I think that irony is one of the universe's cruelest jokes. Irony's a bitter knife, one that stings as well as cuts, and it drives deep right where it hurts. May's about to find that out the hard way.
As the day moved towards twilight, the infirmary finally began to quiet down. May had watched as most of the patients had either been treated and discharged or moved to hospitals on the mainland. Now, only her friends remained, their sleeping forms sprawled out on beds or across chairs.
In a bed by the window, Dawn and Paul were fast asleep, Dawn's head nestled in the crook of Paul's unbroken arm. May winced every time she looked at older boy. In addition to several hairline fractures on his left arm, Paul had three broken ribs and a nasty laceration across the top of his face. He was also covered in countless burns and bruises which the medic had deemed painful, but thankfully superficial.
May couldn't help but blame herself. She knew that she'd be eternally grateful that Paul had gotten off so easily. She'd seen Kriggs and Anna nearly dead, and Paul could have just as easily gone the same. And if he had, it would have been her fault.
She crept quietly out of the infirmary and began to make her way towards her room. Despite her clean bill of health, May felt disgusting. She was covered in bits of ash and soot from the battle in the lab, not to mention from all the debris above deck. She was sweaty and bruised and generally felt like a homeless person. A shower was the only thing on her mind.
Just as she reached her room, May paused, the sounds of an argument reaching her from around the corner.
"Anna, this has gone far enough." Solidad's voice was low but intense, fear and desperation hovering just under the surface.
"We've had this conversation before, Solidad. You're not going to change my mind," Anna replied, sounding exhausted.
"Anna, please, listen to me. You're going to get yourself killed."
"Soli, I'll be fine—"
"You weren't today!" Solidad interrupted. "You were dead, Anna. Your lips were blue, your heart wasn't beating. And you can pretend all you want, but it doesn't change the facts."
There was a small pause. "I was distracted up there today, alright? That's the only reason things went as far as they did."
"Distracted by what?" Another pause. "Kriggs?" Solidad sounded incredulous. "Why?"
"It doesn't matter," Anna said brusquely. "He's leaving in the morning."
"What?" Solidad yelped, and May jerked back in surprise.
"I dissolved the partnership early," Anna said nonchalantly, but May heard her struggling to keep her voice steady.
"That's ridiculous," Solidad said scornfully. "You're being ridiculous. Why do you keep doing this? First Danny, now Kriggs—"
"Don't talk about Danny!" Anna yelled, her voice echoing through the night. "You don't know anything about me and Danny. I am sick and tired of you bringing him up every time I make a decision you don't like."
Solidad laughed bitterly. "It has nothing to do with the fact I don't like your decisions. They're a lot of things you do that I don't like, Anna. What absolutely kills me is having to watch you push everyone who cares about you out of your life."
"That's enough," Anna hissed, her voice filled with a kind of fury that she could never capture by shouting. "I don't get to live like you, Solidad. Things aren't so easy for me."
"But they can be," Solidad pleaded. "You don't have to be a part of this. Walk away, Anna, please. I'm begging you. Please don't make me bury you."
Now it was Anna's turn to laugh bitterly. "Oh, please. Do you know how many friends I've buried? Do you know how many faces I see every night when I'm trying to fall asleep? You don't know the first thing about burying someone you love."
Solidad was quiet for a long moment. "If you keep going on like this, Anna, I will know." May listened as Solidad walked away, her footsteps fading into the distance. Cautiously, May peered around the corner. Anna was standing hunched over the railing, her shoulders trembling slightly as she fought to pull herself back together.
May waited for Anna to straighten up before she walked over.
"How much of that did you hear?" Anna asked, exhaustion permeating her voice again.
"Enough," May said quietly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop."
"Sure you did," Anna said, shrugging. May started to object, but Anna waved her down. "It's fine, anyone else would have done the same thing. Including me."
"The medic noticed you were missing," May said. "He's not happy."
Anna scoffed. "Oh, please. I'm fine." May must have looked unconvinced, however, because Anna sighed. "Alright, I'm coming. But I'm not staying overnight."
"Okay," May said, not wanting to push the envelope.
They walked in silence for a little bit before Anna asked, "Oh, how's Paul?"
"Um, better. They gave him some pain medication. But he definitely took a beating."
May winced, a fresh wave of guilt crashing over her. Anna noticed and said, "Don't do that to yourself. It wasn't your fault."
"I shouldn't have left him," May said softly. "How could I do that? I should have stayed, made him go instead."
"Stop it. Right now. It was a bad situation, and you both did the right thing."
"How would you know?" May asked, suddenly angry. She stopped in the middle of the corridor and looked straight at Anna. "You weren't there! You were too busy getting yourself shot down by some crazy woman on a freaking Rayquaza!"
"May—"
"No! Don't 'May', me! I want an explanations, right now, for what happened today. You owe me that at least."
Anna looked miserable. "I owe you a lot more, actually. You just don't realize how much."
"What do you mean?" May narrowed her eyes, trying to keep her confusion from showing.
"When they pulled the three of us out of the water, you were the only one who bothered to try and help Lottie. Everyone else crowded me and Kriggs, but you helped her."
"So?"
"If you hadn't, I'd be dead right now."
Now May was completely confused. "What? That makes absolutely no sense."
"It would if you knew how close Lottie and I are."
"I don't understand anything you're saying."
Anna growled in frustration. "That's because you're being stubborn. You're pissed at me, I get that, but if you want answers, stop acting like a three year old and listen."
"Oh, so now I'm a three year old?" May shouted angrily. She didn't know where all of this rage was coming from, but she liked it. It surrounded her, enveloped her, and shielded her from the fear that seemed to have taken up permanent residence in her mind.
"You're acting like one! Do you honestly think I would've sent any of you into the bunkroom if I had known Zaphara was working with Crenshaw? If I had known he was here?"
"Zaphara?"
Anna sighed. "The woman on the Rayquaza."
"You know her?"
"Of course. I know both of them, but I never thought they'd be working together."
"Why?"
"It doesn't matter now," Anna replied, sliding down the wall.
May sat down stiffly, her arms folded over her chest. "How does this relate to you and Lottie?"
"Zaphara's been after her for a long time. Obviously, Lottie's not a normal Latias," Anna said, tugging at a strand of hair.
"Because she's purple?" May asked. Anna glared at her.
"Don't be daft, Maple. The coloring is random, caused by a mutation. It's what caused the mutation that got Zephara after us in the first place."
"Wait, I thought she was just after Lottie," May said. Anna groaned.
"That's what I'm trying to tell you. It can't be just one of us. We're in this together, me and Lottie. If she dies, I die. If I die—"
"She dies," May finished. She realized what Anna had been trying to tell her. "Earlier, Lance said . . . You didn't get hit today. Lottie did."
Anna nodded. "Which is why I owe you my life. Solidad could have done CPR on me until she was blue in the face, and it wouldn't have done any good. Lottie was the one with the injury. I just suffer the side effects."
"What about Kriggs?" May asked.
"He got hit by the aftershock, but he's not involved, not really. He just had the bad luck of being my research partner."
"If he's not really involved, then why send him away?" May asked.
"Because I don't want him to get killed!"
"You said you were distracted by him today. Why?"
Anna was silent, her eyes clenched shut in pain. Realization dawned on May with the force of an avalanche.
"You're in love with him."
Anna froze, her face draining of all color. "No," she whispered.
"You are!" May said triumphantly. "Oh my God, you are such a hypocrite. You're always telling the rest of us to live and to not be afraid and that life is really worth it, and meanwhile, you're so damn terrified that—"
"No! I'm not afraid! And I'm not in love with him."
"You in denial," May said ruthlessly.
Anna shook her head. "No one else is dying for me," she whispered hoarsely. "No one. And if that means I have to send everyone away, then so be it."
"But why do you have to send people away in the first place?" May asked. "Why are people trying to kill you? It's not just because of those eggs. It's something else."
Anna nodded slowly.
"How long has Zaphara been after you?"
"I don't know," Anna said dully. "As long as I can remember. She—she's our nightmare, mine and Lottie's."
"Why?" And that was the question, really. Whywhywhywhywhywhy?
"Because we're different. We're freaks, abnormalities, and people like Zaphara are always looking to take advantage of that."
They were both quiet for a moment, listening to the sound of the ocean splashing against the side of the ship. May looked over and realized, for the first time, just how old Anna looked. It wasn't something blatant, like wrinkles or crow's feet. It was in her eyes, a kind of exhaustion that came from years of pain and loss and struggle. For a second, May forgot that Anna was only two years older than she was. All she could see was the grief, threatening to spill over. She looked like a woman who'd lived a hundred years of sorrow.
But then, May watched as Anna pulled herself together. The weariness slid away, replaced by a kind of false bravado. A calmness spread over the dark haired girl, and May realized just how adept she was at locking away her emotions. Anna sighed and stood up, helping May to her feet.
""I did mean what I said, about living," Anna said, her voice calm and collected again. "It is worth it. I know more than anyone."
"And yet, you'll still make Kriggs leave in the morning."
"I can't let him die," Anna whispered. "I can't. And I won't. It's better this way."
"What happened to living, not just existing?"
"The guilt you feel, for leaving Paul behind? Imagine if Paul had died. And then, just for a second, imagine that it was your fault, not just for leaving him behind, but for getting him involved in the first place. I can't deal with that, May. I just can't."
May sighed. "I still think there has to be a better way. And will Kriggs leave? Willingly, I mean?"
Anna laughed grimly. "If I have to drag him off the ship by his hair."
They walked the rest of the way to the infirmary in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. At the door, Anna was immediately pounced on by the medic, who began lecturing her loudly about responsibility and taking her injuries seriously. Anna rolled her eyes at May before she got dragged off to the heart monitor.
May wandered over to Drew's bed, perching on the edge while she looked at his still face.
"I know you're awake," she said, pinching him on the elbow. He yelped and his eyes jerked open. He looked at her reproachfully. She had seen his eyes snap shut as she walked over.
"Did you really need to pinch me?" he asked, rubbing his arm.
May just glared at him. "If you don't want to talk, fine, but don't sit there and pretend to be asleep. That's the same as lying."
"Somebody's in a mood," Drew muttered.
"Yeah, well," May said, not even bothering to finish her thought. She flopped down next to him, nudging him aside to make room.
"Hey, what's the big idea?" Drew asked indignantly. "This is my bed, after all."
May stuck her tongue out at him. "Oh, relax. I have news, if you're interested."
"News about what?" Drew peered at her inquisitively, Quietly, May relayed the argument she'd overhead between Anna and Solidad, as well as her own conversation with Anna. Drew remained silent as she spoke, and when she finally finished, he exhaled softly.
"Well?" May prodded, but Drew just sighed again. "Oh, my God. You agree with her," May hissed, looking around to make sure no one was listening.
"Well, what did you expect, May?" Drew snapped. "And what do you want her to do? Risk getting him killed? She's in love with him, whether or not she'll admit it. I think we can agree on that. Put yourself in her shoes."
May tried to imagine how she'd feel if she ever did anything that caused Drew's death. The guilt would be crushing, especially if she could have done something to prevent it in the first place. May stiffened slightly, feeling as if ice was shooting through her veins. Why was she thinking about Drew? It wasn't like . . . she couldn't . . . oh no.
"I have to go," May mumbled, running for the door. She heard Drew call her name, but she didn't turn around. She ran for her room, barely managing to keep herself together. May locked the door behind her, gasping for breath. This was absolutely not happening. She wasn't in love, and certainly not with . . .
"Oh, God," she moaned, burying her face in her hands.
I don't . . . we're just . . . rivals. Just rivals. Or friends. Maybe friends. Definitely rivals, maybe friends. But not . . . nothing else. Dear lord, she was practically incoherent, even in her own mind.
"This cannot happen," May whispered. She heard Anna in the back of her mind, laughing while she asked, "Why not?"
"Just, because!" May yelled, forgetting she was alone.
Because it would ruin everything. Things just got back to the way they were before. I can't lose him again.
The whole situation was so ironic it hurt. She wondered if this was the universe's way of punishing her. May understood with a bitter clarity exactly why Anna was sending Kriggs away. This feeling, it was terrifying, all encompassing. And it was absolutely unavoidable. She should have been more understanding with Anna, not so quick to judge.
Well, I understand now, May thought bitterly. Of course, the difference was, Anna knew Kriggs felt the same way. Grimly, May tried to imagine confessing her feelings to Drew. She winced as she imagined the way he'd laugh at her. And then, he would turn and walk away, right out of her life, just like before.
May tried laying down on the bed, but she realized immediately that she'd never fall asleep. Not like this, not with her mind running a mile a minute. In the bathroom, she rummaged through the medicine cabinet before finding a bottle of sleeping pills. She didn't usually self-medicate, but she needed to fall asleep. May was still clinging to the desperate hope that when she woke up, she'd feel differently.
It's just a result of sleep deprivation, May lied to herself. It's been a long, hard day. You're traumatized, probably still in shock.
May huddled under the covers on her bed, shivering, as she let herself fall asleep to the comforting sound of her own lies.
So Anna's in denial, May wishes she could be in denial, and generally, everyone's miserable. Life is messy. It really is. It seems depressing, and heartbreaking, and even downright hopeless at times. I think we all have a chapter 14 in our life at one point or another. But the good part about life is that there's always a chapter 15 just around the corner! For now, I can only leave you with some words of wisdom from the beautiful J. K. Rowling herself. "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default." Oh, and please review! Thanks!