Chapter 13: Pretending
I know that we're okay, but I worry all the same
I know that you are strong, but you don't always have to be
'Cause it's one thing to say everything will be okay
And quite another thing to believe it
I know that sometimes things can get so rough
And I know that sometimes words are not enough
And I know it's been a hard year...
Chase Coy, "Anniversary"
BAM! THUMP!
"Ow!" Zack cried out as he sat up so fast he nearly got whiplash. He squinted into the sudden brightness, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Good, you're up," Cloud said, having just burst into the room and slamming the door into the wall behind it.
"Well yeah," Zack said exasperatedly. "How could I not be with the noise you're making?"
"I have something really important to tell you-"
"Cloud! Where have you been?" Tifa demanded as she appeared behind Cloud, looking quite stern. "I was worried about you."
"Sorry. Went for a walk," Cloud muttered sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck. "Look, I found something important though."
"What?" Zack asked, wondering what could be so important to ruin his sleep.
"Well, I was on my walk, and I kind of ended up back at the reactor that we blew up."
"Cloud, was that smart?" Tifa sighed, shaking her head. "What if someone saw you? What if Shinra arrested you?"
"Sorry," Cloud shrugged. "It's a good thing I did though, otherwise I wouldn't have found the mako pool," he said, looking a bit smug as he announced his big news.
"Sorry, did you just say mako pool?" Zack asked, wondering if he'd misheard Cloud somehow. He rubbed his ear vigorously, making sure there wasn't a build-up of ear wax.
"You bet. We must've created one when the reactor was destroyed. That's what I would guess, at least," he said with another shrug.
"So..." Zack struggled a moment, his mind not quite able to grasp what was being said.
"Cloud means you can heal up before we have to go back to Nibelheim!" Tifa burst out before his brain could catch up with his mouth.
"I know," he said, staring at the wall in front of him. "It's just...I don't think we should leave."
"What do you mean? You can't stay here and die, Zack," Tifa protested. Cloud nodded vehemently in agreement.
"No. I'll go to the mako pool, that will be fine -"
"Actually, we might have a problem," Cloud interrupted.
"What?" Zack asked in exasperation, tugging at his hair.
"I sort of...ran into Aerith."
Zack's eyebrows rose and disappeared behind his bangs. "Aerith? As in the Aerith we know? My girl...ex-girlfriend?" he asked, his heart throbbing painfully in his chest.
"Yeah, how many Aeriths do we know?" Cloud asked, giving him a pointed stare.
"Just clearing things up," Zack shrugged, waving his hand impatiently. "So what, you saw her...?"
"Yeah, well, she knows I'm here. Don't you think she'll be keeping an eye out on the mako pool?"
"We don't even know if she knows about it," Zack shot back.
"Come on, she's with Shinra. They had their SOLDIERs swarming the place days ago – she has to know about it."
"Well," Zack began, starting to feel a little bit angry. Why would Cloud tell him about the mako pool only to shoot him back down again by telling him they couldn't go?
Tifa stepped in front of Cloud, holding her hands up. "We don't really have a choice. Zack needs to go."
"What about Shinra?" Cloud muttered.
"...Maybe Barret can help us," Zack suggested.
"Barret's done an awful lot for us already," Tifa sighed. "It doesn't seem right to ask him for more."
"But you helped him destroy a reactor," Zack pointed out.
"And then he let us stay here for free."
Zack chewed on his lip, thinking. He took a breath, hesitated, then put forward his next idea. "Then we can stay and help him again. Help AVALANCHE to finally stop Shinra."
"What?" Cloud spluttered, followed by Tifa talking over his muttering.
"We should really go back home..."
"I don't want to go back home!" Zack cried, sitting up straight, his head spinning at the quick movement. "I want to stop Shinra. We're finally here, not stuck miles away without the ability to do anything. And don't you think they deserve it? Look at what they've done to me!"
"Zack, this is bigger than a personal vendetta," Tifa argued, her cheeks growing flushed as her mouth set in a hard line.
"Fine! Look at what they do to their own citizens. Midgar is crushing the slums, and the people with it. Look at what they're doing to the planet, killing it off just so they can harness more energy! Aren't those good reasons?" Zack asked, his voice growing louder in his anger.
"What are we supposed to do? You're sick, I'm injured -"
"We help anyway we can! And...I'll be fine with the mako pool here. I'll stay strong. I'll be able to help – heck, I bet I'll be an asset to AVALANCHE!"
"Please, Zack!" Tifa pleaded, now looking distraught. Zack sighed, slapping his forehead and taking a deep breath to calm himself back down. He opened his mouth to speak, paused, shut it again, and then finally started.
"I...I won't ask you to stay. You and Cloud can go back home if you want. But I'm staying. I can't go home without knowing I tried to stop this. I won't be able to live with myself." He couldn't meet their eyes as he said this – he was afraid they wouldn't stay, but he knew he couldn't blame them if they left.
"We won't leave you here, Zack," Cloud said earnestly. "We came all the way here for you, after all."
"I guess," Zack shrugged. "I mean ,I know, but..."
"No buts," Tifa said, but she no longer sounded angry. He chanced a look at her, she was smiling at him. "We'll stay, Zack. But after we do this...I'd really like to sleep. At home. In my own bed," she said, giving him a pointed look. His face stretched into a grin so wide it hurt his cheeks.
"I'll carry you there personally," he said with a laugh.
"Hey, don't get any ideas now," Cloud retorted, trying and failing to give him a stern look. "If anyone's carrying Tifa, it's me."
"Pfft, I could carry you Cloud," Tifa said, hitting him in the arm.
"Great, you can carry me home then," Cloud chortled. She shook her head, but she hugged him anyway, pressing her cheek against his.
"Thanks guys," Zack said. "It...wouldn't have been the same without you."
"Well now. We can't let you get into mischief without us," Cloud said with a shrug and a grin.
Zack was awoken in the morning by a petulant looking girl. She was pouting and glaring at him.
"I wanna go on the train too!" she said, flopping on his stomach.
"Oof! Marlene!"
"Daddy says you're going on a train ride and I wanna go too, but he won't let me because he's a big meanie face!"
"Oh no! Not a meanie face," Zack mumbled in an exaggerated voice. He was still half asleep, but Marlene's insistent bouncing on his stomach and ribs was quickly waking him up.
"Yeah. Tell him to let me go!" she pleaded.
"I can't, Marlene," Zack said, grabbing hold of her so she would stop bouncing and knocking the wind out of him. "You can't come because...I'm bringing you back a surprise," he said slowly as the idea came to him. "You wouldn't want to ruin the surprise, would you?"
Marlene brightened instantly at the idea. "Oooh, you're gonna bring me a present?" she gushed.
"Of course, anything for my favorite girl," he said, smiling at her affectionately. Marlene really did have a way of growing on a person, he thought. "But I want it to be a surprise, like I said, so you can't come, okay?"
"Ummmmmmmm," she considered, pursing her little lips together. She was sporting pigtails today, and her brown eyes were shut tight as she "um'ed". "Okay!" she finally decided, grinning at him. "Look, Zack, I've got a loose toof." She stuck out her jaw and pushed her tongue against the loose tooth, making it wiggle back and forth.
"Wow! How much gil do you think the tooth fairy will leave you?"
"Well, it's a special toof, so prolly like a hundred gil," she said seriously.
"Sounds reasonable," Zack chuckled.
"Good morning, Marlene," Cloud said from the doorway, followed closely by Tifa.
"Hi Cloud," she said, twisting around to look at him. When she spotted Tifa she squealed in excitement and practically threw herself off Zack, narrowly avoiding a spot Zack would much rather not have stepped on. He sighed in relief as she missed, coming down hard on his thigh, then scrambling down the bed to attach herself to Tifa's leg. "Tifa!" she gushed.
"I see you woke Zack up," Tifa laughed.
"Yeah, he's bringing me a present he says, but it's a surprise, so I can't go with you on the train, but that's okay cause I'm gonna get a present," she said, very quickly, and all in one breath.
"Oh? That's nice of Zack."
"He's always nice," she said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Then Barret's voice rang out loudly, calling for Marelene to come down to breakfast, and she took off down the stairs leaving Zack alone with Tifa and Cloud.
"Ready for today?" Cloud asked as Zack rose slowly, stretching his sore and tired muscles.
"As ready as I'll ever be," he shrugged in response. It had been decided that they would take the train to the ruined sector, but only because Zack could barely walk around the bar without tiring himself out. The train ride would take them to the nearest sector, in any case, and from there they would walk to the mako pool. It wasn't the best of plans, but they didn't have many other options. Barret had agreed to help them too, much to their relief. If Shinra really was waiting for them, then having members of AVALANCHE along would help greatly. Biggs and Wedge were staying behind though, to keep an eye on Marlene.
After Zack had dressed Cloud and Tifa had to help him down the stairs, much to his own humiliation. He could barely stand on his own two legs. He longed for the moment when he'd slip into that green pool and feel his strength return, even if it was only for a while. He hoped his health would last him long enough to see him through to the end of Shinra. If he was honest with himself, he didn't think he'd live to make it back home with Cloud and Tifa. It was a thought that worried at him, but he wanted to try and make the most of it, so he tried his best to keep smiling. It was harder than it sounded. On one occasion when he'd tried to smile, Cloud had informed him that he looked constipated. He stopped trying to fake it after that.
"You should eat," Tifa instructed him as the others ate with gusto at the breakfast that had been cooked up. He merely picked at his own, his appetite diminished by his bleak outlook and fatigue. He shrugged halfheartedly. "You need to keep your strength up," she added. Knowing she was watching him, he forced himself to eat a few bites of toast, but it tasted like cardboard in his mouth. He couldn't touch the scrambled eggs – the way they wiggled around made him feel nauseous.
The others were conversing around him, but his sense of hearing seemed to fade in and out, lost as he was in his own thoughts.
"Zack? Ready to go?" a voice asked him, and he had to refocus, blinking slowly. Cloud was standing next to him questioningly. "You okay?"
"Fine," Zack muttered, wondering just when everyone had finished eating. He really was out of it. "Just...yeah. Let's go."
Walk. Walk. Walk.
Every step Zack took was exhausting, but he tried not to let it show. Cloud and Tifa walked on either side of him, ready to catch him if he should fall. He thought he should be happy to have such great friends there for him, but instead he felt irritated. Was he really so pathetic?
You are right now, he reminded himself. He made a face and forced himself to take another step. A rush of dizziness, and his eyes swam with black dots. A pair of strong arms caught him as he stumbled.
"Gotcha, Zack," Cloud said, grunting with the effort of holding him up. Everyone had to pause while Zack waited for his legs to function again, and he felt everyone's eyes on him. He tried his best to keep his flush of embarrassment under control.
It felt like a lifetime to get to the train, and Zack actually sagged in relief when the gleaming, black engine came into view. Everyone else was a bit nervous, he could tell, their eyes shifting to and fro, watching for danger, but Zack felt too damn tired to care. He closed his eyes, leaning heavily against a wall until the train whistled and they were allowed to board. He collapsed into his seat thankfully, staring out the window with half-lidded eyes, watching as the scenery flashed by.
For the first time, it registered in his mind how much more...industrial Midgar was.
It's the city. Of course it's industrial, he reminded himself. And although he'd dreamed about going to the city almost all his life, getting away from the country, he now found himself longing for the sweet, clean air of the mountains, the sound of leaves rustling in the trees as the wind blew. Instead, great metal atrocities towered around and above him, the sky a muddy gray color, and the air almost as poisonous as the city itself. He felt sad that he'd never see home again.
"Makes me miss home," Cloud's voice cut through the silence. He too was staring out the window, and had apparently been having thoughts similar to Zack's. "I didn't think I could miss the empty fields of Nibelheim, but I'd give anything for some space," he confessed.
"I know what you mean. I guess we'll always be country boys, huh, Cloud?" Zack asked, grinning weakly.
Cloud's mouth opened in reply, and at the same moment, the lights in the train car shut off, only to be replaced by flashing red lights.
"Unauthorized personnel aboard," a mechanical sounding voice sounded over the train's intercom, and Barret and Jesse stood up abruptly.
"Shit, they know we're aboard."
"What are you talking about?" Tifa asked worriedly.
"We just passed through a gate," Jesse answered, eyes darting around in distraction. "I didn't think they would have changed it yet..." she muttered, clearly talking to herself now.
"What are we going to do?" Cloud asked, staring directly at Barret.
"We jump kid," he grunted, and then swung open a sidecar door.
"But Zack-" Tifa began.
"I'll be fine," Zack interrupted, knowing full well a jump like that in his weakened state would probably kill him. But he wouldn't let his friends get caught by Shinra, not because of him. "Just go," he said; Jesse was already jumping out of the train.
"But," Tifa started to protest again, but Zack and Cloud shared a look. Cloud nodded, wrapping his arms around Tifa and taking her with him, his embrace protecting her from most of the jarring impact with the ground.
"After you kid," Barret said, gesturing to the door. Zack could hear the sound of feet pounding a path down the train to where they were. He stood, ignoring his dizziness, using both hands to brace himself against the frame of the open door. He stared at the rapidly passing ground, all the features a blur to his eyes. It made him realize how quickly they were traveling, and he almost second guessed himself. Then Barret was behind him, and Zack made himself jump.
If anything, Zack had envisioned leaping out of a speeding train in a much cooler way than it really happened. In his fantasy, he would have done a complex flip through the air before landing gracefully on his feet, looking the epitome of cool. What really happened was this: he flailed through the air, yelling wordlessly, then collided with the ground with such force that all the wind was knocked out of him, leaving him gaping uselessly like a fish out of water. He felt like one giant bruise, but he was alive. Miraculously. He only hoped everyone else was okay.
"You alright kid?" Barret was asking him, standing above him, and Zack had to wonder how the man was even standing. He tried to answer, to say that he was as right as rain, but instead he made a strangled sort of sound. The impact had apparently removed his ability to speak.
Barret chuckled. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Come on, they won't be far behind." Barret helped Zack up, who had trouble standing because his legs felt like jelly. "Can you walk?"
"Uh," Zack started, testing his body to make sure nothing was broken. It didn't appear so, but it was hard to tell with pain radiating from nearly every part of his body. He didn't get the chance to elaborate anymore as Barret shoved him down. Bullets whizzed overhead, just missing the both of them. Apparently, the guards had caught up already.
Adrenaline shot through Zack, alleviating some of the pain Zack was feeling, and granting him the strength to run. Barret took off back to where Cloud, Tifa, and Jesse were, and Zack was right behind him, running for all he was worth. Every breath felt sharp in his lungs, but he pushed himself forward, his muscles burning with lactic acid.
"Stop!" soldiers called out, only to shoot more bullets at them.
Yeah right, Zack thought.
Despite his adrenaline, Zack was falling behind. The fact of the matter was that he was ill, and his body wasn't used to so much action recently. He'd spent weeks in bed. Dying men weren't supposed to be running for their lives.
The dirt in front of him exploded, and Zack sailed to the side. A solider had thrown a grenade, and it had gone off moments before Zack had reached it. He was lucky he'd been slowing. If he'd kept his pace, he would have reached the grenade just in time to get blown to bits.
He wasn't lucky enough to avoid more bruises, though, as he landed hard on the train tracks. Up ahead, Cloud had stopped to throw Tifa over his shoulder, as her bad leg was apparently acting up again. He glanced back at Zack and hesitated, looking torn.
"Go!" Zack shouted. "I'll find another way!" he said, already getting up and running in a different direction. He could hear Barret returning fire on the soldiers, heard their cries as they fell to the ground. He felt better, knowing Barret would make sure Cloud and Tifa were okay. He ran on, hoping to lose his pursuers.
His breath came out in ragged gasps now, and he could hear the soldiers closing in on him. At any moment, he expected to feel the burn of bullets in his back. He grunted as one finally did, ripping into his shoulder, jerking his body unceremoniously, sending him plummeting to the dirt.
I'm going to die. Zack thought, wishing fervently for his blade so he could at least fight back. But he could barely lift his own body off the ground, much less his buster sword. He closed his eyes, waiting for the moment the soldiers would catch up and put another bullet into his brain.
No, just face them, he told himself, gritting his teeth. If anything, he wanted to see death when it was coming. So he opened his eyes, glaring in what he hoped with a defiant way at the incoming soliders.
Instead, a familiar voice rang out, and he jerked his head around to look in the direction it had come from.
"Stop! President Shinra wants this man taken alive!"
Zack's heart constricted and nearly stopped as he gazed up at her face. He hadn't seen her in so long, except in his dreams. Somehow, she had gotten more beautiful in the time he'd been away. The sight of her filled him with longing, but also with dread. She was going to take him back. Back to Shinra. Back to a death trapped in that wretched building.
"No," he mumbled, gritting his teeth again as he started to belly crawl away. Maybe they wouldn't notice.
"Yes ma'm!" the soldiers chorused, and then a flowery scent enveloped Zack as Aerith stooped down to haul him off the ground. He was too weak even to resist. He was on the edge of panic and desperation, even as his body relaxed into her touch. What was she doing to him? Was it more magic, compelling him to give up the fight?
The thought made him loathe himself for not being able to resist it.
"I'll take it from here," she told them in a commanding voice, and Zack heard them hurry away, presumably after his friends. When their footsteps finally vanished, Aerith spoke.
"Zack...you're hurt."
A half sob burst from his lips, and he shook his head. He couldn't go back. He tried to tug away, but his attempts were fruitless. She only tightened her grip, not letting him leave.
"Shit. What do you want from me?" Zack asked, his voice anguished. He couldn't bear to look at her. To hear her voice speaking to him so softly, so sweetly. He hated himself for wanting to give in. The closeness of her almost did him in. He wanted so badly to melt into that warmth. He closed his eyes and took a shuddering breath. His shoulder burned with relentless pain and his head swam again. He was close to blacking out, he knew.
"I'm going to help you," he heard her say, but he couldn't hope to believe her. It was a trick...a trick...
His knees gave way beneath him and he went limp as the pain finally overwhelmed him.
The last thing Aerith had expected when she got the alert was to find Zack being chased down by infantrymen. She wondered what could have compelled Zack to get on the train when he could have walked. She knew he had been heading to the mako pool – what other reason would he have for traveling around the slums of Midgar – but surely he realized the train wouldn't take him all the way to the broken sector?
He couldn't have known though, that even the trains had methods of detecting unauthorized personnel headed toward the city. Shinra was paranoid, and rightly so. Tyrants always were, she thought grimly. After he had passed out in her arms, she had made the call. The infantrymen were to cease their chase, and let the Turks take over. Aerith had a feeling the other people who had escaped the train were none other than Cloud and Tifa. They wouldn't have let Zack go off alone, not when he was clearly so sick.
Luckily for her, and them, she could pull a few strings in the high ranks of the Turks, being one herself. Tseng gave the order, and Cissnei was now responsible for tracking the two and making sure they were safe. This wasn't knowledge shared amongst all of Shinra, naturally.
Confident that Cloud and Tifa were looked after, her next priority was to take Zack somewhere safe. She had no intention to bring him back to Shinra, after all. They would only make him prisoner again, only to kill him later on. So she had taken him to the only place she felt safe anymore – her church.
She was glad she had the strength to carry Zack the whole way, granted, he was much thinner than she remembered. When she finally arrived at the beat up old church, she laid him gently onto a pew, stepping back to take him in for the first time in a long time.
His hair was long, just like it had been in her dream, but his face was thin and somewhat pinched, his skin a little sallow. But he was alive.
He won't be if you don't heal up that wound, she scolded herself, shaking herself into action. She knelt next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, concentrating and letting her magic flow upward and out, commanding it to knit the muscle and flesh back together. It was a clean shot at least, and she didn't have to dig around for the bullet.
Moments later, the skin was warm and new, and she was happy to see a little color return to his cheeks as his blood loss stopped. Still, he slept.
Aerith took the opportunity to study him more, drinking in the sight of him. Unable to help herself, she traced her finger down the length of his nose, down to his lips, which were a little dry, like he'd been licking them too much. Her fingers left a path along his jaw and along his cheek bones. She pulled her hand away when his nose began to twitch. She hesitated, knowing he'd be mad when he woke up. He hadn't been exactly pleased to see her.
But she had sworn to herself that she would help him, even if he hated her. It was the least she owed him, after everything that had happened. Part of her wanted to wake him, to make him understand how sorry she was, how much she...cared about him. She just wanted to make him see that she was on his side now, no matter what. She knew he needed rest though.
She frowned as her eyes slid away from his face, seeing just how thin he really was now. She lifted his shirt hesitantly, and she had to smother a gasp as she saw a mass of bruises covering his body, his ribs sticking out prominently as his skin stretched tightly over them.
Aerith placed her hands on his chest, his heartbeat weak under her fingers.
Heal, she thought, watching as green magic swirled and sparked along his skin, erasing bruises as it went. She couldn't do anything for his malnourishment, though. When her magic had done its work, she pulled away wearily. Magic could only do so much – what he really needed was a good rest. So she cast one more spell, one compelling him to sleep, to ensure that he got the rest he needed.
She slipped away quietly, even though she knew he wouldn't wake. She would return with supplies, and then she'd start finding a way to cure him.
To their surprise, the soldiers had ceased their chase. Some unknown order had been called in, and they'd just picked up and left. Still, everyone had stayed hidden until they were sure the coast was clear, convinced it was a trick. And then they'd gone to the mako pool and waited. But Zack never showed, and dusk was creeping on them.
"No!" Cloud grunted and kicked a piece of metal rubble in the dirt. He frowned as he stubbed his toe, hissing in pain. "What if they got him?" he asked, holding his foot.
"I'm...I'm sure Zack's...okay," Tifa said feebly, and Cloud could see her heart wasn't in it. She was just as worried as he was.
"It's not...it's not fair!" Cloud said, and he felt like a child for saying it. But it was true. What had Zack ever done to deserve all of this?
"Look...I'm real sorry," Barret said. Cloud clenched his jaw and took a slow breath. The way Barret was looking at him, apologizing, it was like he already thought Zack was...
No. Cloud couldn't think about it. Thinking about it would only make it true. If he just refused to believe that Zack could be...well, then it couldn't happen.
"We should get back. I don't think he's coming," Jesse said. Cloud wanted to argue, to say they should wait just a few more minutes, but they'd already been waiting hours. Tifa's leg was as bad as ever after all the running she'd done, and he knew she was tired. Everyone was tired. Their adrenaline had worn off, and they were all frazzled.
"Yeah. I guess," Cloud said, and he lifted Tifa into his arms again. She buried her face into his neck, and he felt the warm tears on her cheeks.
"I'll come back tomorrow," he said softly, so only Tifa could hear him. "Everyday, until he shows up."
Tifa only sniffled in response and clung to him closer. With a heavy heart, and one last hesitant look at the mako pool, he reluctantly followed Barret and Jesse as they stole their way confidently through the twists and curves of the slums.
Cloud dreaded when they would get back to the bar. It didn't seem right to go to sleep when Zack could be out there in trouble. He swallowed and took a steadying breath. He thought he was going to lose his cool, but he knew he had to keep it together for Tifa's sake at least.
Instead, he focused on how Barret and Jesse navigated through the dirty streets, using only the poorest light to guide them to their destination. He marveled at it, to be honest. Still, he thought, they couldn't climb a mountain the way he could. And he'd bet all his gil that they'd never seen the stars like he had, all lit up at night and so expansive that it made him feel insignificant, but wonderful all at once. Maybe when all this was over, he could show them, as thanks for all their help.
Suddenly, they were back at the bar. A few regulars were inside, drowning their sorrows with a pint, and then Marlene was running up to them, an eager look on her face.
"Cloud, why are you carrying Tifa?" she asked curiously, tugging at his pants. "Did she get sleepy?"
Tifa looked down at Marlene and smiled. Cloud could see Tifa was doing her best to stay cheerful for Marlene, but he could still spot the sadness in her eyes.
"I just hurt my leg, Marlene. Cloud carried me back so I wouldn't hurt it any more."
"Ohhh. Cloud is strong!" Marlene said, then peered around Cloud's leg expectantly. "Hi Daddy! Where's Zack at?" she asked, and the group fell silent. "He...is he getting my present?" Marlene asked uncertainly.
Nobody seemed willing to say anything – nobody wanted to break the bad news to the bright little girl. It would crush her. Finally, Barret knelt down next to her, his expression odd as he tried to decide between looking hopeful and serious.
"Marlene, honey, you see...eh..." he frowned, scratching his beard uncomfortably. "Zack...he..."
Barret fell silent, trailing off and looking around him hopelessly. He seemed to be pleading for help with his eyes. Tifa slid out of Cloud's arm and sat down on the floor next to Marlene, holding her arms out for the little girl. Marlene clambered into her embrace slowly, clearly realizing something was wrong.
"Tifa, where's Zack?" she asked again, her lower lip trembling.
"He...couldn't come back with us..."
"Why not?" Marlene whimpered, her eyes filling with tears. Her pout became more pronounced.
"There was an accident...and..." Tifa stopped as Marlene burst into tears.
"I want Zack!" Marlene bawled now, throwing her head back and wailing. Everything she said after that was garbled and incoherent as she cried. Barret scooped Marlene up, but her cries grew more insistent, loud even when she buried her face in her father's shirt.
Cloud looked down at Tifa and saw she was crying silent tears herself, leaving streaks on her pale cheeks. He helped her back to her feet and hugged her, hating to see her cry.
"Poor Marlene," Tifa sniffled, and Cloud knew why Tifa was upset about it. They couldn't explain to Marlene what was really going on – how was somebody supposed to explain all of that to a four year old? For Marlene, her newest best friend had disappeared, and she didn't know or understand why.
"Come on," Cloud murmured, lifting her up and carrying Tifa back to their room, while Barret took Marlene to hers, her cries becoming muffled as she was carried away from them. Cloud set Tifa down gently, careful not to jostle her leg.
"Let's see how this leg is doing," he said, gently peeling away the bandages. The excessive movement had reopened the wound a little, and blood had soaked through the lower layers of the bandage, staining it red. Cloud frowned, staring seriously at her leg.
"You shouldn't have come with us," he told her.
"I'll be fine," Tifa replied wearily. "It barely hurts."
Cloud dabbed at the wound with some antiseptic and a clean rag, and she winced. "Liar," he muttered.
"Cloud, I'll be fine," she said again, her voice cracking.
"You still shouldn't have come. Your leg wasn't healed enough -"
"I'm FINE! I'm not dead! I'm alive, and what's a hurt leg when Zack is -"
"Zack's not dead!" Cloud said, his voice raising. Tifa fell silent, gazing at him sadly as he redressed her wound. Then she grabbed a pillow and pulled it over her face as she began to sob.
"Oh...Tifa," Cloud started weakly, watching as she shuddered. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell..."
She shook her head, the pillow moving with her.
"Everything's going to be..." he trailed off. "It'll be okay," Cloud sighed and slid onto the bed next to her, removing the pillow from her face and pulling her to him, resting his forehead against hers. "I'm going to find him," Cloud promised, staring into her wet eyes. She held his gaze, tears still leaking from the corner of her eyes and rolling down her cheeks to the pillow. She seemed unable to say anything.
"Go to sleep," he whispered, wiping the tears off her face and brushing her hair back. "You'll feel better when you wake," he said, and she closed her eyes, snuggling closer to him for comfort. It was a lie, though. Cloud didn't think any amount of sleep could make him or Tifa feel any better about it.
When Zack woke, he didn't know where he was, only that there was a pillow beneath his head, and a slightly scratchy blanket covering him. He groaned as he shifted – he'd been sleeping on something hard, and it hadn't done any wonders for his back.
"You're awake."
It was Aerith. So that hadn't been a dream. He frowned. Why hadn't she taken him back to Shinra yet? He grunted in the affirmative, unwilling to talk to her just yet.
"I healed you," she ventured hesitantly. He refused to look at her, but he got the feeling she was watching him expectantly.
"Thanks," he mumbled, one hand carefully feeling along his ribs and back, where the bruises had been the worst. Nothing. She really had healed him. But why?
"You were going to the mako pool, weren't you?" she asked. Zack shrugged and nodded, stealing a glance at her. She was in another one of her dresses, this one was pink, buttons running from top to bottom. It seemed to him that the buttons acted as a guide for his eyes, and it only ended up in two places: the gently curve of her slender legs, or at the swell of her -
He jerked his eyes away abruptly, flushing.
"I'm here to help you, Zack," she said, realizing he wasn't going to answer her.
"Yeah?" he asked roughly. "Why would it matter to you?" He couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice. The sting of betrayal had risen up in him again, feeling as fresh as ever with her so close.
"Because I lo...because I promised you, Zack. What I did was wrong. Please...believe me when I say I'm sorry." Her voice was so sad and soft that he turned to face her now, and he was surprised to see just how broken up she looked about it. He licked his dry lips, clearing his throat.
"Even if I believe you're sorry...I still can't trust you, Aerith," he said, his voice cracking as he spoke her name. Her eyes swam with tears for a moment, but she blinked rapidly and nodded.
"I know."
"Where are we?" he asked, finally taking in his surroundings. It looked to be an old church – he was lying on a wooden pew, which explained his back pain. But oddly, there was a circle of flowers growing in the middle of the church floor. "Flowers?"
"I grew them," she said, smiling at the flowers. Zack managed to choke out a laugh. "We're in a church in the slums," she explained.
"I haven't seen anything green since I've been here, and what do you know...flowers in a church."
"I guess it is kind of funny," she agreed. "But I've always had a way with flowers, I suppose..."
They both grinned at each other until Zack realized he'd slipped, and his smile slid off his face. Somehow, within the span of minutes, she'd gotten him to relax. For a moment, he'd felt just like he had with her back in Nibelheim before...everything.
"I can't stay here," he said, studiously observing the beams above him instead of her face.
"I'm not letting you leave," she said firmly.
"I have to..." he stopped himself. He'd almost let it slip about his friends. Perhaps she didn't know anything about Cloud and Tifa. Then again, Aerith wasn't stupid. She'd already seen Cloud once before. He swallowed, wondering just how much he could say without giving anyone away.
"They're fine. Cissnei's watching them," Aerith said. It was like she'd plucked his thoughts from his head. He frowned. It wasn't exactly reassuring, but he knew Aerith trusted Cissnei. Then again, he couldn't trust Aerith, so he couldn't trust Cissnei either...
He paused. Thinking about it made his head hurt. Trying to convince Aerith to let him go clearly wasn't going to work though. "They'll be worried about me," he muttered.
"I know. I'll tell Cissnei to let them know you're okay," she promised. Zack sighed, shifting on the pew. He was uncomfortable, but he didn't feel as bad as he had recently.
Probably Aerith's magic, he mused. They stayed quiet for a long time. He took a while to take in the church. Even though they were dirty, the great, colored windows were beautiful; he knew they'd look even better with sunlight pouring in, but it was dark out now. There were several chandeliers hanging from the ceiling too, all unlit. He wondered if they even worked anymore. Zack eventually grew bored from looking at the ceiling, and tilted his head to the side, focusing on Aerith again. She wasn't watching him anymore, gazing instead at the flowers. She sat on the ground, right where the planks of the church floorboard changed into dirt, smiling down at the flowers almost like she was having a private conversation with them. Zack watched as one of her hands splayed and a sphere of water appeared in midair. With a wiggle of her index finger, the sphere began to narrow into a stream of water that rose up, twisted around her hand, then burrowed down into the dirt.
Trust her. It was that voice again – he hadn't heard it in so long, he'd thought it had gone. But it was back, and clearly it was insane or extremely behind the times. Didn't it know she was the enemy?
I can't, he told himself firmly.
"Show off," he couldn't help commenting, and she twisted around to look at him, a small grin on her face. She shrugged. The door to the church creaked open slowly, and Zack strained his neck to see over the pew. A familiar head of red hair made an appearance, bobbing toward him until Cissnei's face came into view. She looked as professional as ever, dressed sharply in her suit without a speck of dust on her.
"I see you're still alive," Cissnei said, the same way someone might comment on the weather.
"I see you're still...in a suit," he retorted lamely. She raised her eyebrow at him in a questioning manner and he flopped back onto the pew, making it creak. Aerith stood up and brushed the dirt from her dress, leaning over in a way that made Zack's eyes zoom to her as if they were magnetically pulled there. Their eyes met, and for a fleeting second, he could have sworn she shot him a sly smile. As if she knew exactly where he'd been looking, but when he looked again, there was no trace of a smile on her face, and she was looking seriously at Cissnei.
"Well?"
"They've stopped for the night at a bar. Quite possibly it's their base," Cissnei reported, shooting a look at Zack. "Perhaps we should...finish this discussion outside," she said slowly. They shared a look Zack couldn't decipher before Aerith nodded, and they both slipped out the front door of the church.
Zack sat up quickly. Now was his chance. He couldn't leave the front way, obviously, but maybe there was another way around...there! Another doorway.
He stepped carefully, tiptoeing across the floor. He didn't want his boots to make any unnecessary noise that would alert Aerith or Cissnei. He felt a little lightheaded, but he ignored it. As much as he would have liked to trust Aerith, he knew he had to get back to his friends, and warn them that Shinra knew where they were now. He hated to think what Shinra might do if they realized they'd actually discovered AVALANCHE's hideout. In a way, it was his fault they'd been followed.
The door led to a back room, one with stairs that twisted their way up to another door that Zack assumed led to the bell tower. The stairs didn't look exactly safe, though. In several places, there were stairs missing, and in some cases, entire landings were gone, only splintered planks remaining. He knew he had to climb anyway.
Zack steadied himself on the staircase railing, wincing every time the stairs creaked. He prayed Aerith and Cissnei were having a long conversation. He wasn't sure what he'd do if they came back in when he was halfway up the steps. The walls around him were covered in tattered tapestries and mold. The musty smell made his nose itch, but he dared not sneeze. Where platforms were missing, he jumped. At one particularly large gap, he'd misjudged the distance and barely managed to catch the edge, scrabbling desperately as his legs flailed below him. He grunted and pulled himself up, his muscles burning. He collapsed on the dirty wood in relief when he successfully pulled himself up, his body shaking. When he regained mastery over his muscles again, he soldiered on.
For once, luck seemed to be on his side. Neither Aerith or Cissnei had heard his scuffle, and before he knew it he was at the top of the staircase, panting lightly. Okay, so he wasn't feeling as good as he'd thought. But it was of little consequence. He was almost to freedom. He'd have to congratulate himself later on two successful escapes from Shinra – he'd bet there weren't a lot of people who could say the same thing.
The bell tower didn't have a bell anymore. Perhaps it had fallen, or simply been removed, he didn't know. But he could see the rooftop through the bell tower window, and he climbed out, grinning to himself. He peered cautiously over the edge of the roof. Cissnei and Aerith were still talking, standing just outside the steps to the church.
Shingles were missing from the rooftop in places, making a strange patchwork path and providing odd areas of traction. Zack stepped on a loose shingle and it slid out from under him, skittering down the rooftop and plummeting to the ground below. Zack threw himself down hastily, flattening himself to the roof, heart pounding and blood roaring in his ears.
Shit! He swore to himself, holding his breath.
"What the-?" Aerith's voice drifted up to his ears, and he could imagine her picking up the shingle and examining it.
"Just a shingle. This place is falling apart," Cissnei said.
"Yeah...I guess," Aerith agreed, but she didn't sound very convinced to Zack. To his relief, they continued their conversation, their voices too low for him to hear clearly. He waited for an agonizingly long moment, then shimmied across the roof so he could peer over the edge. They were both absorbed in their conversation again, and so, cautiously, he stood up and began to creep across the rooftop again.
Perhaps fate had decided Zack had had enough luck for one day, though. Or perhaps he should have taken more caution after hearing Cisseni comment on the building's habit for falling apart. In any case, Zack wasn't expecting the roof to give way under him, and then he was falling with shingles and rotten wood. He stretched his hand out, hoping he could snag one of the chandeliers on the way down, but he failed exceptionally.
CRASH!
Zack groaned, trying and failing to lift himself from the ground. Dust was floating in great billowing clouds, and he was sure the wooden floors beneath him were cracked a little from impact. Or maybe those were his bones that were cracked. He couldn't tell.
I bet they heard that, he thought, and then he laughed a little hysterically. He stopped, because laughing sent searing pain through his ribs. So close, only to fall due to faulty roofing. He'd have to have a talk with whoever built the church. They had clearly cut a few corners – it was shoddy craftsmanship, really.
He let his head flop to the side so he was facing the flowers. He'd only just missed landing in the flower bed. They seemed to be mocking him, as if saying, "Ha, too bad you landed on the hard floor instead of in the soft soil!"
"Shut up," he moaned to the flowers.
The church doors flew open and he heard and felt Aerith and Cissnei's footsteps as they rushed toward him. Aerith was kneeling next to him, and he felt her hands on his face as she turned his head to look at her.
"What in the world?" she asked, her mouth hanging open wordlessly for a moment. She looked up, and Zack's eyes followed her gaze. There was a large, gaping hole in the roof now from where he'd fallen through.
"Oops," he commented, another pain inducing chuckle slipped past his lips.
"Are you crazy?" Aerith demanded angrily, looking back down at him. "You tried to escape on the roof? You could have killed yourself! You are so...so stupid!" she exclaimed, and for a moment Zack thought she was going to hit him. Which wouldn't have been great. "You just – you risked your neck...ugh!" Aerith threw her hands up in the air, shaking her head. Her face flickered between conflicting emotions – anger, sadness, defeat, before she finally settled on 'unreadable'. "You are an idiot," she said finally, and then she turned and stormed out like she couldn't stand the sight of him.
He made a gurgling sound in his throat. Seeing her so upset made him feel bad; he wasn't necessarily leaving because of her. Just because he...had to.
Cissnei's face came into view now, appraising him coolly. She didn't look worried or angry, or much of anything, really. In fact, she looked like she always did – professional to a fault. He felt her fingers prodding his chest, and he winced and cried out.
"Broken ribs," she told him matter-of-factly. There was an almost imperceptible twitch of her cheek, and then she slapped him. Hard.
"Ow! What was that for?" he managed to get out, gasping shallowly. "In case you didn't notice, I just fell from the roof. Don't you think I've been punished enough?"
"You are stupid," she hissed. "She's trying to help you. If she really wanted you dead, you'd already be at Shinra. In fact, you'd already be dead! So...just grow up, Zack! Stop acting so childish." She glared at him angrily, and he stared up at her, his mind failing to produce a sufficient comeback. Cissnei snorted, standing up. "I'll get her to heal your ribs."
Aerith sat down on the church stairs heavily, running her fingers through her hair and taking deep breaths to calm herself down. She was trying hard not to feel hurt by Zack's attempted escape, but trying not to let it bother only seemed to let it dig further into her chest, making it hard to breath.
She heard footsteps behind her, and then a presence at her side. Cissnei.
"Am I really that bad?" she asked at length.
"Is he any better?" Cissnei shot back.
"What do you mean?"
"He never told you about his little anti-Shinra group he had going up there. He didn't say a thing about attacking those employees up at the reactor, even when he knew you were investigating the very thing. He lied. By omission," she adding, seeing the hesitant look in Aerith's eyes. "He knew from the beginning why you were there. He should have known you were going to do your job."
"I still gave him up to the place he hated the most. And he was...kind of right about Shinra," she added, dragging her foot through the dirt glumly.
"...Maybe he is," Cissnei said with a sigh. "But you have to stop beating yourself up over this, Aerith. You both did things that were wrong. But you're trying to do something right. So give yourself a break, okay?"
"I...guess you're right."
"Of course I am," Cissnei said with a wry grin. "He's got some broken ribs. You should probably fix him up."
"Yeah," Aerith agreed with a sigh.
"I'm heading back to keep an eye on the others. Are you sure you want me to let them know about Zack? They'll try to find him."
"I know. But I don't want them to worry. They care about him a lot. They...love him. They're family."
"And what if they try to find him?"
"Just...delay them. I can't concentrate if they're hovering."
"Got it." Then Cissnei leaned over and hugged Aerith. "Don't let Zack get you down. If he won't come around, then he's too stupid for you anyway. And if he hurts you again, remind me to cut his balls off. I vaguely remember threatening him with that before," she said with a smirk.
"Oh...right."
Aerith watched Cissnei until she disappeared from view before she stood up again. She knew she should go heal his ribs, but she wanted another moment to herself. She wondered what she would do after she cured Zack. She could no longer imagine herself working at Shinra, knowing what she knew – and knowing there was so much more she didn't know, dark secrets that would eat away at her.
Aerith tried to picture a life outside of Shinra. It wasn't the place she would miss. Just...people. Sephiroth, and Cissnei, her best friends. Tseng, her mentor, her father-figure. Maybe they could go with her. Perhaps they could all just walk away.
No. They would never let us leave alive.
The thought sent a chill down her spine, and she rubbed her arms briskly.
"Uhhh...hello?" Zack's voice called from inside the church, sounding hoarse. Steeling herself, Aerith reentered the church and walked over to him, quickly and silently. When she stood over him, he blinked, as if surprised.
"Oh. I uh, thought you'd left."
"Cissnei said your ribs are broken," she replied coolly. She knelt down next to him, placing her hands on his side.
"Aerith -"
"Look, I know what you're going to say. You can't trust me. But let me ask you something," she said quickly, meeting his gaze. "Why should I trust you?"
"Erm..."
"Because you lied to me in Nibelheim. And then when I found out...I was caught off guard. I didn't understand...what did you expect me to do?" she asked, accidentally pressing too hard against his ribs.
"Ow!" he winced.
"Oh...sorry," she muttered, a sheepish feeling sweeping over her, but then she regarded him seriously again. "Well? If you think I let Shinra imprison you because I was planning on betraying you all along, you're wrong. I...I was just surprised, and confused, and...and...I'm only seventeen, Zack! I couldn't have stopped them, and I'm sorry-"
"Woah," Zack blurted, grabbing her wrist. "I was just going to say...I'm sorry. I've been a jerk. And...you're right about that other stuff, too. So. I'm sorry, too. Yeah."
Aerith let out a long breath. "Oh." She felt embarrassed by her outburst now, and she was all too aware of Zack's hand around her wrist, his skin hot against hers. He was staring at her, and for once, it wasn't laced with hints of distrust and betrayal.
"I...well, I'll heal your ribs now," she muttered, flushing. She released her magic, musing that she'd healed Zack almost as much as she had her fellow SOLDIERs and Turks. She could feel his ribs shifting beneath his skin and he grimaced at the sensation. When the bones were realigned, the magic healed the break so that not even a fracture was left. When she looked back down at her face, his eyes were a bit unfocused, and he had a dazed, happy expression on his face. The last time she'd healed him, he'd been asleep; being awake had clearly left him loopy.
"I forgot how good that feels," he slurred, grinning up at her. His hand found hers, and he laced his fingers with hers, chuckling. "Wow your hands are small!"
"Um, Zack..."
"I just remembered this dream I had not too long ago. You were there," he continued conversationally, ignoring her. "And you pulled me down to the ground and just kissed me. This was before I remembered that you weren't my girlfriend anymore, so I was pretty happy. Cloud woke me up. Did I tell you, I lost my memory for a while? It was weird. I think it was something that scientist guy did to me," he blabbered on.
Aerith was startled though. So they had shared that dream! She blushed as he continued to talk about the dream kiss – he was now describing it in detail, which left her feeling a mixture of embarrassment and smugness.
"Hey, you know, it's kind of sad," Zack suddenly said, grabbing her attention.
"What is?" she asked. He was looking down at their grasped hands, frowning thoughtfully.
"That we're like complete strangers now. Cause...I always really liked you, even from the start, even when I knew I shouldn't. And I thought maybe the voice in my head was crazy. Even though having a voice in your head is crazy," he laughed.
Her heart thumped. She wanted so badly to ask him about the voice. But now wasn't the time. Suddenly, he was sitting up and leaning toward her, his eyes still glazed.
"Wha-?" she spluttered, and she drew back. He looked confused for a moment, but then he leaned in again, looking for all the world like he was about to kiss her.
She wanted this...and at the same time, she didn't. Not like this, when he was magically drugged and not in his right mind. Not when things between them were still so broken.
"Sleep," she whispered, and he slumped forward, breathing deeply, asleep at her will. She picked him up and carried him back over to his makeshift bed, pulling the blanket to his chin. "Goodnight, Zack."
Aerith was weeding her flowers when Zack woke up again. He looked pale and groggy, but it was a good sign that he was able to sit up.
"I...don't remember falling asleep."
"That's okay."
"Did you carry me to the pew?" he asked, sounding amused.
"Yes. You don't weigh anything at all," she said, gazing at him disapprovingly. "You're practically a skeleton, you know."
"Well, I haven't exactly been eating like a king," he said, poking at his own stomach. "Or very hungry, for that matter." He stretched experimentally, rotating his shoulders and leaning to the side. "You're pretty good at this healing thing," he said.
"I've had plenty of practice," she shrugged. "Or did you doubt my capabilities?"
He didn't answer her, surprising her instead by shuffling over and sitting down next to her. He ran his hand over the tops of the flowers, grinning lightly. "Did I say anything weird after you healed me? Or was that just a dream?" he finally asked, and he appeared to be avoiding her gaze. His cheeks looked almost flushed, like he was embarrassed.
"...No. Nothing happened," she said, to prevent further embarrassing him. Not to mention, she was somewhat embarrassed herself.
"Oh. Good." Then, "But I did apologize for being a jerk lately, right?"
"Yes."
More silence. Not so much awkward, just contemplative.
"Thank you. For helping me out. I'd probably be dead right now if you hadn't stopped those soldiers."
"I couldn't let them kill you before I found a way to cure you," she said, trying to sound lighthearted but failing miserably. Because the truth was, she still didn't know how to fix him. It was more than him just being ill, too. Because even though they weren't fighting now, and Zack wasn't trying to escape, there was a tension between them. Suddenly, Aerith was very aware of the fact that once people were broken, they couldn't be fixed. The realization that things would never be the same between her and Zack made her heart feel heavy in her chest. Maybe things could get better between them, but they'd never have quite the same innocence as they once had. Always, there would be the reminder of what they'd done to each other hovering in the back of their minds, sullying wondered if forgiveness would ever be good enough to dispel it.
"You still think you can cure my illness?" Zack asked.
Aerith chewed her bottom lip, wondering how to answer him. Did she think she could? She wasn't so sure anymore. She had a clue, but a vague one at that. She supposed she would only know for sure if she could or not when she took him to the mako pool.
"Maybe," she answered honestly. She watched him slump forward, staring intently at the flowers. She couldn't get over how different he looked from the last time she'd seen him. Thin and somber, eyes dulled by pain and exhaustion. Aerith hated it.
"Where'd you get the SOLDIER uniform?" she asked him suddenly. It had just registered in her mind that he was wearing one, for some reason. Perhaps it had taken her so long to realize because she was used to seeing everyone around her in one, but now she remembered Zack didn't normally wear one.
"Swiped it when I escaped," Zack shrugged, though his lip tugged upward a bit, like the beginning of a smile.
"Ah. So you decided to blend in," she caught on.
"Yeah. I just walked on out, pretty much," he said, and then he was laughing, but it was halting and interspersed with coughing.
"Smart."
"I have my moments."
Then Zack did something unexpected again. He crawled forward into the flowers, ignoring Aerith's cry of protest. Then he laid down in the flowers, spread-eagle, staring up at the new hole in the ceiling.
"Zack, you'll ruin the flowers!"
"They'll be fine. They're resilient."
"But-"
"Could you do me a favor?" he sighed. "Just...lay down here beside me. And we can just forget for a while. We'll just pretend we're two normal kids out in a field, enjoying a sunny day. That we don't have people trying to capture or kill us. And we can pretend I'm healthy." He sounded so sad and tired, that Aerith couldn't help but comply. So she mimicked him, laying in her flowers, their hands only just touching. She wanted to hold his hand, but she didn't.
And they lay there for a while, pretending.
A/N: First off, a big thanks to my new beta, Full Mental Panic, for being nit-picky where I was too damn lazy to be nit-picky myself. (: And uh, I don't have much else to say now – if you're all wondering why the HELL Aerith didn't take Zack to the mako pool, it's because this chapter would not have worked after the fact. The mako pool is important, but I felt like this was important, too. Character development would have been lost otherwise! :D Please leave a review guys, I appreciate them. Thanks!