms around her and pulled her in for a hug. She was stiff at first but allowed herself to relax into him and, finally, she wrapped her arms around his back. He rubbed her back gently as she buried her head in the warmth of his t-shirt. They stood there for a few minutes, holding each other in silence.

When she pulled back, she gave him a tentative smile.

"Thanks for the hug. I needed it."

"Anytime," he grinned at her and carefully pushed her hair back.

"Now let's see what disaster awaits us in Foods." She reached for his hand then remembered the promise she made to herself. No unnecessary touching. It led to thoughts she didn't want to be having. Thoughts of where else she could touch him and how perfect the skin of his bare back felt under her fingertips. She quickly pulled her hand back before he could grasp it.

**END FLASHBACK**

"Yeah. I told you, I'm fine. Totally fine. I promise. Not sure what got into me."

I know what got into you. My year-long war against you.

"I guess I need to work harder to earn your trust."

She looked over to him. "What? No, that wasn't about you. It was all me."

"It's okay, Veronica. It's only been a few weeks. I know I still have a lot of making up to do."

"Logan, I promise, it had nothing to do with you."

He nodded. "Okay."

"Really, just like that? No more interrogation?"

"Yeah, I believe you."

I believe that you think it had nothing to do with me. I know better.

"Thanks. Let's talk about something else. Something good."

"How's this - I went surfing this morning before school and the sunrise was amazing. The sky was streaked with orange and the wisps of clouds were pink. I wish I would've had a camera so I could show you."

"You do that a lot now? Get up before dawn?"

He gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Yeah, the last year's been rough. Surfing helps clear my head."

"You must be really good, then. You were getting pretty good the last time I saw you. Before-"

Before it all went to hell.

"I'm okay. Want me to teach you someday?" he asked hopefully. "It's so peaceful, Veronica. I know you'd love it. I think it's the only thing that's kept me sane."

"That's what ice cream is for."

"But ice cream doesn't give you killer abs like these." He patted his stomach playfully.

"No, but maybe it'll help my boobs grow."

"Your boobs are perfect."

Wait, did I just say that out loud? Way to go, idiot. You were not supposed to make it weirder.

"Your abs aren't too shabby either." She smiled at him teasingly and he breathed a sigh of relief. God bless her, she let him off the hook.

Logan's phone buzzed with an incoming call. He ignored it but the caller was persistent, calling back several times.

"You need to get that?"

Logan grabbed the phone to see who it was.

Shit! Andie Boyd. She was hot, he had to admit. Blonde, with a killer body since she was a gymnast. He'd seen her at a party on Saturday night after giving up on Veronica. He was well on his way to getting wasted and she was coming onto him pretty heavily. Just to get her to leave him alone, he gave her his number. Maybe he could get over his crush on Veronica by dating her? She seemed sweet and smart. He made the decision to answer it.

"Hi, Andie."

Veronica looked over at him then focused her gaze on the passing scenery.

"No, I'm glad you called."

"Later? Tonight? Listen, can I call you back in a little while? I'm in the middle of something right now."

"Okay, sounds good. Talk to you later."

He hung up and was met with the side of Veronica's head. She refused to look at him.

Is she upset? She's the one who wanted us to just be friends.

"Hey. Sorry about that. What were we talking about?"

Oh, right. Your perfect boobs.

"It's fine. Why don't you drop me off at my car and I'll do this myself. Then you and Andie will be free to get together."

Yeah, she's definitely pissed.

"No, I'd rather be right here with you."

"We should be back soon anyway, it's not that far."

Logan shrugged, unconcerned. "You can look at me, you know."

"No, thanks."

"Veronica?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you upset about Andie?"

"What! No. I'm sure you'll have a fantastic time on your date."

Logan smiled to himself. Answering that call just may have been a smart decision after all.

That was absolutely jealously. Good, if she's jealous it means I've still got a shot with her.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long since I posted. Here's a nice long chapter for you as a peace offering. There are some upcoming chapters that I CAN'T WAIT to write. So, hopefully will have time to update soon. Thanks for reading/reviewing/following and hanging in there with this fic. I really, truly appreciate it.