Of Fights and Plans
"Why are you so surprised, dear? Can't a mother pay a visit to her own daughter?" The woman said the word daughter so sarcastically that it woke Lexa from her frozen state. She quickly schooled her face to show no emotion and hardened her features as she looked at the woman standing in front of her. This was most certainly not a friendly visit. It never was. Nor was the woman in anyway, a welcomed visitor. This would most certainly end badly, Lexa knew it. It always did whenever Tessa was involved.
"What are you doing here, Tessa?" Lexa asked her with a cold and annoyed tone as she crossed her arms behind her back, straightening her posture to make herself seem bigger which only made the woman smile viciously at her. She was a snake and she always seemed to think that Lexa was the perfect prey but of course, she wasn't.
"So now I'm Tessa? Is that right Alexandria? You should show some respect for your mother or do those flamekeepers teach you nothing in the capitol?" Tessa said ironically to her and Lexa clenched her jaw.
"You haven't been my mother in a very, very long time, Tessa. Besides, I don't see why you should be called my mother when you never were one to me, anyway. You don't love me. You don't even like me, remember?" Lexa said coldly and Tessa wouldn't miss her chance.
"We both know why that is, don't we Alexandria?" She said to her and Lexa swallowed as she knew what she was referring to. It was always what Tessa talked about in these visits.
"Why don't you go straight to the point? What are you doing here? Don't make me ask again. I have no patient to be repeating myself, especially if it is for you," Lexa said firmly.
"Why are you in such a hurry? We have time talk, little girl," Tessa said to her and Lexa clenched her jaw but stayed the same.
"First of all, show some respect to your Commander. Second of all, you and I have nothing to talk about and I don't want to spend another second in your presence so if you could just say what you came here to say. We can both get rid of each other, something you always dreamed of, didn't you? Getting rid of me? Just say what you want to say and let's get this over with, shall we?" Lexa said to her and Tessa had a cold gaze in her eyes directed at her.
"Well, I couldn't agree more. I came here in name of the delegation of Trishanakru to escort our people that were rescued from the Mountain back to our clan but as soon as I got here, I heard about what really happened in that place, so I came here to your tent to ask you one question, just one simple and harmless question. Are you not ashamed of yourself for being such a treacherous coward?" Tessa said with her words full of venom and Lexa hardened her jaw, it was taking too long for it to come, now here it was.
"I'm not a coward. I did what was best for my people. You know nothing of what you are talking about. I suggest you think carefully of your words," Lexa said to her coldly.
"Yes, you are a coward. You have always been a coward. Only I see things have not changed. And just like you did all those years ago, this time someone else also had to pay the price for your mistakes the same way he did," Tessa said taunting her and she knew it but what she was talking about was an open wound that never closed in her heart.
"Don't bring him into this. What happened to Kristian was an accident. It was not my fault. Stop blaming me for that, Tessa. In fact, stop talking about it altogether," Lexa said, trying to defend herself, even though she didn't know why she still bothered.
"Yes, it was your fault. At least have some dignity and own up to what you did! You killed him! If it wasn't for you, he would still be alive!" Tessa screamed at her and Lexa closed her eyes as she felt tears forming.
"Shut up," She said as the woman kept screaming at her.
"He loved you. He loved you more than anyone else and you got him killed because you were a reckless little girl who didn't care about anyone else but herself and her own needs. He would still be alive if you had stayed in the village like you were told to. He would still be alive if you had never been born. If he is dead, it's because you killed him!" Tessa kept yelling at her and she closed her eyes trying to calm herself but to no avail. The woman's words and loud voice was getting to her, she couldn't take it anymore so without even thinking, Lexa just exploded.
"SHUT UP!" Lexa screamed. "Shut up!" Lexa said forcefully and the woman silenced herself. "You have no right to came into my camp, into my tent and say those things to me. I'm not that little girl who was once scared of you, Tessa. So, stop trying to intimidate me, you're going to fail. Besides, nothing you say or do to me could bring him back. What happened to him was an accident and you should just accept that," Lexa said to her and Tessa looked at her before she said.
"Do you accept that you killed your own brother? That you are the reason Kristian is dead?" She said with venom dripping from her every words and Lexa lost it.
"Get. Out." When Tessa made no move to leave, she yelled as she almost moved against the woman to grab her throat and see the air leave her lungs without getting it back, but she didn't. "GET OUT OF MY TENT! NOW!" Lexa yelled and both Ryder and Indra came inside with their weapons drown but as Indra saw who it was, she motioned for Ryder to let her handle. He nodded, not sure of what to do.
"Commander." Indra said and Lexa just pushed past the general and left, Ryder tried to follow her, but Lexa dismissed him. She had to be alone right now, she needed to go away so she took off running into the forest.
"You shouldn't have come here, Tessa," Indra said dangerously to the other woman.
"I'm not scared of you, Indra. You are just one of her many pets. Don't elude yourself thinking that she cares about you, about your life because she doesn't. That monster only brings death to those that care for her. Want my advice? Get away from her before you're next," The woman said and left the tent and Indra could only look at her retreating back and worry for her Commander, knowing that it was best to leave her alone for now. Indra exited the tent and went to back to her own duties, hoping that Lexa will be okay.
At the same time in Arkadia, a group was gathered together, and they were talking about the Mountain. Jasper was sitting in a corner, not participating in the conversation the group was having because, how could he? Maya was gone. Dead. And his supposed best friends were the ones who killed her. He couldn't accept it. He could have saved them, he could have saved everyone if they had just given him some more time to kill Cage but no. They didn't give him more time instead they destroyed an entire civilization. How can they live with themselves?
He was lost in his thoughts when he heard Monroe talk about the Mountain and his ears peeked up on that and he started to pay attention to what she was saying about it. "It was shitty, it really was," She said, and he scoffed in his mind, 'you think?' but he kept quiet. "If only the Commander had stayed, maybe things would have been different," She said and on that he was curious. What did the Grounder leader had to do with what happened?
"What does the Commander have to do with this?" Miller asked the girl and Jasper was grateful that he wouldn't have to voice that question himself.
"Well, we were in an alliance with the Grounders but their leader, the Commander made a deal with the Mountain Men that they would let all of her people go if she turned around and left us behind, so she took the deal and left," She explained, and Jasper's blood was boiling.
So, she betrayed them? That was why things turned out the way they did, why Maya died. If the Commander had stayed, maybe she would still be alive. He pushed from where he was and walked up to the group and stood close to them as they turned to look at him. "What does the Commander look like?" He asked Monroe and she shrugged.
"I don't know. Tall, brunette, green eyes, around our age, she uses this thing in her forehead which is like a wheel as well as this big thing on her shoulder with a red sash attached to it. Mean war paint. Why you ask?" She asked him and he shook her head.
"Nothing. Thanks," He said to her and turned around as he left them, in the direction of his room inside the station. Once he was inside, he looked under his pillow and grabbed a gun he hid under it and looked at the clip, it was full. He locked the gun and put it on his belt before leaving his room. He didn't know how to find the Commander, but Monroe had been talking briefly about the location of the grounder camp. It had been near the Mountain, so he decided to take a chance, the only problem was getting out of the camp unnoticed, but he had an idea on how to solve that problem.
His idea was to talk to Wick to lower the electricity on the fence so he could escape. It took some convincing and a begging to be out of the camp for a while, just to breathe, using his grieve to guilt trip the guy to believe him but Wick agreed to help him knowing he was grieving for his girlfriend. Jasper thanked him and along with his help, was able to get out of camp and in the direction of the Mountain. He would make the Commander pay for betraying them and for causing Maya's death. If he got killed or not, he didn't care about it anymore but she would die, that he knew for sure.
Meanwhile in another part of Camp Jaha, after Clarke put the book Lexa gave to her safely in her room, she went back to MedBay to continuing helping Jackson with all the other patients before they were both finished and decided to get a break from the work, which prompted her to take a moment to go to where her mother's bed was placed. The older woman smiled when she saw her coming and Clarke managed a small smile back before pulling out a chair to seat besides the bed as she took her mother's hand in hers and held it tightly.
"Hey Mom, how are you feeling?" Clarke asked her and Abby smiled at her.
"It hurts a little but I'm much better now, thank you sweetie. Jackson already gave me something for the pain so don't worry about me. I'll be good as new very soon. What about you? How are you feeling sweetheart?" Abby asked her and Clarke sighed before lowering her eyes to their joined hands and caressing her mom's hands with her own trying to ground herself to this moment and not the one who keeps replaying inside her head.
"I'm not sure how I'm feeling about anything by this point, Mom," Clarke said truthfully as emotions started to flood in. "A part of me knows that I did what I had to do to save our people, that I had no choice but there's another part of me that can't accept that I had to kill them all to do it. But how was I supposed to stop Cage? He was going to kill you because I killed his father. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't lose you too," Clarke said as tears started falling down on her face.
"Oh sweetie." Abby squeezed her hand, "Come here," Abby, despite the pain, scooted over to make space for her daughter.
Clarke lifted her head and wasted no time before going into her mother's arms and silently cried as Abby caressed her hair in a soothing way that she hadn't done in quite some time, since Clarke got too big to need it. "I know you are hurting and that's understandable. What you had to do… it shouldn't have had to be your decision but unfortunately it was and it's going to hurt for a while, hurt a lot but you are the strongest person I know. You will get through this," Abby said to her.
"It doesn't feel like it. It feels like it is going to crush me under the weight of all those deaths," Clarke said to her and Abby sighed.
"That's because you have such a huge heart and you always want to help everyone and take care of everyone, always at a price for yourself but there are some things you can't fix and that's okay. I would love to be able to save all the patients that come to me for help but sometimes I have to admit to them and myself that I can't and that it is not my fault. It's just the way it is," Abby explained to her daughter as she continued,
"I know you wanted to be able to save the innocents that were inside Mount Weather, but you couldn't. Not in the situation you were in. You did the best you could, Clarke. That's what you need to focus on." Abby said as she planted a kiss on her daughter's head.
"Dad would be ashamed of me," Clarke said as she finally broke into sobs. Abby's heart broke seeing the pain her baby girl was going through.
"Of course not, honey. Of course not," Abby tried to console her. "Your dad would be proud of the woman you've become," Abby said and Clarke looked up.
"I've killed people." Clarke said and Abby nodded wiping her tears.
"Yes, you had but you did it to save everyone. And you know what? We are not saints, honey, we make mistakes, we try to fix them, sometimes we can, other times we cannot. And sometimes we make bad choices but that doesn't necessarily mean we are bad people. It just means we're trying to survive. Your father would understand that you killed those people not because you wanted them dead but because you were a good leader and tried to keep your people safe from harm," Abby explained, and Clarke could only let the tears fall down.
"Do you really think Dad wouldn't be disappointed in me?" Clarke asked a little unsure to believe it but also a little hopeful.
"Of course, he wouldn't. Neither am I. I'm very proud you are my daughter and I love you so much, no matter what and your Dad loved you just as much," Abby said and planted a kiss on her forehead. "I know that I fought you for the leadership role, but it was only because I wanted to protect you from exactly these things. You're so young, you shouldn't be put in a position so difficult like this, but I realized that I put you in that position the moment I send you and the 100 down here. I knew deep down that you would take care of them. I just didn't expect Earth to be so…" Abby trailed off.
"So ruthless?" Clarke asked trying to finish her sentence and the woman nodded.
"Yes. I thought there only thing we would have to worry was if Earth was survivable or not. If we would be able to adapt down here after so many years up in space. I never thought there were people down here and that we would have to fight so much just to keep ourselves alive." Abby explained what her expectations had been for this place.
"Earth is really different from what we thought it would be but there is also beauty to it. We just didn't have the time to explore and see it. All we have seen is death and destruction that we are losing hope to see everything else. I'm losing hope," Clarke said to her.
"You can't lose hope Clarke. You are the strongest person I know. You inspire me to keep fighting honey," Abby said as they stayed quiet before Clarke looked up at her mother and decided to be honest.
"I was so mad at you because of what happened to Dad. I didn't want to believe that you had anything to do with it so I blamed Wells and he let me but then I found out the truth and took my wristband off so you could feel the pain I felt and that you would think I was dead. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me," Clarke confessed, and Abby felt her own tears start to form.
"But then when I saw your ship fall and crash, I…I thought you were dead, and I had lost you forever and I had hurt you in on purpose and I'm so sorry for it." Clarke barely got it out given the sobs that wanted to make their way out of her lips, but she settled into crying on her mother's neck as Abby held her tighter trying to console her as best as she could.
"I'm not dead, honey. I'm right here with you. It's okay, it will be okay," Abby said squeezing her. "I'm so sorry about your father. I never wanted for him to get hurt. I just thought Jaha would convince him to stop. I loved your father so much, the last thing I wanted was to lose him or be the reason why you lost him. I trusted Thelonious to act as his best friend, not as the Chancellor. I shouldn't have," Abby also found it hard to speak.
"I know and I'm sorry too. For everything," Clarke said and hugged her mother tighter. They stayed like that until the pain was too much and Abby had to rest. Clarke gave her mother a kiss on the forehead before she left. She went to see Raven, but she was still sedated so Clarke decided to come back to check on the mechanic some other time. Clarke walked out and took a good look at the people sitting around, catching up with their loved ones and friends they thought they had lost before Bellamy came to her side.
"Hey, are you okay?" He asked concerned about her puffy red eyes.
"I think so. I was just talking to my mom about some things that we needed to talk about. I'm feeling a little bit better," She said turning to look at him. "What about you? Everything okay with security?" She asked and he sighed.
"I explained to them the truce and they weren't exactly happy about it and to be honest I'm not either. We can't trust the grounders, Clarke," Bellamy said worriedly.
"I know you are not happy Bellamy, but we need this truce. We can't be constantly fighting a war. The people can't take it and I can't either. I need a break from keeping everyone alive," She admitted to him and he nodded understanding where she was coming from.
"Well, apart from that everything is okay. At least for now. Tomorrow is a brand-new day. Anything can happen," He said to her as she nodded and they looked ahead, both lost in thought before they heard a yell.
"Guys!" Clarke jumped in fright as well as Bellamy did as they turned to see Monty running towards them.
"Monty, what happened?" Bellamy asked the panting boy.
"It's Jasper." He said still trying to breathe properly.
"What's wrong with Jasper?" Clarke asked worriedly.
"He left camp and took a gun with him. I think he is planning to kill the Commander," He said to them and Clarke could feel her entire body freeze.
"No." She whispered to herself. Not Lexa. God, no.