4 Months later

It had been exactly a year since Olivia's death and they were no closer to finding Keagan Laidley. Elliot was starting to come out of his depression thanks to Dani who had managed to convince him to go out with her a couple of times. He didn't know why he had agreed but he had and he had quite enjoyed it. Only problem was that after each date he felt guilty. It felt like he had betrayed Olivia.

Cragen had given him the day off and if needed the following day too. He didn't really want to stay home but he knew that Cragen would drive him home personally if he didn't take the day off. No one would believe him if he told them that he was fine and in truth he wasn't. Not that he would admit that to anyone including himself. He slept in but he eventually got irritated and got up. After wondering around his apartment for a few minutes, he looked around his lounge. Things were strewn everywhere. Pizza boxes, take out food, clothes and random items he didn't even remember having. When he was almost done he picked up the jacket he had worn to Olivia's funeral and walked to his bedroom. Ashe was about to hang it up he noticed an envelope sticking out of the side pocket. Curious he pulled it out and sat down. He recognized the writing on the front. He took a deep breath before opening it.

Dear Elliot.

If I know you as well as I think I do, it has been months since my death and you are finally starting to move on. You also probably blame yourself for my death. Whatever happened I don't blame you.

Elliot, there are a lot of things I wanted to tell you over the years. When I first met you, you intrigued me. Your family, your past, your looks. Over time I came to see you as my best friend. Whenever I needed someone to talk to you were there. I could always rely on you. I told you everything and listened to everything. I told you everything. Everything, but what I was feeling.

When you and Kathy got divorced you told me that you would never remarry but I don't believe that. You are a good man. A man that can be loved.

I have a favour to ask if it is not asking too much. On my side table I have a picture of the squad when Alex came back for that visit. Give it to Cragen. There are a couple of other pictures. Take one.

Look after your kids. They love you. This brings me to my last confession.

You are also a hot tempered, irrational, annoyingly irritating, selfish man that I love.

Love

Liv

Elliot smiled as he finished her letter. He got up from his bed and grabbed his jacket and keys. He locked his door quickly and hurried to his car. It was time. He needed to accept that she was gone. Arriving at his destination he got out of his car and walked to the spot which he had not visited for nearly a year. The day of her funeral.

Olivia Benson

1965-2009

Dedicated cop, amazing daughter, loving friend and sister.

Rest In peace.

You will be missed by all who worked with you.

Elliot knelt down beside her and began to speak to her.

"Hey, Liv. You were right. About all of it. It's been a year since your death and I just read your letter. I miss you. We all miss you. The 1-6 is not the same without you. You were our anchor, the glue that kept us together. We were a family and now you're just gone. Every now and then I look at your desk and I expect to see you there. With your smile and your annoying way of slipping some of your paperwork onto my pile. I went on a couple of dates with Dani. She's okay. She's handling SVU better this time. It's been about 10 months now. She's nice and I love her but I could never love her as much as I loved you. I tried to ignore it but the truth is I knew that there was something between us. I'm not going to remarry though. Once or twice I sort of hoped that one day I would be marrying you. I could never forget you."

Elliot knelt by her grave for almost two hours before looking at her headstone and getting up.

1-6 precinct.

Elliot arrived at the squad later that day and was greeted by silence.

Cragen came out of his office with a frown on his face, "Elliot, what are you doing here?"

"I came to drop something off. It's a favour to Olivia. I read the letter," Elliot said placing one of Olivia's photos on his desk and handing another to Cragen, "She wanted you to have this."

Cragen looked down at the photo Elliot handed him and smiled, "Olivia really was insane."

That was all it took. Elliot burst out laughing and a few seconds later Cragen joined him.

"This is what she wants. She doesn't want our lives to stop. She wants things to be like normal, except they aren't. She's gone and things aren't normal. How can she expect us to act normally when she wasn't even normal? None of us are. We work in Special Victims. We see things that nobody else sees. We work with children that have been through more than most adults. People say they have seen it all but they haven't. We have seen it all. Rape victims, abused children, dead victims. We have all see people killed right in front of us. Olivia was shot in front of me and I did nothing. I stood there and I couldn't save her. He asked me too put the gun down and I didn't if I had she may still be alive. That's all it would have taken. I just had too put the gun down," Elliot sobered up.

"Elliot, stop. Do not blame yourself. No one else does," Cragen looked Elliot in the eye.

"But…"

"No buts, Elliot. She does not blame you. She would not blame you. You know what I'm telling you is true. Go home," Cragen touched him gently on the shoulder.

"I'm not coming in tomorrow. Olivia told me too love my kids and that's what I'm going to do. I need to spend time with them. Make up for the last few months."

"Go ahead. Take Sunday as well if you want. If you're not in by 8 I'll know you're not coming."

Finally completed that chapter. About 20 more chapters to go. I almost considered just changing the story and ending it now for you guys and just continuing for myself. I still might do that in the next chapter or 2. If you don't like this story don't read it. You don't like my opinion share yours. You don't think Elliot and Olivia should be together and you hate those kind of stories, stop reading. This is my story, my fan fiction, my take on Law and Order SVU. The best show in the world. (It's even better than Twilight).