Dr. Merar examined Jarrod and Remi thoroughly and pronounced that a good rest was the best thing for both of them. Jake Atkins' guilty conscience had gotten the best of him and he turned himself in to Sheriff Madden before Nick even rode into town. The sheriff was well on his way to closing the file on William Ellis. He hadn't asked too many details and no one was in a hurry to provide them.
Life was settling back into a normal routine and Jarrod began to contemplate his proposal of marriage. Remi still wasn't back to herself, she was detached and distant whenever they were together. Jarrod wasn't sure if he should give her more time to heal or if the declaration of his intentions might help mend her wounded spirit. But the holidays were coming soon and he decided Christmas would provide the perfect opportunity.
Remi threw herself into Christmas preparations with a vengeance. Her class was chosen to act out the Christmas story for the school pageant, keeping her busy sorting out roles and costumes. She volunteered to collect presents for the children at the orphanage and helped Audra sew stockings for those children who had none. Guiltily, she tried not to admit to herself she was pushing this hectic schedule in an effort to avoid spending time alone with Jarrod. What happened to her at the hands of Will Ellis had brought back all the panic she had thought vanquished with her and Jarrod's developing relationship. Now the thought of Jarrod touching her or kissing her didn't leave her breathless with anticipation, it left her with a feeling of dread she couldn't shake. She loved him and trusted him with all her heart, but wondered if even that would be enough.
.
The annual Barkley Christmas party was a much-anticipated affair. The house shone warmly, festooned with ribbons and garlands of pine boughs painstakingly collected by the members of the family. The buffet table was filled with all kinds of delicacies, canapés and hors d'oeuvres of all shapes and sizes and a bewildering array of desserts and sweets. The eggnog was flowing freely along with the latest vintages from the Barkley vineyards and everyone agreed it was as fine as the previous year's celebration.
Jarrod watched as Remi quietly slipped outside after excusing herself from some of her students' parents who were congratulating her fine job on the school pageant.
Now or never, he thought to himself, checked his jacket pocket for the small box he had carefully wrapped earlier in the day and followed her into the garden. There was a slight chill in the air as he walked up to her.
Remi was standing, back to the house, gazing up at the brilliant stars. Jarrod placed his hands on her shoulders and she jumped, turning quickly.
"I'm sorry, darling," Jarrod apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you."
Remi shook her head slowly, trying to calm her racing heart. Stop being such a scaredy cat, she chided herself, Jarrod isn't going to hurt you. But she moved slightly, putting a little more distance between them.
"It's fine, Jarrod," she said, "I just came out for a bit of air."
"Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?" he told her softly. She shook her head, not meeting his eyes.
Slowly, Jarrod reached into his pocket and pulled out the gift. "I have something for you." He handed Remi the beautifully wrapped package.
"Jarrod, you shouldn't have," she protested, but her eyes shone slightly. She carefully unwrapped the gift and opened the small box. Inside was a ring set with a one-carat emerald, set off with a diamond on either side. Her hands started to tremble as she realized what the gift represented.
Jarrod took her hands in his. "Marry me, my love," he said in a hushed voice.
Remi couldn't speak. She hadn't expected this. And she knew she couldn't accept. She was too scarred, could never give Jarrod the kind of physical closeness she knew he deserved. Her heart broke.
"I can't, Jarrod," Remi told him, fighting back tears. She handed him the box and closed his fingers around it. "I just can't." Unable to stand it any longer, she walked quickly away, almost running. She couldn't bear to see the look of hurt in Jarrod's eyes.
.
Nick was walking by the doors to the garden and saw his older brother standing there, alone. He was sure he'd seen Remi go outside only a few minutes earlier. He scanned the room, and when he was unable to locate his beautiful red headed friend, he knew something was wrong.
Nick quickly strode outside to Jarrod. "Hey, Jarrod," he greeted, "have you seen Red?" It was then he noticed the look on Jarrod's face. "What's wrong?"
Jarrod shook his head. "I think I made a big mistake, Nick." He was silent for a moment, looking at the box he held. Nick saw the glimmer of the ring and understood.
"She turned you down."
Jarrod nodded. "It was too soon," he confessed. "I should have given her more time and now…" He paused as he returned the ring to his pocket. "And now I may have ruined everything."
Nick put a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Red loves you, Jarrod," he told him. "Like you said, she just needs more time. Just wait and see."
"I hope you're right, Nick," Jarrod replied quietly. "I hope you're right."
.
Victoria was out on the small porch, enjoying the sounds of the party when she saw Remington going toward the stable. The young woman looked distressed and Victoria felt an urgent need to see what was wrong. She went back inside and made her way to the kitchen door, only briefly pausing to speak to her guests.
As she entered the stable, she heard someone sobbing. Victoria followed the sound and came upon Remington. Her head was pillowed in her arms against one of the stalls and Jingo was reaching his head over the side, nuzzling her hair.
"Remington?" Victoria said quietly, not wanting to startle her.
Remi looked up, her eyes red and puffy from weeping. "Victoria," she said in surprise. "Wh-what are you doing out here?"
Victoria sat on a nearby hay bale and motioned for Remi to join her. Remi reluctantly sat beside her.
Victoria had noticed a change in the vivacious red head since the incident with William Ellis. She saw the state Remi had been in when Jarrod brought her back and had a shrewd suspicion what happened. Her sons had been closed-mouth about the affair and, until now, she had resisted the urge to pry.
Victoria gave the young woman a moment to collect herself before she spoke.
"I know I'm not your mother," Victoria began, "but I hope you know you can confide in me. I've grown to care for you a great deal since Nick first brought you out to meet us. And I know how much you mean to my sons." She could see Remi fighting back more tears and laid a reassuring hand on her arm. "What is it, sweetheart?"
"Jarrod… Jarrod asked me to marry him." Her reply was almost inaudible. "And I can't."
Victoria enfolded Remi in a motherly embrace as Remi started crying again and held her until the tears abated.
"Is it because of what happened with William Ellis?" she asked gently.
Remi nodded. She didn't want to talk about it, didn't want Victoria to know, but maybe telling would help untangle the knots in her heart. "Back in Philadelphia, before I came out west, he… he forced himself on me," she admitted. "And then, when he took Jarrod and I… I thought it was all going to happen again until Jarrod stopped him."
Victoria kept a comforting arm around Remi's shoulders. "Does Jarrod know?"
Remi nodded again. "I told him when Will first found me. I… I couldn't keep something like that from him." She bit back more tears. "How can I marry him?" she asked sorrowfully. "What if I can't… can't give myself to him completely after all that's happened?"
Victoria considered her words carefully. "Remington, Jarrod loves you very much," she said finally. "And I truly believe two people who love each other as much as you do can make it through the worst storms. You just need to give it a chance." She patted Remi's hand gently. "Why don't you go inside and take one of the guestrooms? I'll let everyone know you're not feeling well."
Remi smiled at Victoria gratefully. "Thank you," was all she said and Victoria accompanied her back inside.
.
It was late and Remi still couldn't sleep. Too much was churning in her mind. She loved Jarrod. She knew how much her loved her in return and her heart ached to think it might be over between them. But she couldn't go though with marrying him.
Could she? Jarrod was gentle and kind and she didn't really believe he would ever hurt her. Trust him, that little voice whispered in the back of her mind. She recalled the first time he kissed her, back in the abandoned cabin during the storm. He had been sincerely upset when he saw how distressed she was. Thinking about it, she couldn't imagine Jarrod ever pushing her to do something she wasn't ready for.
But would she ever be ready? She thought back to all the times they were together and for the first time since the abduction, Remi recalled the warm feeling of his body pressed to hers and the excited, fluttery feeling his kisses gave her. And she made up her mind.
Remi quietly slipped out of the guestroom still in Audra's borrowed nightgown and stood in front of Jarrod's door. Her heart raced as she tapped on it gently, part of her hoping he was already asleep and the rest praying he wasn't.
Jarrod opened the door. His shirt was partially unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up. He didn't look like he had slept yet, either. Surprise showed on his face when her saw her standing there.
"Remington, is something wrong?"
She shook her head slightly. "May I… may I come in?" she asked quietly.
Jarrod moved aside, ushered her in and closed the door behind them. She stood in the center of his room, suddenly unsure. Jarrod waited for her to speak.
She finally turned to him. "I wanted to apologize for my reaction earlier," she said, making herself look into his eyes. The hope she saw rekindle in their blue depths strengthened her resolve and she went on. "You caught me by surprise, and-" She wasn't sure how to continue. "I do love you, Jarrod," she said after a moment, "and I do want to marry you. I'm just… frightened."
Jarrod came up to her and tenderly stroked her cheek. "I would never do anything you didn't want me to," he told her, his voice thick with emotion.
"And what about something I do want you to?" She placed a hand on his chest and slid it beneath his shirt, feeling the warm, smooth skin. Jarrod slowly pulled her close and kissed her deeply. Her lips parted slightly, inviting, and his tongue gently explored hers. She clung to him, her body experiencing a passion she hadn't known existed.
After a moment, he reluctantly released her.
"You should go," he whispered.
Remi nuzzled his neck softly. "And if I don't?" she responded softly.
Jarrod pulled back, eyes searching her face. "Are you sure, darling?" he asked, not daring to believe what she was offering.
Remington answered by pulling him close again, molding her moist lips to his, trying to control the trembling of her body. She was sure, but that didn't completely make her fear go away. Jarrod's hand moved up to caress her neck, then slid down to the swell of her breast beneath the thin nightgown. She flinched and he broke off their embrace.
"You're shaking, sweetheart," he said, his voice troubled. "We should stop."
Remi looked up into his eyes and saw the love and concern shining forth. "I want to do this, Jarrod. I want you to show me there's nothing to be afraid of."
She started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt and Jarrod shivered at the thrill of her touch. Remi pulled his shirt free and her fingers traveled down his spine to rest on the small of his back. She moved closer into his embrace and when he turned back to the bed, she didn't hesitate to follow.
.
The wedding was held almost two months later on St. Valentine's Day. It was a lavish affair, befitting the marriage of the eldest Barkley son. The bride was radiant in her magnificent silk and lace gown and the groom cut a dashing figure in his formal attire. Well-wishers continued to congratulate the happy couple and it was late by the time they saw the last of the guests to the door and were able to head upstairs to the privacy of their room.
Late in the night, as he held her in his arms, Jarrod turned to Remington. "Any regrets?" he asked.
Remi snuggled closer. "What do you think?" she replied, kissing him softly.
Jarrod returned the kiss and their embrace became more passionate.. "I think I love you, Mrs. Barkley," was his reply and nothing more needed to be said for quite some time.